Room to Breathe
by Kati Freedman
Summary: After an almost-impossible year, losing her best friend and then faced with a series of horrible situations, Kati Freedman is about to start med school. Even though she's dealt with her past, she knows there will always be more obstacles to overcome. Thankfully, she has her parents, Cooper and Charlotte, to help her find her way.
1. Chapter 1

"Yes, Dad. I am well aware of the 'potential dangers of a minor traveling alone'," I exhale, closing my eyes with exasperation.

"You have your phone?" My dad, Cooper Freedman, goes on, undeterred by my annoyance.

I hold up my phone.

"Charger?" My mom, Charlotte, puts in.

"You guys," I hold up my hands, warding them off. "I'm 17, not seven. It's a two-hour flight. And Amelia is meeting me at the gate. I. Will. Be fine."

"Well, Kati, you've never flown alone," Mom raises her eyebrows, rechecking my ticket for the ninth time. "And you never know what kind of people are around you."

I look to my left, where 11-year-old twins furiously play on their iPads, threatening to 'ruin' each other.

"Yes, a real pair of psychopaths here," I say drily.

Mom tilts her head, giving me a look with one eyebrow raised.

"I'll be fine," I repeat, widening my eyes.

"Alright," she replies, handing me my plane ticket. "You call as soon as you land."

"Okay."

She retains her grip on the ticket, not letting me take it. I meet her eyes, which clearly say 'Are we clear'?

"Okay," I repeat, and laugh. "Come on, you guys. I start college in two weeks, and you're acting like I'm incapable of taking care of myself for a few days."

"Alright, alright," Dad sighs. "Come here."

He wraps me in a tight hug.

"Just b-"

"Be careful. I've got it," I roll my eyes.

He releases me and kisses my forehead.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," I reply, as Mom moves forward to hug me.

Either she shrank or I grew, because we recently noticed that I'm taller than her now. Not by much, but enough for her to start making comments about it.

"Don't come back another inch taller," she says into my hair.

I smile, shaking my head.

"They're gonna recruit you for basketball and volleyball as soon as you set foot on campus," Dad grins.

"I'm 5'8", not six feet," I laugh.

We hear over to PA system that it's the last call for flight 241 to Seattle.

"Okay, I gotta go," I say, swinging my bag over my shoulder. "See you Sunday."

Mom kisses my cheek as Dad nervously looks on.

"Be safe," Mom says, for the hundredth time. "And have fun. I love you, baby."

"I love you, too," I reply, and head towards the boarding gate.

"Kati," Dad calls, when I'm about 20 feet away.

I turn and look, my head tilted.

"Uh," he starts, and even Mom has to give him a look.

"Have fun," Dad says, and gives me a small smile and wave.

"Thanks," I grin. "I'll talk to you soon."

He nods, Mom blows a kiss and I turn back to board the plane.

As one of Dad's precautions, he bought me a first-class ticket because he wanted to make sure that 'some creep wasn't sitting right next to me,' and so someone (a flight attendant) would have a clear view of me at all times.

Sometimes I think Dad is going to treat me like a little girl forever. And I'm not alone in that.

I settle in to my seat, a spacious one near a window.

"Ms. Freedman, do you have everything you need?" A flight attendant smiles down at me. I grimace.

"My dad told the airline to babysit me, didn't he," I reply.

She smiles. "He's not the first nervous dad to send his child on a flight, solo."

I smile.

"I'm good, thanks," I reply to her earlier question. "I don't need anything."

As luck would have it, Twin 1 from earlier flops down into the seat beside me. Twin 2 has the seat directly behind him.

"Ha ha, Henry," the twin behind taunts. "You have to sit next to a girl."

"Shut up, Emmett," his brother replies.

He eyes me, half-nervous, half-disgusted.

"I bet she has cooties," Emmett teases.

Henry eyes me again.

"It's true," I say, dead-pan. "I do have cooties."

He widens his eyes and leans away from me as his brother cackles loudly, hanging off the back of the seat.

"Mr. Newberry," the flight attendant appears, smiling down at him. "How about you settle into your seat and leave your brother to do the same."

"Alright," he sighs, hopping back into his seat. He pulls out his iPad and is engrossed in it within moments.

I reach into my bag and pull out a book. When I open it to the bookmarked page, a small piece of paper falls into my lap.

I open it up and see Axel's writing, scrawled to say 'I love you'. I smile, slipping it back into my bag.

The flight is pretty uneventful for the first hour and a half. As we get nearer to Seattle, its signature weather shows up, as the captain announces that it's raining and windy in Washington. He tells us to expect some turbulence during this last half hour or so.

Great, I think to myself.

I hate turbulence. I mean, I don't think many people _like _it, but I really hate it. It makes me nervous.

I spend the last half hour of the flight trying not to freak out, and when we finally land, I exhale loudly.

We disembark the plane, making our way down the small hallway leading to the baggage claim. I turn my phone back on and call Mom.

"Hey sugar," she answers quickly. "How was your flight?"

"Good," I reply. "Hit a little speed bump. No pun intended."

I follow the line of people walking towards the baggage area.

"Are you alright?" she demands, already worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just bad turbulence."

"Oh, no," Mom replies. "Hawaii-2009 bad, or Colorado 2008-bad?"

"Hawaii," I reply.

"Oh, Jesus," comes her reply. "I'm sorry, sugar."

"It's fine," I sigh. "I'm here now. Make sure you alert Dad that I survived an entire two hours, traveling by myself."

She laughs.

"I will. He just got called in to Ambrose. I'm sure he'll want to talk to you as soon as he's free."

"Alright, well I've gotta get my bag and then go find Amelia," I say.

"She should be right outside the arrivals gate," Mom replies. "If she knows what's good for her."

"Bye Mom," I laugh.

"Bye baby. I love you."

"Love you too.


	2. Chapter 2

I hang up and scan the now-moving conveyor belt of luggage. Amelia texts me a few minutes later, letting me know that she's right at the doors. Finally, I spot my bag. I navigate my way around several people and snatch it up, swinging it onto my free shoulder.

I follow the signs and push through the doors, and find Amelia, a friend so close to my parents that I've considered her an aunt my entire life, literally standing right in front of the doors. Any closer, and she'd have gotten knocked in the face by the door.

"Do you think this is close enough to the door to please your parents?" she asks seriously.

"You probably could have gotten at least a few more millimeters closer. Bit of a slacker, if you ask me," I shrug.

She laughs and hugs me.

"Oh, I've missed you," she says.

She pulls back and holds me at arm's length.

"Did you get taller?"

"Apparently," I reply.

"Not even fair," she frowns. "I'm doomed to remain at 5'6" forever."

"Better than being the tallest girl in your group of friends," I reply. "I feel like an amazon."

She laughs, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leading me through the airport.

"Okay, I want to hear everything that's happened in the last three and a half months," she demands, as we head out to the parking lot. "Leave nothing out."

"By the way, you look fantastic," I say, as Amelia drives through Seattle. "You look smaller than you were…before."

Bringing up the baby that she gave up to Addison is not taboo, but I still try not to bring it up much.

"I am," she grins proudly. "Went down two sizes, actually."

"Do they not have delicious things in Seattle?" I ask.

"Oh they do," she laughs. "And I partake in all of them. But I also run four days a week, and do yoga every morning."

"Ah, namaste," I nod slowly.

She grins.

We pull up to a stop light.

"So how's your love life?" she asks eagerly.

I shake my head, laughing softly. "It's great. How's yours?"

"No, no," she frowns. "Don't deflect. Spill."

Before I can reply, we watch, as though in slow motion, as a biker rides across the street in front of us, and a car, ignoring the stop light, speeds past us and hits the cyclist dead-on.

"Oh my god," Amelia breathes, but she's already jumping into action, fleeing from the car.

Speechless, I follow. The car has stopped in the middle of an intersection. Like a bad memory, I watch as an oncoming car, speeding around the bend in the road, crashes into the back end of the car that hit the cyclist.

"Ohhh my god," I breathe, not believing what I just saw.

Amelia looks up from the cyclist.

"Kati! Call-"

"I am," I interrupt her, already pressing my phone to my ear.

Three minutes later, after trying to figure out which intersection we're at, the ambulance is on its way.

"Is he okay?" I ask Amelia, bending down to kneel beside her.

I swallow hard as I finally really look at the guy. He's wearing a helmet, but it's cracked right down the middle. His cheek must have dragged across the ground because he's got serious road-rash, and little pebbles are stuck in the bloody flesh. His left leg is bent at a nauseating angle, and his left arm, which he must have used to break his fall, looks like he has an elbow in his forearm. I've never seen bones broken so badly. One of them has broken through the skin over his tibia.

"I think so," Amelia replies, checking his pupils again.

"Do you just carry around a miniature flashlight?" I ask stupidly, because I'm not exactly thinking clearly.

"Always," she replies.

She starts asking the guy questions. He knows that his name is Eric, and that it's Monday. His adrenaline must be bursting through him, because he keeps saying he can get up; that he's okay.

Several people are standing around the two cars in the middle of the intersection, and angry, impatient drivers honk their horns, wondering what the hold up is. The driver who hit Eric is sitting with her head in her hands, with her legs resting on the ground beside her driver's side. The guy in the other car is angrily gesticulating, claiming that there's no way he could have seen her, in the middle of the intersection. I'm pretty sure you'd have to be legally blind to miss a violently red Mustang sitting in the middle of a pretty major intersection.

We hear sirens getting closer.

"Alright, Eric, we're gonna take you to Seattle Grace. You're a lucky guy; I happen to know the best ortho surgeon in the country," Amelia says calmly.

"I'm alright, really. I'm okay," Eric keeps repeating, but he's quite obviously in shock.

I glance down again at the sickly white bone protruding from his muscular calf. I feel almost guilty as I realize that I'm staring at it less with concern, than with complete interest, wondering how long it will take the doctor to surgically place that bone back in his leg, and insert the pins that will obviously be needed. I give my head a small shake, and look over as the man from the second car starts yelling at the people around him.

"Jeez, get real," I say under my breath, as he gestures towards the girl and then points to his head, insinuating that the girl is stupid.

In his defense, she blasted through a red light. Probably on her phone.

The ambulance arrives, and they immediately recognize Amelia, asking her what she's got. Amelia spouts off the details in medical jargon, but thanks to my lifelong experience with listening to it, I understand her completely. She gets Eric settled into the ambulance and orders the EMTs to take him to Seattle Grace.

"You okay?" she asks, coming over to where I'm standing, grabbing my shoulders.

"Yeah," I nod, and then start shaking my head in disbelief. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"I think so," she replies. "Lot of broken bones, but that helmet probably saved his life."

"Can't say the same for his bike," I say, just noticing the mangled tubes of metal and bits of rubber.

"Holy f- Christ," she says, staring.

"Nice save," I shake my head.

"Come on, I have to get to the hospital."

She leads me towards the car and then we get in and she carefully maneuvers the car around the people, as people angrily honk at her for getting out of this mess when they can't. A cop directs the traffic to move so she can slip through some cars and get back onto a main road.

"So," I say, propping my elbow on the armrest and resting my head in my palm. "Seattle, huh?"


	3. Chapter 3

We get to the hospital and Amelia zips into the emergency bay and parks.

"Come on," she says hurriedly.

There are doctors spilling out to receive the ambulance.

"Amelia, what happened?" A dark-haired doctor asks.

"Cyclist was hit by a car," Amelia replies.

The doctor demands vitals and info and the EMTs and Amelia fill her in as I follow the small group inside.

"Callie, I need you with me, these breaks are gonna need surgery," Amelia calls to the dark-haired doctor. "Meredith, can you please hang out with Kati until I can get this under control?"

A light-haired doctor nods and smiles at me, and then Amelia, Callie and the others are speeding through emergency.

"You're Kati," Meredith comes up to me.

"Yeah, Freedman," I smile, peering around her down the hallway where Amelia disappeared.

"I'm Meredith Grey," she says.

"Oh, Derek's wife," I say.

"Yeah. And you're Charlotte and Cooper's daughter?"

She leads me down a different hallway.

"Yeah, you've probably met them I guess?"

"Years ago," she smiles. "You were probably really little. I was with Derek, visiting Amelia. Your mom is...something."

I laugh quietly. "She is."

"Something tells me people don't mess with her," Meredith laughs.

I chuckle as we continue down a hallway.

"Not the best start to your vacation, huh?"

"Ah," I wave a hand dismissively. "I grew up at the practice and St. Ambrose. I'm used to the chaos and messed up plans."

"Well I hope my daughter is that understanding when she's older," she laughs.

"Zola, right? How old is she?"

"She just turned two," she beams.

We turn and arrive at the cafeteria. There are more doctors than patients and visitors, and Meredith leads us to a table full of doctors in blue scrubs.

"Are you stealing teenagers now?" A Korean doctor asks, nonchalantly.

"She's Amelia's niece," Meredith rolls her eyes, pulling out a chair for me and sitting down.

"The bitch sister?" The woman asks, making a face.

"Uh, we're not actually blood-related. Just close families," I say, nodding slowly.

"She's Cooper and Charlotte's daughter? Cristina, Amelia told you all of this last week," Meredith shakes her head, stealing fruit from Cristina's tray.

"Your mom is Charlotte King?" Cristina turns to me, utter glee on her face.

"Yes," I say slowly.

"I love her," she smiles. "She is just...so awesome."

"You like her because she's as big of a bitch as you are," a cute doctor retorts, chuckling.

"Hey," I look at him.

"Sorry," he grins. "Your mom's a hard ass, but she is hot."

I make a face, looking away. Meredith shakes her head at her friends, laughing.

"Alex, shut up. Kati, this is Dr. Karev, Dr. Yang, Dr. Sloan and another Dr. Grey, my sister Lexie."

I give a small wave, as they each make a gesture when their name is called.

"Kati and I have met before," Dr. Sloan grins. "But you probably don't remember."

"Was it in the last year? Because I've had some...head trauma."

"No," he laughs. "You were probably three. I was down in LA visiting...a friend."

"Visiting Addison," Cristina rolls her eyes. "After she dumped you and left your ass for California."

Everybody laughs, and even Dr. Sloan grins, shaking his head.

"You'll soon learn that everyone here has a really...special, sense of humor," he says to me, getting up from the table.

I smile and he heads out, waving at the table.

"What he means is we're awesome," Cristina says, picking at a veggie plate.

"Well it can't be much different from the doctors I grew up listening to," I shrug.

"That's true," Karev points. "They've got the shrink down in LA. Two of them, right? And doesn't the shrink's husband do voodoo?"

I have to laugh. "Not quite."

"Is Addison still dating her best friend's ex-husband?" Cristina asks bluntly. Already, I like her.

"No, she's moved on to a really hot OB/GYN," I reply.

Cristina makes a face, and looks from me to Meredith. "How do you date someone who looks at vaginas all day?"

"You look at his face and see that he's incredibly hot," I reply, checking my phone as it buzzes. Dad. "I have to take this. I'll be right back."

I get up from the table.

"I like her," Cristina says, when I'm walking away. "A little, blossoming Charlotte King."

"Yeah right," Lexie laughs. "That girl is not a...um, intimidating."

I shake my head, smiling, and answer my phone.

"Hey, honey," Dad says happily. "How was your flight? Was Amelia waiting for you?"

"It was good. And yes, she was waiting for me. You left her little choice."

I hear him chuckle.

"So where are you now?"

"Um," I begin, wondering how I explain the past hour, knowing he's going to freak out.

"What is it?" he asks, already knowing.

"We saw an accident on the way to Amelia's," I say. "A cyclist got hit by a car."

"Oh my god, are they okay? Are you okay? Were you right there?"

"I'm fine. We were in Amelia's car. But it happened like, five feet from my door. It was crazy. This guy's tibia was sticking out of his leg. It was kind of amazing to see."

"What? Five feet? Were you hurt?"

"No, Dad," I breathe. "I was in Amelia's car, remember?"

"Right," he says. "Well where are you then?"

"Seattle Grace," I reply. "It's a lot nicer than St. Ambrose," I grin.

"Don't tell your mother," Dad replies, a smile in his voice. "Where's Amelia?"

"With the guy. I'm with Meredith Grey."

"Oh, how is she?"

"Good, I guess? I've only been here for like, 20 minutes. I just met a bunch of doctors and I'm in the cafeteria."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Not the best start to your trip," he says.

"Come on, Dad," I laugh. "Like I'm not used to medical emergencies."

He laughs.

"I'm not sure if that's good or not."

"Makes me good in a crisis," I reply.

"Level-headed, for sure," he agrees. "Well, are you good? Do you need anything?"

"From California?" I raise an eyebrow, even though he can't see me.

"You know what I mean," I hear him smile. "You're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good, Dad. Really. I'm just waiting for Amelia."

"Alright, honey, be careful. And have fun...when you leave the hospital, I mean."

"I will," I laugh. "Bye Dad."

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

I go back over to the table.

"Did you actually have two major head injuries last year?" Cristina asks before I even sit down.

"Yeah," I exhale. "It was a busy few months."

"Is your heart okay?"

"Cristina," Meredith frowns, shaking her head. "Stop trying to scout patients. Her heart is fine."

"So Amelia left because you're healed, then?" Cristina goes on, undeterred.

I laugh. "I wouldn't be surprised," I reply drily


	4. Chapter 4

Amelia gets out of surgery quicker than I expected.

"His head is actually the least of his worries," she says, writing in his chart as she meets me in the locker room. "That helmet...I mean, seriously. If he hadn't been wearing it, he would be roadkill."

"Ew," I make a face.

She shrugs, finishing the chart.

"Okay. Ready to go? I'm so sorry, sweetie. You must be tired. And starving."

"I'm fine," I wave a hand. "I hung out with Meredith and her friend. She's kind of awesome."

"Cristina?" Amelia laughs. "She's a bitch. But you gotta love her."

She fishes her keys out of her pocket, as the door swings open.

"Dr. Shepherd," a pretty blonde smiles. "I hear you were a bit of a hero today."

"Not really," Amelia laughs softly. "If I had caught that guy mid-air, it would be a different story. Arizona, this is my niece Kati."

Arizona smiles, holding out her hand.

"Hi. I'm Arizona Robbins. So is your mom...the mean sister?" She asks carefully.

I laugh. "I have to meet this sister," I look at Amelia.

"She's Cooper and Charlotte's daughter," Amelia rolls her eyes, smiling.

"Ohhh, right. From LA. Sorry. I hear niece, I think Scary Shepherd."

"She sounds great," I reply. She laughs.

"Is my wife still in there?" she asks Amelia.

"Yeah. At least another few hours. She basically has to put the jigsaw puzzle that is his tibia back together."

"Jeez," Arizona frowns. "Well what about dinner?"

"Still on," Amelia smiles.

"Still 8:00?"

"Yep."

"Alright. See you girls later," Arizona grins. "Nice to meet you, Kati. We can chat more tonight!"

"Nice to meet you," I wave.

Amelia and I walk out to her car, still parked in emergency. Probably illegally.

"You sure you're not hungry?" Amelia grins.

"I never said that," I point.

"You're always hungry," Amelia laughs. "I'm having dinner at my house tonight. You can meet everyone, and it can also be like a house-warming party, because I never had one of those."

"House-warming parties make no sense," I shake my head, hopping into her car. "It's like, 'Hey friends, I just bought a house. Buy me things to put in it,'."

She laughs. "Agreed. I said no presents. It's like when people get married. Engagement gift, stagette gift, shower gift, wedding gift. Get real."

"So many gifts," I shake my head. "You can only have so many salt and pepper shakers in the shapes of animals."

She laughs, navigating roads until she reaches an upscale residential area.

"So, are you really liking it here? Like really-really?" I ask, as she pulls into a neighborhood called Madison Park.

"I am," she smiles. "It's a nice change. I don't mind the rain, and I love getting to spend more time with my brother. Plus, I get to spend a lot more time with Zola."

"Yeah, definitely. They adopted her from…Malawi?" I remember. "Meredith mentioned her, but I didn't ask. Is that a weird question? For an adoptive mother? 'Oh, right, you have a baby. Where was she rescued from,'?"

She laughs. "I think it depends on the person. With Meredith, you'd be okay. Zola's adorable. I am completely in love with her. You can meet her tonight."

She pulls into the driveway of a beautiful blue house.

"Well this is a bit different from your beachfront condo," I raise my eyebrows.

"Hold that thought," she grins, huge. "Come on."

She grabs my bag from the back seat and grabs my hand, pulling me towards the front door.

The house is big, but not too big. Not to the point of being cavernous for only having one occupant. Amelia drops my bag in the front foyer and grabs my hand.

"Close your eyes," she smiles.

"I hate doing this," I reply, closing them. "I'm never 100% sure that I'm not about to be throw off a cliff."

She laughs, guiding me, through the house. After a minute, she tells me to open them.

In front of me is a huge wall of windows, looking out onto a beautiful deck, and beyond that is the dark blue water of Lake Washington, with a clouded, setting sun sinking into it.

"I couldn't give up the waterfront part," she says.

"It's amazing," I stare, wide-eyed.

She opens the patio doors and we step out onto the deck. It's overcast but not cold today, and the lake is still beautiful to look at.

"Well I can report back to everybody that you're not miserable or living in a grey, rainy world."

"Even when it's grey and rainy, it's gorgeous," Amelia grins. "I love rain."

"Me too," I agree.

"Okay, I'll show you the house," she says excitedly.

We walk through the rooms, spacious with vaulted ceilings, and she shows me to the guest room.

"It has the best view," she says, pulling me to the huge window. It looks onto the lake, too.

"Does your room have this kind of view?"

"Oh yeah," she replies. "My room is the greatest room I think I've ever had."

She shows me her enormous master bedroom, with its walk-in closet and lush area rug, and the window, just as huge as the others, that looks out onto the water.

"This is awesome," I nod, smiling.

"Thanks," she grins. " I love it. I'm so glad I found such a great place. And it's only 20 minutes from Seattle Grace."

"That's perfect," I say, falling onto her bed. "For someone who's religiously almost-late."

"Hey, I'm doing way better lately," she defends herself.

"Yeah yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.


	5. Chapter 5

As I'm tossing my bag onto the guest room bed, Mom calls.

"Hey, sugar," she says happily. "Daddy said you had a rough day?"

I laugh, breathy and quiet. "No, I'm fine. The guy on the bike had a rough day."

"That's awful. Is he okay?"

"Yeah, Amelia said his brain's fine. I guess his bones are where he's screwed. A doctor named Callie was working on him?"

"Oh, Dr. Torres," Mom replies. "She's wonderful. I like her."

"I didn't really get to meet her. I met her wife, though," I say, taking my toiletry bag to the bathroom. "She's really nice. And Dr. Yang is a big admirer of yours."

I grin.

"Don't act like I don't know what you're getting at," she replies drily. "Your father and Addison have already made those jokes."

"Oh, it's no joke. She thinks you're awesome."

"Yeah, yeah," she says, but I hear a smile in her voice. "Well I'm stuck with paperwork at the hospital. Just wanted to make sure you're settled in."

"Yep. Just putting some stuff away. Amelia's house is really amazing."

"She was sayin' it was pretty beautiful. Overlooking the lake?"

"Yeah, Lake Washington. You'd love it."

"Well, maybe you and I will make a trip up there in a few months, baby."

"Sounds good," I smile.

"Did you pack the vitamin case I-"

"Mom," I cut her off. "Seriously."

Sometimes, my parents just need to cool it.

"Don't get smart with me, sugar. You listen to your mama."

"I do," I sigh, pulling clothes from my bag. "Sorry."

"Have a good night, baby. I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay. Say good night to dad, too."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too," I reply.

I hang up and toss my phone across the bed, out of reach.

I hang a few easily wrinkled shirts and dresses in the closet and then go have a shower.

* * *

By the time I get out and have my hair blow-dried, I can hear that Amelia's friends have arrived.

I get dressed and head downstairs.

"You're alive!" Amelia says, spotting me from where she's standing near the fireplace, flanked by Derek and Meredith, who's holding Zola.

I tilt my head, giving her a dry look. She gestures me over.

"Derek, you remember Kati," she smiles.

I shake his extended hand.

"Yes I do," he smiles. "But you were really small. You probably don't remember me."

"I'd remember that hair anywhere," I reply.

He laughs, nodding. "Always the hair."

"It's pretty great hair," Meredith adds, matter-of-factly.

I smile.

"And this is Zola," Meredith smiles, looking down at the beautiful baby in her arms.

"She's beautiful," I say.

"She is," Meredith smiles down at her. "And she's finally grasped the concept of a schedule, so...Everything's a lot more beautiful when you've gotten some sleep."

"Agreed," Derek nods, understanding.

A few people join our little circle.

"Oh, Kati, you remember Arizona. And this is Callie Torres."

"Hey," Callie smiles, offering a hug. "It's so great to meet you. Amelia hasn't shut up about you. She speaks very highly of you."

"Oh, well," I shrug. "She...embellishes."

Callie laughs. "Modesty. I like it. I must have missed you at the hospital earlier?"

"Well, you were elbow-deep in that guy's calf, so I won't hold it against you," I reply.

She chuckles. "I only got outta there about an hour ago. Guy's lucky he still has that leg."

"Lots of pins?" I ask.

"Oh yeah," she nods, widening her eyes. "Not to mention his elbow was bent the complete opposite way it should have been."

"Awesome," I say, shaking my head, not realizing I'm saying it out loud.

"Addison said you were interested in ortho," she laughs.

"Oh," I blush, nodding. "Yeah. It's top three, for sure."

"Just top three?" she raises an eyebrow.

Just then the door opens and closes as Cristina arrives.

"Hey," Amelia calls. "You're late, Yang."

"Yep," she replies, a bit short. "Give me a minute to catch up on my drinking."

She heads towards the kitchen.

Amelia looks over to Meredith, who shrugs, not knowing what's up with Cristina.

"You've met Yang?" Callie says, sipping her wine.

"I like her," I reply, looking over as she fills a tumbler with three fingers of whiskey and knocks it back. "She seems lovely."

Meredith passes Zola to Amelia and heads into the kitchen after Cristina.

"Can we ever have a get-together without drama?" Lexie asks, shaking her head.

"Don't be ridiculous," Callie replies, chuckling as though this is hilarious as she moves to go say hi to Mark and Alex nearby.

Arizona raises an eyebrow and shrugs. "High school never really ends," she says.

"That's pretty grim," I make a face. "I'm gonna grab a drink."

* * *

Meredith and Cristina have moved into the sunroom, just off the kitchen. There's a door, but it's slightly open and not doing much to hide their conversation from anyone within four feet of it.

"What do you mean? Are you sure?" Meredith asks.

"Yes, I'm sure. Of course I'm sure," Cristina replies impatiently.

"Well how do you-"

"Because he told me, Meredith. He told me!"

It's quiet for a few seconds as I hurriedly pour some Pellegrino into a glass.

"He..."

"Told me. Yes. He came home, he took off his jacket, dropped in on that hideous reclaimed oak table he bought and said, 'I slept with someone else'."

I nearly drop the bottle as I return it to the fridge. I have to get outta here, I think to myself. I grab a couple limes wedges from a nearby bowl and quickly leave the kitchen.

"Hold on," I hear Meredith say. "This doesn't make sense."

But I don't hear Cristina's reply because I'm already out in the great room.

A few minutes later, Lexie is explaining her photographic memory to me.

"I'm pretty sure Kati has that, too," Amelia says. "Kid is crazy."

"Hey," I frown.

"It's a compliment," Mark says. "Trust me."

"Lots of friends copy your homework?" Lexie asks.

I remember how Jamie used to copy all of my homework. It makes me smile.

"Yeah," I nod. "It's happened."

"Wait until your residency," Lexie raises an eyebrow. "They'll use you as a calculator, notebook, computer..."

"I don't think my memory is photographic," I shrug. "I just remember things."

"Like a photo? In your head?" Alex asks, with a cocky grin.

"No," I laugh. "Well..."

I frown in thought.

"What's the capital of Macedonia?" Mark asks.

"Skopje," I remember automatically.

"Seychelles?"

"Victoria."

"Nauru?"

"What? There is no capital of Nauru."

"What's pi?" he shoots back.

"3.14159265-"

"See?" he grins, cutting me off.

I make a face. "Smooth," I say, giving him a slight glare.

"Makes med school a lot easier," Lexie puts in. "Read something once, and just repeat it back to yourself, in your head, over and over."

"That's true," I nod, sipping my Pellegrino.

"But you're leaning towards ortho, right?" Callie smiles.

"Neuro. Always neuro!" Derek chimes in.

"I agree," Amelia nods seriously.

"Plastics is really fun," Mark smiles, almost evilly.

"I..." I look at him, and turn away from his sadistic grin. "Don't know. I like a lot of things. I haven't narrowed it down."

"Rare diseases and genetic abnormalities," Amelia says drily. "I just know it. That's where she's going to end up."

"Like House?" Alex asks.

"Exactly," Amelia replies.

"You're not mean enough to be House," Lexie smiles.

"Her mom is," Alex says, and then takes a long swig off his beer as I look at him, unimpressed.

"I can't believe Yang didn't throw in cardio," Callie says, looking around. "Where is Yang?"

I stay silent, drinking so I don't look suspicious. I'm the worst liar.

"I dunno," Derek says, looking confused too. "Meredith went to find her."

"I'll go look for them," Amelia says.

I bite my lip, hoping Cristina's horrible secret doesn't get exposed here.


	6. Chapter 6

A few moments after Amelia leaves the room, we hear cackling laughter. We peer into the kitchen to see Amelia standing there with the sunroom door open. The laughing is coming from in there.

We move collectively to look into the sunroom, and see Meredith and Cristina laughing really hard, with a bottle of tequila in Cristina's hand and the bowl of limes on the coffee table in front of them.

When they see all of us standing there staring, they laugh harder.

"This dinner party just turned into a rager," Alex grins.

"When you said 'catch up on drinking' I thought you meant, like...having a double," Amelia stares.

They just laugh, hard and loud, the way you only can with your best friend.

"What's so funny?" Derek asks, holding Zola.

"Life," Cristina breathes. "Life is just really...really funny."

She takes another swig of the tequila and passes to Meredith as she grabs a lime and crushes it between her teeth.

"I know what this kind of drinking means," Callie says, absent-mindedly pointing towards them. "Something bad happened."

"They look pretty happy to me," Alex says.

"That's why it's bad," Callie replies. "What happened?"

Meredith and Cristina's raucous has died down to just hearty laughter.

"Nothing," Meredith replies, setting down the tequila. "Is it time to eat?"

"Yeah, are there appetizers?" Cristina asks.

"Yes," Amelia moves, so they can see the table behind her, full of finger foods.

"Nice," Cristina says, and they both stand at the same time.

Cristina sways slightly, and Meredith steadies her, laughing. They go over to the table as we all watch.

"Um, what the hell is this?" Callie asks, her wine glass pointed towards them.

"They're wasted," Arizona replies. "In record time, too."

She looks at her watch and raises her eyebrows once. "Impressive, really," she says under her breath.

Still suspicious, Callie, Arizona and Amelia turn their attention towards the patio.

"Let's go outside. It's beautiful out," Amelia says, opening the French doors leading out.

"What is up with them?" Lexie asks, leaning against the deck rail and looking into the house.

Meredith and Cristina have moved into the great room, onto the huge couch where they unearthed a Scrabble box and have started playing, still laughing loudly.

"Must be pretty bad," Callie raises an eyebrow. "Cristina only really laughs when something is really fucked up."

"Kati, you okay?" Amelia asks.

I realize I've been silent the entire time. Not my best plan of elusion.

"Yeah," I reply. "I'm good."

I nod slowly, biting my lip. Amelia frowns.

"Why do you have your Lying Face?"

"What?" I frown.

"You heard me. You couldn't lie to save your life. What's going on?"

I glance around as everyone stares, interested.

"I...can so," I manage dumbly.

"You know," Callie says smiling, pointing at me.

"Know what?" Arizona asks.

"What's up with Thelma and Louise in there," Callie replies. "You know."

I freeze, avoiding eye contact. "No I don't."

"She really is a terrible liar," Alex laughs. "Probably because she grew up too scared to lie to her mom."

"Alright, ease up on the mom jabs," I point at him.

He chuckles, but holds up his hands in surrender.

"Katelyn, come with me," Amelia says, taking my arm and nearly dragging me after her.

Once inside, she pulls me into the bathroom.

"Really? A bathroom?" I say.

She flicks on the fan. "No one can eavesdrop," she replies.

"Ah," I say, nodding.

"Now spill."

"Amelia," I exhale, rubbing my forehead.

"I won't tell everyone. But if it's something big, you can tell me. You always tell me things."

That's true. Whenever I had something I didn't want to talk to Mom or Dad about, I'd ask her or Addison. I didn't fully appreciate Violet until I was seeing her on a daily basis after the accident.

"Uh," I start, looking down. "I'm not sure spilling someone's secret is the best way to make friends here..."

"I won't say anything," Amelia replies.

"To the group of people standing outside the door?" I ask.

She gives me a dubious look, so I reach out and open the door, revealing the group, with Callie at the front with a glass to her ear.

Amelia sighs, takes the glass from Callie and closes the door.

"Alright," she says. "I won't push you. But if you need to..."

"It's really none of my business. Or anyone's. It's just...Cristina's. And now I guess Meredith."

She nods and reaches out to pinch my ribcage. I jump at the tickle.

"Come on. Let's get outta here."

* * *

By the time dinner is served and we're all seated around the table, more than just Meredith and Cristina are drunk. And I still refuse to divulge what I know.

"This looks great, Amy," Derek says, using Amelia's old nickname. One that I'm pretty sure she hates.

"Well, don't thank me. Thanks Glastonbury Catering," she replies.

Wine is passed around and conversation sets in. Of course, I am on the same end of the table as Meredith and Cristina. They're across from me, Amelia's at the head and Callie is beside me. They are still pretty sauced, finding everything funny. And I still can't fully grasp why that kind of news would make a person get drunk and laugh, of all things. Getting drunk and crying I would understand...

"So Yang," Callie says, spearing a potato with her fork. "What's up?"

"Not very much, Callie. Not very much," Cristina sighs, pushing all of the beets on her plate to the very edge.

"Alright, just tell us what's going on," Callie lightly bangs the table. "I'm getting impatient and I don't like it."

"It's...nothing," Cristina replies, that placid grin on her face.

"Well Kati knows, so we could just interrogate her until she cracks," Callie shoots back.

Meredith and Cristina stop and stare at me.

"What?" Cristina asks, swallowing some vegetables.

"She heard whatever it is you two are drunk about," Derek, beside Meredith, says, cutting Zola's food into small pieces.

They both turn to look at me again.

"You...heard?" Cristina asks.

"Maybe...perhaps...accidentally," I reply uncomfortably. "I was getting a drink, and..."

I wave a hand.

"Oh fuck," Cristina mutters.

"Baby in the room," Lexie sings, trying to distract Zola.

"You...know? Everything?" Meredith asks. They both seem a bit more sober now.

"No," I say. "I overheard the...beginning of the conversation."

"That's everything!" Cristina cries, and then takes a mouthful of wine.

"Y'know, Yang, if you move between wine and tequila all night-"

"Shut up, Karev," she retorts.

"Alright. Kati..." Meredith says.

"I have not and will not say anything," I say before she can go on. "I wish I hadn't heard, and I'm going to pretend I didn't. It is...really none of my business."

"Oh come on," Mark groans. "Just tell us."

"I really don't-" I begin, about to reiterate that it's none of our business, when Cristina drops a hand onto the table.

"Fine. You really wanna know? You all want to know what was so bad that it made me drink two-thirds of a bottle of tequila?"

Silently I shake my head slowly, biting my lip. This is about to get really awkward.

"Yes," Karev replies.

Lexie backhands his chest, but he just laughs.

"Well," Cristina says, lifting and dropping her hands again. "Owen slept with someone else."

The silence around the table is immediate. Even Zola is staring around in silence.

"What?" Amelia asks, looking shocked.

"Yeah," Cristina says, standing up. "So now you know, now you can shut up, and now we can drink."

She smiles and then goes into the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of whiskey.

"This hangover's gonna be good," Alex mutters, and takes a drink of his beer.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day, Amelia and I go shopping. I get to see a little more of Seattle, and I really like it. I don't think I could live here, with the frequent grey skies, but it's a nice change of scenery from the blinding sun of California. We don't get to see rain enough.

"So how did the rest of the night go?" I ask, because I slipped away and went to bed soon after dinner. "As awkward as dinner?"

"Pretty much," Amelia nods, swinging a shopping bag. "Meredith turned off her Drinking Button, but Cristina doesn't know how to. Which is weird…Meredith used to be the big drinker between those two…"

"Well I'm sure that kind of revelation does wonders for the alleged 'Drinking Button'," I shrug. "Do you wanna go in here?"

I point to Rag & Bone, and we go inside.

"So how's Judah?" Amelia asks, browsing through a rack of shirts.

Surprised, I stare at her. She widens her eyes once.

"What? I want to know."

"I just…" I begin, but kind of shake my head and drop it. "He's great. Healthy, happy, spoiled. Gaining weight like it's his job. Although…I guess that is his job, hey? To just...grow."

"Isn't that the life," Amelia chuckles. "Addison must be in heaven."

I nod, absent-mindedly smoothing a button-up shirt.

"I'm okay, Kati. Really," she squeezes my hand. "Don't worry. I'm happy he's happy. He's exactly where he should be."

I offer a half-smile and continue browsing through clothes.

"And how's your ridiculously good-looking boyfriend?" she grins.

"Fantastic," I smile. "He really is that good-looking…"

"He should be in Abercrombie ads. Or Prada. Or Gucci. Or anything. Why isn't he on any of those ads? Why aren't both of you?" she asks, frowning in confusion.

"He's been scouted before," I reply. "Some woman came up to us at the pier once, and another one just a few weeks ago, while we were at the beach. He couldn't really be bothered."

"And you?"

I curl my lip. "No."

"Just no?"

"Just no."

"Hm," Amelia nods, picking out a shirt. "What do you think of this?"

It's a plaid button-up, a mixture of blue, grey and purple.

"Great color for you," I nod. "You should try it on."

Leave it to Amelia to pull off her shirt in the middle of a store. Granted, she's wearing a thin white tank-top underneath, but it's clearly just an undershirt.

"Wow," I say, shaking my head. "Why aren't _you _modeling somewhere? Like Victoria's Secret."

"Hilarious," she says, buttoning up the shirt.

She checks a nearby mirror and nods.

"Sold."

"Can I help you find anything?" A sales associate appears.

"No thanks," I reply. "She's got a change room and a mirror right here. Everything she needs."

She gives us a weird look and walks away.

"So really," Amelia says, as we're leaving Rag & Bone with another bag each. "Everything with Axel is good? Nothing…new? No big…occurrences?"

I give her a dry look.

"Very stealthy," I reply.

"I ask because I care," she says sagely. I laugh.

"And because you're 17, in love with a guy who's been in love with _you _forever, and…well. That's pretty much it."

I exhale, nodding.

"Alright," she says. "I won't push you to tell me. But…if you are…y'know…you're being…smart, right?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Come on," I say, tilting my head.

"I know," she sighs. "I don't need to tell you."

We pass a few stores before coming to a shoe store.

"Shoes?" I ask, pointing my thumb into the store.

"Shoes," she nods, smiling.

* * *

I knew that question would come up with Amelia. It's been brought up by several people. My parents, obviously, and Violet. And of course Addison, since she's my doctor. And also because I went to her for birth control pills a couple months ago. She had a silent freakout, where she stares at me wide-eyed but maintains a calm voice, as though I can't tell that she's screaming on the inside. When I told her that no, I hadn't had sex with Axel yet, she sighed so seriously you'd have thought someone just told her that Betsey Johnson had revoked her retirement.

So, no. Axel and I haven't slept together. But (and I still don't want to talk to Mom about it) that doesn't mean we haven't fooled around.

It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I'm cautious. Maybe I'm still a little touchy from being attacked and nearly raped by my ex-boyfriend, Silas, but I've always been pretty firm on where I stand with sex. I told Mom that I couldn't justify letting just any guy enter my body. She was pretty taken-aback by my vernacular, but at least it got her off my back about it.

Besides, I'm pretty sure that Axel and I are almost there.

* * *

My Seattle mini-vacation is a nice break from LA. But, of course, there has to be some speed bumps. On Wednesday, we go out for sushi and are just pulling into the parking lot when Amelia gets paged.

"Whatever you do, don't eat the cafeteria sushi. It will contaminate your mouth for the real sushi we are going for later," Amelia says sternly.

"I wouldn't eat cafeteria sushi if I were Bobby Sands–starving. That's like eating bologna when you could be eating sirloin."

"Very good," she smiles serenely, nodding.

At Seattle Grace, she has to rush off to emergency, so I wander around the hospital. I like to see what other hospitals are like, since I'm so used to St. Ambrose. Seattle Grace is actually kind of beautiful, for a hospital. I especially love the enormous wall of windows.

As I'm walking down the hallway, I nearly bump into Lexie.

"Oh, hey!" she smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"Amelia got paged," I reply. "We were out, so…I get to wander around this place for awhile."

"Well do you wanna come hang out with me for a bit? I have some charts to do. I usually just hang out on a spare gurney in a dead hallway."

"Really?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah. The quiet's nice when most of your day is loud and chaotic."

So I walk with Lexie and we come to a hallway with no people, and two gurneys pushed up against the wall.

"Ah yes," Lexie holds out her hands. "And here they are."

She hops onto one, so I get onto the other and lean against the wall.

"Hey, have you seen Cristina? Is she…okay?" I ask.

I haven't seen or heard anything about her since the night of the dinner. Even Amelia hasn't had any info, but she hasn't been at work, either.

"Well," Lexie makes a face. "It's Cristina. She's pretty hard to crack, y'know? I've never even seen her cry. Although I've been assured that she is, in fact, capable of producing tears."

"That's probably surprising for a lot of people," I nod slowly.

"Very," Lexie agrees, writing on a chart. "But she's acting like her usual self. And I've seen Owen around, but I haven't talked to him."

"Does he work here too?" I ask.

"Owen? Yeah. He's the chief of staff," she replies, surprised that I don't know.

"Oh," I raise my eyebrows, thinking about this. "Oh."

"Yeah," Lexie looks up. "At first I thought they were kind of an odd couple, but they actually balance each other pretty well."

"Until he slept with someone else," I mutter under my breath.

"Yeah," she sighs. "Until that."

I pull my phone out of my bag as it vibrates, and respond to a text from Axel.

"So how long have you and Mark been together?" I ask, because I don't want to gossip about Cristina.

"Four years," Lexie smiles. "Although, there was a period in between there when we were kind of…not."

"Is that a prerequisite for marriage? To have been broken up with that person for awhile? Seems like every couple has been there."

"No kidding," she breathes. "But, in the end, I still think it was the best thing for us at the time. We were just fighting a lot, and he was being a total ass."

"They're good at that," I reply.

"What about you?" she smiles. "Boyfriend?"

"Yeah," I say, unable to hold back the smile.

"Wow," Lexie laughs. "That great, huh?"

I laugh.

"How did you meet?" she asks.

"We've known each other forever. We've been best friends since we were little, so…I dunno. I love that we've been together through so much. He's always been an amazing friend to me…but it was weird when I realized I like-liked him."

Lexie has rested her elbows on the chart, forgetting it as she listens with a grin on her face.

"When?"

"Uh," I smile, thinking back. "Right before Christmas. Well, no, actually, it was before that. But I didn't really know what it was, so I ignored it. Or tried to."

"I bet he was in love with you the whole time," she says.

"Apparently," I laugh, blushing. "Took me awhile to figure it out."

"Well," she shrugs. "I've been there. And I'm not used to having trouble figuring things out."

I laugh. "Yeah. Me neither."

"So who made the first move?"

"Well…we kind of just started spending more time together. We always hung out a lot, and went paintballing and stuff. But then we were hanging out like, every day. And then at Christmas, on vacation, everything just kind of…fell into place."

"That's really cute," she grins. "What's his name?"

"Axel."

"Bad ass," she nods, liking it.

"I know," I laugh. "But he's not, really. And his parents are pretty strict. It was his grandfather's name. Still, it stands out when paired with Atticus and Allegra."

"Siblings?"

"Yeah."

"What does he look like?"

"What does who look like?" Alex Karev appears, flopping onto the gurney I'm on.

"The guy taking your spot when you get fired," Lexie smiles.

"Ha," Alex scoffs. "Yeah right. Hunt would never fire me. Once your old-man boyfriend hits the road, I'll be the attending in plastics."

"Old man," Lexie shakes her head. "You're not far from 40, either, Karev."

"Far enough," he shrugs, eating an apple. "Where's Amelia?"

"She was paged," I reply.

"For what?" he asks, suddenly very interested.

"I dunno," I shrug. "A pile-up? She said it was pretty serious."

"An MVC?" he shoots up, sitting straight. "There must be some pretty serious facial lacerations."

"Why are you smiling?" Lexie frowns.

"Because your grey-haired boyfriend is in surgery," he grins wider. "Which means _I _will be the one doing anything that comes in for plastics."

He raises his eyebrows, takes a huge bite of his apple, throws it into a nearby trash can and darts down the hallway.

"Thanks for the heads-up, Charlotte's Daughter!" he calls.


	8. Chapter 8

When Lexie's finished with her charts, she gets paged and I'm left to my own devices again. I wander over to the surgery board, and see what's going on there.

Amelia's in OR-3 working on a brain bleed. Derek's beside her in OR-2 working on another brain bleed, with a fractured forehead that he has to replace with a metal plate.

"Are you visiting someone or are med students getting younger every year?"

I turn to see a short, dark-haired doctor. Her white coat says Dr. Bailey. I remember Amelia talking about her. She is not one to mess with, apparently.

"Oh, I'm just visiting," I smile. "I'm with Amelia."

"The other Shepherd?

"Yes," I nod once. "She did mention some people called her that."

"Well she's in surgery," Dr. Bailey nods towards the board.

"Yeah," I reply. "Cerebral hemorrhage. She won't be done for awhile."

She stares at me and I remember that I'm not around doctors that I know, and this probably seems a bit weird to her.

"Oh, you're little Kati Freedman," she points, her face softening a bit. "I forgot. Amelia mentioned you were coming to visit."

"Yeah," I smile, holding out a hand. "It's nice to meet you…"

"Dr. Bailey," she smiles. "Miranda. So you grew up in St. Ambrose down in LA, huh?"

"Pretty much," I nod. "In between there and the clinic."

"Well I guess this isn't a big shock for you, then. Spending a summer vacation in a hospital," she laughs. "You a senior?"

"Oh, no," I shake my head. "I start at UCLA in September."

She raises an eyebrow. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Child, you must have skipped a couple grades because you look like you're about to start high school, not college."

I laugh. "Yeah, I've heard. I skipped third grade, but…I also started kindergarten a little earlier."

"Well good for you," she smiles. "You must be excited about UCLA. Studying medicine?"

"Of course," I smile.

"Gonna be a hard decade coming up on you," she says, with that motherly authority.

"Oh ease up, Bailey," Mark appears, flashing his grin. "Give the kid a break. She's still got a bit of summer vacation left."

He throws an arm around my shoulders, still grinning like an idiot. Although I'm sure that smile has always been a hit with the ladies.

"Dr. Sloan," Miranda says, by way of a greeting. "Didn't you have a facial reconstruction to do?"

"Just finished," he says, still grinning. "Went perfectly. She's gonna look great. Even better than she did before."

"Well of course," Miranda says, taking a chart from the nurse behind the nurse's station. "What else would we expect from the great and powerful Dr. Sloan?"

She gives him a dry look.

"Just perfection," Mark replies happily.

"It was nice to meet you, Kati," she says to me, and heads down the hallway.

"Ah, Bailey," Mark sighs as she leaves. "I think she always took it personally that she and I never got close."

I frown, looking up at his face. "Mark, obviously you're not an ugly guy, but…not every woman wants to sleep with you."

His face is stuck with that confident but cocky smile.

"Ah, come on," he says, squeezing my shoulders. "Yeah they do."

"How did _you_ end up with someone as awesome as Lexie?" I ask him drily.

He laughs, turning us to walk down the hall. "I just got very, very lucky."

"Wow," I nod. "That's the first non-cocky thing you've said since I met you."

He laughs good-naturedly, steering us down a hallway.

He leads us through a door that leads to a staircase.

"This is illegal," I remind him, because I'm aware that this staircase leads to a gallery.

"Ah, no one will notice," he waves a hand. "We'll say you're a med student. Technically, we wouldn't be lying."

He grins and holds open the door at the top of the stairs.

I smile and walk inside.

Galleries aren't huge—usually just maybe six benches, enough to fit about 24 people. Although Mom says, unless it's a high-profile surgery, galleries are never full.

There are only three other doctors in here. Arizona, a doctor I don't know, and Meredith.

Arizona and Meredith give Mark a look but wave us over anyway.

"Let me guess," Arizona says, as I sit down beside her. "It's technically not lying if you say she's a med student?"

Mark's response is a grin.

"That's true," Meredith shrugs.

Someone says something else but I don't hear it; I'm too enthralled in the surgery going on below. It's Amelia, her hands covered in blood and neurosurgical glasses with a fibre-optic headlight attached. I've only gotten to see something this graphic a handful of times.

"This the car accident guy?" Mark asks.

"Yep," Arizona sighs. "No seatbelt. Head went through the windshield. He's lucky he wasn't decapitated."

"Really?" I ask, fascinated, but I can't see the guy's neck because he's completely draped, with only the top of his head visible.

"Millimetres away from his jugular," Arizona nods.

"Awesome," I say quietly, involuntarily.

Mark laughs.

"Ah, to be a med student again," he says.

We watch the screens in the OR as Amelia navigates her fibre-optic around a blood vessel, clipping it. She steps back, observing the screen carefully, before nodding.

"You missed a spot," Mark says, his finger on the intercom to the OR.

Amelia looks up into the gallery, and we all wave. She shakes her head and calls for suction from a nearby nurse.

As Mark, Arizona and Meredith talk about something I don't pay attention to, I watch as Amelia seamlessly closes the head wound. As familiar as I am with medicine, I still can't imagine that eventually, depending on which specialty I go for, I'll be doing surgeries, too.

As we're leaving the gallery, a red-haired doctor enters the door to the stairwell.

"Hello," he says, a bit confused when he sees me.

He glances at the others for an explanation.

"Med student," Mark offers.

"How old are you?" the doctor looks at me.

I open my mouth but Meredith steps forward, in front of me.

"She's Amelia's niece," she tells him. "And technically she is a med student. She's about to start at UCLA."

The doctor seems a bit uncomfortable around Meredith, and even Arizona has an indifferent look on her face. Who is this guy?

"Oh," the doctor nods. "She did say you were coming."

He smiles, tightly, and nods.

"I'm Kati," I say, getting uncomfortable.

"Owen," he smiles, but it's a forced smile. "Dr. Hunt."

I manage to keep my face straight, now that I know who he is. I take his outstretched hand and shake it.

"Mark, I was actually looking for you," he says, clearing his throat. "Karev's going to need help in OR-1. Woman's face is all over the place."

Mark nods and steps forward. "See ya later, ladies."

He grins.

"Thanks, Mark," I say, and he nods once before he's gone.

Owen awkwardly stands there for a second while Meredith and Arizona attempt to look fine.

"Well. I'll see you all later then," he says, and quickly leaves.

Arizona exhales, turning to give Meredith a tired look.

"He knows we know?"

"Oh yeah," Meredith nods, eyebrows raised. "It's gonna be a fun-filled couple of weeks around him."

I say nothing, going through the door Arizona holds open.

"They have this much drama in LA?" she asks.

"I think you guys are pretty much neck-and-neck as far as drama goes," I nod.

"Oh good," Meredith says, as we walk down the hall.

"It's like I say," Arizona sighs. "High school never really ends. It's just that now, there's more liquor and more blood."

"We must have gone to very different high schools," I reply drily, and she and Meredith laugh as we make our way to the doctor's lounge.


	9. Chapter 9

My visit to Seattle seems to come to an end pretty quickly. By the time Friday arrives, I feel like the days went by too fast. But I'm ready to go home. I miss Axel and Nigel and the comforts of home.

On the drive to the airport, Amelia tries to squeeze in all of the things she forgot to tell me. Like how she met a guy at yoga a few weeks ago but hasn't decided whether or not to call him, or that she's thinking of coming down for Christmas and what are our plans, and that, yet again, I can talk to her about "anything". And obviously that means Axel.

She hugs me tightly in the airport, making me promise to text and call, and to say hi to everybody, and before I know it I'm back on the plane home. It's raining, and from my window seat all I can see is grey dampness. Tired, since this is a 7:00am flight, I lean back against the seat and try to sleep.

* * *

As soon as I go through the doors after grabbing my bag, I see Mom, smiling as she hurries over to me.

"Oh, I missed you, sugar," she hugs tightly. She holds me by the shoulders, as though trying to decide if I look different. After five days. Jeez.

She kisses my cheek and hugs me again.

"I missed you, too," I smile.

"Did you have fun?" she asks, as we walk towards the doors.

"Yeah, it was great," I nod.

"And Amelia's good? She's not just lyin' because she's across the country?"

"No, she's not lying," I laugh. "She's really happy. She's smaller than she was before, and she's been running and going to yoga…she's got a great house, great friends."

I shrug. "She's really good."

"Good," Mom smiles, leading us towards the car. "I'm glad to hear it. That girl needs a break."

"Where's Dad?" I ask, stashing my bag in the backseat and climbing into the front.

"On call," she rolls her eyes. "Dr. Stevens has called in sick the last two days. Your daddy's been picking up his slack, working 16-hour days."

"Eugh," I make a face.

"He'll be done soon," she says, leaving the parking lot. "In time for dinner."

"Good," I say, pulling out my phone and turning airplane-mode off. A bunch of texts come in.

"Did you two go shopping?" Mom asks.

I drop the phone back into my bag; I just want to lean this chair back and do nothing, I'm so tired.

"Yeah, on Tuesday. Wednesday I was at the hospital again, for that brain bleed Amelia had to fix."

"Oh I'm sorry, baby. You must have been a little bored."

"Not really," I shake my head. "I met all of her friends. And I saw Derek and Mark again. Although I didn't really remember Mark…but they're all really nice."

"Well I'm glad she's got a good support system up there," Mom replies.

"Mmhmm," I mumble, looking out the window at sunny, familiar LA. "Hey, do you know Owen Hunt?"

"Mmm, rings a bell. Isn't he the chief of staff?"

"Yeah," I say. "Did you know he's married to Cristina?"

"Yang?

I nod.

"No, I didn't. I haven't seen those Seattle folks in quite awhile. I only know _of _Owen; I've never actually met him. He nice?"

"Uh," I make a face, thinking. "I…don't know. I only got to know a…undesirable side of him."

"Pardon?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Well," I sigh. "Okay, I'm only telling you this because you're my mom and I think that's like a Get Out of Jail Free thing."

"Alright," she chuckles.

"Well, the first night, at that dinner party, Cristina showed up late and was kind of…well, clearly irritated, I guess. And she just went right to the kitchen and slammed some whiskey. So Meredith went in there and then they disappeared. So I went in to get a drink and then I realized they were in the next room, which is totally not soundproof, and I heard them talking. I mean, as soon as I heard that it was a private conversation, I tried to hurry up and get the hell outta there, but I still overheard some things that I shouldn't have."

"Such as?" Mom asks, her Mom-face looking serious.

"Such as…Owen cheated on Cristina. And he told her."

Mom gives me an unimpressed look. "He told her?"

"Yeah," I raise my eyebrows. "She said he came home and flat-out told her he slept with someone else."

"Oh, good lord," Mom shakes her head. "And then what? You clammed up for the rest of the night?"

I give her a slightly offended look.

"Oh come on, sugar," she laughs. "There's not a person on this planet who lies as badly as you do."

I wrinkle my nose at her. "Whatever," I shake my head. "As it happens, yes I did. But then Amelia called me out on it-" (Mom laughs) "-and Callie is psychic, because she knew right away that I knew why Meredith and Cristina were being weird, and Amelia tried to get me to tell her, and…"

I shake my head.

"Being weird how?"

"By going through a bottle of tequila in like, half an hour," I reply. "And laughing. A lot."

"Those two are quite a pair," Mom shakes her head. "And you didn't tell Amelia."

It's a statement, not a question.

"No," I reply. "Cristina did. At dinner. It was sufficiently awkward. Is it all doctors who are this crazy and dramatic, or is it just your little bubble of doctors?"

Mom scoffs. "I do not have drama."

"Well," I think. "I guess not…. All the drama in the past year has been mine. But still, it gets projected onto you."

"Yes, but not _that_ kind of drama. Cheating and actin' like complete morons."

"Well, Addison kind of had that sort of drama," I point out, as Mom pulls into our neighborhood.

"Oh, with Sam and Naomi," Mom guesses. "Yeah…but that wasn't cheating. It was just…odd."

"That's like…Violet dating Dad," I make a face.

"Kati," she shakes her head.

"Or you dating Jake," I go on, raising an eyebrow. She knows I think Jake is good-looking, for a Dad-aged guy.

"Oh that's likely," Mom rolls her eyes, pulling into the driveway. "I'm afraid you'll just have to handle having drama-free parents."

"Hey I never said I didn't like it," I grin, hopping out of the car.

I grab my bag from the backseat and hurry towards the front door.

"Leave that laundry downstairs," Mom calls after me. "Don't go heavin' it upstairs just to leave it on the floor."

I throw open the front door and find Nigel already right there, waiting for me. He must have heard the car pull up.

"Hey buddy," I say happily, sitting down on the floor to cuddle him. "Were you such a good boy?"

He happily jumps around me, snorting and wiggling his little nubbin-tail.

"That dog has separation anxiety," Mom says, stepping over us so she can get to the kitchen. "Cried at my side of the bed every night, until I let him up on the bed."

"Oh, buddy, did you miss me?" I smoosh his face, kissing his nose. "Such a good boy."

"A spoiled boy," Mom corrects, slipping her shoes off. "Can't spend a few nights in his dog bed."

"He likes to be comfortable," I defend Nigel, still petting him on the floor.

"Well he's not lacking there," Mom laughs. "Are you hungry, baby?"

"Yes," I reply, getting up. I take my bag and lug it towards the laundry room.

"You want some fried chicken?"

"Yes!" I cry, feeling like I haven't had my mom's cooking in ages.

Nigel follows me into the laundry room, sitting happily and panting as I dump my clothes on the floor. He nosily sniffs everything as I sort it into colors and whites and dry-clean only.

Like a shadow, he follows me back to the kitchen and then the living room, where I flop onto the couch as Mom cooks lunch. I dig out my phone and reply to the text messages I ignored earlier. Max left for New York the day before I left for Seattle, and she's all settled into her dorm at Sarah Lawrence. Jenelle and Megan are both going to USC and want to go shopping for school stuff. Jenelle is going to live in a dorm at USC, since her parents are moving to Sacramento, but Megan and I are both opting to skip the dorm life and live at home. Something about being crammed into a small space with a stranger for an entire school year just doesn't entice me.

I reply to Axel's text and let him know that I'm home. He's out at the beach with Chase, wakeboarding, so he says he'll come by later tonight. As I finish texting him and lie back on the couch to close my eyes, someone knocks on the front door and then the door opens.

"Helloooo," Addison calls. "I've brought the cutest baby in the world to visit!"


	10. Chapter 10

Forgetting that I was even tired in the first place, I hop off the couch and hurry over to where Addison has set down Judah.

"You're right on time," Mom calls from the kitchen. "Just makin' some lunch."

I bend down and smile at Judah as he looks around, his big blue eyes opened wide.

"He looks bigger," I say, standing back up.

"So do you," Addison teases, giving me a hug. "How was your trip?"

"Great," I reply. "Amelia's doing really good. She looks great, she's happy..."

I shrug, smiling.

"Oh, good," Addison replies, relief on her face. "I'm so glad."

"She asked about Judah," I say, as Addison unstraps him from his car seat.

"Oh," Addison replies, standing up with the baby and giving me a look of surprise.

"She just wanted to know how he was doing," I shrug. "She wasn't upset or anything. But she didn't bring him up again."

Addison looks down at Judah, and Mom comes around the corner from the kitchen.

"It's just gonna take some time," she says to Addison. "That's all."

"Yeah," Addison says, then smiles. "I know. I just miss her."

"Me too," Mom smiles. "Look at this little man. He's just about the cutest little boy ever, isn't he."

We all look down at Judah as he looks around.

"Do you wanna hold him, Kati?" Addison offers.

"Sure," I reply, and she passes him to me.

At first, I didn't want to hold him at all. I was scared I'd drop him or break him. But after a month, I gave it a go, and we've decided that we're okay with each other.

"Hey buddy," I say softly, looking down at him.

His soft dark hair is curling a bit, and his eyelashes are what girls strive for with extensions. They make his royal blue eyes pop. He doesn't really resemble Amelia, but Addison said he doesn't look like Ryan, either.

"Maybe he's just one of those kids who grabbed a bunch of genes from each parent but still looks like he's adopted," I had said. "Which, I mean, I know he is. But still. At least it won't upset Amelia to see Ryan or herself in Judah's face."

Addison follows Mom into the kitchen for some tea, so I wander back to the couch with Judah as Nigel eagerly follows, jealous that my attention is on someone besides him.

"Alright, J," I say, leaning back against the couch and sitting him up so he's facing the TV, his tiny body leaning against my chest. "This is your first lesson in music. This is Across the Universe. It's amazing and it's a bunch of Beatles' songs made into a musical. We love the Beatles. Always remember that."

He grips my fingers with his little fists, looking around and then realizing that Nigel is right beside us, sitting there and staring at Judah.

"And you've met Nigel," I tell him. "He's extremely jealous but also extremely adorable, and we love him."

Nigel reaches his head forward and sniffs closer. He's met Judah before, but every time he comes over now, Nigel has to get right in there and sniff him out again. He sniffs near Judah's face and then licks his entire cheek with one swipe of his tongue.

"He's also very affectionate," I laugh, gently holding Nigel away to see how Judah's going to react. The first time, he was not a fan of Nigel. Now, he just stares at him, and isn't bothered by him. It actually looks like he's got a bit of a smile.

"What are you filling my child's head with?" Addison asks, coming into the room and sitting across from us in an arm chair.

"Beatles," I reply.

"Oh, okay," she says, waving a hand. "Just as long as it's not Inglourious Basterds."

"Okay, that was one time," I roll my eyes. "And he was sleeping."

"Babies take in everything," Addison says. "They don't even realize it."

"Well," I say, shifting Judah so he's facing me. "Then at least he's getting an early start on world history."

"That movie is fiction," Addison laughs.

"Based on true events. And it's what _should _have happened. One day Judah will appreciate the joy of Tarantino and hating Hitler."

"Oh, god," Addison rolls her eyes, leaning back and sipping her tea. "I can't wait to see the kinds of things he learns from you."

* * *

After lunch, as Mom and Addison sit out on the patio and I play with Judah, the front door opens and Dad and Axel walk in.

"Hey," I smile. "Were you traveling in a pack?"

"No," Axel laughs. "Just happened to reach the driveway at the same time."

He smiles happily, coming to the couch, and Dad comes over and kisses my forehead.

"How was your trip?" he asks, setting down his briefcase and unbuttoning the top button on his dress shirt; his habitual just-got-home routine.

"Great," I reply, as Axel sits next to me.

He leans in and kisses me.

"Missed you," he says quietly.

"Missed _you_," I smile.

"Amelia's good?" Dad asks, coming in from the kitchen with a bottle of water.

"Yeah, she's really good. She said to say hi to everyone, and that she misses you."

"Good," Dad nods. "I'm glad she's doing okay. So what did you guys do?"

I shrug. "Just hung out, went shopping, went for sushi."

"Watched a surgery, illegally," Axel adds, grinning as I give him a look.

"Really?" Dad asks, intrigued but clearly wondering if this got either me or Amelia into trouble.

"Yeah," I exhale. "Mark Sloan snuck me in. Amelia was clipping a brain bleed."

Dad laughs. "Mark Sloan. How is that guy?"

"Good," I shrug. "There's definitely nothing wrong with his self-esteem."

"Yeah, sounds like him," Dad laughs. "You met everyone then?"

I nod. "They're really nice. Even Alex Karev, when he's not being a bit douchey."

Dad laughs, getting up from the chair he was sitting in.

"Your mom outside?"

I nod. He comes and kisses my forehead again.

"I missed you," he grins. "I'm glad you're home."

"I missed you, too," I smile.

He heads outside and Axel gently takes my cheek in his hand and turns my head, so he can kiss me.

"I'm glad you're home, too," he smiles.

"What did you do all week?" I ask, settling Judah in a different position as my arm gets tired.

Axel shrugs. "Ah, not much. Bit of paintball with Chase, hung around the house. Tryin' to get as much sleep in as possible while I still can."

I laugh. "Come on. Your first class isn't until 9:30. Every single day."

"Well," he defends. "That's really early when you're used to getting up at noon!"

I shake my head.

"Is your mama makin' chicken?" he looks around.

"She did," I laugh. "Awhile ago. There's some in the fridge."

"Oh I'm all over that," he says, getting up and going to the kitchen.

He comes back with the plate and opens the patio doors.

"Mrs. Freedman," he calls. "You mind if I eat this chicken."

"Of course not, honey. You go right ahead," Mom replies.

"Doc, you want in on this?" Axel calls to Dad.

"Yes! Yes I do," Dad says, using his Hungry Voice.

It's this desperate tone he gets whenever he hasn't eaten for an hour. Axel does the same thing. I'm not sure they realize they can survive without eating every hour.

Axel grins at me and heads back to the kitchen, and I hear him getting another plate. Dad comes in and goes right to the kitchen.

"You take that thigh and I'll hide my daughter from you for another week," I hear him tell Axel.

"Whoa, it's all yours, man," comes the reply.

I smile and look down at Judah, who's sound asleep after his recent bottle.

"We'll go over fried chicken and the male preoccupation with their stomachs another time," I tell him, and the corner of his mouth turns up as he sleeps, looking like a smile. You can say it's gas all you want, but I'm going to go ahead and tell myself that Judah just thinks I'm that funny.


	11. Chapter 11

On Saturday, Axel has his annual End of Summer party planned. Mr and Mrs Mason took Allegra to San Diego for the weekend, and Atticus is already at Princeton after his summer vacation.

When I come downstairs that morning, Mom grins from her place at the table.

"Morning', sugar. You have a good sleep?"

"_So _good," I draw it out. "My bed is just...the greatest of all beds."

"I guess so," Mom laughs. "You slept for 12 hours."

I glance at the clock and see that it's 11:15. I haven't slept this late in a long time.

The front door opens and closes, and Dad enters the kitchen, sweaty from his run.

"Morning, honey," he breathes, dropping his iPod on the counter. "Sleep okay?"

"Incredible," I reply, tossing him a bottle of water as I pull out the orange juice.

"So I thought we'd go get the last of your school stuff today, baby," Mom says, turning a page of the newspaper. "Get you a haircut and whatnot."

I had planned to help Axel plan for the party, but I decide that I can bail on that.

"Sure," I smile. "Sounds great."

"Alright, you let me know when you're ready," she replies, folding the paper and getting up. "I've got some paperwork to finish."

I nod, drinking juice as Dad stands beside me chugging his water.

"Didn't you two learn your lesson the last time you had a chugging contest?" Mom tilts her head.

I glance over at Dad and he tries to drink faster. I have the upper hand, since he's drinking from a bottle. I beat him easily.

"I learned that when the time comes for me to take the beer-bong at my first college party, I will come out victorious," I grin.

Dad chokes on his water and sprays it out onto the counter.

"Cooper," Mom makes a face.

She tosses him a kitchen towel.

"Kati, don't say beer-bong to your father," she eyes me. "And don't even think about becoming some kind of freshman party machine."

I roll my eyes, exhaling.

"You both need to work on your humor," I say. "Five days away and one joke makes you forget how to swallow liquids."

I head towards the stairs.

"Y'know there's ways I could prevent you from drinking any alcohol at all," Dad calls.

"Ha," I laugh. "What, Antabuse? I'm not diabetic, I don't take antidepressants and I don't have allergies. That's your only option and I would obviously know what you did."

"You wouldn't if you hadn't gotten pickled off Big Daddy's good bourbon last year," Mom replies, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah, yes," I smile, gazing off wistfully. "My first hangover."

Mom rolls her eyes, hiding an amused smile as she turns to put her mug in the sink.

"And obviously not your last," Dad sighs. "But it's a good thing you're an incredibly smart, responsible and sensible person, who won't allow parties to interfere with her very important education." He gives me a meaningful look.

"Isn't it though?" I grin, and head up the stairs.

"This college thing is terrifying," Dad sighs to Mom.

"I know, honey," she replies. "We've got a good one, though. She's gonna be just fine."

"I remember college," Dad says. "So many parties...so many hangovers."

"Well Kati's got mostly King genes runnin' through her," Mom replies as I reach the top of the stairs. "So she should be just fine."

"Ha ha," Dad replies sarcastically, and I hear Mom shriek as Dad no doubt grabs her, hugging her to his sweaty chest.

* * *

"You've already got dividers," Mom frowns.

"I need two more packages," I reply, tossing them into the cart. "I signed up for another Psych class, and molecular genetics. That's two more binders, which need dividers."

"Molecular genetics? I thought that was next semester?"

"It was," I reply, scanning the notebooks for my favorite kind. "I went on a waiting list, to try and get it over with this semester. They emailed me last week. Didn't I tell you?"

"No," Mom replies.

I glance at her and see her serious face.

"Sorry," I grin. "I thought I did. It was right before Seattle, so I was preoccupied."

"So you're takin' seven classes," she raises an eyebrow.

"Mmhmm," I reply, selecting three notebooks. "Psych is a night class, on Tuesdays."

"You be careful, baby girl," Mom orders. "Don't you go runnin' yourself ragged."

"I won't, Mom," I reply, giving her an amused smile. "_You_ took seven. Almost every semester."

"I know," she nods, as we turn down the next aisle. "I'm not sayin' you aren't capable. Obviously you are. I just remember bein' completely exhausted, all the time. I don't want you being too hard on yourself."

"I'll be okay," I say, selecting several packs of the only gel pens I like. "I've got mostly King genes runnin' through me."

I grin and she tilts her head, smiling at my imitation of her Southern drawl.

"Eavesdropper," she mumbles.

"I'm just so used to listening as soon as I hear your voice," I say straight-faced. "Lest I be punished for not paying attention."

She reaches out and pinches my ribs, not hiding a shocked smile.

"I beg your pardon, Katelyn Freedman," she laughs.

I make a face at her and we move along the aisles.

"Oh, did you get a day-planner yet?"

"No," I point at her. "That's what I was forgetting! Thank god you remembered."

We move along, chatting about my classes and filling the cart with more school supplies than I'll probably use. But then again, it's me. I just might.

As we turn into the paper aisle, I stare ahead and stop walking. Mom, mid-sentence, looks at me.

"Kati?" she says quietly, confused as to why I've stopped.

Then she looks forward and her jaw stiffens.

In the middle of the aisle are Mrs Mitchell and Silas himself. I barely take any notice of his little brother opening markers and testing them on the provided paper.

I haven't seen Silas since the night he tried to rape me, and beat me so bad, I barely recognized my own face. Once, last summer, I ran into his mother on the street. She'd spat her words at me, saying that I'd ruined her son's life. Somehow, I'd held my ground. But I haven't seen her since.

Mom reaches out and grabs my hand, but I squeeze hers and then let it go. I inhale, calming myself down. If I've learned anything about myself this past year, it's that I can withstand much more than I ever imagined. I decide that this is no exception. Yes, my heart has sped up. Yes, my mouth is going dry. But I won't cave for this asshole. Slowly, he turns, bored with the shopping, and meets my eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

The last time I saw Silas, he was drunk, angry and violent. His eyes had blazed with fury as he'd repeatedly hit me, grabbed me.

But now, when he looks at me, they widen in surprise. His lips part as he stares at me, and I recognize the sharp look in his eyes as blatant fear.

His mother looks away from her younger son to see Silas' open mouth and sickly pallor. When she turns to see what he's staring at, her face hardens.

"Leave," she glares, burning us with her glare.

"Pretty sure this is a public place," I shrug, raising my eyebrow. "And I'm not the one violating a restraining order."

I've gotten so good at masking the churning fear inside me, and coming across as calm and unbothered. Even now, I know Silas cannot hurt me. But it's the memory of him that flashes before my eyes, reminding me of a darkness I've spent so long trying to rise above.

"Don't you think you people have done enough to our family?" Mrs Mitchell bites.

Mom and I both laugh a short, sardonic chuckle. Surprised at our simultaneous reaction, I laugh again, genuinely.

"Oh that is a good one," Mom nods, crossing her arms. "Funny, I don't remember _my _child beating the living daylights out of _yours_."

"You don't-"

"Don't what?" I cut her off, stepping forward. Reactively, Silas takes a step backwards. "I'd love to hear this."

"Mom, let's just go," Silas urges her.

He's lost the confident, care-free demeanor of his former self. Now he's quiet, still angry and lacking the life he used to emanate. As I look into his face, I see other things. Scars, along his eyebrow and jawline. He has bags under his eyes and I realize that the ashen look to his face isn't just fear; it's the color of his skin now. The color of someone sick, who doesn't get outside.

"Yes," Mom stares Mrs Mitchell down. And even that bitch can't stand up to Charlotte King's gaze. "Why _don't _you just go."

Mrs Mitchell fixes her eyes on me. Again, like that day on the street, they give me a cold feeling inside my chest. Her eyes have no color. They're the color of a corpse.

"Something to say?" I ask her, my face an immovable mask.

"Mom," Silas says, harsher. "Let's _go_."

"I hope you're proud of yourself," Mrs Mitchell mutters to me, ignoring her son.

"Actually, I am," I nod slowly. "I was in a pretty dark place after your sick excuse for a son attacked me. And now I'm doing just fine. I think the better question would be, are _you _all proud of yourselves? That's a really stand-up family you've got there."

"You little-"

"You bite your tongue, before you wish you had," Mom says sharply.

Mrs Mitchell glowers, reaching back to grab her younger son's hand.

"Come on, boys," she says.

Not needing to be asked twice, Silas quickly steps forward to pass us. He tries to slide past me, but I arrogantly step in front of him. Mom reaches for me, but stops, seeing that Silas is completely dejected. He stops, staring at the ground, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Well," I say softly, my arms crossed and my eyes fixed on his face. "You're looking a little worse for the wear. Y'know, I've heard that correctional institutions all over the country are very welcoming to rapists."

He moves his eyes up to meet mine, inches away from my face. He is the picture of misery. For a second, I get a sick pleasure from it. I feel glad that he's so despondent. But his blue-grey eyes are dead, and the bags under his eyes are a cruel violet, and I see that his nose has been broken, probably more than once.

"Silas," Mrs Mitchell barks.

Smartly, she had started to turn in the opposite direction to leave the aisle, rather than trying to pass my mother and me.

We stand there, staring at each other. I don't even blink, I just watch him with an unwavering stare. My resolve nearly softening as I notice that his eyes have begun to dampen.

"Silas," Mrs Mitchell calls again, more harshly.

"Shut _up_, Alice," Mom retorts.

Mom will later tell me that the look of surprise on Mrs Mitchell's face nearly made her laugh, but it worked. She didn't say another word.

Silas looks at me, and somewhere in the abyss that are his lifeless eyes, I see a flicker of who he used to be. Who he was before all that shit happened with his dad, and before he got so angry he forgot who he was. Before we started dating and any semblance of our friendship was lost forever.

He doesn't cry, but his eyes are covered in a slick of moisture. His forehead crinkles with the weight of his desolation, and his lips slowly part.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

It's so quiet I barely hear it, and there's no way his mother can hear it from where she stands at the end of the aisle.

"I'm so sorry," Silas repeats, and his eyes fill.

Before I can say anything he returns his gaze to the floor, a habit he no doubt picked up in juvie, and passes us.

Surprised doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I flick my eyes over to Mrs Mitchell just in time to see her whisk her son away to follow Silas.

When they're gone, I exhale deeply.

"You're okay, baby," Mom says quietly, squeezing my hand.

She stands in front of me, forcing me to focus on her, rather than the situation.

She slips a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Baby?"

"I'm okay," I nod, swallowing.

I glance into the cart, knowing that we've only picked up about half the stuff I need.

"Let's go home, okay?" I say, meeting her eyes.

She nods and we turn and leave the aisle.

* * *

"She's alright," I hear Mom talking on the phone.

The ride home, she kept talking to me, making sure I was okay. Making sure I wasn't going to slip into a place where I disappear and don't talk to anybody.

"Just a little shaken," Mom goes on.

I hear her perfectly through my slightly open bedroom door, as she paces their bedroom.

"No, honey, she was fine. Great, actually. You'd have been proud of her. She stood her ground."

I exhale for probably the 300th time. I keep taking these deep breaths; it's a habit I picked up from Violet. I look at my phone as it lights up. A third text message from Axel.

I told him I'd come over afterwards, to help do some last minute things for the party. He was expecting me an hour ago. I've put off calling him, because I know he's gonna go a bit Bruce Banner about it.

I sigh, blowing the air out of my puffed out cheeks, and pick up my phone to call him.

"Hey beautiful," he answers. "Where you at?"

"Um, I just got back...from shopping," I reply dumbly. I don't know why I lied. I got back to the house over an hour ago, and Mom only left my room 20 minutes ago. So for the past 20 minutes I've just been sitting on my bed, leaning against the wall and thinking.

"What's goin' on?" Axel asks, all-knowing when it comes to me and my voice.

"Well," I sigh. "I have a story for you, but you can't flip out."

"Oh that's a great way to start a conversation," he replies sarcastically. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes," I reply. "I'm okay. When I tell you what happened, I need you to keep repeating that sentence to yourself, okay?"

"Kati," he replies, meaning quit beating around the bush and tell him before he gets impatient and freaks out.

"I...ran into Silas today. Shopping."

His silence is possibly worse than a freak-out.

"Okay," he replies, short and furious. I know he's trying not to lose his mind.

"He was with his mom and his little brother, shopping for school supplies, and...yeah. Mom and I came around the corner and there they were."

"What did they say to you," he demands quietly.

"Oh, you know the way Mrs Mitchell thinks," I attempt nonchalance.

"And him?"

"He...apologized," I say quietly.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, and I know it's just going to piss Axel off.

"Apologized?" he says, incredulous. "He _apologized _for beating the shit out of you and trying to _rape _you?!"

"Axel," I begin, but I know that I just need to let him vent.

"Naw, fuck that. There's no apology that will _ever _excuse him from what he did. He's lucky he's even alive. I nearly fucking killed him that night. I told him, I _told _him, that if he ever even looked at you again, that I'd finish him off."

I chew the inside of my lip, letting him get it all out.

"I can't believe he'd even show his face here again. I can't fucking _believe_ him. I'm going over there. He needs a little reminder of our last conversation."

"No, Axel," I sigh.

"No? Do you have any idea what it was like to walk into that room and see what it looked like? To see your blood everywhere, and then to walk into that hospital room and see a stranger staring back at me? I've never been so scared in my life, Kati. Never."

I drop my forehead into my hand.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Naw," he replies, and I know he's shaking his head, pacing whatever room he's in. "Don't you dare apologize. Not for anything. I should have killed that asshole when I had the chance."

"And be in jail right now?" I shoot back. "No. Don't be ridiculous. Look, I understand how it must have been for you. I hate that you had to go through that, and I hate that you still feel guilty about it. But it was almost a year ago, Axel. We're happy, everything's fine...let's just leave it in the past."

"You forgive him?" he asks, his words short.

I take a breath.

"That's what I've been thinking about," I reply softly.

He sighs, and I can just see him, sitting down, jamming the thumb and forefinger of his right hand into his eyes. His signature stress-move.

"I wanna be supportive, Kati," he says softly. "I just can't be that easy-going when it comes to you; someone hurting you."

"What is hating him going to do?" I ask gently.

"I dunno," he replies. "But that's all I can do right now. I can't see my way around feeling anything else."

"I know," I say.

"So do you? Forgive him?" he asks.

I chew my lip, thinking. I've been thinking about it since the words came out of his mouth. I've been thinking about the past year, and everything that happened. I've been thinking that Silas may have changed me, but he didn't destroy me.

"Yes," I answer quietly.

I hear Axel breathe. He doesn't say anything.

"He could have _killed _you," he says through clenched teeth.

"But he didn't," I reply gently.

I can see that this is going to take some more time on his part.

"Look, I'm gonna come over in a bit, okay?"

"Yeah," he replies. "You're sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright," he's quiet. "I'll see you soon then. I love you."

"I love you too," I say.

When I hang up, Mom comes through the doorway.

"How'd that conversation go?" she asks, eyebrows raised.

"You first," I reply, as she climbs onto my bed and shuffles back to sit beside me, against the wall.

"Well, he's your daddy. What else can we expect?" she sighs. "I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't furious, too."

"Yeah," I nod. "Axel's pretty mad. He still blames himself. He thinks he should have known, or something."

"I suppose it's a Man thing. Protective instincts."

"Then what's your excuse?" I hide a grin.

"My excuse?" she raises an eyebrow. "Baby girl I don't need no excuses. You are my child and anyone who messes with you gets me to deal with. That ain't ever gonna change."

I smile, looking down at my phone as I fidget with it.

"I overheard a bit of what you said," she goes on, quietly. "You forgive him?"

I glance over at her and then take a deep breath, trying to sweep the heavy feeling that still permeates my chest.

"I think I do," I reply.

She smiles, small, and takes my hand in both of hers.

"Did you? Forgive...that other guy?"

"Yes," she replies, nodding. "Eventually. But he was also dyin' on a gurney in front of me, and your uncle Sam was about to do surgery on him."

"What?" I frown. I haven't heard this before.

"His girlfriend stabbed him, a few months after he attacked me. Came into Ambrose with a butcher knife in his chest. I walked into his exam room, looked down at him and told him that if he died, I wanted to be the last thing he ever saw. And then I told him that I forgave him. I added some other things, but it's not important."

"Other things?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Good lord, child, sometimes you look so much like me, it's scary," she grins.

I smile, looking down at her hands, holding mine.

"Point is, I forgave him. I decided there was no point in hatin' him. He was outta my life, he didn't take mine. He changed me, but he didn't ruin me."

I look up at her and smile. "I was thinking almost the exact same thing."

"Smart girl," she grins, tweaking my chin.

"Axel doesn't get it," I say after a moment.

"Well, neither does your daddy. Even now," Mom shrugs. "Just gotta let them deal with it in their own time."

I nod.

"I guess he was expectin' you some time ago?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "I'm gonna head over there, I think."

"Alright, sugar," she says.

After a minute, she says, "Hey."

I look up and she smiles.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"Yes, Rod Stewart," I grin.

She tickles my ribs until I shriek.

"Okay! Sorry!"

She wraps her arms around me tightly.

"I'm so proud of you. You're just...an amazing girl. Well...young woman, I guess," she releases me, looking at me.

"That sounds too weird," I wrinkle my nose.

"Well in my eyes you'll always be a child," she replies.

We move to get off the bed.

"You be sure and call if you need a ride," she gives me a Mom look.

"I will," I promise.

"Alright then," she sighs. "Have fun tonight."

"Thanks," I grin.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," I reply, and she squeezes my hand before leaving my room


	13. Chapter 13

On my way to Axel's, I stop by and pick up Megan.

"Well hello," she slides into the passenger seat. "How have you been, long-lost friend?"

"Oh, y'know," I sing, pulling out of her driveway. "Livin' the dream."

"The scary thing is, I believe you," she replies. "How was your trip?"

"Really great," I say, heading towards Axel's. "Got to catch up, hang out, go shopping...meet more crazy doctors."

"As crazy as your group of doctors?" she asks, dubious.

"Yes," I nod, glancing at her.

"No way," she tilts her head.

"I couldn't lie about something like this," I reply. "For a long time, I was convinced that my extended family was this rare crew of lunatics. But alas, there are more."

"I need an example," she shakes her head.

"Well," I think. "On our way to Amelia's house from the airport, I watched a cyclist get nailed by a Mustang. And when I got out of the car, his tibia was sticking out of his calf."

With a mixture of shock and interest, Megan stares at me.

"Was it awesome?"

"As guilty as I felt for thinking it...yes. Yes it was."

"Ergh," Megan grunts. "I'm so jealous. But that doesn't make Amelia and her friends crazy."

"No," I agree. "But all of that is a whole other story."

I don't say that I don't plan on sharing it, because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she doesn't press me.

"Well I can't believe you saw a bone sticking out of some dude's leg."

"Then we won't talk about how I got to watch from the gallery as Amelia clipped a brain bleed," I grin, laughing when she hangs her head sadly.

Megan and Axel live near each other, so we reach his house with 15 minutes. Axel's truck isn't here.

We get out of the car and head towards the backyard. My phone vibrates and it's Jenelle.

"Hey," I answer.

"Kati, you have to come to Silas' house," Jenelle says quickly.

"What?" I frown, and a sinking feeling starts in my stomach.

"It's Axel," she exhales. "After he talked to you, Chase and I got to his house and he was really upset and kept talking about Silas, and then he just got in his truck. Chase and I followed him, and he's turning into Silas' neighborhood."

"Oh, for fuck..." I breathe. "I'm coming."

"What?" Megan asks, already pouring vodka into her Slushie.

"Stash your Russian water," I sigh. "We're taking a little road trip."

"Ooo, where," Megan replies, tossing the almost-full bottle of vodka into the bushes in Axel's front yard. Surprisingly, Megan has been using this "hiding spot" since freshman year, and she's never had her liquor stolen.

"Silas'," I reply, with a dry grin.

This stops her mid-step.

"Um, what?" she raises her eyebrows.

I sigh, facing her in the middle of the road. "Get in. I'll explain."

* * *

I drive to Silas'; a drive I haven't made in forever. I explain what happened, and Megan stares, putting in her shocked and appalled interjections.

"And now he's going to avenge you," Megan says, wide-eyed.

"Are you high?" I stare at her.

"It's still summer vacation," she replies.

"And it's not avenging if I'm not dead," I say, turning a corner. "I mean, technically yes, that's what it means...but the word 'avenge' makes me think of muscly dudes in Spartan capes. I dunno..."

"Nice," Megan nods. "I think it's the perfect word for this. Axel's been itching to pay that dick back for a year. This is gonna be good."

I shake my head, turning onto the correct street, and seeing both Chase's and Axel's trucks parked in front of Silas' house.

We get closer and see that Chase, Jenelle and Axel are standing behind the trucks, talking heatedly. I park and we get out quickly.

Axel sees me and turns, walking steadily but quickly towards Silas' front door.

"Shit," I mutter, running a hand through my hair.

I start across the street but Chase grabs me.

"Kati, wait," he starts.

"Chase, the last thing any of us need is Axel getting into serious trouble because of this," I immediately say.

"Look, I know you won't understand this on a guy level, but you have to let him do this. The guy's spent a year trying to get over this, and the only thing that's going to make any difference, is him getting his say."

"And ending up with a criminal record?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Silas would never snitch, now," Chase scoffs darkly. "That asshole knows what would happen to him if he opened his mouth."

"Seriously? You too?"

"You're as good as a sister to me, Freedman," he shrugs. "He fucked with all of us as soon as he fucked with you. Axel's just here to talk."

Touched, I reach out and squeeze Chase's arm.

"You're an incredible friend, and I love you to pieces, but we all need to just let this _go_."

"And we will," he nods once. "After today."

I let my head fall back, so I'm looking at the sky, and then turn to Jenelle and Megan.

They both hold their hands up in surrender.

"Totally on his side," Megan shakes her head.

"Me too, Kati," Jenelle says.

I look back as Axel waits at the front door. If Mrs Mitchell answers, she'll flip out. Then I realize that her car isn't here. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I consider calling Mom, but decide to hold off and handle this myself.

I swallow nervously as the door slowly opens. Silas appears, and I can see his face. His expression isn't surprised, it's as though he's been waiting for Axel.

I watch Axel make a gesture, silently telling Silas to step outside.

"You knew this wasn't over," he says steadily.

"Yeah," Silas replies, monotone. "I guess I did."

The step out, down the front steps.

"Just talking?" I raise an eyebrow at Chase.

He shrugs, regretting nothing.

I look back as the two of them stare at each other. Silas sees the rest of us, and he meets my eyes for a moment before looking down at the grass.

"You'll never know how sorry I am, dude," he says quietly.

Axel's face is stone; furious and fearless, his green eyes sparkling.

"That's not gonna pay your penance," he shakes his head slowly.

Axel's kind of terrifying when he's mad. He's at least 6'3", and he's strong, without having gross Jersey-Shore bulging muscles. He's confident. Silas is shorter, thinner and obviously weaker, and I don't just mean physically.

"What do you want me to say?" Silas asks, raising and dropping his hands. "I was fucked up. I _am _fucked up. I made a huge mistake."

"Mistake?" Axel says, dangerously quiet and steady, as he steps forward so he's inches from Silas' face. He raises his arm and points across the street, towards us.

"That girl means more to me than anything else in this world," he says through his clenched jaw. "She has since we were kids. I promised her I'd always protect her. And then _you _come along and..."

He stops, furiously clenching his fists.

"You come along and treat her like some useless piece of _garbage_!"

His voice is rising, and I know he's using every ounce of his self-restraint to not lose it.

"You ever been beaten that bad?" he stares into Silas' eyes.

"Didn't Axel punch him that night?" Megan whispers to Jenelle.

"Barely. Got in two punches, maybe. In the teeth. That's why his knuckles were so scraped up," Chase replies, just as quiet.

Silas clenches his jaw. "No," he finally says.

"No," Axel shakes his head slowly, still dangerously close to Silas' face. "You haven't. So what are we gonna do about that? Cuz, see, I can't leave here until you pay for what you did to her."

I exhale, rubbing my face. "Jesus," I whisper.

Chase rests an arm across my shoulders.

"Then just hit me, man," Silas shrugs. "Do it."

He seems to either be getting braver or getting more impatient. More angry. Maybe it's both.

"What, so I can get one in and you fall like a little bitch and that's it?"

Silas shakes his head, impatient.

"Naw, you better fight me back, you hear me?"

"Fuck you, man. I'm not going to fight you," Silas replies.

"Why? You've been waitin' for it, haven't you? Ever since Natalia dumped your ass and you started liking Kati, but couldn't ever get past the jealousy over our friendship."

"Shut up," Silas glares.

"No," Axel replies shortly, pushing a finger into Silas' chest. "You're the tough guy. You're the big man. You beat on girls half your size. A third of your body weight. Let's see the Big Deal who came to my party that night."

You can see Silas losing his patience as Axel takes small steps forward, forcing him backwards.

"I'm not that guy," he says.

"Oh, but you are," Axel nods slowly. "You wanted to act like a hot shot, so let's settle this. Now."

He shoves at Silas, and like a rubber band snapping, it all collides.


	14. Chapter 14

Silas lunges towards Axel, but Axel's too quick for him. He's been waiting for this, silently preparing for a fight he knew I'd never advocate. As Silas moves forward, Axel swings and connects with his face. He staggers backwards from the strength of the hit, but manages to maintain his balance.

"Has Axel considered that maybe Silas did some fighting in juvie? What if he's all Fight Club now?" Jenelle stage-whispers.

"It's Axel," comes Chase's reply, as those Jenelle's suggestion is preposterous. "Besides, Silas just said he's never been beaten like...Kati."

"Why would he say he has? Axel would just fire back saying he has no idea what it's like, and that he'd show him," I roll my eyes, rubbing my hands over my face. "Errggh. You guys are so goddamn barbaric sometimes."

Chase just grins.

Maybe Silas did get into some fights in juvie, because he manages to hold his own for the first 30 seconds. He swings at Axel several times, but only connects once, with Axel's cheekbone. I think it hurt Silas more than it hurt Axel. As a rebuttal, Axel threw two hits back; one to his stomach, and a second, fast punch to his face. This time it sends Silas sprawling on the grass.

"Axel," I yell.

I love him and I want him to move past the internal struggle he's been dealing with, but this is enough.

He looks over at me, breathing with the exertion of hitting Silas with all of his strength. We stare at each other for a moment, and then he nods once, imperceptibly. Agreeing to stop.

He looks down at Silas, who still hasn't gotten up, choosing instead to lie in the grass, breathing hard.

"I think we have an understanding," Axel says ominously. "Don't we."

Silas nods, still trying to catch his breath, and Axel turns and walks towards me.

Chase hands Jenelle his keys.

"Drive you and Megan to Axel's. I'll take his truck," he says quietly. He passes me and squeezes my shoulder, continuing on to Axel's truck. Axel himself says nothing about this, because he's only looking at me. I barely notice the others leave.

When he gets to me, he reaches out and touches my face.

"Are you finished?" I ask, my forehead crinkling with frustration and worry.

He nods. "It's finished."

He moves forward and wraps me in his arms, his chin resting on the top of my head.

"I love you," he says quietly.

"I love you too," I answer, and he kisses me.

Before I turn to let him lead me to my car, I look back and see Silas. He's sitting now, on his front lawn, and his head is hanging in his hands. He looks up and his damp eyes meet mine. He says the words, but I'm too far away to hear them, so instead, the last thing Silas mouths to me, is 'I'm sorry'.

* * *

"You're bleeding," I say, pulling a Kleenex from my console and handing it to him. I try to drive and make sure he's okay at the same time.

"I'm alright," he replies quietly.

It's quiet for a few moments.

"You know why I had to," he says gently.

"Part of me, maybe," I nod. "You just don't always _think _when you're angry. You just jump into action. What if the police had come? What if his mom had been there? What if you'd gotten arrested and lost your place at UCLA?"

With each 'what-if', my voice rises a little higher.

"Baby, pull over," he says calmly.

I realize my eyes are tearing, so I pull over and put my car into park.

Axel reaches over and hugs me tightly.

"I'm sorry I upset you," he says into my hair.

A few tears slip down my cheeks. I think I was holding my breath through their fight, and only now I'm letting myself be affected by it. I hate fighting, and I really hate watching Axel fight. Not because he doesn't always come out on top, but because who likes watching someone they love do that? For a few seconds, I had been convinced that the police _would _come, and Axel _would _lose his place in college. What would have happened to his education? To his career? His life?

I hate when I do this. I manage to get anxious and think ahead to endless possibilities that might happen. I just get worked up for nothing.

He pulls back and looks at me. Angry at myself for crying, I punch him in the chest.

"Hey," he laughs, rubbing the skin.

"You scared me," I say, frowning and then quickly wiping the few tears from my cheeks. Axel reaches out and catches the last one on his thumb.

"I didn't mean to," he says quietly, running his thumb down my cheek.

I take a deep breath and shake my head, running a finger along my bottom lashline, in case any stray tears have left smudged makeup.

"I'm sorry," he says, and I make the mistake of looking into his bottle-green eyes, because as soon as I do, I can't be mad at him anymore.

"I know," I reply.

His long fingers slide back through my hair as his palm holds my cheek and he leans in to kiss me, slow and electric. He presses his forehead against mine, and I know he's waiting for me to smile before he'll believe that everything is okay.

"Okay?" He asks, referring to us.

"Okay," I reply.

* * *

"No. Fucking. Way," Max says, stunned.

I'm in Axel's room with Megan and Jenelle, sprawled across the bed as we recount this evening's scene to Max, who's in New York, on speakerphone.

"It was insane," Jenelle replies, examining the photos on Axel's desk. "I mean, obviously we knew Axel would be fine, but I thought Silas was gonna end up in the hospital."

"No," Max replies. "Axel's too smart to go that far. He obviously just wanted some payback, but wasn't about to jeopardize himself at the same time."

"How do you know? What if Silas calls the cops?" Megan asks, pouring vodka into her cup.

"He would never," Max scoffs. "Think about it. Silas knows if he makes one wrong move, he'll have Axel and Chase on his ass, like a fat kid on a Smartie. Not to mention all of our other guy friends, who'd join that army in a second. And Kati, if he apologized, obviously he's in a smarter frame of mind right now. And he knew he had _some_thing coming."

I nod slowly. Leave it to Max to deconstruct gossip. She knows everything, about everybody.

"I can't believe I missed it," Max sighs. "What kind of artwork are we talkin'?"

"Axel has a bruised cheekbone," I reply drily.

"And Silas?"

"Has the rest of the artwork," I answer.

"Holy shit," she breathes, and I can imagine her shaking her head in amazement. "Wow. This is first crazy thing I've missed since moving. It makes me homesick."

"Homesick for a fist fight?" I laugh sarcastically.

"Yes!" she replies. "Like UFC, right in the front yard!"

"Well neither one of them are Georges St. Pierre-calibre," Megan puts in drily.

"Well, anyway, how's the party so far?" Max asks.

"Hasn't even started," Jenelle replies, sipping her drink. "It's only 10:00 here, Max."

"Oh, yeah," she says slowly. "I don't know how I'm gonna wake up early next week, when I've been going to be at 2:00 and waking up at noon all summer."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Megan makes a face.

"Well," Max sighs. "This is kind of bumming me out. I should be there with you guys."

"Uh, you're going to Sarah Lawrence," Jenelle says, as if this is the most obvious reason. "You're the last person who should be bummed. Besides, imagine the shaker we'll throw when you come home at Christmas."

"This is true," Max exhales. "Alright, well I'm gonna go anyways. I just downloaded some weird Australian movie."

"Which one?" Megan, the biggest movie-lover, asks.

"The Loved Ones?" Max replies.

"Are you alone?" Megan goes on.

"Why are you being a creep?" Jenelle laughs.

"Yes, I'm alone. I got a single, remember?" Max says.

"Dude, don't watch that movie alone in the dark," Megan shakes her head. "That shit is ca-razy."

"It really is," I put in. "Addison didn't sleep for like, a week after we watched it."

"Well now I'm totally watching it," Max replies. "Call me later and leave me a drunk voicemail. It'll make me feel more at home."

"Alright," I laugh. "See ya later."

"Love you guys!"

"Love you, too," we call back, simultaneously but still very out of tune with each other.

"Okay, the serious part of the night is over," Megan jumps up, picking up two cups from Axel's desk. "Let us party."

She holds out one of the cups, a drink that I know will be stronger than the average.

"Last high school party, Freedman," she grins.

I release a half-smile and take the offered drink


	15. Chapter 15

"Come on, baby," Axel calls from the lawn, where he and Chase just beat two guys at Beersbie.

"Let's show 'em how it's done!"

I make a face and turn back to Megan and Jenelle, and Sera and Tatum, two girls we've gone to school with since the start of Chadwick.

"You don't wanna play? You love Beersbie," Megan frowns.

"Yes, but I just feel so terrible when I destroy them and they get all sad," I reply, laughing when Axel and Chase look over and shout, "Hey!"

I stand up, a little buzzed, and make my way over to Axel.

"Oo," Axel grins drunkenly. "You gettin' saucy tonight, Freedman?"

"We'll see how I feel after the one Megan just gave to me," I reply.

"Damn. You'll be on the floor in five minutes," he snorts.

"Heard that," Megan calls.

"That's...very possible," I nod at Axel. "And we will see, again, who the Duchess of Beersbie is."

I snag the frisbee from his hands.

"Ah, I dunno," he teases. "Chase and Lyndon might just beat you."

"I guess, if they really wanna be duchesses," I wave dismissively, setting my drink next to the Beersbie poll. "They'd be a pair of really...handsome dames."

He laughs and hooks his arm around my neck and kisses my temple.

"Let's kill this," he grins, and throws the first toss.

We each have a couple of close hits, nearly toppling Chase and Lyndon's can over.

"Kati, your Dad's calling," Megan yells out.

"Just a sec," I call back, throwing the disc.

"I'll answer it," she calls out, as though this is a thoughtful idea.

"Do not," I point at her. She grins and turns away from my phone.

"Hey Dad," I say, snatching it up and answering it.

"Hey, honey, how's the party?" he asks, but I can tell by his tone of voice that this isn't just one of his embarrassing check-up calls.

"Good," I reply. "Really fun. What's going on?"

"Have you heard from your mom?"

"Mmm, not since I left the house around six," I frown.

"Alright," he sighs.

"Dad?" I say, meaning he better explain before I get nervous.

"It's nothing, honey. Must be a busy night at the hospital."

"Okay," I say, after a second of skepticism.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Call me if you need a ride," he replies, more cheerful.

We hang up but I'm still not totally believing his tone of voice.

I tuck my phone in my pocket and hurry back over to the game.

"Everything okay?" Axel asks, drinking his beer.

"Yeah, my Dad's just being weird," I shake my head.

"Your dad's always weird," he replies.

"Yeah," I reply, thinking. "This is different-weird. He's not telling me something."

"You're drunk," he raises an eyebrow, and then he grins and passes me the frisbee.

I nod slowly, giving him a slight grin. "Yes I am," I say.

* * *

The game ends within five minutes, when I nail Chase and Lyndon's beer can and they can't save it from smashing to the ground.

"Victory," Axel yells passionately.

"I can't play with you anymore, Kati," Chase stumbles over. "It's bad for my self-esteem."

"Oh come on," I pull his hood over his face.

We go and join Jenelle and Megan on the patio furniture, splayed across the sectional couch.

"Someone's piercing their belly button in your guest bathroom," Megan announces calmly.

"Ew," I make a face.

"Ugh," Axel groans, getting up. He disappears inside.

Chase flops down beside Jenelle, leaning back into the cushions.

"Are you guys pulling a Kati-and-Axel, or are you gonna be realistic about this and just admit that you're together. Or you want to be," Megan raises her eyebrows at Jenelle and Chase.

Chase laughs and Jenelle just shrugs it off.

"We are what we are," she replies. "We don't need to label it and make a big deal, _Megan_."

"What?" she asks, palms raised.

"You're worse than Max," I laugh.

"Well someone has to keep our lines of communication and trust open," Megan defends herself.

"Sure," Chase laughs, finishing his beer. "Alright. Jen, you and me. Let's take on Axel and Kati for some Battleshots."

Jenelle slowly gets up. "Can we not include gin in this party? I...can't promise it would go smoothly."

"Agreed," I make a face.

Chase grins at Jenelle and goes to start filling up the shot glasses.

Axel gets back a few minutes later.

"How was that?" Megan asks.

"I remembered why I don't like freshmen girls," Axel shakes his head.

"Well, they're sophomores now," Megan shrugs. "Time to let the new seniors have 'em."

"Was there blood everywhere?" Jenelle asks, wide-eyed and grossed out.

"It was a belly button, Jen," Axel chuckles. "Not a fuckin' Dexter crime scene."

"He is so hot," is Jenelle's reply, as she shakes her head wistfully.

"More fris?" Axel asks me.

"We've already been promised to another drinking sport," I point lazily.

"Nice," Axel smiles wide, jumping up to help Chase.

"So, now that you two have finally gotten your shit together, and Kati and Axel are ready for marriage, _and _due to circumstances we are officially 'not talking about anymore' involving a certain fuckface that rhymes with Zzzzilas," Megan says slowly, pondering. "We now have an uneven group here. We're down one dude, and I am now left to fend for myself in the boyfriend department."

"You didn't even like either of them like that," Jenelle laughs.

"Yeah," Megan sighs. "I guess I'll have to venture out like Max and search for a guy."

Just then, a guy named Brett cannonballs from the second-storey balcony, hitting the water with a huge splash and screaming with glee.

"Who's _not _from around here," Megan finishes.

* * *

Battleshots gets messy, as it always does. Despite Chase excluding gin from the mix, Jenelle ends up throwing up in Mrs Mason's rose bushes.

We pause the game while Jenelle disappears. I feel my phone vibrate and pull it out of my pocket, walking around to the side of the house where it's quiet.

"Hey Dad," I answer, sufficiently drunker than I was the last time we spoke, over an hour ago.

"Hey, honey," he replies. "How's the party?"

"I'm having deja vu," I wrinkle my forehead. "Didn't we just do this?"

"Yeah," he attempts a fake laugh. "I just, uh..."

I hear familiar sounds in the background.

"Are you at the hospital?" I ask.

"Um, yeah," he replies after a moment.

"I thought you had tonight off?"

"I do," he replies. "I just...had some business."

I shake my head. "Dad, stop being weird. What's going on?"

I hear him sigh and then before he can answer, I hear the intercom at the hospital, in the background. I must have misheard what she just said.

"What did that nurse just say over the intercom," I say steadily.

"What? Oh, it's...code blue somewhere," he says.

"No," I say slowly. "She did not say blue."

"Honey-"

"You're freaking me out, Dad," I cut him off. "Where's Mom?"

"She's here," he replies quietly, unsure of how to answer me.

"I'm coming," I say, my jaw stiffening. I hang up and call a cab, turning to go inside and get my bag from Axel's room.

The nurse didn't say 'code blue'.

She said 'code black'.


	16. Chapter 16

Dad calls three more times during the cab ride. I don't answer.

I know he'll just tell me not to come, but mostly I'm afraid of what he might say. Like where Mom is, and what exactly this code black entails. It's making me feel nauseas.

I'm drunk, but not plastered or slurry or unable to walk. Just a solid buzz. Still, I wish I wasn't, so I didn't feel more panicked by my head being a bit fuzzy.

The cabbie drives slower than I'd like, but he doesn't respond to my pleas to go faster.

"Seriously, buddy, I'll give you an extra $20, just _please _hurry," I say, asking for fourth time and adding some cash incentive.

"Goin' as fast as I can," he replies, bored.

"Fifty," I reply sternly.

He eyes me in the rearview mirror, and then speeds up, switching lanes to move faster.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head.

* * *

Before we even reach St. Ambrose, I see the lights. Red and blue and everywhere.

"This is as close as I can get," the guy turns to me. "What's going on in there?"

"Something I should have been here for a lot sooner," I reply, unimpressed.

I hand him his money and move quickly from the car, not hearing the last thing he yells.

A lifetime away from the front doors, a cop stops me near the cordoned off area.

"Whoa, whoa, honey," he holds up his hands. "Can't go in there."

"My parents are in there," I protest.

"Sorry, sweetheart. We've got a situation."

"A situation?"

He hesitates. "Your parents patients?"

"No," I say firmly. "My mother is the chief of staff and my dad is the attending pediatrician."

He parts his lips, but doesn't speak. He thought twice, I can see it in his face.

"You have to let me in there," I plead.

"I can't," he says, but sadly this time. He turns to look back at the hospital.

I turn around and run, and I hear him start to say something as he turns back around and I'm sprinting away. I want him to think I'm leaving.

After a minute I turn and see that he's not watching me anymore. I veer to the right, racing towards the back of the hospital. There are fewer cops back here. Luckily, I dressed pretty plain tonight. Black pants and a black zip-up shirt over a white t-shirt that is well hidden. I look like a bank robber, without the panty-hose face.

I know there are several ways to get in back here. I just need to somehow sneak my way inside. Dad was probably calling from the main nurses' station in emergency. That means everything is closer to the front of the hospital; not the back.

Four cop cars are parked in a star-shape, and they're all out of their cars talking. I stay behind a corner for a second to watch.

"All clear," one of them says into his walkie-talkie. He turns to slip it back into his car, and the other seven cops turn to each other to talk.

I move quickly, reaching the laundry door. I can't believe how entirely crazy all of this is. Did I really just sneak into a hospital surrounded by cops? Either I'm that stealthy, or their eyesight is lacking.

The hallway to the laundry door is dim. There's hardly ever anyone down here.

I make a left, towards emergency, navigating my way expertly through halls I've roamed for years.

It's too quiet. Even as I get closer to busier areas of the hospital, I don't hear the familiar noises of nurses and patients and visitors.

I swallow, take a deep breath and keep walking. When I turn the corner that leads right to the emergency intake area, a cop spots me from down a short hallway.

"Hey!" he calls, and starts towards me.

I panic, and start running. When I reach the open area of the waiting room, I stare as I see everybody. Dad, Violet, Addison, Jake, Sam, Dell and Sheldon.

The cop catches up to me and grabs my sleeve.

"She's okay," Dad says quickly, holding up a hand.

He moves quickly, coming to grab me, squeezing me tightly.

"How did you get in here?" he whispers, steering me away from the cop, as he suspiciously watches us. No doubt wondering how I got here, when they probably evacuated anyone who wasn't a patient or an employee.

"The laundry door," I reply, looking around for some clue as to what the hell is happening. "Where's Mom?"

As we reach the group of everyone else, Violet reaches out to touch my shoulder.

"Kati, honey, come sit down."

"No," I shoot back, harsher than I intended. "Where is she?"

Dad inhales, glancing quickly at Violet, before turning back to me and breathing out.

"She's in her office," he replies.

"Dad," I close and open my eyes slowly. "Stop it."

"Alright look," he says, pulling my hand so I'm forced to sit in a chair. "A man came into the hospital tonight, very upset, and demanded that your mom...um, illegally procure cord blood from the private bank."

"Didn't you do that?" I frown.

"Well, yes. But the, um...the thing is," he attempts.

Violet steps over and sits beside him, squeezing his hand. He exhales.

"The man came in here with a gun, and he had some explosives strapped to him."

I stare at him, wondering what kind of alcohol Megan gave me that is making me have a dream that feels so real.

My eyes involuntarily dart around as I stare into nothing, absorbing this information. I don't notice that Dad has my hands in his.

"She's okay," he says. "He hasn't hurt her."

My eyes immediately fill and I nod quickly.

"Just her?" I ask, but I have no idea why.

"No," he says gently. "There are also three nurses and two other people in there."

"I don't..." I breathe, my brain rejecting this. "Why? Why Mom?"

This is a stupid question. She's the chief. If anything happens, she's guaranteed to be smack in the middle. It's her hospital.

"We have to try to stay calm," he say softly.

"Why are you guys still here?" I demand, my eyes spilling over. "If there's a bomb? I mean..."

"The bomb squad was here. They said it's not huge. If...if it went off, the explosion wouldn't get much further than...the office. They wanted us to leave, but...kind of a hard group to push."

I exhale deeply. "And you were just going to not tell me? That Mom is a hostage to a psycho with a gun and a _bomb_?"

I'm furious and terrified.

"I didn't want you to worry, honey. I was going to tell-"

"_Worry_!" I say, my voice rising. "This is so beyond _worrying_, Dad! This isn't a broken leg or a black eye! Do you hear yourself?"

I'm almost yelling, my voice high and nervous.

Violet moves forward but I step backwards, glancing up and seeing Addison, her eyes red and glassy, and Dell, resting his elbows on the nurses' station with his head in his hands. I don't look at anyone else, because I don't want to see their panic either.

I stare at the floor.

"Honey, I'm sorry," Dad whispers, and I can hear his voice catch slightly. "I wanted to protect you from hearing about it when you weren't here. I was going to tell you. Of course I was going to tell you. I was just waiting for when you needed to be picked up..."

He raises and drops an arm, looking miserable.

After a moment I nod, accepting his apology. I'm not actually mad at him. I'm panicking and terrified. He moves forward and wraps his arms around me. I sink into the space between his arms, wishing I could disappear.

"She's gonna be okay," he whispers into my hair. "She's gonna be okay.


	17. Chapter 17

"Come here, honey," Addison says softly, sitting beside me and pulling me into a hug.

I kind of wish she wouldn't. When I'm really upset, I can hold myself together fairly well. Until someone from my family either asks what's wrong or touches me. I drop my face into the long sleeves that are pulled up around my hands as she wraps her arms, hiding my face from the rest of the room.

For a few minutes, she doesn't say anything to try and make me stop crying. She knows I've reached the point where I need to release all the pressure.

"Oh, sweetie, your phone," she says after awhile.

It's hanging out of my pocket, lit up as someone calls. It's Axel.

"I can't talk to him right now," I shake my head.

Wordlessly she takes my phone, squeezing my hand before she gets up, walking away as she answers it. I hear her speaking softly to Axel, as Violet takes the seat Addison has left.

She pushes hair from my damp face.

"We have to try and stay positive," she offers softly.

I nod, trying to get my flow of tears to stop.

Two cops come in.

"Any news?" Dad stands, stepping towards them with Jake at his side.

"We've talked to his wife," one of them replies. "She's coming down."

"Did she say anything? About what made him snap?" Jake asks.

"They've got a little boy, nine years old. Needs a transfusion, but they haven't found any matches. It's pretty bad. The little boy won't make it without the cord blood," the other cop answers.

"I know. I meant, something specific. Like why now? I guess...I guess no one would really know, actually... So what are you thinking? How...how is this looking?" Dad asks, unsure of his words but trying to get himself understood.

"We're doing everything we can to get your wife out safe and sound, Dr Freedman. I promise you. And it looks like this guy, Moreau, isn't someone that anyone would think twice about. Stand-up guy, just snapped."

Dad nods, rubbing his hand across his mouth and chin; his nervous habit.

"Let's just try to stay calm," he goes on.

I exhale, frustrated, turning away from them all.

"If I hear one more person say that," I mutter to myself.

"Get in line," Dell replies from beside me.

I stare at the linoleum, thinking too much, about too many things and too many possibilities. Ironically, I try and take the advice of everybody and be calm.

* * *

After an hour, I don't feel any differently. I'm still terrified, I'm still nauseas. The only thing I'm not anymore is drunk. Adrenaline and fear will do wonders for your sense of sobriety.

I pace the area, looking away when I meet a cop's eyes and they give me that look of pity.

All I want is to burst down the hallway to her office and throw open the door, dragging her out. It's two in the morning, we're all tired, we're all too terrified to sleep...

We hear footsteps and look over to see two cops escorting a broken-looking woman towards us.

"Dr Freedman, this is Mrs Moreau," a cop explains.

Dad nods, not offering a hand to shake. It's a situation where you're not sure at all what to do. Mrs Moreau's eyes are red-rimmed and her face has a fallen look.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers. "Jay's never been...this isn't like him at all. The idea of losing Henry to this cancer..."

Dad swallows, looking down. "I'm very sorry to hear about your son," he offers quietly.

"Dr Freedman, we need you to dial your wife's personal number in her office," the cop says. "Perhaps in a more private area?"

He means away from me. The way he indiscreetly eyes me gives him away completely.

"Of course," Dad agrees, and he leads them down towards another smaller desk.

I sit down again, pulling my legs up and resting my forehead on my knees.

After what feels like forever, we hear more footsteps.

I jolt my head up to see an entire squad of cops in full gear approaching.

"He's releasing one person," Dad explains, sitting beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Who?" I demand.

"We don't know, sweetie," he replies gently.

As it gets harder to breathe, I fix my eyes on the hallway that will soon reveal the released hostage.

_Please be Mom, _I think to myself. I feel guilty, knowing that other people just as desperately want their loved one to come out, but I'm too selfish to think about them. I can only think of Mom. Of our family.

We can't hear much from the emergency room, since Mom's office is two hallways away, but we can hear mumblings and some noises.

"We've got her!" We hear over one of the cop's walkie-talkie. They aren't members of the squad; they're the two who've been talking to Dad. My head snaps up as we all stare at the entryway, waiting.

A squad member appears, gently escorting a terrified-looking woman. She's not Mom. My heart sinks into my stomach, where everything churns.

* * *

I stubbornly walk towards the patient room where the cops have taken Dad. The woman was who released was immediately taken outside to waiting paramedics.

"Kati," Violet begins, but I ignore her.

I reach the room and open the door. They all stop talking.

"Sweetheart, we're gonna need you to give us a minute," one of the cops says.

"No," I set my jaw. "I'm not a child; I'm not going to sit out there and wait. I'm perfectly capable of hearing what you have to say, when it concerns my mom."

Dad thinks about this, and the cops look to him.

"Dad," I say. One word that holds my entire rebuttal, but one that he can't ignore.

He nods once and I go over to where he's sitting in a chair, taking the seat beside him.

"Your mom's okay," the same cop tells me.

My heart beats too hard a few times and my eyes sting at the news I needed so badly.

"Why can't you guys get in there? There's almost an entire wall of window in her office, facing the courtyard," I say.

"Blinds are closed," Dad answers quietly. "They can't see well enough to do anything."

"So we just wait?" I ask, frustrated. "So he can kill somebody?"

"Look, Kati," the cop begins. "I know this is scary for you, but trust that we're doing everything possible to get everyone outta there safely."

I don't want to. My brain would rather accept the challenge of figuring out something that he hasn't. But I don't say this. I just drop my head into the heels of my hands and try to breathe out the heavy feeling in my chest.

The cops leave us alone.

"What did they say? Everything," I ask quickly.

This time Dad doesn't try to sugarcoat anything.

"Mom's okay. He hasn't hurt anybody, he's just keeping his gun on them and making demands and..." he looks at me sadly. "The woman didn't have much news. She just said they're all in there, sitting against a wall, waiting for something to happen."

I nod and then get up, going back out to the main room where everybody is. I can't sit still.

"Your phone's going off, sweetie," Addison says softly.

Probably Axel, I think to myself. I pick it up and see four missed calls and several texts from him. He's outside, and of course the cops won't let him in. They've almost tried to make me leave a couple times.

"Axel's outside," I say, glancing up at Addison.

"I'm not surprised," she replies, giving me a small smile.

"They won't let him in. It's kind of pointless for him to wait out there," I say quietly.

"Good luck telling him that," she raises an eyebrow.

She's right. Axel will sleep on the grass if he has to.

I walk towards the patient room we were in, so it's quieter, and call Axel.

"Hey," he answers quickly, sounding tired and worried. "You okay? Is your mom alright? They only brought out one woman and I don't know what that means."

"She's okay," I say quietly. "According to that woman and the cops."

"If anyone can make it through this kind of fucked up situation, it's your mama," he tells me.

I almost smile. "Yeah, she's probably already given the guy shit, even with a gun in her face."

My own words form a picture in my mind that startles me. It's information I've known for hours, but somehow it makes me panic. My eyes fill again. All night they've just been filling and refilling, over and over. Add being tired to that mixture, and I look terrible. My eyes are bloodshot and I've smudged makeup around my eyes.

"It's gonna be okay, Kati," he says softly, picking up the slight catch in my voice.

"Yeah," I whisper. If I talk any louder, my voice will break and I hate that.

"I wish I could come in there to be with you," he says quietly.

"Me too," I reply. "Where are you, anyway?"

"The grass, an inch away from where it's cordoned off and the cops told me I couldn't go," he replies.

"Y'know, I had almost that exact idea in mind. I figured you'd sleep there if you had to."

"I will," he replies, serious.

It makes me feel a tiny bit better, knowing he's close by.

"I'll call you in a bit, okay?" I say.

"I'll be here," he replies. "I love you. Everything's gonna be okay."

"Love you too," I manage, before hanging up and letting several tears slip out before I harshly rub my eyes with my sleeve.

* * *

When I go back out, the cops and everything else are talking.

"Do you usually negotiate with this kind of situation?" Sam asks, his forehead wrinkled with worry.

"Sometimes, yeah," one of the cops nods. "Whatever we have to do to get those people out safely."

"What's he asking for?" I demand, reaching the group.

The cop looks at Dad for a second, and it makes me angry that he's checking with him first if he can tell me something I deserve to know.

"He wants the cord blood transferred," Dad replies. "Before he'll agree to anything."

"Then transfer it," I reply. This is obvious, isn't it?

"We can't get ahold of the people who it belongs to," he explains.

"So?" I say, panicky and annoyed. "What's worth more, cord blood or five lives?"

"Honey, there's a lot of red tape here," he tries to tell me.

"I know," I close my eyes. "Obviously if this couple ends up needed that blood, it would be terrible that it's been given away. But I'm pretty sure it would be more terrible to risk the lives of five people right now!"

"They're working on it," he says gently.

"How?" I look at the cops. "How are you working on it? Are you _trying _to get ahold of these people? Have you tried relatives or anything else?"

"Looks like they're all away on some family vacation," a cop replies. "Can't get ahold of any of them."

"And there's no other matches?" I frown at Dad.

He shakes his head.

I exhale. This is fucked. This is absolutely crazy.

"Then just _give him _the blood," I say, my jaw clenched.

Jake stands up and comes over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and steering me away from the group.

"Let's take a walk, honey," he smiles, but it's not a real smile; it's encroached upon by blatant fear.

I let him lead me away anyways.


	18. Chapter 18

Another hour passes, feeling like days. Finally, one of the cops walks over.

"He's agreed to let your wife on the phone," he says calmly.

I stand up so fast, I get a little dizzy. Dad's right beside me, and we follow the cops towards the patient room they've been using all night.

My mouth goes dry and my entire body vibrates with anxiety. Inside, the cop dials the number they've memorized now.

"Mr Moreau," he says gruffly. "Dr Freedman's husband and daughter are here."

He waits a minute.

"Dr Freedman?" he says.

I don't even move, trying to hear the other end of the phone call.

"You're alright, ma'am?" he asks.

I want to rip the phone away from him.

"They're right here," he goes on, and holds out the receiver.

I want to grab it, and I tell my hand to, but my body freezes. Suddenly, I'm terrified to talk to her. Terrified of what she might say. Dad takes it.

"Honey, are you okay?" he asks quickly.

He closes his eyes and rubs them as he listens.

"She's here," he says. "She's..."

He glances at me and manages a slight smile. "She's got mostly King genes runnin' through her."

Her reply to his teasing makes him almost smile for real.

"Okay. I love you. We're right out in emergency, waiting for you."

He listens and then hands me the receiver. Nervously, I swallow and slowly take it.

"Mom," I say, so quiet she might not hear me.

"Hey, baby girl," I hear her, and I feel immediate relief, but I also still want to cry. She's trying to sound upbeat but I can hear in her voice that she's trying not to cry. "You okay?"

"Are you?" I return.

"Come on, baby," she replies, and I can hear her smile. "King genes, right?"

"Right," I whisper, fidgeting with the phone cord.

"Don't be scared, sugar. Everything's gonna be fine," she says.

It always feels different when she tells me things will be okay. For some reason, I believe her.

"I gotta go, honey," she says. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper.

"I love you," she tells me, and that's when I hear her voice catch. Mom hardly ever cries. This makes my own eyes involuntarily fill.

"I love you too," I reply, choosing to focus on her telling me everything would be okay.

"Hang up!" I hear a man demand, and the line goes dead.

* * *

I've reached that state of tiredness where I wouldn't be able to sleep if I laid down. I feel like a zombie, my eyes red and raw, and my body limp and working on auto-pilot.

Half an hour after talking to Mom, the cops come to talk to Dad again. This time, they speak in front of all of us.

"He's releasing another hostage," one announces.

"Who?" Dell demands.

The cop inhales. "It's not Dr Freedman," he replies. "I'm afraid he's not letting her go anytime soon."

"What? Why?" Dad demands. I sit and stare at the cop. I feel like he's speaking a different language.

"Well he's realized his leverage, with keeping the chief of staff," he replies.

Addison's head drops into her hands and Jake wraps her in his arms. Violet chews her thumbnail, as Pete holds her hand. We all look and feel almost high. Dull and slow.

* * *

It's four in the morning. The two civilians have been released by Jay Moreau. He's kept the three nurses and Mom.

"This is ridiculous," I say to Addison, slow with exhaustion. "Just _give _him the blood. I'm sure if this family it belongs to found out, they wouldn't say, 'No, I think we'll hold onto it. Sorry about your luck'."

"They're all over it, honey," she replies, squeezing my hand.

"Where's Judah?" I ask, thinking of him for the first time.

"With the nanny," she says.

We sit there, everyone in their own world.

"I can't even imagine what Mom's going through," I say, monotone and staring into nothing.

"Don't," Addison says softly.

"Kati, what do you say we go get some hot chocolate or something?" Sam squats in front of me.

Lifeless, I just shake my head.

"Honey, you need to get some fluids in you," he says, quieter. "You came in here pretty tipsy, and you haven't had a thing since."

I exhale, standing up to let him lead us away.

"We're giving Moreau what he wants," a cop announces, from where they've stationed themselves at the nurses' desk.

"What?" Dad jumps up, staring.

"You got ahold of the family?" Violet asks.

"No," the cop shakes his head. "We're gonna bluff and get your people outta there."

"No," Sheldon stands, staring at them in confusion. "The risk of him hurting one of them is too great. He'll demand to see documents, proof, anything that corroborates your saying that the transfer is legitimate."

We all turn to look at the cops, agreeing with Sheldon.

"We can falsify the documents," the cop replies easily.

"Why did it take you this long to tell us this?" I ask quietly.

"We were trying to get ahold of the family," he answers. "It's been four hours. We can't get ahold of them. They're in Africa or a rainforest, or something."

"Africa," his partner puts in.

"Whatever," the cop shrugs it off. "We're just letting you know that this is happening."

"Right now?" I ask.

"Right now," he nods once, pressing his ear piece into his ear and turning away as he begins to speak to whoever's on the other end of it.

I step out from under Sam's arm, returning to my chair. I feel dizzy.

"What if it doesn't work?" I ask as soon as Dad kneels in front of me to comfort me.

"Positive," he reminds me, his palm on my cheek. "Right?"

I nod, my eyes stinging but no tears coming. I think I've run out.

Then we sit, and we wait for the cops to lie to Jay Moreau, hoping he doesn't see through it


	19. Chapter 19

Despite this entire evening/morning feeling like it's taken an eternity, somehow I feel like the prep work to make Jay believe the cord blood has been transferred takes no time at all.

The chief of police has come in from outside, taking the seat at the nurses' station. We hear everything from our seats in the waiting area.

"We'll place the signed agreement under the door," he speaks into the phone. "Then you release the hostages. That was the agreement."

Hostages. I need people to stop saying that word.

"Alright, Mr Moreau. One of my officers is coming to the office right now. He won't enter the room, he'll just slide the papers under the door. Okay?"

He nods once, so we assume Moreau agrees.

We wait in silence, hearing our own heartbeats, the breathing of the people near us.

Finally, we hear one of the cops' radios.

"Moreau is opening the door," someone announces.

Immediately I stand up, Dad moving with me and then stepping slightly ahead of me, holding an arm out in front of me.

"Hostages are being released," the radio crackles.

I start to breathe a little quicker. We hear crackling and broken voices over the radio as the cop and someone else start yelling. I try to move forward but Dad doesn't let his arm move an inch.

The sounds of labored breathing and stifled cries gets closer, as we hear people running down the hallway. The first person to reach the emergency area is a nurse I recognize. But she doesn't stop, she keeps running, racing towards the doors.

"Get out!" she yells, bursting through the doors.

Panicked we turn back just in time to see the two other nurses, followed by Mom. Finally, Mom. Her eyes are blazing as she searches for us. Spotting Dad and I, we all move towards each other, but she doesn't stop to hug, she pushes, grabbing my hand too tightly and yelling for us to run.

I don't know what's happening, and I can't even hear any words. I only hear screaming and yelling; I only feel Mom's grip on my hand and then suddenly, something explodes. Looking backwards, I don't see anything destroyed. The waiting area is totally fine. Did I imagine it? Am I hearing things.

We burst through the front doors and waiting policemen leap into action, grabbing all of us and hurrying us away, towards waiting ambulances.

Finally, Mom yanks my hand towards her and wraps her arms around me so tightly it hurts. I hear a sob escape her lungs, and she just hugs me tighter, as Dad envelopes both of us in his arms.

"We're all here," he says quietly, above Mom swallowing her sobs. "We're okay."

I watch as firemen and more cops rush into the hospital.

"What happened? Where are they going? What was that sound?" I ask too many questions, realizing my face is streaked in tears.

Mom pulls back, keeping her hands on my arms. "You okay, baby?" she asks, wiping the tears from my face.

I nod, taking her in. I think I was expecting her to look roughed up. But the only way you'd know something had happened to her, is by the wild, fiery look in her eyes. Fear that she'd been keeping capped for the past six hours.

"What was that noise?" I ask again, confused and exhausted.

"He detonated?" Dad asks Mom quietly.

She nods. "He said he was going to. He told the nurses and I, as soon as the two other people were released. Chelsea was trying to explain to him that if he just let them go, he wouldn't face as much prison time. And he said he wasn't going to prison at all. He said this was for Henry, and then he was going to do it. He would...kill himself."

Dad reaches his hand out and touches Mom's face. His eyes fill as he stares at her and then he wordlessly hugs the three of us together again.

Everything goes hazy after that. A paramedic makes me sit down, and the tells me she's going to help me relax. I feel Mom's grip on my hand, and then I slowly fade into a drugged sleep.

* * *

I wake up in a hospital I've never been in before. I feel heavy and thirsty and like I'm in a bubble. I turn my head and see Mom in the bed next to me, still asleep. Dad's on the couch against the wall, also asleep.

I lie there, trying to piece together everything that happened. I discover an IV in my hand, loading me with fluids since I was absolutely dehydrated. Knowing I'm not needing any real hospital care, I peel back the tape and slide the needle out of my hand, quickly staunching the bleeding with a gauze pad. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and let the dizziness fade.

"Kati," Pete appears, rushing in to grip my hand, pressing the gauze pad firmly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm okay," I croak. "I don't need it."

"Y'know, you're not a doctor _yet_," he grins.

I manage a small smile.

"Mom's okay?"

"Pretty much impossible to take down Charlotte," he chuckles. "We're just treating her for dehydration and shock. She went through a lot, mentally. She needs to sleep."

I nod as he tapes the gauze down and picks up my chart.

"I didn't need to be admitted," I frown, rubbing my eyes.

"Luckily you didn't get a choice," he grins. He scribbles on the chart and then slides it back into the holder.

"You feeling okay? Physically?"

"Just dizzy. Tired," I reply.

"Just hang tight, okay? I'll get some food sent up. And you better drink every drop of any fluids on that tray."

I nod, giving him a tired smile.

"I'll be back soon," he says, squeezing my hand before leaving the room.

"Was that Pete?" Dad asks groggily from the couch.

"Yeah," I reply, my voice still raspy.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, standing up.

"I'm okay," I reply. "How's Mom?"

"Well she refused any sedatives until she knew you were knocked out," he replies. "Then the paramedics loaded her up, too. She'll be asleep for awhile."

He pushes hair from my forehead. "Do you need anything?"

I move over so there's room for him. He smiles, and then sits down, so I can rest my head on his chest.

"That guy...he really blew himself up?"

"Yeah," Dad sighs. "He did."

"For nothing," I say quietly. "He didn't even get the blood."

"Actually, the family contacted the police a couple hours ago. After the chief of police told them what had happened, they wanted to give the cord blood anyway."

"Really?" I look up, surprised.

He nods slowly.

We both sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Is everyone else okay?" I ask.

"They're okay," he replies. "Just worried about Mom."

I look over at her as I rest my head on Dad's chest. She's knocked right out. I stare at her, trying not to think of all the horrible scenarios I had imagined last night. I remind myself that she's here, she's okay. And then I drift off again, folded into Dad's arms


	20. Chapter 20

I'm released as a patient, and I go home and shower, before coming right back. Axel comes by and we sit and play cards for awhile. After a couple hours he has to go get some last-minute stuff done before Wednesday, which is our first day at UCLA.

I sit in the armchair reading a book while Dad is off dealing with a patient emergency. After almost 24 hours since she was admitted and sedated, Mom wakes up.

"Hey," I say quietly, getting up to stand beside her bed as she slowly opens her eyes and looks around, confused.

"Hey," she says groggily, reaching for my hand. "How're you doing? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?" I asked.

She closes and opens her eyes slowly, still lethargic from the drugs.

"I'm just fine, baby," she gives a small smile.

"Don't," I tilt my head, inferring to her white lie.

"Well, a little shaken up," she replies. "I'm no worse for the wear."

I look down at the IV in her hand, my forehead wrinkled as I stare.

She squeezes my hand. "Hey."

I look up at her.

"I'm okay. Really."

She moves over and I crawl in beside her, still fitting like puzzle piece against her.

"What was it like?" I ask quietly.

After a moment, she replies.

"Scary," she admits. "He came into emergency and the nurses and I were the first people he saw. Pointed his gun and told us to move, grabbing two people along the way. He saw my jacket and told me to lead the way to my office…"

She absent-mindedly plays with my hair.

"Once we got inside and he started talking…I wasn't as scared. I mean, I was. Of course. But I could see that he wasn't some psychopathic killer. He was just a very sad man."

"What did he say?" I ask, wanting to know everything.

"He told me his little boy has leukemia, and that if he doesn't get cord blood within a week, he would probably die. Gave me his son's medical records and demanded that I search the private bank."

"Kind of like Dad, but without the weapons and explosives," I say, finding the irony crazy.

"Yeah," she chuckles softly.

"Did you know the whole time, that he'd kill himself?"

"No," she replies. "He told us once the other two people were released. But he'd made up his mind."

"I kept picturing you with a gun in your face," I say quietly.

"It wasn't like that, sugar," she says. "He didn't get in anyone's face with it. He just stood near the door, holding his gun and exposing his chest, where everything was strapped."

We're quiet for a minute, and I feel a little better knowing she wasn't physically hurt or faced with the barrel of a gun inches from her.

"Where's your daddy?"

"Patient emergency," I reply. "He wasn't gonna go but they couldn't get ahold of anyone else."

"Good. Keep him busy."

"He was here most of the time," I reply.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Almost 24 hours."

"Good lord," she sighs. "Whose signature do I have to forge to get myself outta here?"

I laugh, sitting up. "Comeau? I haven't really met him. But he seems pretty strict. He flipped out on Pete for writing on my chart, while he was visiting."

She slowly sits up, running a hand through her hair and rubbing her eyes.

"Well I've never heard of him," she sighs. "Wait…you've been sittin' here for 24 hours?" She raises her eyebrows.

"No," I reply, as though this is ridiculous. "Twenty-three."

She rolls her eyes, grinning.

"Dr Freedman," Dr Comeau appears, offering a disingenuous smile. "Feeling alright? Dizzy, nauseas?"

"I'm just fine," she replies, just wanting to leave. "How about you just sign that release form so I can get outta here."

"I don't think so," he chuckles. "I'm keeping you at least another day for observation."

"No, you most certainly are not," she replies, all business. "I am perfectly fine aside from some mild dehydration. I'm a highly skilled doctor, and I won't spend another day laid up in this hospital. You wanna suggest I take it easy for awhile, fine. I don't have an office to go back to yet, so I plan on taking a short vacation. And it definitely won't be spent here."

Dr Comeau seems taken aback by her shrewd demeanor.

"Well-"

"Uh uh," she shakes her head, not giving him a chance to speak. "Sign those release forms or I'll see to it myself. I've got a damn good hand for forging signatures."

He blinks a few times and glances at me. I shrug, raising my eyebrows. He's on his own here. He tightens his lips, gives a curt nod and leaves.

"Jeez, Mom," I laugh when he's gone.

"Well there's no reason for me to be here," she retorts.

"Agreed. You just didn't have to terrify the guy," I reply, going over to the closet. "I brought you a bag."

I set it on the bed and she peers inside. "Yoga pants," she breathes. "God bless you, baby. Thank you."

I watch as she fluidly removes her IV, applies a gauze pad, tapes it down and leans over to pull out her chart, skimming it quickly.

"You guys aren't doing much for you reputation, coming in here and taking over," I grin, referring to both her and Pete performing doctor's duties in a hospital they don't work at.

She grins, pulling the yoga pants on. "I think it says somethin' about not messin' with Ambrose doctors."

"Maybe," I laugh, stretching.

Without waiting for Dr Comeau to return, Mom slings her bag over her shoulder and slips an arm around my shoulders, leading us from the room.

"Now how do we get outta this place?" she says, looking around. "I was only here once, and it was years ago."

I point towards a hallway and we walk.

* * *

When we get home, we're both surprised to see Addison and Violet in the kitchen. Violet's placing some bouquets in vases and Addison is transferring Thai food into plastic containers.

"Hey," they smile, coming over to hug us. "How are you feeling?"

"Just fine," Mom replies, insinuating that everyone stop asking her that and fussing over her. "Just a little tired."

"Are you putting Thai food into plastic containers so it looks like you made it at home?" I look at Addison.

"Well," she begins, stumbling for an answer. "It's not that I _couldn't _make it. I just…chose to order in."

I laugh, going to toss my bag on the island.

"These are beautiful, you guys," Mom examines the bouquets.

"Lucas picked them out," Violet says, nodding slowly. "The kid has a gift."

"I'll say," I look at her, surprised.

"Charlotte, are you hungry?"

"Starvin'," she replies, setting her bag on the island. "I'm just gonna have a shower. Wash this hospital smell off me."

She makes a face when she says it, before heading upstairs.

"How do we all hate the smell of hospitals, when we're in one all the time?" I tilt my head.

"I'm immune to it," Addison shrugs. "I only smell it now, because your house smells like cookies and your mom smells like drugs."

"Nice," I nod, pulling a bottle of water from the fridge. "Where are your little men?"

Addison points towards the living room. I didn't even look in there when we came inside. I peer around the corner and see Axel, splayed on the carpet in front of the TV with Lucas sitting on his back and Judah lying in front of Axel, staring up at the colors coming from the TV.

"That's so cute I could just eat them," I turn back to look at Violet and Addison.

"Well it's a good thing I made Thai food," Addison grins.

Violet and I stare back at her.

"Alright, fine. Whatever," she throws up her hands, going to the cupboard. "I bet it tastes better than Lucas' flowers."

We laugh and I go in to the living room.

"Hey," I smile, going to sit down on the plush carpet beside them. As I get closer I see that Axel is asleep, his face buried in the white carpet.

"Axel sleeping," Lucas tells me.

"I see that," I reply. "Maybe we should wake him up."

Lucas grins and then nods. I point towards the back of his right arm, which is lying parallel to his body. Lucas nods. Smiling, I run a finger along the skin. It's a spot so sensitive that he goes nuts if something touches it that lightly. He's been startled by his own t-shirts this way.

Sure enough, his eyes open and he starts to get up, before remembering that Lucas is straddling his back.

"You're lucky I've got this guy on my back," he glares at me.

I laugh, getting down on my stomach beside him, kissing him. "When did you get here?"

"Right before Nemo got nabbed by that dentist," he replies.

"So this is only Round One of Finding Nemo," I grin.

Lucas will watch that movie twice, back to back, if you let him. Which Violet doesn't, but I sometimes do.

Lucas gets up off Axel and toddles into the kitchen, asking Violet for juice.

"How's your mama? I didn't even hear you get home," Axel sits up, moving closer towards me.

"She's okay," I shrug. "You know her. She's a rock."

"When she came outta that hospital, it was the second time in my entire life that I've seen her produce tears," he says.

I smile at the joke. He moves back towards couch, pulling me so I'm beside him as we lean against it.


	21. Chapter 21

Leave it to Mom to bounce back from a horrible experience like it was nothing at all.

On Monday, as soon as I get downstairs, she announces that we're going shopping for school stuff.

"You sure?" Dad asks, his spoon mid-air.

"Of course I'm sure," Mom replies, as though this is a silly question. "Can't send our child off to college with half the things she'll need."

"Mom, I can just-" I begin.

"Get dressed, sugar," she says, getting up to put her mug in the sink. "I made hair appointments for 10:30."

Walking away from the sink, she kisses my cheek, smiles and goes upstairs. Wordlessly, I stand there and then look at Dad.

He chews his mouthful of cereal, returning my look, before looking off into nothing.

"Well," he sighs. "I guess we just wait for her to…"

"Need to talk?" I raise an eyebrow. "Don't hold your breath."

He nods, sighing, in agreement and I go upstairs to change.

* * *

We go to the salon, where Mom insists we get mani-pedis after haircuts, since we're already there, and then go for lunch.

"Mom," I begin, mixing wasabi into some soya sauce.

"Mmm?" she hums, placing sushi on our plates.

"If I ask you something, you have to tell the truth," I say. "You always say we don't lie to each other."

She glances at me and then sips her green tea.

"Are you really okay?" I stare intently.

She swallows her tea, and rubs her tongue along her top teeth; a habit she does when she's debating something in her head.

"Yes, baby," she says, maintaining our eye contact. "I won't say it didn't scare me, but I'm certainly not going to let it dictate my life."

After a moment, I drop my eyes and nod. "Alright."

"I promise," she reaches over, squeezing my hand.

I meet her eyes again and she smiles. So I decide to drop it, for now.

"So what else are we pickin' up today?" she asks.

"Um," I exhale. "I need another binder, one of those zipper ones so nothing falls out…some more of those gel pens that I like, a bunch of flags…and erasable highlighters."

"Erasable?" she looks up.

"Oh yeah," I grin. "They've been made."

"Might have to get some of those for myself," she replies.

"I also wouldn't be opposed to updating my MacBook," I shrug nonchalantly.

"Nice try," she laughs. "You've got another couple years on that sucker."

"Well I do need a new set of the headphones with the volume thing on them," I say. "So I guess we'll just have to stop by the Apple store anyway."

She gives me a dry look but grins, grabbing a spicy tuna roll.

"Well, we need to stop by the mall anyway," she says.

I grin slyly and she laughs, shaking her head.

* * *

"More clothes?" Dad cries, staring as we haul our stuff into the house.

"_Necessities, _Dad," I correct him. "Necessities."

"Two pairs of the same shoe are necessities?" he raises his eyebrows.

"They are when they're different colors," I reply.

"And the Aritzia bag? Why is that one so big?" he counters.

"There was a sale," I reply obviously.

"I bet you a hundred bucks you've got two of the same thing in there, too," he replies.

"You don't ignore a 40% off sale on Rag & Bone jeans, Dad," I look at him. "It's just not done."

"Do you see how you've raised our child?" he turns to Mom.

She grins, holding up a shopping bag. "I see I've taught her a fantastic sense of style, that she uses to pick things out for _me, _too."

"Come on, Nigel," he signs, turning to beckon him off the couch. "I need some guy time."

He picks up Nigel's collar, who hops off the couch, hurrying to beat Dad out the front door.

"Oh, Amelia called," he turns back to us. "She wants you to call her."

"Alright. Thanks honey," Mom calls.

She picks up the phone, starting to dial.

"You heading over to Axel's?" Mom asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "After I change."

* * *

As I'm walking back downstairs, 20 minutes later, Mom is just hanging up.

"How's Amelia?" I ask, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Good. She's coming down on Thursday," she replies. "I guess Lexie's coming to see Addison."

"Like, _see_ Addison?" I frown.

"Yeah. Apparently she's just over three months along."

"What!" I stare. "I just saw Lexie. She didn't look pregnant at all."

"Well, that's part of the issue," Mom explains. "Her OB diagnosed the fetus with spina bifida. The baby's really small."

"Oh my god," my face falls.

"She hadn't told anyone because she and Mark were waiting to hear," she goes on. "But now that they know, she wants Addison to be her doctor."

"Who wouldn't," I reply, sitting on the couch beside her. "Is the baby going to be okay, do you think?"

"Lots of babies with spina bifida end up just fine," Mom says gently. "She'll have the best OB/GYN in the country. I'm sure everything will be alright."

I nod, chewing my lip as I stare at the carpet.

I recall Seattle. Now that I think about it, Lexie didn't drink at all during Amelia's party. She drank Pellegrino, like I did.

"It'll be okay, sugar," Mom repeats. "Go on and visit Axel. Go have fun."

"When do they get here? I mean, what time?" I ask.

"Flight lands around 2:30," she replies.

"Okay," I nod. My last class on Thursday is at 2:00. I'll get home shortly after they get here.

I lean over and give Mom a hug.

"See you in a bit," I smile, kissing her cheek.

"Drive safe, darlin'," she calls.


	22. Chapter 22

"No way," Axel says, his lips parted in surprise. "Will it, I mean, the baby...Will the baby be okay?"

"Well, if Addison's her doctor," I shrug. "She's got the best chance possible."

"That's true," he nods. "The lady has a way with…ladies."

"Nice," I chuckle, shaking my head. "So who are we playing with?"

When I got to Axel's, he announced that we were going paintballing. Dressed in new jeans, I got him to stop by my house so I could change.

"Chase, Lyndon and Brett," he replies. "Apparently they've got a bit of a rivalry goin' with some guys from Dalton."

"So logically, the solution lies in a round of paintball," I nod slowly.

"Oh yeah," he grins.

I laugh, as we pull in to the parking lot.

"Plus, Chase told them that I was bringing my girl, but that she's never played," he smiles mischievously.

"Very clever," I reply. "I'll play along until the horn sounds."

He laughs and we get out, unloading our gear.

"Hey, man!" Chase runs up, doing the handshake-hug that all guys seem to do. "You ready for this?"

"Please," Axel scoffs.

"Hey K," Chase grins, hugging me. "Axel tell you about my little white lie?"

"He did," I nod, and then laugh at his expression.

"I can't wait to watch you school these douche nozzles," Chase rubs his hands together.

I go to sling my bag over my shoulder, but Chase snags it away.

"Let me carry it," he says. "It'll makes you look all delicate and ladylike. Goes with the lie."

"I'm ladylike," I frown.

"Not here you aren't," he grins, turning towards the field.

Axel laughs, swinging an arm around me as we follow him.

* * *

We reach the area where Lyndon and Brett are getting suited up. We all greet each other and then Axel and I get our stuff out and coveralls on.

"I can't wait to slaughter those dicks," Lyndon looks over at the group of five guys getting suited up.

"Pretty sure it's going to be a walk in the park," Chase chuckles.

We get set up on the field and quickly go over a plan. Each of us has a specific guy to target.

"Don't be afraid to turn the pressure up on your guns a bit," Chase mutters, looking over at the other guys. He slides his mask down and we all move, waiting for the horn.

It seems as though these other guys had the same idea. We all take hits in every game we play, so we know what kind of sting to expect. But the first shot I take to my outer thigh feels like an explosion of needles, and it isn't even a solid hit. It only grazes me, so it doesn't count. Still, I know I'm gonna bruise from it.

"Holy fuck," I gasp, my hand going to cover the spot.

They definitely turned the pressure up on their guns. Getting pissed at them only makes me more competitive. I turn my gun up as I hide behind a huge cone.

Within five more minutes, Brett and Lyndon, and three guys from the other team are out. It's three on two for us, and we use the advantage wisely. Spreading out in a triangle, we wait for an indication as to where they're hiding. Like a flash, I see a foot slip behind an inflatable cylinder. I move to the right, crawling along the ground and wait. Within 30 seconds, the guy pokes his head around the cylinder and I immediately fire, splattering his entire mask with my signature royal purple paint.

I laugh behind my mask. "Bonehead," I mutter.

I turn to find Axel and Chase, spotting them both behind a giant cone, talking to each other with gestures. I wait for Axel to give me a signal of a plan, but he just gives me a thumbs-up, so I stay where I am.

I watch as Axel makes himself seen, by darting between two covers. The guy that he hates, the only one left, immediately jumps up and fires. Axel's too quick for him, hitting the ground even quicker, leaving Chase the open target. He stands up, spots his rival and fires. Perhaps a little excessively. The guy takes five solid hits to the chest. And it's clear that Chase has turned up his gun as well.

Lyndon and Brett run onto the field and we make a five-person hug, cheering.

"That was awesome," Chase breathes, smiling brightly. "I knew we'd take them down. Awesome job, you guys. Kati, that mask splatter was unreal. And Axel you totally fluked him out!"

"Yeah, man, you hit the grounder faster than a white kid in a bad neighborhood," Lyndon grins.

We laugh, and walk off the field. Displaying their level of sportsmanship, the other team doesn't shake hands. Instead, they stalk off, and the guy Chase hates glares at us before following them.

"Bullshit," he yells back at us.

"Oh, did I say Kati has _never _played? I meant she's _never lost_!" Chase yells back.

"Paintball is so good for my self-esteem," I breathe.

Axel laughs, hugging me.

"Alright, team. Tacos. Now," Chase demands.

"The last time we went for tacos after paintball…" I begin.

"Oh yeah. Axel lost a kidney," Brett nods slowly, clearly a little stoned.

"Well I still have one left," he shrugs. "Let's hit the pier."

"Not even funny," I make a face at him, but he laughs and pulls me with him towards the car.

* * *

After the pier, Axel and I go back to his house. I steal a pair of his giant sweatpants, that don't fit him anymore yet are still enormous on me, and we burrow into the couch to watch a movie.

"Judge Dread," he suggests.

"No," I make a face.

"Dark Knight."

"We just watched that. Literally five days ago."

"Well, we didn't actually do that much watching…" he grins.

I toss a pillow at his face.

"Alright, alright," he laughs. "Crank."

"Yes," I widen my eyes.

"Don't you go leavin' me for some white dude," he says and then grins.

"Something about that guy kicking ass is just…really fun to watch," I shake my head.

He starts the movie, and I snuggle in beside him.

He's right. We didn't do much watching of The Dark Knight. We seem to be starting a lot of movies that we never finish. Not even ten minutes in, we're making out and completely ignoring the TV.

I've maintained my stand on sex ever since I knew what it was. I never wanted to waste it with someone who wouldn't mean anything within six months, or a year. I want it to matter.

Axel and I have been friends since we were four, when we met in preschool. I've loved him since then, and been _in _love with him for the past year. It just took me some time to realize it. It'll be a year this December since we've been "official", but it feels like forever. Every time we fool around, it goes a little further. But he's always been patient and respectful of my stance. He's never pushed it.

Tonight, I'm aware of each piece of clothing coming off, but I don't feel anxious about it. I'm nervous, but not in a bad way.

Lately I've wished so hard that Jamie was here, so I could talk to her about it. I can talk to Megan and Max and Jenelle, to some extent, and even Addison and Mom…but no one the same way that Jamie and I could talk. Still, I know what she would say if she were here. I hear her in my head like she's right in my ear, and I'm completely self-aware of how I feel and what I think. That's why tonight, when Axel slows down, waiting to see if I stop him or give him that look that says 'I'm not ready'…I kiss him. I don't tell him to stop, and we slowly make our way into a territory neither one of us has been.

There's a moment, right before, when he stops and looks at me, his intensely green eyes asking me if I'm okay, that I stop and look at him. I run a finger across his lips, then I look at him, smile and pull his face towards mine.

Part of me is terrified as I leave childhood behind, but the bigger part of me is perfectly capable of handling the feeling.

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, I lie there, staring at my wall of photos. I don't feel different, but I do. I don't feel regret; I don't feel badly. I feel absolutely okay. I reach over and pick up my phone, smiling when the first text I see is from Axel, telling me he loves me. As far as boyfriends go, I hit the jackpot in every way.

It's not until I get downstairs for breakfast that I feel a little weird.

"Morning, honey." Dad smiles, kissing my forehead. "We're meeting everyone for brunch, okay?"

"Sure," I nod, giving a small grin.

I haven't seriously thought about telling Dad. I want to tell Mom, but like when I first started going on the pill, I feel like I can't open my mouth and get the words out to her. Not that Dad is the first person I'd go to, either. Not because we aren't close, but because we _are_. And he'd probably have a heart attack if he found out. He'd start going on about how I was a little girl only yesterday, and I still am in his eyes…. He gets pretty batty over it.

I turn to go get dressed.

"You getting' dressed, sugar?" Mom asks, walking in from outside, carrying her mug and the paper.

"Yeah," I reply, starting up the stairs.

"You okay?" she asks.

I turn back to her. "Yeah. Why?"

"Just…seem a little quiet," she shrugs.

I could tell her. Dad's upstairs, getting into the shower, so he wouldn't hear. I tell Mom everything. But for some reason, for the first time I can remember, I flat-out lie to her.

"I'm good," I smile. "Just tired."

She grins and continues on to the kitchen. I get to my room and get dressed, unable to stop thinking about how I just lied to her. Just yesterday I was talking about how we don't lie to each other, and I just painted myself with the Hypocrite Brush. I don't even know why. I just couldn't do it. Despite her hard shell and no-nonsense attitude, I know this would affect her. I know she'd go quiet and have that moment where she, too, thinks about me as a child.

I sigh deeply and then go into my closet to find something to wear.

* * *

Pete, Violet and Lucas are already at Max's Café when we get there, seated a table set for 10. We sit down, order some orange juice and then I get up to go to the washroom.

As I'm leaving the stall, Addison enters the bathroom.

"Hey," she smiles widely. "How's it going, honey?"

"Good," I smile, moving into her hug. "How are you?"

"Ah, y'know. Exhausted but pretty happy about it."

"How's his schedule coming along?" I laugh, washing my hands.

"Slowly," she rolls her eyes. "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you. You need to come in for your appointment before I can prescribe you another round of pills."

Because God hates me for lying to Mom an hour ago, the door of the far stall opens and Mom steps out, staring at the two of us, her eyebrow raised, clearly not impressed with everything she just heard.

Despite my talent for always have a response for everything, I stand there, staring back at her, preparing for my certain death.

"Ohhhh, shit," Addison breathes, looking back and forth at us. "I…"

"You've been prescribing my daughter birth control pills?" Mom asks, dangerously calm.

Addison glances at me, biting her lips shut, before turning back to Mom.

"I…Patient confidentiality," she goes with.

If possible, Mom's eyebrow raises higher and her face gets even more stony.

"I'm...gonna go," Addison smiles, turning and leaving the bathroom.

Mom's eyes are back on me. I look back, glance at the floor, tilt my head and look back at her.

"How long?" she asks quietly.

"Three months," I reply honestly.

This response seems to get to her, because she blinks quickly, twice. She gets the wrong idea.

"You've been…you had…"

"No," I say quickly. "I didn't go on it because I _was _having sex."

This only slightly softens the stony look.

"Why didn't you just come to me?"

I inhale. "I don't know. I couldn't."

"Couldn't?" She looks a little bit hurt by this.

"I got scared," I explain. "I just couldn't get the words out."

She considers this, glancing at the roof and then looking back at me.

"So you're not having sex," she states.

My stomach drops as I involuntarily bite my bottom lip, my forehead wrinkling with worry. By how quickly Mom's expression changes, I realize I've just made what Amelia calls my 'Lying Face'. Mom inhales deeply, her hand coming up to rub her forehead. I swallow nervously as she stands there in silence.

"When did I become someone you can't talk to?" she asks calmly, but I can see the offended look in her eyes.

"You're not," I reply, hating how this is all coming out. "It's not like that. I just didn't know how to talk to you about it. I mean, yeah we always talked before and we said we'd be open about it, but…then it seemed so…impossible."

The door opens slightly and Dad carefully looks inside.

"Is there…a problem?" he asks. "Addison is being very tight-lipped about where my girls are."

"Give us a minute, Cooper," Mom replies quietly.

He glances at each of us, then closes the door.

When I look back at Mom, she's smoothing the front of her dress, and I realize that she's trying to compose herself.

"Well," she says softly.

Before she can say anything else, I blurt out, "It was once."

Her eyes dart to mine, full of surprise.

"The first time, " I say, feeling terrible for hurting her feelings. "Was last night."

To my surprise, her eyes begin to look glassy.

"I almost told you, this morning…but it was like my voice didn't work," I swallow nervously, looking away from her.

When I look back to her, her eyes are still shiny but her face is a mixture of surprise and sadness.

"I wanted to tell you," I offer. "You were the first person I thought of. I just…"

I drop my hands. "I got scared."

She blinks and then moves forward, enveloping me in a tight hug. She doesn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"I know," she whispers. "I don't want you to be. I don't want to force you to talk to me."

"You don't," I reply.

After another moment, she pulls back sliding her hands down to hold mine.

"Are you…are you okay?" The question seems hard for her to ask.

I nod. "Yeah."

I breathe, slightly relieved that she hasn't killed me, but also nervous about what this will do to our relationship.

"Please don't be mad at me," I say softly, looking down.

"I'm not mad at you, baby," she replies, cupping my cheek. "I'm not mad. I'm just…a little sad that I couldn't be there for you."

"You are," I say, shrugging.

Her eyes still glassy, she smiles, tucks hair behind my ear, and kisses my cheek.

"Come on," she gestures towards the door.

I turn but then stop and turn back around. "Can we…talk about it later?" I ask, my forehead wrinkling.

"Of course," she nods, a small, genuine smile breaking.

I look at her and then turn around, leaving the bathroom.


	23. Chapter 23

When we get back to the table, everyone else has arrived. Addison glances at us a few times, and I shrug to imply that I'm not really sure what's going to happen.

All throughout brunch, Mom is distracted. She keeps staring off with this sad/longing look. Dad snaps her out of it a couple times, asking her quietly if she's alright, and she just smiles placidly and nods. I avoid looking at him altogether, so he doesn't ask me, too.

On the drive home, he gets impatient.

"Okay, can someone tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing, Cooper," Mom replies.

"It's not nothing," he replies. "And it's starting to...freak me out a little bit."

"Don't be," Mom answers. "Just…mother-daughter stuff."

"Oh," he says, and then nods slowly, accepting this.

"Everyone's okay?" he looks at us.

I nod, and Mom replies, "Yes. Everyone's okay."

* * *

At home, I go to my room to organize everything for tomorrow, for the twentieth time. Mom comes in while I'm in the middle of a circle of textbooks and supplies.

"You all set for tomorrow?" she asks, sitting on my bed.

"Mmhmm," I reply, scratching my forehead nervously.

She's quiet, looking at the pile of stuff and then gazing up at my wall of photos.

"When you were a baby we always talked about this day; you startin' college. Came up pretty fast."

I look away from the reminiscent expression on her face.

"Look, honey," she begins. "I'm not gonna talk to you like you're a little girl. But I need you to understand that to me, and to your daddy, you _are _a little girl. You're _our_ little girl. I don't think that'll ever change, even when I'm a wrinkled old woman."

I smile, small, at her sad grin, unsure of what to say.

"That's why it's hard for me to handle this. I still think of you as a child. I try not to…when I see how grown up you really are. But I can't just stop doing it. It's the way it is."

"I know," I say softly.

She exhales, fiddling with her watch.

"We won't be tellin' your daddy about this," she goes on. "I understand that it's your private business. But you've gotta promise that you'll come to us if…if you need to."

"I would, Mom," I reply truthfully.

She nods.

"Do you…are you okay?" she asks, even though she just asked at the restaurant.

"Yeah," I shrug. "I mean, it's…kind of crazy, but I don't feel like…like I made a bad decision. I love him."

"I know you do," she replies. "And I know he loves you, too. One look at the boy and he makes it pretty clear."

She attempts a smile.

"But I'm not above bringin' a world of hurt upon him if he ever does wrong by you."

I laugh.

"I think he knows that," I raise my eyebrows.

"He better," she mutters.

"You always said that it was a big deal, and that things change afterwards," I start. She nods slowly. "And it is a big deal. I mean, I've put it off for months. And Axel…he never pressured me or anything. He was always totally respectful of where I stood. And you're right, things change afterwards. I feel…I dunno. Closer to him, I guess. And I haven't felt, even for a second, that it was too soon, or that I made a mistake."

"I'm glad," she says quietly. "I'd hate for you to feel badly about it."

She's still trying to hide that sad look.

"I'm still me, Mom," I offer.

"I know," she smiles, glassy eyed. "This is just…a little intense, y'know?"

I stand up and step over textbooks and notebooks, to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry it makes you feel…sad," I say.

"Don't be sorry, baby. You didn't do anything wrong. It'll just take some getting used to."

I nod and then hug her. She hugs back, tightly.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you, too, baby girl," she replies softly.

After a moment we break apart.

"Well," she smiles, blinking her shining eyes. "I guess we've got a lot to do before tomorrow morning."

"I think it'll go smoothly," I shrug. "Everything's all organized and ready."

She smiles, pushing hair behind my ear, and then kisses my forehead, staying there for an extra moment. Then she smiles, gets up and leaves.

I inhale, blowing my breath out loudly, staring at my wall of pictures and focusing on Jamie.

"I bet you're just loving this," I mutter, shaking my head.

* * *

Whatever I thought was going to go smoothly, doesn't. I'm nervous, so I don't sleep well, and when I wake up, the nervousness makes me klutzy. I drop an eyeshadow, causing it to break apart; I stare into my closet, forgetting over and over again what I'm there to grab; and I can barely put mascara on because my hands are a bit shaky.

"Oh for fuck's sake," I say under my breath, dragging a Q-tip across the black on my skin.

"Language," Mom pokes her head in, but she smiles.

"I'm a disaster," I shake my head, tossing the mascara onto my vanity.

"You're also wearing two different shoes," she grins.

I look down. Sure enough, I'm rocking a Tom on one foot and Vans on the other. I look up at her, staring blankly.

"Relax, darlin'," she laughs, walking over and fishing the other Tom out of my closet. "Everything's gonna be fine."

She hands me the shoe and I clumsily put it on.

I grab my bag and follow her downstairs where Dad is grinning like crazy.

"First-day Photo time!" he announces.

"Dad," I sigh, but he ignores me, clicking the timer on the camera and running over to stand on my other side for the photo. He does this twice, and then takes like, 10 of just me, until eventually I just walk away from where I've been standing and go about getting some breakfast.

A map of UCLA is spread out on the table, where we were poring over it last night and I was trying to memorize it.

"There's eggs, honey," Dad says, when I sit down with orange juice.

"There's a tornado in my stomach," I reply, pulling the map towards me.

"Don't be so stressed out," he squeezes my shoulder. "You're gonna have such a great day!"

I have to smile at his enthusiastic face.

A knock sounds on the front door and Axel walks in.

"Morning, Freedmans," he grins.

"Morning," we all call back in entirely different tones.

"You ready for this, K?" he calls.

"No," I reply, getting up from the table. "No, not really."

"Ah, it's gonna be awesome," he waves a hand dismissively.

I turn to kiss Mom goodbye and see the slightly stern look she's giving Axel. I hug her.

"Have a great day, baby," she says. "Call if you need anything."

I smile at her and turn to hug Dad, as he waits with open arms.

"We're so proud of you, honey," he squeezes me.

"Thanks," I reply, smiling.

When I pull back I can see that he's getting glassy-eyed.

"Alright," I sigh, grabbing my bag. "I'm gonna go before it gets sloppy in here."

"Love you," they call out, simultaneously, as I reach the front door.

"Love you too," I laugh, taking Axel's hand and following him out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

I'm glad I have Axel with me, but it's short-lived. We reach campus and stand there, staring. It's packed, and people are milling about everywhere. Computer sciences and engineering takes Axel in one direction, and all of my courses are in the other direction.

"Meet for lunch?" he grins.

"If I can find you," I widen my eyes, glancing around.

"Come on," he squeezes my hands. "We got this."

I smile, kiss him goodbye and we part ways.

I haven't seen anybody else that I know yet, but I focus on getting all of my freshman info together. After some long lineups and several frat guys who are repulsive with their cocky attitudes, I make my way to my first class.

It's already so different from any school I've been to. Huge classrooms, small "desks" with just enough space for a laptop or a notebook, and so many people I don't even bother counting.

I settle in to a seat near the front and pull my laptop out.

"Hey," someone says beside me.

I look over and see a guy, smiling as he pulls a notebook out of his bag.

"Hey," I smile, turning back to my bag.

"I didn't get the memo that our professor was Nicolas Cage," he says seriously.

I look up and see the professor. He doesn't bear a startling resemblance to Nicolas Cage. But he's frazzled, with messy hair and a sweater vest.

I laugh. "The sweater vest really holds the entire package together well."

I recall from my schedule that this professor is Gerald West.

"I guess we can just refer to him as Professor Vest," I shrug.

The guys laughs, and the seats around us start to fill up.

"Matty," he holds out his hand.

"Kate," I accept it.

"You from California?"

"Yep. Never managed to escape."

"What?" he stares. "When you come here from New Hampshire, it's a whole different story. I feel like I'm on vacation."

"New Hampshire? Why'd you choose UCLA? Brown is basically down the street from you," I say, surprised.

"Well I heard the tacos are killer here," he sighs. "New Hampshire just never seemed to get it right."

"You won't be disappointed," I reply.

"Good morning!" Professor Vest calls out.

Matty grins and turns to pay attention.

The class, Organic Chemistry, goes by pretty smoothly. Thankfully, he goes over a lot of review, assigning a refresher assignment for homework.

"If every prof is this easy, I'll be sailing through this year," Matty catches up to me as everyone is leaving.

"Ah, I think I'll give him a week and see how he really is," I reply. "Wait for the real him to shine through."

He laughs. "So hey, do you wanna grab some tacos?"

"It's 10:30," I reply, thinking it's a bit early for tacos without a hangover.

"Oh," he realizes. "Yeah, I mean later. For lunch or something."

"Sorry," I smile apologetically. "I'm meeting up with my boyfriend."

"Okay," he smiles, waving a little awkwardly as I keep walking. "I'll talk to you later then."

"See ya," I wave, and carry on to find my genetics class.

* * *

"Hey, baby," Axel grins, reaching me and wrapping his arms around me. "How was your morning?"

"Good," I smile. "How about yours?"

"Really good," he replies. "I'm think I'm really gonna like getting more into software engineering."

"Nerd alert," I sing quietly.

"Aw, please," he laughs, wrapping his arm around my neck and pulling me tightly against him. "Coming from the girl who reads textbooks before school even starts, and used to write reports for fun."

"My report on the bottlenose dolphin earned me $20," I reply indignantly.

"Still," he grins.

I pinch him and he laughs, catching my entire fist in his palm and enveloping it in his long fingers.

"Where you wanna go for lunch?" he asks.

We've both got an hour for lunch before our afternoon classes start.

"Tacos," I reply immediately. "Some kid from the East Coast was talking about California tacos."

"Kid?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Well, guy. Whatever. He was in my Organic Chem class."

"You sure he meant the food?"

"Perv," I give him a look, shoving him.

He laughs, slipping his arm back around me and kissing my temple. "A'ight. Tacos it is."

* * *

My afternoon is a bit better. In between all the math and chem I've got to take, I have AP Spanish and AP English. Axel couldn't get around the fact that my course would require me to take an English class.

"So do you," I'd pointed out.

"Yeah, but I mean...you're gonna be a doctor. You graduated from AP English with honors. With distinction. I _think _you've got English down."

I'm actually glad for something to break apart all of the pre med courses.

I meet a couple new people in my Spanish and English courses, but everyone in my biology class has their noses buried in their books, so none of us really talk.

"I have a feeling this is going to be a crazy first year," Norah, a girl I've met in my Spanish class, the last class of the day, sighs.

"Probably to weed some people out," I laugh.

"Better not be me. I'm not going back to Nebraska now. And definitely not without my degree."

"Yeah," I reply, thinking. "I was in Nebraska once. They served me their version of sushi, and our friendship died right there."

She laughs. "They've never really got the hang of cultural foods."

"Fun name to say, though," I offer.

"It's one shining grace," she nods.

"So you're from here, then?" she asks, as we all file out.

"Yep," I nod. "Since birth."

"Must be amazing," she sighs. "Beaches and sun and...beaches."

"Ah, the ocean and I have an understanding. I don't go in her, she doesn't give me a terrible death by drowning," I reply.

"Serious?" she smiles, about to laugh.

"Absolutely," I reply, straight-faced. "I never kid about the sea."

As we ascend the stairs, she laughs. "I've never met a Californian who didn't at least _like _the ocean."

"We do exist," I say. "Few and far between, maybe."

"I've gone swimming every day since I got here. And that's been three weeks."

"That's very bold of you," I raise an eyebrow.

We reach the hallway and slowly make our way through the sea of students.

"So what do you do for fun? When respecting the sea?"

"Mmm, paintball. Shop. Hang out," I shrug. "Nothing really exciting. What about you?"

"Little bit of shopping. I've never been paintballing. I've heard it's pretty intense," she looks at me, surprised.

"Depends how high you have the pressure turned up on your gun. Makes the different between giant welts and small bruises."

"Doesn't sound like my thing," she laughs.

"It's okay," I chuckle. "I've only ever had one girl play with us before. Well, two if you count my mom."

"Your mom plays?" she raises an eyebrow.

"She's been known to," I shrug. "Not her favorite thing."

"Who's the other girl?" Norah asks, as we walk out into the sunny afternoon.

"Oh," I frown slightly, thinking. "My best friend, Jamie. But she, uh...she died last year."

"Oh god," Norah slows down, grabbing my arm. "I'm so sorry, Kati."

"It's okay," I shrug it off, not wanting her to feel bad for asking. "She was a bit of a mess on the field, actually. Took a lot of paintballs and shouted a lot of things to the other team."

I laugh softly, and she smiles.

"My best friend went to Brown," she offers. "I mean, that's nowhere near the same thing that you went through..."

She speaks quickly, as though afraid she'll insult me.

"I just mean...well, I don't see her really anymore. We actually kind of drifted apart this summer. It was weird..."

"It happens," I reply with a shrug. "I have a close group from high school, but I did my senior year at home, so I missed out on a lot of stuff. We still hang out, but...not as much as we used to."

"Weird, hey? The people you think you'll know your entire life, just kind of...float away."

"Well it's like the great Modest Mouse tells us," I sigh. "_We'll all float on, anyway_."

We both start laughing.

"You're such a geek," she shakes her head.

I touch her arm. "It's better for you to realize this early on."

"Hey I didn't say I wasn't one, too," she replies. "I used to write book reports for fun. In the summer."

I laugh. "So did I."

"Really?" she laughs.

"Seriously. My dad used to grade them and then pay me."

She laughs. "Holy shit, that's hilarious. Your dad sounds awesome."

"He's...quite a guy," I nod.

"Well, hey, maybe we can hang out sometime," she shrugs, as we stop walking.

"For sure," I nod. "I've gotta run right now, but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Great. See ya, Kati," she smiles, waves and walks away.

* * *

Axel's last class isn't over for another hour, so I grab a cab and head over to the practice.

I see Dad at the front desk, handing the receptionist, Sarah, a patient file.

"Hey!" he grins huge. "How was your first day?"

He comes to wrap an arm around my shoulders.

"Great," I smile. "I really like my classes, I met a few people...It was good!"

"That's great," he replies happily, as we walk towards the kitchen. "I remember my first day. I was terrified."

"Well that's hereditary then," I reply drily.

"Any nutty professors?" he asks, opening the door for me.

"Not nutty," I reply. "Hey Jake."

I see him and smile.

"Just a bit...eccentric," I go on, to Dad.

"That's just your nice way of saying crazy," he laughs.

"No," I say, grabbing a water from the fridge. "He's not crazy. He looks like Nicolas Cage, though. And he's just kind of frazzled looking, and he wears sweater vests that are obviously from the 1940s. I like it."

"Sweater vests," Jake says, considering this. "I haven't seen a good sweater vest in years."

"Okay, Grandpa," Dad chuckles.

"Dad," I raise an eyebrow. "You're like three years younger than him."

Before he can reply, I look behind him and through the glass-walled rooms to Mom's office. She and Addison are having a conversation that is quite clearly heated.

"What's going on?" I ask, pointing with my water bottle towards them.

"I dunno," Dad replies, looking back.

I glance at Jake, but he just raises his eyebrows and goes back to reading the paper.

"They've been a little touchy with each other all day," Dad says.

I exhale.

I look at Jake again and then walk towards the door.

"Where you going? I wanna hear about your day?" Dad asks.

"I'll be right back."

"Maybe you'd better leave them to sort it out," he goes on.

"Women's arguments, Dad," I sigh. "I'm sure I'll have some input."

He shrugs and I leave and go towards Mom's office, knocking once before opening the door.

They both stop talking and look at me. Mom's obviously flared up, and Addison looks more annoyed than angry.

"Ladies," I say, closing the door behind me. I know exactly what's going on.

"Baby, can you give us a minute?" Mom asks tightly.

"Mom," I tilt my head. "Don't get mad at Addison. She was doing her job."

Mom looks at me and after a second, her hand comes up to rub her forehead; a stress habit.

"Kati, this is a little bigger than just a doctor's appointment," she breathes.

"I know. I get that it's different because I'm your daughter and Addison's your friend...but she's also my aunt. And my doctor. You know the rules of confidentiality as well as anyone," I lean against the couch.

Addison, from her spot leaning against Mom's desk, turns to give Mom a look. Mom's stone face doesn't move.

"Would you rather I'd gone to some stranger that none of us knows? Or would you rather I go to the best gyno in the country? And don't say you'd rather I did neither, because it's already happened. Addison didn't do anything wrong. And she gave me the same rundown that you've given me lots of times. Probably more strict than you, too."

They both raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, well not as strict, but you know what I mean. She didn't just hand me a pack of pills and send me home. I had to do the whole...thing," I gesture. "Which is very unpleasant by the way. Gynecology is so not in my Top Five."

The joke only has a slight effect on Addison.

"Kati, it's a little different when it's your own child, movin' into territory that's extremely sensitive and important."

"I know it freaks you out, Mom," I say. "But it's not like I'm 13 or something. I mean, waiting until you're 17 to have sex isn't exactly common these days."

"You had _sex_?" Addison stares at me, shocked and somehow angry.

I glance from her to Mom.

"Yyyyes," I reply, slowly, not sure how to react to Addison's open-mouthed anger.

She turns to look at Mom, who just raises an eyebrow back at her.

"When?" Addison demands.

I frown, confused. "Why are _you _freaking out?"

"Why?" she repeats, taking a few slow steps towards me, her anger not fading. "Because you're just a kid, Katelyn. There are a lot of responsibilities and emotions that come with this!"

_Katelyn_? Seriously? From Addison?

"Yes," I nod, still frowning at her. "I am well aware of that. We've had endless conversations about it."

"I thought I was just prescribing pills! I didn't know..." she says, looking from me to Mom.

Mom shrugs. "Where did you think it was leading?"

"Well...I don't know! Not here! Not yet!" she cries.

I exhale deeply.

"Kate, this is serious," Addison goes on.

"I know that," I reply, trying to stay calm instead of freak out back at them. "It wasn't a split second decision. It was months and months of thinking about it. And you're being pretty hypocritical, Addison. You lost your virginity when you were 16! You go on about how grown-up I am now, and about how you _understand _what it's like to be treated like a kid when you're not, and yet here you are, talking to me like I'm 11 and _you're _the mother!"

"Well you're as good as a daughter to me! We're all family here! Why wouldn't this bother me?"

I look at Mom, and raise my hands as if to say 'What the hell do I do here?'.

"And now we're on the same page," she says to Addison.

Still stunned, Addison looks at her and then back to me.

"This is..." she shakes her head. "This is too much."

I shake my head, annoyed.

The door opens. "What's going on? What's wrong?" Dad asks.

"Nothing," all three of us reply simultaneously.

"Terrible lying," Jake pipes up from behind Dad.

"It's...girl stuff," Addison replies, going over to push the door closed.

"But those two girls are mine, so maybe I should know what's going on," Dad holds the door open.

"It's fine, Cooper," Addison replies. "Really. Just, let us finish our conversation."

At a curt nod from Mom, Dad agrees and retreats, so Addison can close the door.

"Alright," she turns around, looking stern. "We need to set down some ground rules."

I can't believe this. Ridiculous.

"First, you're coming in right now for a physical," she flicks her thumb. "Second, you're coming in every six months, for regular exams and checkups."

She flicks her finger to denote the second item.

"And third," she says, and then takes a deep breath. "_Please, _be careful."

"Addison," I tilt my head at her.

"Accidents happen, Kate," she replies, still avoiding using 'Kati'. "No matter how careful you are."

"Well I'm more careful than careful," I reply.

"And fourth," she adds, and then looks at Mom before turning back to me. "Let's have a little more open communication with...personal matters. You scared the shit out of your mom, and I've just spent the entire day arguing with her about how I was just prescribing pills to my niece, who wasn't having sex. And now you're scaring the shit out of me too."

"For the record, I wasn't, at my last appointment...having sex." I put in.

"Well...now you...are," she says, having trouble with the word.

We're all quiet for a moment, glancing at each other.

"Alright," I agree to her terms.

"Okay," Addison nods, and then breathes, taking it all in. "Well, then I'm going to set up an exam room, and you can meet me there in five minutes."

She turns and walks out of the room.

"So, you were just giving her shit all day?" I ask Mom.

"We were discussing things," she replies.

I shake my head, crossing my arms.

"Well, then are you over this or is it going to come up again as an argument?"

"Over this?" Mom raises her eyebrows, coming over to me. "No, baby. I'm not over it. But I'm dealing with it. I'm trying to treat you like an adult here. So I'll expect you to act like one."

"I know," I reply, dead-pan.

She hugs me, pressing her palm against my hair, kissing the top of my head.

"So," she sighs. "How was your first day?"

She releases the hug. But still annoyed, I take a step back.

"Well that update is gonna have to wait," I reply. "I have some stirrups waiting for my feet in Addison's exam room."

I give her a dry look.

"Alright," she says, turning to go back to her desk. "You be angry for awhile. I'll see you after your appointment."

"If I come back," I retort.

"Hey," she says, slightly stern.

I turn to look back at her as I reach the doorknob.

"I love you," she says seriously.

I exhale deeply, looking away, and then meeting her eyes.

"I love you, too," I reply, and then leave her office


	25. Chapter 25

When I walk into Addison's exam room, she's already got everything ready. She hands me a gown.

"Take it," she says, holding it out, as I stand and stare at her.

"This is crazy," I raise an eyebrow. "You realize that, right?"

"There's nothing crazy about having a thorough exam once you're...sexually active."

"Please don't use that...phrase," I make a face, taking the gown and turning to go into the en suite bathroom.

"You find a better term and I'll use it," she calls as I close the door.

Annoyed, I roll my eyes and peel my clothes off, slipping on the ridiculous gown.

"Or we could just _not _talk about my business like it's the daily news," I grin sarcastically, exiting the bathroom.

"What is with you?" she asks, eying me as I hop onto the table.

"Nothing," I exhale, settling in.

"Yeah, right. You're ultra touchy about this. And you're a terrible liar," she says, beginning the exam.

"So are you," I reply, not giving in to this Kati's A Little Girl spiel.

"Kate," she sighs. "Suffice to say that you were born into a family where you have three aunts who look out for you like you're their own daughter...try not to look at it as a bad thing."

I make a face.

She finishes the exam quickly.

"You can sit up," she says, tossing her surgical gloves. "Everything looks fine."

I nod slowly, raising my eyebrows. Obviously everything is fine.

"Look, honey, I know you're getting annoyed with...us," she says, tucking hair behind my ear. "But if you need anything...have any questions...please ask. Your mom, or me, or Amelia. Violet. One of us, okay?"

"Yeah," I exhale.

"Alright, go get dressed," she says, turning to write in my file. "And stop being mad at me."

* * *

"No way," Dad tilts his head, as we set the table.

"Totally serious. I couldn't make this up. And if I did, I definitely wouldn't choose Nicolas Cage as the look-alike," I reply, placing the silverware.

"You have to take a picture," he replies. "Crazy professors are the _best_."

"He's not crazy, Dad," I laugh. "He's pretty awesome. Just a little behind on his fashion. But really, who needs to be when you can toss Organic Chemistry out like it's the alphabet."

"Ugh, I never did like that class," Mom says, setting a salad on the table. "What was your best class today?"

"Spanish," I reply with a laugh. "It's the only one that's not completely daunting."

"Daunting? Sugar, what could you possibly have to be worried about?"

"Failing," I reply immediately. "These are the most important marks I'm gonna get. I have to maintain my 4.0."

"You will," Dad replies obviously.

"Well some of the bio I have coming up, and the genetics class, are looking pretty intense," I reply, taking a cucumber slice from the salad.

"And you'll do just fine, in all of 'em," Mom replies, as though this is just common knowledge.

"I dunno," I reply nervously. "I'm kinda wishing I'd opted for furthering my singing career instead."

"Over my dead body," Mom replies, going back to the stove.

I glance at Dad, who just raises his eyebrows, offering a smile.

"She's looking pretty healthy these days, huh?" I say drily, eating the cucumber.

He nods, stealing a tomato. "Guess that singing career is gonna stay on the back burner."

I laugh as he makes a face, before taking my place at the table.

* * *

The next day goes by a little more smoothly. Now that it's not my first time walking the halls and finding my way around, and I've met a few people, it doesn't feel as intense.

I make myself focus on every class, but as soon as my final class is over, I hurry to my car.

Mom texted me an hour ago to let me know that Amelia "and everyone" landed safe and sound.

Who "everyone" is, I'm not sure, aside from Mark and Lexie.

When I open the front door, I hear the sounds of lots of chatter.

I drop my bags and wander to the patio doors.

"There she is!" Amelia cries, rushing over and hugging me.

"Everyone" appears to be...well, everyone.

Mark and Lexie are seated next to each other at the patio table. Meredith and Derek (sans Zola) are beside Dad, and Cristina, of all people, is beside Mom.

"Hey," I say, surprised, hugging Amelia back.

"How's my college girl?" she grins, leading me over to the table.

"Tired," I reply honestly.

"That doesn't go away," Cristina puts in, and then holds up her beer bottle. "Kate, nice to see you."

"Nice to see you, too," I reply, confused, as several people get up to hug me.

"Lexie's trip down turned into a little vacation for everyone," Amelia explains, pulling me to sit next to her at the table.

"Well that's...festive," I reply, awkward.

"No, it's good," Lexie pipes up. "I like having friends around."

She smiles, glowing.

"How've you been doing, Kati?"

"Great," I reply, not interested in talking about college or my life. "How are you? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Lexie assures me. "A little stressed, but...I mean, that's normal."

"She means she's doing a really great job of acting like she's okay," Cristina says.

Meredith swats her, and Cristina looks at her indignantly, and then rolls her eyes.

"I'm fine," Lexie repeats. "Really. Addison and a spina bifida case is just...a walk in the park for her."

"Definitely," I nod. "She'll have it fixed up seamlessly."

I smile.

"So what's new, kid," Mark asks, drinking his beer.

"Well," I sigh, as Mom passes me, touching my hair and mumbling that she'll get me something to drink. "Nothing, really. It was only my second day today, so...the most exciting part was getting some new syllabuses."

"I love syllabuses," Cristina grins.

"You're drunk," Meredith says quietly, shaking her head.

"It's okay," Cristina replies, holding up her hands. "It's been brought up, we've got it out in the open. I was cheated on and my husband is a bottom-feeding, brain-dead, disgusting ass. I am allowed to drink."

"Graphic," I reply quietly, nodding slowly. "So, your friends figured bringing you to the land of sun, surf and superficial people would...put you in a better mood?"

"No," Cristina sighs. "My mother lives here. She's making me visit her."

"Oh, are you guys close?" I ask sarcastically.

She laughs. "Ohhhh, I forgot how much I liked you."

I take the Pellegrino Mom hands me, and thank her.

"Maybe you can take Cristina out and help her...vent her frustrations," Mark grins.

"Ah," I nod. "Yes."

"What?" she asks, confused.

"Paintball," Mark replies.

"I don't...paintball," she replies.

"You will after this trip," Dad replies. "Kati'll have you sucked right in. Did you settle on dinner, honey?"

"I figured we'd just have a BBQ here. Addison and Jake are bringin' whatever we don't have," Mom replies.

"This will be a high point for my vacation," Cristina nods, grinning. "Addison and Derek meet again, Round...92."

"I've seen Addison plenty of times over the years, Cristina," Derek laughs good-naturedly.

As they continue to chat, as Meredith and Mom get into the conversation, Lexie leans over and squeezes my hand.

"How've you been? How's that boy of yours?"

"He's good," I can't help but smile. "I'm sure he'd race right over at the mention of BBQ."

"Oh, invite him over," she insists. "I've love to meet him."

"Anything interesting happening in Seattle?" I ask pointedly, while texting Axel, and she knows I mean Cristina.

"Well," she rolls her eyes. "Owen's trying to...I dunno, do something. They confuse me, as a couple. Actually Cristina confuses me as a human being, but..."

She shrugs.

"She is certainly a puzzle," Mark nods. "So when are we going paintballing?"

"Um," I think. "Tomorrow night?"

"Sold," he agrees. "I haven't played in years."

"That's because you're old now, buddy," Derek passes on his way inside, slapping Mark on the shoulder.

"You're an inch behind me!" Mark calls back to Derek.

"So when's your appointment?" I ask Lexie.

"Saturday morning," she replies.

"Well just think," I smile. "In a few months you'll have a perfectly healthy baby. All of this will seem like years ago."

Lexie smiles gratefully, and everyone greets a newcomer.

We turn and see Violet, Pete and Lucas arriving.

"Aw, a kid," I hear Cristina groan.

"Gonna have to watch your mouth," Meredith replies, teasing.

"Then I have nothing to say," Cristina replies, taking a swig of her beer.

"Jeez, we really have to get Cristina out of this...whatever this is," I turn to Amelia.

"Oh we will," she grins, and then winks and takes a drink of beer


	26. Chapter 26

As soon as Axel gets here, Dad decides the guys need to play basketball.

Addison and Jake arrive not long after Axel. They opted not to bring Judah, thinking it might be too soon. Addison greets all of her former coworkers happily, and introduces them to Jake.

"Wow," Cristina says, shaking his head. "Addison always manages to bag the hotties."

Jake just laughs and then heads over to join the basketball happening on the driveway.

Addison and Amelia haven't seen each other since the day Amelia handed over Judah. The months have given Amelia time to heal, and handle everything, and she happily hugs Addison.

"You look amazing," Addison says, holding her at arm's length. "Seattle never looked this good on _me_."

"What can I say," Amelia raises her palms. "We became fast friends."

The two of them wander off together to catch up on the more private issues. From our places at the table on the deck, Lexie reaches over and nudges my leg.

"You didn't say he was completely gorgeous," she grins, referring to Axel.

I laugh, looking over as he dunks the ball and high-fives Dad happily.

"He goes to UCLA too?"

"Yep. Computer sciences and engineering."

"Oh he's one of those guys? Total whiz with technology?" she shakes her head.

"It's scary," I reply. "He can literally build a computer. I mean, throw a strand of DNA in front of me and I can break that shit right down. Put his...whatever all of the parts of a computer are called, and I'm lost."

"I never did get that," Cristina shakes her head, drinking the water Meredith placed in front of her.

"Have you met any friends yet?" Lexie goes on.

"Mmm, I met one girl named Norah. She seems pretty great," I shrug. "I guess I've been kind of stuck in my books. I haven't really tried to make any friends yet."

"Well, the ones you meet in class tend to be better friends than the ones you meet while you're plastered at a frat party," Cristina puts in.

"I would rather watch my parents go at it than go to a frat party," I reply drily.

The deluge of water from Cristina's mouth shocks everybody, but not enough to stop them from laughing.

"That is the funniest, most disgusting and amazing thing I've ever heard," she laughs, looking at me.

I shrug, smiling uncomfortably at everyone looking at me.

"That's...pretty twisted," Lexie nods slowly, letting out a laugh.

"So you won't be looking at joining a sorority, then," Meredith grins.

"Kati? Join a sorority?" Addison says, flanked by Amelia, as to rejoin the group.

She laughs genuinely, and Amelia joins in.

"Yeah right," she chuckles, flopping into a deck chair and picking up her beer. "Alright, you. I wanna hear all about your first two days of college."

"Me too," Addison chimes. "I never did get to hear it yet."

"Interesting," I reply to her obvious teasing. She grins.

"There isn't really much to tell," I shrug. "Really, I've just been taking notes and reading syllabuses and trying not to be late for classes."

"Lame," Cristina breathes. "I miss good old college gossip."

"Why?" I reply, frowning in confusion. "Between you guys and the practice, there's enough gossip to start a soap opera."

"No there isn't," Cristina rolls her eyes.

"Uh, excuse me?" Amelia laughs. "Cheating husbands, lying all over the place, sleeping with husbands' best friends, avoiding sleeping with each other because you were too stubborn to give in and just _be _together, ectopic/almost-killed-you pregnancies, crazy mothers with Alzheimer's, drug-addict becomes pregnant and gives baby to former sister-in-law."

As she says each one, she lifts a finger to denote it's number, until she's holding up eight fingers.

"That's only seven," Addison says.

"I'm counting the adoption as it's own entity," she replies.

Everyone kind of sits there, stewing in the memory of their own drama, glancing at each other.

"Plus, Kati was in a car accident that killed her best friend and six months later had the shit beat out of her when her mentally deranged then-boyfriend tried to rape her," Amelia says calmly, taking a drink.

They all look at me.

"You have more than everybody else put together," Lexie stares, mouth open.

"You were also almost killed, _again_, when you and Axel tried to help that woman whose abusive boyfriend was trying to slap her around. You were admitted for a head injury, _again_, and your boyfriend lost a kidney," Amelia points her beer bottle at me.

"Why didn't I hear about this?" Cristina asks, looking around.

"Because you were up to your ass in your own gossip," Addison suggests, grinning as she takes a drink.

"That's true," Cristina nods. "He really lost a kidney?"

"Yep," I nod slowly. "It was...quite an afternoon."

"I don't know why but that kind of drama kind of pulls me in," she frowns in thought.

"Because it's bloody and messy and involves someone on a surgical table," Meredith answers.

We laugh and Cristina nods, accepting this answer as fact.

Mom and Violet, who've been bringing food out of the house and talking for the past 10 minutes, come and join our group of ladies.

"What are we talking about?" Violet asks, taking a drink.

"Blood," Cristina replies.

Violet and Mom make a face.

"She's lying," Addison sighs.

"Damn, girl," Mom says, glancing at Cristina. "A good mood on you is as scarce as hen's teeth."

Most of us are used to Mom's old-fashioned Southern sayings, but everyone from Seattle just kind of stares for a minute. I can't help but laugh into my pellegrino.

"She means it doesn't exist," Addison chuckles, taking a drink.

"Oh," Cristina clues in. "Well...it's a work in progress."

"To be called progress it has to involve you progressing," Meredith says sarcastically.

"Whatever," Cristina sighs. "Sorry. I'll be...happier."

"Are we eating soon?" Dad jogs over, sweaty from their basketball game.

"Soon as you guys start up that grill," Violet replies with a grin.

"Deal," he nods once, going over to tell the other guys.

Axel comes over and sits on the end of my lounge chair. "What are you hens clucking about?" he grins.

"Our teeth, actually," I reply.

Confused, he looks around. "Teeth? What do y'all have to talk about teeth for?"

"Nevermind," I smile, patting his shoulder.

Realizing I'm teasing him, he lunges forward to hug me, getting sweat on me.

"Ew!" I groan, pushing at him and laughing. "Get off."

He grins, kisses me and jumps up, pulling off his shirt and diving into the pool to cool off.

"That guy should be on advertisements everywhere," Cristina says steadily.

"Stop eyeing up the child," Addison nudges her, laughing.

"Oh god," Cristina realizes. "I've become That Woman."

Starting a train, Mark, Dad and Derek all jump into the pool after them.

"Coincidentally, they're all wearing shorts," Addison notices.

"Mark and Derek are treating this like it's Mexico," Lexie shakes her head. "You'd think we live in the Arctic year-round."

"We do," Cristina replies. "And I like it."

"You're like a vampire," Addison shakes her head at Cristina.

"Baby, why don't you come help me make a salad," Mom gets up.

We head inside, with Violet and Lucas close behind


	27. Chapter 27

Lexie was right when she said Mark and Derek were treating this like a vacation. By the time I get home from school the next afternoon, they're poolside with beers, chatting with Dad and Jake, laughing.

"Oh hey, honey!" Dad calls, seeing me peek out from the patio doors. "How was school?"

"Oh, y'know," I breathe, walking over to them. "The joys of organic chemistry are just so interesting."

I pump a fist half-heartedly.

"I aced organic chem," Mark smiles proudly.

"Of course you did," Derek says, subtle sarcasm making its way through.

"Then you can do my homework! Thanks Mark!" I smile.

They laugh as I turn to head back inside.

"Where's Mom?" I look back at Dad.

"She's in there. I think they were in the sunroom."

I wander inside and grab a Coke from the fridge, and then walk towards the sunroom.

I find Mom, Addison and Lexie lounging on the comfy furniture.

"Hey baby," Mom smiles, gesturing with her arm to come sit by her. "How was your day?"

"Some kid passed out and fell down 11 steps in my bio class," I reply, sitting down.

"Nice," Addison chuckles. "Hungover?"

"Oh yeah," I nod. "He could have gotten drunk from drinking his own sweat."

"Ew," Lexie makes a face.

"But possible," I shrug. "What are you guys doing?"

"Just talking about the surgery," Lexie smiles, small. She's trying really hard to stay positive.

"Try not to be too nervous," I smile. "You've got the best there is gettin' in there and fixing your baby."

"Oh you," Addison grins, nudging me with her foot.

"I like how you de-stress by relaxing and hanging out, and Mark just gets drunk by the pool," I say.

"It's a guy thing," Addison shakes her head. "They all decided they needed to cheer him up, and that was the first idea."

"Did Dad suggest it?" I ask.

"Of course he did, baby," Mom rubs my back.

We laugh.

"Where's Meredith? And Cristina?"

"Shopping," Lexie replies, making a face.

"Cristina shops?" I ask, frowning.

"No," Addison and Lexie reply together.

"Gotcha," I nod once.

"Are you still takin' those boys paintballing tonight?" Mom asks, running a hand through my hair.

"Can you even go paintballing when you're plastered?" Addison asks.

"Oh yeah," I reply, and grin when Mom gives me a look, wondering how I know this. "How plastered are we talking?"

"Meh, not that bad," Lexie waves a hand. "They're about three or four beers in, each."

"Yeah," I exhale. "I'll take them."

"What does it say about my parenting if I let you drive four grown men to go paintballin', who are all liquored up?" Mom says.

"It says, 'Wait a minute. I'm pretty much done parenting this one'," I smile.

"Child, I will never be done," Mom replies, swatting at me as I get up.

I laugh, leaving the room and heading to mine.

* * *

"How high's the pressure on these puppies?" Mark asks, examining his paintball gun.

As a response, Derek fires at him, hitting him dangerously close to his groin. Mark keels over, groaning.

"That high," Derek grins.

"Son of a bitch," Mark breathes, standing upright. "You're dead, Shepherd. As soon as we get on that field."

"We're on the same team," Derek replies, shaking his head.

"Oh," Mark remembers.

We turn to eye our opponents. It's a group of five guys, around my age.

"Well that's a vaguely familiar smell," Jake comments.

We can all smell the faint aroma of pot.

"Ah, college," Derek sighs, putting on his mask and grinning at us.

Our game is announced to start, so we head out onto the field.

The beer race they've been having all afternoon does nothing for their game. Even Dad, who taught me to play in the first place, gets hit several times. We end up losing, but it's a pretty hilarious game so it's totally worth it.

They relive it the entire way home, insisting they got so many hits against the other team.

When we get home, it's almost dark out and there's light and noise coming from the backyard.

"Is that the girls?" Mark frowns, staring at the house. "I thought Lexie would be asleep."

"Lexie's nerves aren't going to let her sleep tonight," I pat him on the shoulder.

We walk around the house, up the driveway, coming to the backyard.

They've clearly been having a good time since we left.

Mom's drinking martinis, so everyone can expect her accent to thicken and some old-fashioned adages to make their way out. Addison and Violet are laughing really hard at something, and Mom, Lexie, Meredith and Cristina seem to be laughing at them.

"Oh hey!" Addison notices us, waving happily.

"They are _all _loaded," I turn and stare at Dad. "Well. Except the one with the bun in the oven."

We come through the gate and walk over to where they're all draped over lounge chairs and patio furniture.

"Ohhh look at you guys!" Addison cries, coming to hug Jake, despite the paint all over him.

"Y'all have fun?" Mom asks, grinning widely.

"Yeah," I laugh, amused at their obvious drunkenness.

"You win?" she asks.

"No," I reply. "Not a good idea to hit the sauce before playing, unless you wanna...well."

I gesture towards Dad and the guys, all fairly covered in paint and chuckling as they pull beer from the bowl filled with ice.

"Cooper," Mom says, scolding. "You did not make your child lose because you were tipsy."

"I..." Dad frowns, shaking his head. "You heard her. We had fun!"

Mom shakes her head, pulling me to sit beside her. She wraps an arm around my neck and kisses my temple.

"I hope they weren't too much of a hassle," Lexie says, making a face.

"No," I shake my head, smiling. "It was actually really funny. I think you guys will notice some...bruises later."

"Nice," Cristina nods.

Not wasting the opportunity, Mark unzips his jeans and reveals his thigh, where a purple bruise is already blooming, white in the centre.

"Mark! Keep your pants on around my child!" Mom cries, tossing a handful of ice at him.

"She's an innocent child," Dad says, mock-sternly, as he frowns at Mark.

"Yeah right," Mark laughs. "We all saw her on that field. Like some kind of...genetically engineered...paintball...er."

Even he looks confused by his own words, as he takes a drink from his bottle and waits for the attention to go somewhere else. We laugh at him, and Lexie holds out an arm.

"Come sit down, honey," she laughs.

"How was your shopping trip?" I ask Cristina brightly, with a huge smile, knowing she hates shopping.

"Ugh," she rolls her eyes.

"How do you...have clothes? If you refuse to shop?" Addison asks.

"I wear Meredith's," she replies obviously. "Or I order online."

"Hey, can you teach my wife and daughter how to hate it, too?" Dad pipes up.

"Yeah right," Mom replies. "We're not changin' anytime soon."

"I need to slow down," Addison sighs, looking at her empty glass.

"Yeah you do. You have a VIP tomorrow. Very Important Patient," Mark points his beer bottle at her.

"Thanks, I picked that up," Addison tilts her head drily.

"I'm too sober for you guys," I sigh, standing up.

"Good," Mom replies, raising her eyebrows at me.

I shake my head, walking towards the doors.

"Stay for a bit, honey," Mom calls.

"Nah," I wave an arm. "I've gotta wash off this paint and...do nothing for awhile."

"Busy week, honey," Dad smiles. "First week of college!"

"And it wasn't even a full week," I reply.

I smile and wave, as they call out 'good night', heading inside.

When I look back, while I'm closing the doors, I look at all of them sitting there, laughing and tapping the necks of their beer bottles together. For a second, I can imagine them when they were my age. College freshmen, getting wasted on weekends. Although back then Mom would have been half a bottle into Big Daddy's bourbon, instead of sipping on gin martinis.

She catches my eye and smiles, winking at me.

I smile at her before going inside.


	28. Chapter 28

I spend the next morning doing homework and reviewing what was went over in my classes.

Around noon, I head over to the practice. I see that the kitchen is full, so I walk in.

"Hey you," Amelia grins, coming to hug me. "I was wondering when you were gonna show up. Let's go have lunch."

"Okay," I agree. "How's Lexie?"

"They're still in there with Addison," Dad replies.

"When is she gonna do the surgery?" I ask, wondering how the appointment is going.

"Depends on what she finds on the ultrasound," Mom shrugs.

Amelia pulls on her sweater.

"Anybody else up for tacos on the pier?" she asks.

"Definitely," Cristina says, as she and Meredith get up from the table to join us.

* * *

"The baby's gonna be fine, right?" I ask, as we order tacos from the stand.

"It's Addison," Amelia replies. "She watches a surgery once and she imitates it perfectly. She's done several spina bifida surgeries, so she'll nail it."

I nod as we walk over to a nearby table and sit down.

"Don't you miss this, Amelia?" Meredith looks out at the ocean and the bright blue sky.

"Sometimes," she nods, and then shrugs. "But I'm an East Coast girl. I grew up with the rain. It's kind of comforting, y'know?"

"Yes," Cristina agrees, rolling her eyes. "I grew up here, and I love Seattle."

"That's because it suits your personality," Meredith chuckles.

"And it's far, far away from my mother," Cristina adds.

"You guys and your Bad Moms club," Amelia shakes her head.

"Well we can't all have incredible mothers like you two," Meredith grins.

"That is true," I nod slowly. "My mom is pretty awesome."

"We'll see how you feel when the really big things happen, like losing your virginity and moving out. She'll be a mess," Amelia replies.

I swallow, and like a light going on, Amelia reads my face.

"Oh my god," she stares at me.

"What?" Meredith looks back and forth between us.

"Kati had sex," Cristina replies, biting her taco.

I frown at her, wondering how _she _clued into this, and then turn back to see Amelia's surprised and somewhat confused face.

"You did?" she asks.

I feel my face flush slightly, and I exhale. "Yes. And it's not the kind of thing that needs to be made into a lunch conversation."

"Yes it is!" she cries, ignoring her lunch. "When? When did this happen?"

I roll my eyes. "I really don't want to-"

"Kati!" she cries, her voice rising slightly as she stares at me, wide-eyed.

"I already have Addison to deal with, making me go for spontaneous and uncomfortable exams! This is not a share-with-everyone experience!"

"Did she really?" Cristina laughs.

"Yes. She did," I reply, straight-faced. "It was not a fun time."

"It never is," she shakes her head.

"Was she mad? Your mom?" Amelia demands.

I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Of course she was," Amelia mutters, almost to herself. "I can't believe I missed that."

"It's not some kind of broadway show," I make a face.

"It kind of is, with your mom," Cristina puts in. "She's pretty entertaining."

"Why was she mad? You're in college. You're responsible," Meredith shrugs.

"How are you gonna feel when you find out Zola's not a virgin anymore?" Amelia raises her eyebrows.

"Oh," Meredith says, her expression growing scared as she thinks.

"Exactly," Cristina says.

"When was this?" Amelia asks again.

"Um," I hum. "Like a week ago? Almost?"

"And no one told me!?" she widens her eyes.

"I guess my mother figured I wouldn't enjoy it if my virginity was taglined in an email and laid out for everyone to discuss," I reply sarcastically.

"See? Good mother," Cristina points.

"Well…how was it? I mean…how are you?" Amelia asks, choosing her words.

"I'm fine," I reply.

"I bet it hurt, huh?" she says.

"Oh," Cristina breathes. "Yeah. Your boyfriend's that tall gorgeous mocha-skinned hottie, isn't he?"

"Yes," I smile, tilting my head.

"So he's…" she begins, glancing at Meredith and Amelia.

"Endowed," Amelia finishes for her, staring at me.

I shake my head. This is ridiculous. Every woman in my family is ridiculous about sex.

"Well?" Amelia presses, when I don't say anything.

"What?" I shrug. "Yes. It hurt. I lived."

I shake my head, waiting for her to say something.

"I just…" she shakes her head, staring into the wood of the picnic table. "I used to change your diapers."

"Maybe one day you can again," I pat her shoulder comfortingly. "Should I ever spend a period of time convalescing and bed-ridden."

She has to laugh, shaking her head, as Meredith and Cristina chuckle.

"I'm just…surprised," she finally says. "Not that it happened…well, kind of. I dunno. I guess it seems crazy when it's someone you love who's always been a kid in your eyes."

"Yeah," I sigh. "I get it. Now there's only Violet to find out and freak out."

"And she will," Amelia says. "Shrink or not, she will freak out."

"Just, don't tell her," I ask. "Or Dad. He doesn't know. He doesn't need to. This is…not a public discussion."

"Okay," she nods, and then smiles and leans over to hug me.

I look at Meredith and Cristina, making a face that asks them why the hell this is happening.

They just shrug and go back to eating lunch.

* * *

When we get back to the practice, Lexie, Mark and Addison have joined the others in the kitchen.

"Hey," Amelia says as we push open the door. "How'd it go?"

"Textbook," Addison smiles reassuringly.

"Yeah?" I say, relieved. "When's the surgery?"

"In a couple weeks," she replies. "Better sooner than later."

I smile at Lexie, glad to see her glowing face rather than one broken in pain. Mark, who was looking a little worse for the wear this morning, courtesy of his shenanigans last night, is smiling and looking at ease.

"Well," he says, clapping his hands once. "Let's celebrate!"

A few of the others stare at him.

"I don't mean getting drunk," he rolls his eyes. "Let's…have dinner. We'll BBQ ribs! Lexie's favorite."

This gets all the guys on board immediately, nodding and voicing their approval.

"Say BBQ and they'll agree to anything," I say quietly to Mom.

"That's men for ya," she smiles, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Perfect!" Mark smiles. "Kati, come be my tour guide. Show me to the grocery store and we'll stock up. Then we'll meet you all back at the house?"

"Sounds good," a few of them agree.

So Mark and I head out, as he excitedly talks about how great Lexie's appointment went.


	29. Chapter 29

Axel has a party planned that night, and he's invited a bunch of people he's met at college. I invited Norah, and gave her the directions to Axel's house.

Axel comes over for the BBQ, helping to eat the mammoth pile of ribs that Mark insisted we buy at Whole Foods. Now that Lexie and Mark know the details of their baby's surgery, they seem a bit more at ease. Although you can see that Lexie is still worried. As would anyone be, I think.

She and Mark opt to stay in LA until the surgery. Since Sam is in New York, he offers his house for them to stay in. Amelia's been staying with us, and has decided to extend her stay for another few days, but Meredith, Derek and Cristina are flying back to Seattle tomorrow afternoon.

As an excuse to buy a lot of liquor, Mark insisted we celebrate his and Lexie's good news, and also have a "goodbye party" for the other three.

"A goodbye party?" Mom raises an eyebrow.

"I never got that," Amelia wrinkles her nose. "Why throw a party to celebrate someone leaving?"

"Think of it as your last chance to get loaded together for awhile," I shrug.

"Cheers," Derek grins, clinking his beer bottle against Mark's.

After dinner we sit around the patio, chatting and hanging out. Addison comes out from the house at one point, carrying my guitar.

"You playing us a song, Addie?" Mark grins.

"Ha," Addison scoffs. "I can't carry a tune to save my life."

"I know," he replies straight-faced, and she makes a face at his joke.

"No, this is Kati's," she adds.

"I didn't know you played," Lexie smiles.

"Me neither," a couple of our Seattle friends add.

"She's a pro," Amelia smiles proudly. "Could have ridden a singing career all the way to the bank."

"Apparently I'm only allowed to do that if Dad dies and I hop over his dead body to get there," I say, giving Dad a dry grin.

"Damn straight," Mom adds, sipping her martini.

"Play us something!" Lexie calls.

I exhale, giving Addison a look.

"Please?" she begs, giving me a big pouty face.

"Come on, honey," Dad says. "You haven't played in like, two weeks! You've been all stressed about starting college. So sing! Sing dammit!"

He hold his fist up, giving us his game face.

I shake my head, taking the guitar.

"Two songs," I look at Addison.

"Three," she smiles.

I sigh. "Fine. Three. What would you like? Actually, let me guess... Fall Apart Today."

"Well, you did write it _for me_," she shrugs, smiling.

"Brag about it," Jake nudges her, chuckling.

I actually wrote it for her years ago, when she was in the process of breaking up with Sam, and was a total mess about it. I'm not even sure if Jake knows that...he probably does.

Either way, he's a good sport about it.

I tune my guitar, catching Axel's eye as he smiles, giving me a wink.

He still makes me feel like I'm hoarding butterflies in my chest.

I play Addison's song, flushing pink as I finish and they applaud loudly.

"Kati, you're amazing!" Lexie stares.

"Uhhh," I mumble, feeling my face turn red. "Thanks."

"She's way too modest about it," Amelia shakes her head. "Okay, my pick."

"Hey, why is it your pick?" Jake asks, palms raised. "I wanna pick."

"Because I never get to see her or hear her anymore, and you see her all the time," Amelia replies, and smiles. "I wanna hear...Lulu and the Lampshades, You're Gonna Miss Me."

"On guitar?" I frown.

"Yes! I love it! Come on," she urges.

"I've never heard of this song," Cristina says, confused.

"It's not on the radio or anything," Mom replies. "Beautiful little song, though."

So I play Amelia her song, even though it's short, not even two minutes. But everyone seems to love it anyway.

Afterwards I look at Lexie.

"You pick the last one, Lexie," I smile. "Then I have a party to conquer."

"Oh, no Jake wanted to pick," she absent-mindedly points at him.

"It's okay," he smiles. "You pick."

"Um," Lexie thinks.

"Literally, pick anything," Addison says. "She can play it."

Mom smiles at me, as Lexie hums.

"You know Rachael Cantu?" she asks, as though this is a weird request.

"Yes," I reply. "I love her songs."

"Far and Wide?"

"K," I smile.

Addison tries to get me to play another, but I refuse, and Mom backs me up.

"Oh give her a break, Addie," she waves a hand. "Let her go see her friends."

"Fine," she gives in. "But next time I see you, Henry wants to hear five songs. Five. Count 'em."

She holds up her hand, splaying her fingers.

"Okay," I widen my eyes at her serious face, and laugh quietly.

Axel and I stand up, saying goodbye to everyone. As Axel thanks Mom and Dad and Mark for dinner, I say goodbye to Meredith, Cristina and Derek.

I hug Mom last, and she holds me by my shoulders after a moment. "Be safe."

She says it firmly, as if I don't know this.

"I will," I give her a look, and then smile, shaking my head.

"You take care of my girl, Axel," Mom calls out as we reach the patio doors.

"I'd take a bullet for her, Dr Freedman," he grins at her.

"Mmhmm," I hear Mom mumble, giving him a look before turning back to the group.

* * *

Axel drives us back to his place, where a few cars are already parked out front. Mr and Mrs Mason took Allegra to Princeton to get Atticus settled in for his senior year, so again, we have the house to ourselves.

We reach the backyard and find that Chase, Lyndon and Brett are already here, setting up Beersbie poles and Battleshots.

"Not wasting any time, huh?" Axel calls out, chuckling.

"First college party," Chase grins, shrugging. "Gotta make it good."

"Have we ever had a lame party?" I ask, taking two beers from the patio fridge and handing one to Axel.

"You mean besides the one where you were almost killed?" he replies, frowning.

I roll my eyes, going over and picking up one of the big, empty, silver basins we use as coolers.

"Alright, alright," I sigh.

I drag the other basin over, so the two are near the deck. Axel brings the bags of ice we picked up into the backyard, dumping them into the basins.

"Where's Jenelle?" I ask Chase.

I haven't heard from Jenelle in a couple days, and I know Megan is on her way over.

"Ugh," Chase groans. "She's getting ready over at some sorority house."

"Excuse me?" I stop in the middle of opening a case of beer, staring at him.

"Yeah," he flicks his eyebrows up. "My thoughts exactly."

"Since when is Jenelle in a sorority?" Lyndon asks, after finishing his beer and tossing the empty can between the two Beersbie poles.

"She's not," Chase replies. "They asked her to be a pledge or some shit. She's been hanging around them all week."

"They hot?" Lyndon asks, coming and cracking another beer.

"They're Barbies," he says, unimpressed. "Stereotypical, shallow, ridiculous Barbies."

"Well don't hold back," I reply, after swallowing a mouthful of beer.

"You'll see, Kati," he shakes his head, finishing pounding the second pole into the ground. "She's being...not Jenelle."

"Mmm," I mumble, realizing why I haven't heard from her. "Is she bringing her motley crew of Mattel prototypes?"

"Ha," Lyndon laughs, pointing his beer at me. "I get it. Because Mattel makes Barbies."

"Why do you know that?" Axel frowns at him.

Lyndon stays silent, looking around with a look of fear.

We turn our attention back to Chase.

"Yeah, she's bringing them," he replies, coming over and cracking a beer, flopping onto a patio chaise. "Actually, the bright side to this is going to be watching you interact with them."

He and Axel laugh together. I look from one of them to the other.

"Oh come on," Axel laughs. "You have about as much in common with a sorority girl as I do with a pastor."

"That's...a very wide spectrum," I frown, looking at him.

He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses me. "I didn't say it was a bad thing."

He grins, kissing me again, as we hear the side gate open.

"Hey!" Lyndon calls out, and we look to see a bunch of guys from Chadwick, and a few we don't know.

It's after 10:00 so people arrive steadily after that. Megan shows up, and we chat a bit about our first week at college, before she goes off to play a round of Battleshots with some friends. As I watch their game, I see someone arrive from the corner of my eye. I turn and see Norah, looking nervous as she looks around. I have to give her credit for showing up alone to a party where she only knows one person. She hasn't even met Axel yet.

I smile, waving at her, and relief breaks over her face as she grins and hurries over.

"Hey," she says.

"How's it going?" I ask, gesturing silently towards the beer tubs.

"Great," she smiles, taking the can I offer. "This place is amazing. Are all of you guys this ridiculously rich?"

I laugh, slightly uncomfortable. "Axel's dad is a software engineer. Some kind of genius."

She nods and we walk back over to where I was watching Beersbie from.

"What are they playing?" she asks, drinking her beer.

"Really?" I turn to her.

She looks at me, then shrugs. "Yeah, I'm a newbie here. Help me out."

"Beersbie," I reply.

"And you just...throw the frisbee at the beer can?"

"Basically. Or the pole. You miss, you drink. You hit the pole and they catch the can before it drops, you drink. But if you hit the can or the pole and the can hits the ground, you are the champion."

"Alright," she nods slowly. "I like it."

"We'll play as soon as Lyndon's finished suffering a miserable loss to his new college friends," I reply.

"Hey!" he calls, looking over. Just then the frisbee hits his pole and his beer can almost falls, but he catches it at the last second.

"Eyes on the game, Hosler," I call back.

Norah laughs, looking around. "So which one's your boyfriend?"

I look around. Ten minutes ago Axel said he was going to change. Chase went with him, and I haven't seen them since.

"I dunno. Around here somewhere," I say.

"Okay, this one I've played," Norah says, and I turn to see where she's pointing.

"Ah yes," I nod. "Battleshots."

"Either I'm psychic, or I should join the navy, because I am ridiculously good at it," she says.

"Perfect," I smile. "You'll fit in just fine."

She laughs and we move around the backyard.

"So you know all of these people?" she asks.

"No," I shake my head. "Most, but not all. Everyone brought some new people they met at college."

"Wow, you have an actual stoner circle," she says, as we stop and stare at the group of people in the back corner of the backyard, where a patio swing and several large pillows are spread across a wooden area.

"Yes," I nod slowly. "Really great group, actually. Great ideas for snacks and some really profound ideas about our universe."

"Yeah?" she laughs, looking over at me. "Do you smoke?"

"Mmm," I shrug, making a face. "I have. I didn't really love it, but I didn't hate it."

"Yeah. It's not for everyone," she replies.

"You?" I ask.

"Sometimes," she nods. "In this kind of atmosphere."

"Go hard," I gesture towards the group. "They're a very welcoming bunch."

Taylor, one of the guys in the group who was in my graduating class, looks up and smiles.

"Kati," he calls. "I had a dream about you, man. Great things in your future."

"Nice," I reply, raising my thumb at him. "Stay excellent."

"Oh I will," he grins, nodding slowly.

"Maybe later," Norah laughs, referring to my earlier urge. "Keep showing me the layout here."

We turn to walk back towards the house, and just then the patio doors open and there stands Axel and Chase. Both of them are wearing really short, white girls' 80s gym shorts, high socks, and too-tight, neon tank tops.

"Holy shit," Norah laughs, leaning over as she laughs harder.

Axel spots me and grins wider.

"Alright, Hosler!" Chase calls out. "You're going down!"

"If he does, it won't be hard to get to your junk," I say, and Axel laughs, as he and Chase walk across the deck and out onto the grass, as everyone cheers and applauds at them, laughing.

"You know these two?" Norah says, laughing.

"Yes, the one with the perfect calves and the neon pink tank top is my boyfriend," I grin.

"The other guy is really hot," she replies, still chuckling.

Chase is wearing neon yellow-green. They both reach the spot where Norah and I are standing.

"Hey baby," Axel grins, looking proud of himself.

"Are those mine?" I ask, pointing to their shorts.

"Oh, yeah. I snuck into your room during supper," he replies, glancing down at his outfit. "But the tank tops we bought ourselves."

"Any particular reason?" Norah asks, smiling and stealing glances at Chase.

"Just expressing our inner selves," Axel shrugs. Chase starts doing lunges.

"I don't want those shorts back," I say to him.

He grins, and then makes a face of enlightenment.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" he says, pulling two head-sweatbands out of his pocket.

He hands the pink one to Axel and puts his own on.

"What do you think?" Axel grins.

"Sexy," I reply, nodding slowly, humoring him.

He smiles.

"Oh hey, you must be Norah," he suddenly remembers. "Sorry, I was caught up in my outfit. You know how it is."

"Definitely," Norah nods. "Nice to meet you."

They shake hands and then Chase stops doing lunges long enough to introduce himself.

"You ever seen someone look this good?" he asks Norah, sticking his chest out.

"I can honestly say that I haven't," she shakes her head.

"Knew it," Chase says, exhaling, looking proud of himself.

"You two need some more beer?" Axel asks.

"Yeah," I reply, still grinning at his outfit, and the four of us head towards the deck.


	30. Chapter 30

Lyndon and Brett end up starting another round of Beersbie, so Axel, Norah, Chase and I stand together and chat, getting to know Norah as she gets to know them. And me, I guess. We haven't hung out that much yet.

In the middle of a conversation about Norah's first choice of specialty-neurology-we hear the loud giggling of girls. We turn and see six or seven girls enter the backyard. All of them blonde, several with obviously fake boobs, and all of them craving the attention of the crowd.

"Super," Chase breathes, taking a drink of beer.

I look back at the girls and realize that one of them is Jenelle. Except she doesn't look like Jenelle. The Jenelle I know doesn't like pink, rarely wears ultra-revealing clothes and doesn't "giggle". The Jenelle amid the group of Barbies, is wearing pink heels, her boobs are leaving almost nothing to the imagination, and she's giggling at something one of her new friends has said.

The look on Chase's face makes me sad. He looks almost heartbroken and also kind of disgusted.

Seeing us, Jenelle says something to her friends and they all come over to us.

"Hey," Jenelle says happily. "How's it going, guys?"

"Great," Axel replies. "How about you, Jen? Haven't seen you lately."

"Oh, I've just been _super _busy with school and everything," she replies emphatically. "Oh, these are my friends. Ashley, Cassidy, Savannah, Sherie, Emma and Blue."

"Blue?" Chase says. "Like...the color?"

"Yeah," the girl replies rudely.

I realize that Jenelle has barely even acknowledged Chase.

"Hey babe," he says, almost pointedly.

"Oh, hey," she replies, not very excitedly.

I see some of the girls eye Chase judgmentally.

"Nice outfit," one of them remarks.

"You too," Chase smiles. "You ever heard that term 'Just because it zips, doesn't mean it fits?'"

I bit my lip to stop from laughing.

"Funny," the girl replies, unimpressed.

"Yeah, my boy's pretty hilarious," Axel grins, throwing an arm around Chase.

"And you're pretty cute," one of them girls grins at Axel.

"Not even close to how cute my girlfriend is," Axel replies smoothly, throwing his other arm around me.

The girl gives me a once over, and glares.

These are the types of females I do not understand, relate to, or want to be around.

"Guys, this is Kati," Jenelle says.

"Oh," one of them, the apparent Leader, says. "Jenelle was telling us about you... I pictured you with lighter hair."

"Yeah I guess I didn't get the memo about the bleach and the silicone," I reply with a smile.

She doesn't follow.

"Jenelle says you're pretty cool. You should hang with us," she replies after failing to pick up on my insult.

"How's it going, Kati?" Jenelle asks, obviously trying to dispel the tension.

"Great," I nod. "How about you? I haven't even seen you on campus."

"She's been very busy," one of her friends pokes in.

"Oh that's too bad," I reply. "Losing the ability to speak for oneself does keep one very busy."

"What?" she makes a face.

"Yeah," I sigh, smiling. "Well have a super time tonight, girls. There's enough liquor to knock out a few of you, so get in there!"

I turn, meeting Norah's eyes as she stifles laughter, and we walk away, Axel still keeping his arm around me.

"Don't, Chase! You'll smear my lipstick," I hear Jenelle cry.

I look back and see Jenelle push her hand against Chase's chest. The look on his face makes my stomach hurt. He backs away from Jenelle, and then says something quietly before turning to catch up to us.

"You okay, bro?" Axel asks after a second.

"Yeah," he replies. "I just...don't think we're gonna be together much longer."

"Really?" I ask.

"Not if she's going to be like this. She didn't even want to kiss me. She looked embarrassed to be with me."

"Sorry, man," Axel nudges him.

"Whatever," Chase shrugs it off. "We gonna play some Beersbie or what?"

* * *

Norah teams up with Chase to take on Axel and I in a game. One game turns into three, and we all end up pretty drunk. As we head over to the deck to flop onto some patio furniture with full drinks, Jenelle comes out from inside.

"Chase, we need to talk," she says.

She looks uncomfortable, despite clearly being drunk.

"Just say it, Jen," he shakes his head, looking fed up.

"Say what?" she frowns.

Chase sighs, looking down at the beer in his hands before taking a long swig.

"Look," Jenelle says quietly, coming to sit beside him.

I look over and see her village-of-the-damned inhabitants standing in a group, trying to look inconspicuous as they watch this scene.

"I came here tonight because I wanted to talk to you," Jenelle says quietly.

Now, I see the Jenelle I know. Despite the fact that we all know what she's about to do, I can see that she feels bad. She doesn't want to hurt Chase.

"This doesn't have to be a big thing," Chase replies stonily. "We've only been together for, what? Three months? We gave it a go; it was fun; now it's over."

Jenelle looks surprised, and I have to say, even I'm a little taken aback by him taking the reins here.

"Well..." she mumbles, her eyes darting around as her head stays bowed.

"I just never took you for that kind of girl," he goes on.

"What kind of girl?" she asks rudely.

"This kind," he gestures, from her heels to her clothes. "I thought you were...real. Not fake."

"What, like you? Wearing some kind of 80s acid-trip outfit?"

"Whoa," I say slowly, frowning at Jenelle.

"Whatever," she says, glancing at me before standing up. "I'm glad we...talked."

"Oh me too," Chase nods, drinking more beer. "What a relief."

His sarcasm doesn't escape her.

"See you around, Chase," she says, looking at him once more before going inside to her new friends.

I watch her, seeing how the girls crowd around her, consoling her as though they genuinely care about her.

"You did the right thing," the rude girl says to her. "He wasn't right for you. It never would have worked out."

"Y'know, that's actually kind of amazing," I say to my little group, pointing my drink towards the girls, standing just inside.

"What?" Chase asks, confused.

"Some people search high and low for a real, genuine psychic. Jenelle found an entire slew of 'em. First week of college," I reply.

He has to grin, shaking his head.

"Do you think they can tell us if we're really right for each other?" I turn to Axel, gripping his arm.

"We answer to no one," he replies, putting on a James Bond-esque facade.

"You guys are fucked," Chase says, finishing his beer.

"Seriously," Norah agrees, laughing.

"Axel, you still got those sparks you bought for you and Kati?" Chase asks.

"Of course," Axel replies. "Come on. Let's sneak outta here."

We each grab another beer and head back to Axel's garage.

"Fireworks?" Norah asks, as we reach the garage and she sees Axel reveal a box of them.

She grins.

"Yep," I reply, grabbing a handful of Roman candles. "Axel and I have been doing this since we were 12."

Norah raises her eyebrows, watching as Chase, Axel and I pick up fireworks.

"Not with permission," I reply to her questioning expression.

"Okay," she nods. "Now it makes sense."

She shakes her head, picking up the remaining fireworks, and then Axel leads the way to the spot we like to go to.

Fifteen Roman candles and three enormous sparklers later, we reach Axel's garage, out of breath from running. We always light the last few big ones and then run, because the cops always arrive around that time.

* * *

"That, was awesome," Norah laughs, as we reach the backyard.

"Axel and Kati are junior pyros," Chase replies.

"I just appreciate color," I reply, stumbling and then gripping Axel's arm as he steadies me. "And lights."

"So get some Christmas lights," Chase replies.

"Boring," I reply. "Beside, I'm half-Jewish."

"And you have a Christmas tree every year," Axel points out, laughing.

"Seth Cohen was right," I shrug. "Chrismakkuh."

We reach the backyard and find lots of people now passed out, strewn about the patio furniture and grass. Jenelle and her friends are gone.

We play another game of Beersbie before I realize that I'm done.

"Alright. Cab me. I'm plastered, and I can't be too hungover because I have homework and family stuff and...so many things. Tomorrow." I say, finishing my drink.

"Me too," Norah agrees. "I mean, the plastered part. You were right, Kati. Awesome party."

"Compliments of Mr Axel Mason," I smile, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.

Axel calls us a cab and by then, everyone is pretty much gone, leaving Chase, Lyndon and Brett. Chase is already passed out on Axel's giant sectional couch when Norah and I leave.

I'm dropped off first, since my house is closer. I check my phone and see that it's almost 2:00 AM. There are still lights on in the house, and when I get closer, I can hear people in the backyard.

I walk around the long way, to the gate leading to the backyard.

Sitting around the fire pit are Mom, Dad, Addison, Jake, Mark, Derek, Meredith and Cristina. Only Amelia and Lexie seem to have gone to bed.

"Kati!" Addison yells when she sees me.

Clearly they are all as drunk as I am. Probably more so.

Clumsily, I close the gate and head towards them, as an excited Nigel meets me halfway.

"How was your night, honey?" Dad calls out.

"Prime," I reply, raising my thumb. "I performed very well in Beersbie."

"Well done," Addison nods solemnly.

"Katelyn Freedman, have you been drinking?" Mom asks, leaning forward in her chair, a half-full bottle of beer in her hand.

"Really, Mom?" I frown, letting my bag drop from my shoulder and hit the ground. "Are we gonna do this? You ask if I've been drinking and then we all remember that I'm in college and the fact that I'm underage is irrelevant because I'm not retarded and don't act like an idiot, and I end up not giving you an answer at all so you give me a Mom Look and then a good ol' Southern adage and we let it go."

She raises an eyebrow at me, but everyone else stifles laughter.

"Oh come on, Charlotte," Mark nudges her, grinning. "She's young! Let her act like a college kid!"

"Excuse me," Mom says, turning to look at him as we grin or chuckle at her face. "I do not need _you _to give me tips on how to raise _my _child."

But Mark just continues to grin at her scolding, until her she shakes her head, not hiding her amused grin.

"She's fine, Charlotte," Addison slurs, waving a hand. "She even took a cab! Look at what a smart and grown-up girl we've raised!"

"We?" Cristina makes a face, looking at Addison.

"Yes. We," Addison replies, moving her hand around in a circle to denote Mom, Dad and Jake. "I delivered this child and I have watched her grow up and taught her things and disciplined her and given her shit when she does silly things and helped her, and...been there."

She glances at Mom and I know exactly what she's referring to. I roll my eyes, climbing into Dad's chair beside him, squeezing onto his lap. We barely fit but we still do it sometimes anyway.

"This does not mean I advocate your underage illegal activities," Mom points at me.

"Sorry Mama," I reply, perfectly mimicking her Alabaman accent, curling into Dad's chest as he wraps an arm around me. "I showed up and all of a sudden I was drunk. Happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth."

This is one of my favorite old Southern sayings of Mom's.

Even she can't hide a grin, shaking her head as she softly laughs at me.

"You've got that accent down pat, huh?" Mark laughs.

"Of course she does," Mom laughs.

"Kati sounded like she grew up in Alabama until she turned four and went to school. Then her accent slowly faded," Addison replies.

"No way," Mark laughs.

"Charlotte stayed home with her those first four years," Dad replies, smiling. "That accent was bound to stick."

"Aw, you must have been so cute with a little accent!" Meredith coos drunkenly.

"Pretty damn adorable," Mom replies, winking at me.

"Sadly, it's never gone away," I sigh. "Sometimes, I think the way I talk now is just a facade."

Mom reaches over to squeeze my knee, my most-hated ticklish spot.

I shriek, jerking away.

"So. Tell us about your college party. Enlighten us old folks," Mark says, leaning back in his chair.

"Well," I think, my eyes getting tired of staying open. "Beersbie...Battleshots...Jager bombs...vodka bombs...a very short experiment with sambuca bombs, which no one should ever try again. Ever."

"Beersbie?" Mark frowns.

"Battleshots?" Meredith asks, confused.

"I don't have enough time awake to explain them," I reply, waving a hand dismissively. "The real highlight of the night was when Axel and Chase came outside dressed in neon tank tops, headbands, knee socks, and two pairs of _my _white LuluLemon shorts."

"The short-short ones?" Mom asks.

I nod, and they laugh.

"Then Jenelle showed up with all these contestants for Girls Gone Wild with their Jenny McCarthy hair and their Pamela Anderson boobs, and Jenelle was being not very Jenelle at all, and then she was treating Chase pretty badly, and in the middle of the party she walked up and tried to dump him, but then he dumped her first, and she went back to her Band of Barbies and we went and shot some fireworks."

I sigh through the last sentence. I see Mom raise an eyebrow at the fireworks.

"And by fireworks, I obviously mean Scrabble. We played some Scrabble," I say, giving her a grin.

"Wow," Meredith nods slowly. "Parties haven't really changed at all."

"You really forego separating your sentences when you're saucy, Kati," Jake says, grinning as he takes a drink.

"There's just no time," I reply, raising and dropping my hands. "No time for separate clauses."

"There we go," Dad says. "No amount of alcohol can make her any less of a genius."

"Cooper," Mom give him a look. "Don't go supportin' this. Turnin' a blind eye and encouraging another round at a beer bong are two different things."

"Something tells me you could slaughter a beer bong," Addison says slowly, eyeing Mom carefully.

Everyone laughs and Mom just takes a drink.

This starts a conversation about their own college parties, but I drift off somewhere during Addison's recollection of her first vomit-from-alcohol experience, and something about lemon gin.


	31. Chapter 31

I wake up the next morning to Mom knocking on my door. I groan, not ready to wake up or leave the heated cocoon of my bed.

"Come on, sugar," she says. "Wake up. You've got a visitor."

"Visitor," I say stupidly, frowning as I open my eyes to the dim lighting of my room, which somehow feels like daggers.

"About time you got up anyways," she says dryly. "It's almost noon."

"Alright," I groan, slowly rolling over and pushing my blankets off.

"Not feeling so hot?" she asks, making a face, as though she feels sorry for me, but totally doesn't.

"Actually, ever since the Night of Bourbon, I don't even get hangovers," I tell her. "I get tired."

"That is a hangover," she replies.

"No," I say, stretching. "A hangover is when you want to die, and you're nauseas and you wish the mighty hand of Zeus would reach down and crush you into dust."

"Descriptive," she says. "And if you're not hungover, then I can assume you'll be joining us for brunch?"

"Obviously," I say.

She gives me a Mom Look and then heads downstairs. I vaguely hear her tell whoever it is waiting for me that I'll be right down.

"A caller? On such a morning as this?" I ask Nigel.

He's lucky enough to still be spread out on my bed, belly up and barely even opening an eye to acknowledge me.

I pull on some baggy sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt before brushing my teeth and heading downstairs.

"Thanks, Dr Freedman," I hear Jenelle's voice. "I'm just gonna talk to Kati and then I have to run."

"Alright, honey," I hear Mom from the kitchen. "If you change your mind, you know where the spread is."

I let myself fall off the bottom step onto the laminate lazily as I turn to the kitchen. Jenelle is standing there, observing the collection of photos on the fridge.

"Hey," I say, kind of confused.

"Hey," she says, her eyes widening as she smiles, as though she's nervous. "I just…came by to say hi."

"Well," I exhale, folding my arms across my chest. "Go ahead and cross it off your To Do list."

Her eyes return to their normal size, and she looks kind of embarrassed. I didn't want to embarrass her in front of my family, but I'm pretty unimpressed with her right now.

I look over and see Mom, Dad, Amelia, Mark and Lexie around the table. So quietly watching all of this that I didn't even realize the last three were here. I catch Mom's eye and she almost-imperceptibly raises an eyebrow, reminding me to be polite and treat Jenelle like a guest.

"You wanna go outside?" I ask, gesturing towards the patio doors.

She nods and follows me out.

I don't say anything as we wander over to the furniture, flopping down into the cushy chaise lounges.

"So, I want to apologize to you. For last night," she says after a moment, her cheeks flushing slightly as she glances up at me.

"To me?" I ask, surprised. "I don't think I'm the one who needs an apology."

"Yes you do," she replies, exhaling. "You've always been a great friend and been there for me, and I've just been spending all of my time with my friends. I mean, my new friends. I guess I was kind of a douche last night."

"Freshly baked douchebaguette," I nod slowly.

Her mouth twitches into a smile that disappears just as quickly.

"I guess I've just been caught up in college and everything."

"And a sorority?" I ask.

She sighs. "Yeah. And a sorority. I never pictured myself in one either, but…I actually really love it."

"I'm glad it makes you happy," I reply quietly.

She glances at me, looking sorry. "All of that…it's actually not why I'm here."

"You didn't join the Republic Club, too, did you?" I ask seriously.

"No," she actually laughs. "God no."

Her smile lingers, and then slowly fades again.

"Kati, I…" she begins, looking the way she did right before she had to tell her Mom that we did, in fact, pour a bag of baking soda and a bottle of vinegar into the toilet. We were 11.

"I'm pregnant."

Jolted from the memory of our Toilet Volcano, my head jerks up and I stare at her, disbelief and shock probably all over my face.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, so I close it again.

"I haven't told anybody," she says, her eyes tearing up.

Instinctively, I moved forward and wrap my arms around her. After a moment, I release her, waiting for more information. And also terrified to hear any more.

"Is it…" I start.

"Of course," she says, tilting her head slightly. "It's Chase's."

I nod, staring at the ground beneath the chair.

"I don't get it," she says, almost whispering. "We were careful."

"Yeah, well," I exhale. "So were my parents."

"I can't keep it," she says, her swimming eyes meeting mine. "I can't."

"Okay," I say quietly, squeezing her hand.

"I know how you feel about…it. About abortion," she goes on. "But I didn't want to go to anyone else about this."

"Jen, just because I don't think I could ever do it, doesn't mean I don't completely support your choice about what you want to do. It's your body…your…baby. It's your call." I say, swallowing hard.

Of all the things I've had thrown at me in my teenage years, this is the first time pregnancy has reared its bulbous head.

"You don't think badly of me?" she asks.

"No," I say firmly.

She nods, as tears spill over.

"Thank you," she manages, wiping her hands, wrapped in her long sleeves, across her face.

I nod, not sure what to say.

"Can you talk to Addison for me?" she asks.

Despite being an 18-year-old college student, right now Jenelle looks about 10 years old. She looks lost and scared. But I can't do this for her. I can't ask Addison to give someone an abortion. It doesn't work that way, anyway.

"No," I answer. "But I'll go with you."

She considers this.

"Okay," she nods after a minute.

"Um," I say, thinking. "I'll make an appointment. I'll say it's for me, but…well. Y'know. You'll come with me, and then I can just wait for you in the kitchen or something."

"No, I want you to stay," she says quickly.

I wasn't expecting that, but after a moment I nod. "Okay. If you want me to."

"I need you to," she corrects.

"You don't want…I mean, maybe Chase would want to be there," I suggest.

Jenelle shakes her head. "No. I can't tell him."

"What?" I ask, frowning.

"I can't. He'll want to keep it. And what would that do, except ruin both of our lives. We just started college! We're not ready!"

"Jenelle, you have…I mean, I'm not telling you what to do here. I'm not. But I really think you need to tell him. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?"

"Well, I'd wonder why he never told me he was born with a uterus," she replies dryly.

"A joke," I say, smiling as I nod slowly. "Okay…nice. Try to stay positive."

She laughs, shaking her head, running her hand through her blonde hair, stiff with hairspray.

"Seriously, Kati. I can't. I can't tell him," she says, looking at me straight-faced.

"Jen," I say.

We stare at each other for a minute.

"Think about this. How long have you known him? Not dated him, or loved him, but _known _him."

"I never loved him," she replies, sounding so sorry it makes my throat feel tight. "I mean, I love him. We've been friends for like, 10 years. And I thought I love-loved him. We had such a great summer, y'know? And after you and Axel, I guess I sort of thought that that was happening for us, too. Meant to be and everything."

She picks at a frayed patch of her jeans.

"But…I'm not in love with him."

"Love or no love, Jen," I say, wanting to be gentle and not tell her what to do. "He's a part of this. A part of that…fetus."

"Don't say fetus," she makes a face, dropping her head into her hand.

We sit there for a few moments in silence, as she picks at her jeans and a million thoughts fly through her mind.

"I should go," she finally says. "Supposed to have lunch with my mom."

She stands up, so I follow suit.

"I knew if I came to you, that you wouldn't judge me. You would keep this between us."

I nod. Someone else's secrets are not my business to tell. I'd never betray that trust. I just hope I can keep the worry of this off my face around my family.

* * *

Inside, I head for the stairs.

"Come eat something, baby," Mom calls after me.

"I will," I call back.

I grab my phone and text Addison. I know she's going to jump to some insane conclusions by this, but I'll deal with that when I walk into her office with Jenelle. I text her that I need an appointment, ASAP.

Of course she flips out, demanding what's wrong, so I reply that I'm fine and I'll explain later. When she gives me a time, I text Jenelle.

By this time, Mom has called me again so when I get downstairs she gives me a look of exasperation.

"You drink away your hearing, child?" she says.

I roll my eyes, taking my seat next to Mark.

"How you feeling, superstar?" he grins. Does this guy ever not grin?

"Fantastic," I reply, giving him a quick and slightly fake smile.

"Ah, I miss the days of not getting hangovers. Now, after a night like last night, I'm tempted to steal some drugs from the hospital and shoot myself up into a very long slumber."

"Oh I can get some for you," I reply, spooning potatoes onto my plate. "I know this great hospital; amazing pharmacy."

Dad tilts his head at me, and Mom doesn't even twitch a grin. Understandably, since this hits close to home for her. And Amelia I guess.

"Sorry guys," I sigh, pouring a glass of orange juice. "That was below the belt. I'll try to keep the gloves up."

"Like we don't get all the same jokes from people our own age," Amelia replies, winking at me. "Pretty sure we can take yours too."

"Careful," Dad warns. "You give her permission and she'll whip you with wit."

"Studded tip," I add.

"You got some homework to tend to today?" Mom asks, all business.

"Yes," I reply. "I'm gonna do it tonight after dinner, like I usually do."

I say it pointedly. Did she think I wouldn't? Jeez.

"Don't go thinkin' that just because you're in college now you can let your study habits hit the dirt," she tells me.

Wordlessly, I turn and look to Dad.

"Honey," he says to Mom. "It's Kati."

"I know who she is," Mom replies, getting up to put her plate in the sink. "Gave birth to her, didn't I?"

The word 'birth' makes my throat feel tight, and then I start choking on my juice and Mark has to whale on my back a few times.

"You okay?" Mom asks, coming over.

"Yeah," I reply, waving it off. "Wrong pipe."

"Well hurry up and shower," she says, softening from her seriousness as she runs a hand over my hair. "Lexie wants to do some shoppin' this afternoon."


	32. Chapter 32

"My" appointment with Addison is scheduled for Tuesday.

After class I meet Jenelle in the quad and drive over to the practice. Mom's at the hospital today, so there's no risk of running into her, and Dad has the day off. Probably playing basketball with Jake somewhere.

"Your parents are gonna find out, aren't they," Jenelle says as I park the car.

I chew the inside of my lip, glancing at her.

"Not like that," I reply. "Not like salacious gossip. They always get input from each other on their cases. But I mean, they'll probably see you. At the practice."

"Your mom's gonna hate me," she flops back against the seat.

"She is not," I reply, tilting my head.

I wait a few moments as she sits there, leaning against the seat with her eyes closed. I wait for her to make the first move, because pushing her would be the worst thing.

Finally, she opens her eyes.

"Okay," she says, more firmly than she's sounded since she told me about the pregnancy. "Let's go."

* * *

"Alright, Kati," Addison says, entering the exam room. She's busy closing the door behind her, almost as though she's making sure no one saw her, so she hasn't noticed Jenelle yet. "What's going on? You've had me worried si-"

She stops, seeing Jenelle sitting on the exam table, and me standing beside her.

"Oh," she stops, looking at us.

"The appointment isn't for Kati," Jenelle says quietly, staring at her fingers as she fidgets.

"Okay," Addison says gently, walking over and pulling her stool close, sitting down. "Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

Jenelle looks at me, and I get that feeling again like we're still 11, and this is just so bizarre.

"Jenelle," Addison says softly, encouraging her to speak up.

Jenelle takes a breath, and exhales.

"I'm pregnant."

Addison blinks, but I can't see surprise or shock on her face. She looked relieved when she realized the appointment wasn't for me, but now she's acquired the smooth look of a non-judgmental, professional doctor.

"You took a test?"

Jenelle nods.

"Sometimes those are faulty," Addison says, standing up. "Why don't you change into a gown and we'll see what's happening."

She smiles gently, leaving the room.

"She doesn't seem to hate me," Jenelle notes. "But then again, I'm not pretty much blood to her."

I shrug, going over to the counter as Jenelle changes into the ridiculous gown.

"Does it hurt?" she asks, and I turn to see her settling back onto the exam table.

"Does what hurt?" I ask, walking over.

She moves her head, as though I should understand. "Y'know. These appointments."

For a second I just stare at her. "You've never had a full physical?"

She shakes her head, looking sheepish. "It always seemed so...awkward. I just never went."

For someone who was marched into Addison's office at 13 because of especially painful cramps and a mother whose first thought was ovarian cysts or cancer, this seems insane to me.

"Well, I mean it _is _awkward, and a little uncomfortable," I sympathize. "But...it's gotta be done, y'know?"

She gives a noncommittal nod.

Addison knocks before coming back in, carrying a new client folder.

"I just need you to fill this out for me, okay honey? Then we'll get started," she hands Jenelle the clipboard and a pen.

I wander over to a poster of the female reproductive system. It's quiet as Addison prepares and Jenelle scribbles on the form.

"Is it a coincidence that our internal lady-junk very closely resembles a shark's brain?" I ask, pointing at the poster.

"Mmm," Addison shrugs. "Piss a woman off and it seems pretty realistic."

"Have you ever had to see a prolapsed uterus?" I ask her, wondering why I've never asked her this before.

"Yes," she replies, raising an eyebrow slightly to denote her own worried expression. It's a terrifying thought.

"What about a rectal? You ever seen a prolapsed ass?"

She laughs out loud, shaking her head.

"God you're twisted," she says, wheeling the ultrasound machine over to the bed.

Jenelle finishes the form and hands it to Addison, who carefully reads it.

"Have you never been for a vaginal exam before?" she asks eventually, frowning.

Jenelle shakes her head, small, with an embarrassed expression.

"Jenelle," Addison starts, but Jenelle interrupts her.

"I know. It was stupid. I should have. I'm sorry. I just...got embarrassed, I guess," she explains.

It's not a good enough explanation for Addison, but she doesn't say anything.

"We'll have to start with one, then," she says, grabbing gloves from her counter.

"I'm gonna g-"

"No," Jenelle says quickly. "Stay. Please?"

"Um," I mumble, glancing at Addison.

She indicates silently that it's okay.

"Okay," I say.

I go to the head of the table.

Addison gets her to put her feet in the stirrups and then explains the exam before she starts. If Jenelle wants to talk about awkward, it's when you're in the same room as your friend having an internal exam.

Thankfully there's quiet music playing and I focus on another poster in the room about each month of pregnancy. I wonder how far along Jenelle is, or if she even knows.

* * *

By the time Addison does the ultrasound, it's clear.

"You're almost two months along, I'd say," Addison says, watching the screen.

I watch as the little blip on the screen flashes, indicating the baby's heartbeat. I swallow, now more uncomfortable than ever.

"I can't...keep it," Jenelle says.

Addison looks at me, slightly surprised. I guess she was half expecting Jenelle, a legal adult, to keep it.

"If that's what you want to do, I can arrange it," she says softly.

"Jen," I say quietly. "Chase?"

Her eyes look glassy as she stares at me. "I can't, Kati."

I look away. Chase is one of my best friends. My loyalty to him crashes violently with my loyalty to Jenelle.

"You have to tell him," I say, more firmly than I intended.

Addison watches Jenelle, concern etched across her forehead.

"You have time," she offers. "I can't get you in until Saturday. Maybe you should take that time to consider everything."

Jenelle nods, blinking away her tears.

"Um," Addison sighs, glancing back at Jenelle's forms. "Everything looks fine. No cysts or abnormalities."

"Thank you," she says quietly, barely looking at Addison. "I'll see you Saturday?"

Addison glances at me; at my silent, angry expression.

"I'll schedule you for noon," she replies, and as she heads towards the door, she reaches down and squeezes my hand on her way out.

* * *

"Please say something," Jenelle begs, as we reach her neighborhood.

We haven't spoken the entire drive.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I reply.

"That you don't hate me," she says.

"I don't hate you," I say.

"Kati," she says, running her hands through her hair.

After a moment, she exhales. "He's going to be furious. He'll hate me. He'll hate me for getting rid of it."

I reach her house, stopping in front and putting the car in park.

"It's his 'It' too," I say quietly, staring at her.

She battles with it in her head, chewing a fingernail as her left leg bounces rapidly. We probably sit there for five minutes, in total silence, before she speaks.

"Fine," she says, not looking at me. "I'll tell him."

"Today?" I ask.

She shakes her head, but in the sense that this is all too crazy for her.

"Might as well get it over with," she replies.

She reaches and grabs her bag, undoing her seat belt.

"Thanks, Kati," she says quietly. "Really. It means everything that you did this with me."

I look at her and then nod; a silent You're Welcome, before she gives me a hug and goes.

* * *

When I get home, Amelia and Mom are in the kitchen. They stop talking immediately, as I enter.

"Hey!" Amelia says, too cheerful.

"Hey," I reply, suspicious.

"How was school?" she goes on.

I see Mom glance at me, almost nervously, as she takes plates down from the cupboard.

"Delightful," I reply, dropping my bag and staring at Mom. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she replies.

Amelia looks at her and rolls her eyes.

"Charlotte," she says, tilting her head.

I look from one of them to the other, expectantly.

Just then Dad comes in from outside.

"My mom is so..."

He stops when he sees me, his ecstatic expression only slightly fading.

"Somebody talk," I demand, giving them pointed looks.

"Um," Mom begins, rubbing her hands together. "Baby, come sit down."

"I sat all day," I reply, not budging. "I'll stand."

She looks nervous, Amelia looks pleased, and Dad still looks like someone just told him they found a cure for juvenile diabetes.

"Well," Mom begins. She chews her lip, looking at me, her green eyes giving me a look of, to my surprise, love. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say slowly. "Is this a new development?"

"Of course not," she replies, tilting her head as she gives me a smile, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear and then taking hold of my hand.

"Baby, I'm pregnant," she says.


	33. Chapter 33

"Baby?" Mom says, holding both of my arms in her hands as she stares straight into my face. "Kati?"

I open my mouth, and close it again. I glance over at Dad and his look of complete joy, and Amelia as she watches me with a look of sympathy and, still, happiness for her friends.

"Are you okay?" Mom asks, her forehead wrinkling with worry.

"Yeah," I finally say, shaking my head a bit. "Yeah. I'm just...surprised."

"Join the club," Mom says dryly.

"Um," I frown, processing all of this information. "When? I mean, when did you find out?"

"For sure, today. I took a test last week," she replies, still looking unsure about how I'll react.

"Today? You saw Addison today?" I ask, confused since I thought she was at the hospital.

"This morning, before the hospital," Mom replies. Relieved, I just nod.

"Is it...I mean, are they going to refer to you as a 'mature' pregnancy or something ridiculous?" I ask.

My questions aren't exactly typical, but I feel kind of blindsided.

"Not unless they want to feel the wrath of Charlotte," Amelia replies, raising an eyebrow.

"Is it safe?" I demand.

"Well, 46 isn't exactly the most ideal age for pregnancy," Dad replies, shrugging his shoulders as he walks over to me. "But Addison said everything looks good."

"How far along are you?" I ask Mom.

I realize I haven't smiled or even congratulated them yet. I still have this concerned, crinkly-forehead expression.

"Almost three months," Mom replies.

Jeez. She, Jenelle and Lexie are all within three months pregnant.

"Is it in the water?" I mutter, more to myself.

"What?" Mom asks. "Is what in the water?"

"Oh," I say, confused for a second. "Y'know, just...everyone's pregnant."

"Everyone?" she raises an eyebrow, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, I mean, you...Lexie..." I won't blow Jenelle's cover. "Beyonce. Everybody."

They laugh, taking the heat off my lie.

"Just a fertile time," Dad says, trying to sound old and wise.

"Gross," I make a face at him. "Well..."

I exhale, thinking that in six months, I'll have a sibling. Something I used to wish for a lot.

"Congratulations," I finally say, offering them a small smile.

Dad kisses my forehead, pulling me in to a hug.

"Thanks, honey."

Mom, still not totally convinced by my small smile, doesn't call me out in front of everybody. She comes and gives me a hug, kissing my cheek.

"I love you," she smiles.

I return the smile, genuinely this time.

"This baby doesn't even know it yet, but it's going to have the best big sister there is."

I feel my face blush, as she touches my hair and kisses my cheek again.

Amelia slips away to the sunroom, giving us some privacy. I walk towards the living room, towards the couch.

"Are you okay, baby? Really?" Mom asks, pulling me down to sit on the couch.

"Yeah," I say, meaning it. "Just...kind of shocked, I guess."

"Understandably," Dad says gently. "It's a big change."

"Can I ask you something?" I glance at Mom. She nods, the worried look on her face still apparent.

"Why now? I mean, why not when I was 10, and asked for a baby brother for every present-giving holiday?"

They look at each other before Mom replies.

"This wasn't planned, honey. With you, you were this enormous surprise and we just wanted to be able to do everything right. To focus on you, and make sure you had the best possible life. To make sure...I didn't mess you up."

"Mess me up?" I ask.

"Well, you've heard the stories. About the kind of person I was back then. I wasn't exactly...Mommy Material," she replies, holding my hands.

"So was I a surprise, or a mistake?"

"A surprise," they respond, simultaneously.

I tilt my head, knowing the stories of Charlotte King.

"Seriously. Was there a point where you...didn't want me?


	34. Chapter 34

**Seventeen years and seven months ago...**

"Yes, Charlotte. I'm sure," Addison says, turning the ultrasound machine to face her. "Two months, give or take a couple days."

"For Christ's sake," Charlotte says quietly, staring at the little blip on the screen. The heartbeat of her unborn baby. She closes her eyes, falling back against the pillow.

Addison glances at her, wiping the lubricant from her stomach.

"I think we know each well enough to know that you're not exactly pleased about this," Addison says, removing her gloves.

"When did you become a psychic?" Charlotte replies tartly.

"On you? About 10 minutes after meeting you and realizing you're about as maternal as a praying mantis."

Wordlessly, Charlotte sits up, sighing as she sits on the bed, her legs dangling.

"Well you're right," she says, giving Addison a dry look. "We all know I'm not a baby person. Lord knows why I married a man who would have a whole slew of 'em if he could."

"You gonna tell him?" Addison asks, hands on her hips as she looks at Charlotte.

They've worked together for years, now, and though they are in no way close, Addison still cares about her. Despite Charlotte's uncanny ability to come across as needing anything but a couple of girlfriends.

"Of course not," Charlotte replies, irritated.

But then she exhales, looking dejected. Miserable.

"I'll let you get dressed," Addison says. "And we'll...talk, when you...have something to talk about."

Charlotte looks at her, annoyed, and then Addison is gone.

"What the hell am I gonna do now," Charlotte mutters to herself.

* * *

"Cooper, would you stop grabbin' me?" Charlotte says crossly, pushing her husband away from her.

"What is up with you today?" Cooper asks, holding his hands up.

"Maybe I just don't like being felt up like a ninth grader all the time," she retorts.

"Really? I do," Cooper grins, coming to hug her again.

Charlotte groans and pushes past him before he can reach her.

"What?" Cooper asks, confused, as his wife retreats to the bedroom.

He sighs, dropping his hands.

"God," he breathes, shaking his head, before heading towards the door.

He swings his jacket on, deciding to go and pick up Charlotte's favorite kind of fried chicken. Something he knows will cheer her up.

* * *

"Hungry?" Cooper asks, holding up the brown bag of greasy chicken.

"Starving," Charlotte replies, getting up from the couch where she has papers spread out around her.

They head into the kitchen to get plates.

"You're working yourself too hard," Cooper says, unpacking the bag.

"I'm a doctor," she retorts. "If I'm not workin' hard, I have no business bein' in the field of medicine."

Cooper smiles, shaking his head.

When he first met Charlotte, two years ago, he thought she was bossy, domineering, bitchy and mean. Somewhere along the way he started to find her sexy, irresistible, beautiful and enticing. But that doesn't mean she still doesn't exhibit the other traits, too.

"How was lunch with the Chief today?" Cooper asks, as they sit down at the table.

"Fine," Charlotte sighs. "Says he thinks I have all the traits of a chief of staff. But I'm not gettin' my hopes up. Last thing I need is some overconfident, cocky man thinkin' he can butter me up to get somethin' from me, thinkin' I'll swoon under his compliments."

"He's right," Cooper says warmly. "You'd make an excellent chief."

Charlotte just rolls her eyes. Inside, she's terrified of failing; of not getting the job at all.

Cooper starts to talk about one of his patients, and all Charlotte can think about is the baby growing inside her. The baby Cooper will want, without question, and she is terrified of.

Strangely, after several bites of fried chicken, her favorite food, her stomach churns. At first she thinks it's the nerves; the fear of motherhood. The fear of telling Cooper...the fear of everything. Then she realize this isn't psychosomatic at all. That chicken is coming up no matter what.

She gets up and bolts from the table, making it to the bathroom just in time for her stomach to reject everything she's put into it.

"Honey, are you okay?" Cooper asks, hurrying behind her.

"I'm fine, get out," she replies hoarsely, throwing her left arm behind her to push him away.

"No, you're sick," he says, bending down and gathering her silky blonde hair in his hands.

She heaves again, thinking that this is perfect. The day of her first ultrasound, she gets her first bout of insane morning sickness. At 6:00 PM.

Though, now that she thinks about it, she realizes that she's been queasy lately. Not all the time, but whenever she walks near the cafeteria.

'The food,' she thinks to herself. 'It's the smells of the food.'

Resting her head on her hands, she stays draped over the toilet.

"Did it just start? Or have you been feeling sick all day?" Cooper asks, concerned and ready to take care of her.

Cooper. Sweet, caring, attentive Cooper. She sits there on the bathroom floor, thinking of this man, the one holding her hair back and soothingly rubbing her back. She loves Cooper. She fought the feeling for a long time, until she just couldn't do it anymore. She knows she wants to be with him for the rest of her life. And she knows he wants children. They've argued about it, fought about it, and talked themselves dry about it. But they've been at a stalemate, deciding that they were not going to talk about it until Charlotte was ready to talk about it. And just then, she realizes that she's ready to talk about it. She has to be.

"Cooper," she says, weak from the exertion of being sick, her forehead resting on the back of her hand.

"Mmhmm?" he asks, rubbing her back and wanting to make her feel better.

Charlotte raises her head, turning to face him. She inhales, meeting his stare, and exhales as she stares into his perfect blue eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

"You're..." Cooper mumbles, staring at her in disbelief and looking dumbfounded. "You're..."

"Pregnant, Cooper," Charlotte says sharply. "I'm pregnant."

Instinctively, Cooper's hands slowly reach out for her stomach.

"No," Charlotte barks, slapping his hands away. "Do not start trying to cradle my uterus in your hands."

"Oh my god," Cooper says, his eyes tearing as happiness floods inside him like rain. "Charlotte."

Rolling her eyes, Charlotte stands up, fighting the swaying, queasy feeling. She rinses her mouth as Cooper stands up, his eyes still alight and his lips in a permanent smile. Charlotte marches out to the living room, and begins pacing.

Understanding his wife and how she works, Cooper silently follows and sits on the couch, waiting for her to speak, and knowing that if he says the wrong thing, she'll explode.

"Stop smilin' like a cheshire cat, Cooper," she mutters, rubbing her forehead. "This is _not _good news."

"Not good news?" Cooper repeats, looking incredulous. "Honey, this is incredible news. This is amazing."

"No," Charlotte bites. "No."

"Honey," Cooper says, seeing the glassy look of her eyes and the fear on her face. He leans forward, taking her hands in his and pulling towards him, down into his lap. "This is good news."

Charlotte's tough resolve is fading. Even she can't keep her hard shell on all the time. She's learned to take it off around Cooper.

"It's not," she whispers firmly, setting her jaw.

"Why not?" he asks.

Charlotte gives him a look, but he just raises his eyebrows.

"Tell me. Why not? What's so bad about two people who are married, in love, financially stable, successful... What's wrong with them having a baby?"

"You know exactly what's wrong with it, Cooper," Charlotte retorts, firing up again slightly. "I'd be about as good a mother as my own mama was. Distant. Gone. Cold."

"Are you kidding me?" Cooper says. "You will be an amazing mother."

Charlotte looks away from him, not wanting to cry; not wanting to believe him.

"You may not like to acknowledge it, but you are sweet, you are compassionate, you're loving, you're protective...this baby will be so lucky to have you as a mother."

Cooper smiles, trying to get Charlotte to see.

"Besides, imagine the kind of personality and chutzpah Charlotte King's kid will have."

At this, Charlotte's lips twitch slightly.

"Y'know what?" he grins, and she meets his eyes, still not smiling. "I hope it's a girl."


	35. Chapter 35

"No," Mom replies firmly, looking me straight in the eye.

"Of course not," Dad says at the same time, reaching to grab my hand.

"Baby, you've heard the stories. I never really exhibited much of a…maternal side. Growing up, I didn't think I wanted kids. I was terrified of messin' them up."

Silently, my eyes wander to the carpet as I think.

"But you weren't happy when you found out you were pregnant," I say.

She takes a breath, choosing her words.

"I was scared," she answers. "Terrified. But I never didn't want _you._"

"How long?" I look at Mom. "How long did you feel like that?"

"The first time I ever felt you kick, all I could think about was how much I already loved this little soccer player in my belly," she gives me a small smile. "Add that to your daddy always talkin' about how he was sure it was a girl, and how excited he was and how beautiful you would be…I was scared, baby, but I've never had anything but love for you."

I chew the inside of my lip. It's a question I'd wondered about sometimes, growing up. Everyone had these little stories about Charlotte King and what a hard-ass she was. I only knew my mother, the person who protected me and took care of me; who was always telling me she loved me and being nothing but warm towards me.

"Baby," Mom says quietly, touching my cheek.

I meet her eyes, still stuck in my own thoughts.

"Are you okay?"

I nod. "Yeah. Just…pretty crazy news."

"I know," she says, tucking hair behind my ear. "But thanks to you, I'm not scared this time. I look at you, and all I see is the best thing that ever happened to me."

Dad leans over and kisses my forehead, hugging me tightly.

"We love you, honey. More than anything."

"I know," I say quietly, a genuine smile finally reaching my face as Mom kisses my forehead and pulls me in to hug me tightly.

* * *

"Damn," Axel says, after I tell him the news. "That's a pretty big bomb to drop."

"Yeah," I sigh. "But it's good. I always wanted a sibling, y'know? Seeing you with Atticus and Allegra growing up, I used to get jealous."

"I was talking about the fact that your parents are still getting it on like newlyweds," he says.

"You're disgusting," I reply, monotone, as he laughs.

"Sorry, gorgeous. Had to say it. So when's the little Freedman arriving?"

"May," I reply. "Same time as Lexie's."

"That's a lot of babies," Axel says.

"Yeah," I exhale, thinking of Jenelle too.

But I don't say anything to Axel.

* * *

"Seriously?" Norah stares, wide-eyed.

We're having lunch outside, exhausted from the rigorous schedule that is college.

"How old is your mom?"

"Forty-six," I reply. "A 'mature pregnancy.'"

"Such a stupid term," she shakes her head.

"I know. But I can't wait to see the first time someone says that to her face."

"I have to meet your mom. Axel says she's terrifying, you say she's awesome. I need to decide for myself."

"She's not _terrifying_," I roll my eyes. "But she does command respect. And people don't fuck with her, y'know? I've watched grown men, and women, wither under her stare."

"Well that's not a bad thing," she laughs. "I'd love that kind of reputation."

"Yeah right," I laugh, pulling out my bio books.

"So what are you doing this weekend?"

"Um," I mumble, pretending to be absorbed in my notes. Saturday is Jenelle's appointment, and she asked me to go with her. "Not much. Studying, maybe some paintball with my dad or something."

"Do you wanna get together Sunday maybe? I need to shop like it's my job."

"Mm," I nod, smiling through a mouthful of coke. "Yes I do. When it comes to shopping, always assume 'yes'."

"Perfect. I want some of those Vans you have."

"I love shoes," I reply solemnly.

"You love anything that comes from the mall," Chase says, hopping onto our table.

"Don't act like you don't love the gifts I give. They come from the mall, too," I reply, closing my books. I can't concentrate right now anyway.

"True. I will always love the incredible Nerf gun you got me for my 14th birthday."

I smile, and he reaches over to steal the remainder of my sandwich.

"So what are we doing this weekend?" he asks, his mouth full.

Norah, still harboring a huge crush on Chase, has clammed up, choosing to smile instead.

"I've got some stuff to do Saturday," I say, avoiding his eyes by pulling out my phone. "Sunday we're going shopping. You wanna come?"

"Yeah," he shrugs. "We should hit up a movie after or something. Axel said that new Jason Statham movie is out."

"Mmm," I reply. "Yes it is."

"I love watching him annihilate people," Norah nods.

"I'd watch that man read the phonebook. I just like his face. And his accent."

"And his solid bod," Norah adds.

"Also that," I agree.

Chase shakes his head.

"Alright, well I'm outta here. Text me later."

He slaps my palm as he hops off the table, giving Norah a smile and a wave as he leaves.

"I love him," Norah says when he's out of earshot.

Laughing, I just shake my head, but I can't stop thinking about the fact that Chase is being his usual upbeat self.

Which means Jenelle didn't tell him yet.

* * *

After school I head over to the practice to watch Judah for an hour while Addison is busy with patients. She's been bringing him with her to work some afternoons, when she knows she's got mostly paperwork.

When I reach her office, she's absorbed in patient files. Judah is in his chair, just waking up from a nap.

"Heeyyy buddy," I smile, setting down my bag as I walk over to him.

"Hi!" Addison replies happily. "Oh. You meant the baby."

"No I meant you," I reply, smiling when she makes a face.

"How was school?"

"Exhausting," I reply.

"Then you're doing it right," she smiles.

I lift Judah from his chair, smiling at his chubby cheeks as his dimple appears with his smile.

"So, how's Jenelle?" Addison asks, coming to sit on the couch beside us.

I shrug, chewing my lip. "She hasn't told Chase. And she said she would."

"Well, she's going through a pretty crazy time."

"I know," I reply. "I just…Chase is my friend, too. And I know he'll be heartbroken if he were to find out in a year, or two, or whatever."

"Yeah," Addison says, touching Judah's dark curly hair. "You're coming with her on Saturday?"

"Mmhmm," I reply, looking at Judah.

"You're a great friend, you know that?" Addison smiles, touching my hair.

I shrug wordlessly.

"Look, I have a patient, but…do you wanna talk later?"

She gives me a concerned look.

"Nah, I'm okay. Thanks though," I reply.

But she gives me a sad smile, and I know she doesn't believe me.


	36. Chapter 36

Saturday morning I pick Jenelle up at noon. Silently, she gets in the car looking tired and pale.

"Hey," she says, pulling on her seat belt.

"Hey," I reply quietly. "You okay?"

She nods in silence.

"Did you..."

She nods again, rubbing her face with both hands.

"I talked to him last night."

Relieved, I squeeze her hand.

"How'd he take it?" I ask.

She shakes her head.

"He hates me."

"Everything's gonna be okay," I tell her.

She nods, but then looks over at me, her eyes filled with tears.

"Promise?" she asks.

I offer her a small smile. "Promise."

* * *

Thankfully, Mom and Dad aren't at the practice today. Mom took the day to spend with Amelia and Lexie.

Lexie's surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, and she's getting more and more nervous.

I go with Jenelle into the exam room just long enough for Addison to come in and explain the procedure to her again. The entire situation makes me really uncomfortable, but I don't say anything. Fortunately, Addison knows me very well.

"Kati's going to have to step out now, Jenelle," she says gently.

Jenelle swallows, looking to me.

"It'll be okay," I tell her again, and she squeezes my hand before I leave the room.

I go over to the kitchen, where Sheldon and Violet are.

"Hey you," Sheldon smiles. "Feels like I haven't seen you in weeks! How's UCLA?"

"Really great," I smile, getting a water from the fridge. "Exhausting and somewhat infuriating and I love it."

"I loved college," he grins. "Lots of good times."

I laugh at his grin and sit across from them at the table.

"So...how's everything else going? I haven't seen you in a few days," Violet says.

"I know about Mom," I say. Violet's subtlety has never been strong.

"Pretty big news, huh?" she replies.

"Yeah. It's good news, though."

"Finally getting that sibling you always wanted," she grins.

"Better late than never," I say.

Violet has a patient, so Sheldon and I play Scrabble while I wait for Jenelle.

* * *

When I take Jenelle home, she moves slowly. Her face is expressionless and she's still pale. She hasn't said much, so I don't push her to talk about it.

Her mom comes into Jenelle's room as she's crawling into it.

"Honey? Are you okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, just the flu or something," Jenelle replies, glancing at me.

"Thanks for bringing her home, Kati," her mom smiles.

"No problem," I reply. "I should get going."

I give Jenelle a sympathetic smile, and she manages to return it.

"Kati," she says, when I'm at the doorway.

I turn back.

"Thank you."

I nod, chewing the inside of my lip, before leaving the house.

* * *

A couple of hours later, I'm at home with Mom, Dad, Amelia, Lexie and Mark. Dad and Mark are BBQing as the rest of us sit around.

"Hey buddy," I hear Dad call out. "Come on back."

I look over and see Chase at the gate to the backyard. I take one look at his face and my throat tightens. I get up and go over to him, and his eyes are swimming.

"Did you know?" he asks firmly, trying so hard to control his tears.

The silence of my family behind me is deafening.

Frowning, I stare at him. Then it makes sense, and I feel furious.

Jenelle didn't tell him at all.

"She said she told you," I say quietly, my forehead wrinkling with worry. This seems to soften some of his anger, as though he was prepared to blame me; to unleash on me. And I'd let him. I can't imagine how angry he must be right now.

"How could you not tell me?" he demands loudly, his emotions rising.

"Chase," I begin, feeling terrible.

"You should have told me," he says, furiously wiping at his eyes and turning away.

I move forward and touch his shoulder. Still pressing his fingers into his eyes, he paces a few times before moving back towards me.

He hugs me with the crushing force of someone being submerged in their own pain. I can feel him trying to calm down, holding his breath, but a few sobs escape anyways.

Out of the corner of my eye I see everyone looking at each other, confused and worried.

"How could she do this?" Chase cries into my hair.

"I don't know," I say softly, hugging him tightly.

After a few more moments his grip loosens, and he releases me. His eyes are raw and red, and he looks heartbroken.

"Let's go for a drive," I say.

He nods, and then, embarrassed, turns slightly to face everyone.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, his voice sounding hollow. "I didn't mean to barge in like this..."

"Don't be sorry, honey," Mom stands up, looking at him sadly and then asking me, with her eyes, what's wrong.

I shake my head imperceptibly.

"I'll be back in a bit," I say, and turn back to Chase, wrapping an arm around him.

He's so tall it only wraps around his back, but he slides his arm around me and holds tightly as we head to my car.


	37. Chapter 37

I drive us to the spot we always light fireworks, and we silently trek down to the flat spot with the perfect view of LA.

He's silent, a few tears still slipping from his eyes.

"I let it die," he says, running his hand over the dirt between us.

"No. You didn't," I say firmly, holding onto his hand. He squeezes mine hard.

"What happened to her? How is she just somebody else now?"

His blue eyes flash with tears, and my own eyes sting just seeing it.

"I don't know," I reply honestly. "Not because of you. I know that."

"How? How do you know that?" he demands.

"You never did anything but love her," I reply. "Sometimes people just...change. I don't get it either."

"_We_ didn't change. How can college make someone a totally different person?"

"Different atmosphere, I guess. Different people, rules, opportunities... You know Jenelle. She always wanted to be something else. Older, richer...it's like she was in a rush to grow up, or something."

He's silent, snapping a twig into small pieces.

"How am I ever supposed to feel okay about knowing that she killed our baby?"

His terminology makes me cringe.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I tell him, staring at him when he meets my eyes. "Nothing."

His eyes swim again, so I slide closer to him, wrapping my arm around him as he hangs his head and cries.

* * *

"Baby, what's going on?" Mom demands as I walk through the front door.

I exhale as she walks over. I can still hear everyone outside, except Lexie, who's helping Mom, cleaning up from dinner.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I reply, dropping my bag in the living room.

"Are you okay?" she asks, concern in her eyes.

"Yeah," I wave a hand dismissively, shaking my head. "I'm fine. It's not...me."

"What's going on?" she presses, walking over to me.

"I just said I didn't want to talk about it," I sigh, tired and angry and annoyed.

"Well you're kind of worrying me here, so-"

"I don't wanna talk about it," I repeat, louder. "I don't have to tell you every single thing that happens."

She looks more confused than hurt by me snapping, but I walk past her and head up the stairs anyways.

"Well that was...new," I hear Mom say to Lexie.

"I don't think I've ever seen her mad," Lexie replies.

"It's few and far between, but she's a King when she is," Mom says back with a sigh.

I swing my door closed harder than I mean to, and drop onto my bed, burying my face in my pillow.

I can't believe Jenelle. I can't believe she didn't tell Chase. And I can't believe she flat out lied to me when I asked if she did. Now that I think about it, though, all she said when I asked if she'd told him was, "He hates me." I think she thought that already, after their breakup at Axel's party.

My phone rings so I pull it out of my sweater pocket.

"Hey," I answer.

"Hey," Max replies.

I wasn't planning on answering, but Max is across the country now and we talk whenever we can.

"So what the fuck is wrong with Jenelle?" Max asks bluntly.

"I'd really like if someone could tell me, too," I reply. "Who told you?"

"Megan."

"Who told Megan?" I frown.

"Jenelle. I guess she's been missing her friends, since ditching you guys for the Snob Squad. She called her and just starting bawling, and then Megan asked how Chase was doing, and Jenelle got all shady and wouldn't answer. So Megan put two and two together, and called Chase."

"Oh for fuck's sake," I breathe, pushing my face back into the pillow.

"So this is what happens when high school ends? Cyborgs reveal themselves and destroy the hearts of the men who love them?"

"I sense a screenplay coming," I say dryly.

"Oh it's coming. I'm gonna be up all night writing something from this," Max promises. "I mean, I didn't think you were exaggerating about her, I just couldn't imagine her flipping a switch and ditching her life overnight."

"I don't get it," I agree.

"So have you seen Chase?" she asks, more gently than she's spoken of Jenelle. Obviously.

"I was just with him," I reply quietly.

"How bad?"

I take a breath. "As bad as you're thinking."

"Jesus," Max sighs. "I can't believe how much I want to throttle Jenelle right now. I mean, I know she's probably not feeling too great, but Jenelle's never wanted kids. She's not hurting over this in the sense of loss. She's just...I dunno. I just mean that I don't think making the decision weighed on her."

I don't say anything. I don't even know what to say.

"Well," Max sighs after a moment. "What can I do from across the country to help him?"

"FedEx him a 26 of Jack and some Carl's Jr.," I reply, monotone.

"That's probably very accurate," she replies with a small laugh.

"Oh, so my mom's pregnant," I say, realizing I haven't told her yet.

"What?" she replies quickly, clearly shocked.

"Yeah. I'm going to be 18-years older than my sibling."

"Are you serious? How old is she? I mean, not that she's 'old', but she's not...a 'spring chicken'," she says, emphasizing the old-fashioned term.

"Apparently everything's totally fine. Baby's healthy, she's healthy. All good," I reply.

"This is crazy!"

"I know."

"I've never known your parents to deny you anything. Except the sibling you always wanted. But I guess...I guess they're not denying you after all."

"Yep. It's all just coming together," I reply.

"Are you actually okay with this, or are you just this mellow because of Jenelle and Chase?"

"No, I'm okay with it. At first I was just shocked, but I've had time to process. I think it's a good thing. I'm just...I'm so fucking mad at her."

"Jenelle?"

"Yes. I can't believe any of this. I asked her, right to her face, if she'd told him yet, and she said she had."

"Well, if any one of us was good at lying, it's always been Jenelle," she replies, matter-of-factly. "How many times have we listened to her lie to her parents, or Dean Kim, or anyone. She's smooth."

"Ergh," I groan, hating all of this. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Talk about something else. Talk about Sarah Lawrence. Is it exactly like Mona Lisa Smile, like we always imagined?"

"No," she sighs. "Which was kind of devastating for me to realize, but I'm still loving it anyways. I've met some really cool people, and I'm also kind of in love with this beautiful guy who's double-majoring in political science and film studies. Which is kind of weird, y'know? But he's amazing. Ah-mazing. And he looks like Penn Badgley."

"Nice," I reply. "Those are a very good set of attributes. Are you guys acquainted, or are you being a little Swimfan about it?"

"Oh my god! I'm not a stalker!" she cries.

I laugh.

After a second, she replies, "Okay, I was a little bit Swimfan. But _only _in the sense that I couldn't talk to him at first. Not in the sense that we spoke and I started stealing his gym shorts or something."

"And?"

"Well, we've hung out a few times. Like, lunch at school, and a couple times we went to this little cafe downtown and watched some live music and had a few drinks."

"That sounds awesome. How'd you swing a fake ID?"

"Oh, this girl in my art history class got it for me. Unofficially, you are currently speaking to Brandi Beauregarde."

"Beauregarde?"

"I know," she replies, and I can hear her making a face. "But it's never failed me. Yet."

"I guess alliterative names are more popular now," I say.

"Well it's working for me," she agrees.

Right when she starts to ask me what's new with me, a knock sounds on my door and it opens to reveal Amelia. She gives me a smile.

"Ah, not too much. I'll tell you all about the Nothing happening tomorrow. I'm gonna go and score some of the dinner I missed out on."

"Someone just come into your room to talk about your obvious terrible mood that they know nothing about?" she replies.

"Hit the bullseye like a boss," I reply with a grin.

"Alright. I'll talk to you soon. I miss you, and I love you to little tiny pieces, and everything is gonna be fine. Y'know...with Chase."

"I know," I say.

"K. See ya."


	38. Chapter 38

Amelia wanders in and flops onto my bed as I'm hanging up.

"Your walls have been this deep purple color for like...ever," she comments, looking around.

"That's because I love purple," I reply, tossing my phone on the opposite side of the bed. "And true love never dies."

I turn and look her in the eye.

"Never," I repeat creepily.

She laughs, tossing a pillow at me.

"Do you wanna go see that sing-y movie with Rebel Wilson?" she asks casually.

"Really? Is she here? She wants to go?" I ask, intrigued.

"Ha ha," Amelia reaches over and squeezes my knee, so I jerk away. "Very funny. You know what I mean."

I smile. "Sure. What time is it playing?"

"Half an hour," she replies. "I need to get out of the house. I've been around two pregnant women, non-stop."

I raise my eyebrows, getting up to get a jacket.

"This wouldn't be an excuse to get me to talk to you about my day, would it?"

"An excuse? No. A good opportunity? Absolutely," she grins.

* * *

"Alright. Spill," Amelia says, as soon as she pulls out of the driveway in Mom's SUV.

"Ergh," I grumble, settling into my seat.

"If you don't tell me, I'll start singing Whitney Houston," she threatens.

I give her a dry look, and sure enough she starts belting out I Will Always Love You, in a horrible, pitchy, loud voice.

"Oh my god, STOP," I say loudly, and then laugh. "Please. Out of respect to the late Whitney Houston, never do that again."

"Then talk! I know it's eating you up, driving you crazy," she replies.

I take a breath.

"Jenelle had an abortion," I say.

Amelia nods slowly.

"Addison told you, I'm guessing," I raise an eyebrow.

"She called right after you slammed your door, in true teenage fashion," she nods. "She knows you well enough to know you'd be upset about it, and that we'd all be wondering what was up with you."

"Well, that's actually not the icing on the cake," I add.

She glances at me, looking concerned.

"Are...are you okay?"

"It's not me," I say, slightly exasperated. "It's Chase."

"The cutie who stormed into the backyard crying? He gets better looking every year. And I mean that in the least Mary-Kay-Letourneau way ever."

I manage a smile, shaking my head.

"Yeah, well," I reply. "Jenelle didn't tell him about it."

"Well, you guys are a pretty close-knit group, but I mean, I'm sure she didn't want to tell everyone about it," Amelia replies.

"It was his," I say, monotone.

This makes Amelia do a double-take, trying to watch me and the road at the same time.

"Please watch the road," I point forwards.

After Jamie's death, I still get tense sometimes in the car.

"Oh my god," Amelia breathes. "I didn't know they were together."

"It's only been a few months. Then college started and she joined this sorority and she's kind of become...Not Jenelle."

"Wow," Amelia says, surprised. "That was pretty selfish of her."

"Yeah," I agree softly. "Especially since Chase doesn't agree with abortion in the first place. I mean, he does in the case of like, rape or something. But in a relationship, no. He would have wanted to keep the baby, and Jenelle knew that."

"So she avoided telling him to make herself feel less guilty? That's pretty shitty."

"Extremely," I say. "And she told me that she told Chase. She lied. Right to my face! I can't believe her!"

"Sorry sweetie," she grips my hand.

I shake my head, exhaling. "I'm not equipped to deal with this."

"Are you kidding me?" she stares at me. "Honey, you had a horrible year last night. You went through some crazy-intense shit. And you came out stronger than ever. You can handle anything that comes your way."

"Well then I don't want to handle it," I reply stubbornly.

Amelia laughs sardonically. "Who would? That's a lot to take in. And being lied to by a friend is the worst. She's going to regret it. She probably already does."

"I haven't even talked to her since I dropped her off at home. I think if I did, I'd do a lot of yelling."

"So would I," she replies. "I'm guessing Chase thought you kept everything from him?"

I nod. "Jenelle said that she told him. And I just figured that Chase was with Axel or something, and that he'd call when he wanted to talk. Which was totally stupid of me. I should have called him that night."

"Don't," Amelia says, shaking her head. "Don't do that. None of this is your fault. This is Jenelle's mess."

I exhale, staring at the road as it zips beneath us.

"You were there for him today," Amelia points out. "He came to you, you dropped everything, and you did everything you could to help him."

"I'm not sure anything I do can help him."

"Believe me," Amelia says. "Just being there helps him. The rest...well, you know how important time is for dealing with heavy stuff."

I nod.

We reach the theatre and Amelia pulls in and parks.

She reaches over and hugs me tightly.

"Have I told you lately how amazing you are and how much I love you?" she says into my hair.

She pulls back and smiles, tucking hair behind my ear.

"Now. Let's go laugh at the funniest person to come out of Australia," she says.

* * *

When we get home from the movie, Mom is still awake, reading on the couch. Amelia smiles and heads off to bed, and I go and sit beside her on the couch.

"How was the movie?" Mom smiles, closing her book.

"Good," I nod. "Funny. You'd like it."

She smiles and immediately I feel bad for snapping on her.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I say quietly.

"I know, baby," she holds onto my hand. "You feelin' a little better?"

I think for a moment and then shrug.

"You know about Jenelle," I say.

She nods, looking at me sadly. "It was really sweet of you to drive her and be with her for that."

"It was Chase's," I say, anger swelling in my chest again.

Mom's expression flattens as she puts together Jenelle and a devastated Chase.

"Oh, sugar," she squeezes my hand.

"I told her she had to tell him, that he deserved to know, and she said she couldn't. But then, last night, she told me that she did. She said she told him. So...she lied to me, and then Chase thought I had kept it from him."

She looks at me, sympathetically, and runs a hand over my hair.

"Well that was pretty damn selfish of her," she replies, giving me a look with raised eyebrows. "It doesn't mean you did anything wrong."

I exhale. "Yeah...I guess," I say quietly.

"No," she says firmly, tipping my chin up so I have to look her in the eye. "Not 'I guess.' You were just being a good friend. It's Jenelle who made this whole mess."

I smile slightly. "Amelia said pretty much the exact same thing."

"Smart gal," Mom smiles.

I take a deep breath, trying to dispel the anger in my chest.

I move to lie down, resting my head in her lap, feeling infinitely safe, just being there, as she opens her book again and strokes my hair. It's weird how no matter how old I get, I still find this enormous sense of peace and security around my parents. I think of the baby growing inside Mom's belly, and realize for the first time, that I really am excited about it. And happy that this little baby will get to know this feeling, too.


	39. Chapter 39

"Will you be home for dinner?" Mom asks, as we have breakfast the next morning.

"Probably," I reply. "Norah just wants to do some shopping, and I think we're going to a movie. Chase mentioned it on Friday."

"Make it a comedy," Amelia supplies, sipping her coffee.

I raise my eyebrows to denote my agreement.

A knock sounds on the front door and Dad calls out, "Come in!"

Axel and Chase appear in the atrium, peering around the corner to the kitchen.

"Morning Freedmans," Axel grins. "And Shepherd."

Amelia smiles.

"Morning," we all reply, in our individual morning tones.

Mom has already set out two plates on the island so, familiar with the routine, Axel and Chase grab a plate and sit down at the table.

"How are you boys doin' today?" Mom asks, drinking coffee.

"Starving," Axel replies, as Dad passes him bacon.

"You're always starving," I reply, and he grins.

Chase has been silent, aside from a quiet hello when he walked in. He doesn't look as devastated as he did yesterday, but his melancholy is palpable.

Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, we try to maintain a light conversation, about movies and what we're going to see today.

"So when are we meeting your friend Norah?" Dad asks, spreading butter on toast.

"I could see if she wants to come for dinner," I shrug.

"Absolutely, baby," Mom says. "Bring her on by."

"Where's she from?" Amelia asks.

"Nebraska."

"Oh, that poor girl," she shakes her head.

We laugh at her joke.

"Wow," I say, shaking my head, still chuckling. "I guess if you're not from the coast, you don't fit into Amelia's world."

"Ha ha," she replies dryly.

We finish up breakfast, and then I go upstairs to get my bag. When I come back downstairs, Dad and Axel are in the living room talking about the Lakers. I peek around the corner and see Mom in the kitchen. She's holding onto Chase's arm.

"I promise, honey. The baby didn't feel any pain. She wasn't that far along," she says.

I swallow, feeling terrible for him.

Chase nods, avoiding eye contact; no doubt to try and hide the fact that his eyes are swimming.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Mom goes on.

He offers up a very small, appreciative smile.

"Thanks," he says quietly. "For telling me."

"Don't mention it, honey," Mom smiles. "You let us know if you need anything, alright?"

She rubs his back and he nods, before turning to head towards the living room. He doesn't see me, but Mom does, and I walk over to her.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" I ask quietly, watching as he reaches Dad and Axel.

"Eventually," she replies, running a hand over my hair.

I exhale, nodding slowly, watching as he attempts to look okay while talking to Dad and Axel.

"I'll see you later," I say to Mom.

She kisses my cheek, giving me a hug. "Have fun, baby."

* * *

Axel drives us over to pick up Norah at the dorms.

I know Chase isn't ready for a relationship or anything, but the few times he's been around Norah, they've had easy conversation. They get along really well, and I think that might help him take his mind off things and maybe have some fun today.

"How was your guys' weekends?" Norah asks cheerfully, as we drive towards the mall.

"Alright," I reply. "How was yours?"

"Pretty uneventful," she shrugs from the back seat. "I just did homework while my roommate partied, stumbling into our room at four AM."

"Frat parties?" Axel asks.

"Yeah," she shakes her head. "She's…not very into monogamy."

"That's the nicest way I've ever heard anyone describe a slut," I reply.

We laugh.

"How about you, buddy," Norah nudges Chase, smiling. "You alright?"

"Yeah," he manages a small smile. "Sorry. Just a lot on my mind."

"Don't be sorry," she replies kindly. "We'll just have to cheer you up."

I see in my visor mirror as Chase replies with a genuine smile. It gives me a sense of relief, seeing it.

When we get to the mall we wander around, deciding what stores to head into. Unlike a lot of guys who hate shopping, Axel enjoys nice clothes almost as much as I do. And I think Chase is just glad to be out of his house, walking around and having a change of scenery. The last 36 hours have been hell for him.

We go into Spencer's, checking out all the novelty gifts and Halloween masks. I find one that looks like a hideous old woman with wrinkles and grey hair and a giant wart. I put it on and find Chase standing with Axel, checking out the shelf of dirty dice and dirty games.

"The dirty dice," I say. "Definitely get the dirty dice."

He jumps, turning around to see me, and after a quick confused look he laughs. He actually laughs, and it's not fake or forced.

"Nice, Freedman," he shakes his head, a smile lingering on his face.

"You're so hot right now," Axel says.

"I'm gonna age real good," I reply.

We wander around the mall some more and then head to the movie theatre.

* * *

Instead of just Norah coming over for dinner, I invite Chase and Axel along too, hoping Mom has enough food to feed everyone.

I shouldn't have bothered worrying, since we arrive home to find Mom, Dad, Addison, Jake, Amelia, Lexie and Mark out back. There will obviously be more than enough for everyone.

"Hey guys," Dad calls, waving as we walk out from the patio doors. "How was the mall? Do I have any money left for my retirement?"

"Depends if you're asking in dollars or pesos," I reply, giving him a grin.

As we head towards the table and chairs, covered with little appetizers, Dad and Jake each toss a beer to Axel and Chase. Surprised, I raise my eyebrows at Dad.

"You're all in college," he shrugs. "You'd be doing it somewhere else, at least you're here where I can watch you."

Mom gives Dad a look, but he gives her one back, and a silent conversation ends with Mom just shaking her head at Dad's grin. I'm pretty sure Dad just wants to try and get Chase to cheer up a bit.

"What about me?" I ask, holding out a hand.

Mom slaps a coke into it, but when she turns around, Addison slides a bottle of beer into it instead. I smile as she winks.

"So you must be Norah," Mom smiles, holding out a hand to her. "I'm Charlotte."

Norah shakes it, smiling back. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard great things about Kati's parents."

"All lies," Dad replies, coming over from his place at the grill. "We're slave-drivers. Real hard-asses."

"That seems very likely," Norah nods slowly.

Dad chuckles, holding out a hand. "I'm Cooper."

"It's great to meet you guys," Norah smiles. "Thanks for having me over."

"Oh you're welcome anytime, sugar," Mom smiles. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Uh," Norah mumbles, looking down at the bottle of beer in her hand.

Already knowing, Mom turns and gives Addison a look. Addison just looks around, pretending to be interested in the sky.

I introduce Norah to everyone else.

"And you guys are _all _doctors?" she stares.

"Yeah," Amelia nods after a minute, looking around at all of her friends.

"You're right, Kati," Norah grins. "You didn't stand a chance. That singing career will have to remain a hobby."

They laugh as the four of us settle into some nearby chairs, and everyone breaks into random conversations.

Dad and Jake grill some steaks, and we sit around, eating and chatting. Mom and Dad get to know Norah, and Chase even laughs and smiles as he talks with Dad and Jake and Mark. The five of them end up going to play basketball, before it gets too dark.

"How's he doing?" Addison asks when the guys are out of earshot.

I shrug. "As good as can be expected, I guess. It's Chase. He just needs to sort things out in his head, in his own time."

"Is this about Chase's stupid ex-girlfriend?" Norah asks nonchalantly, drinking some beer.

We look at her, questioning.

"Oh, he told me. At the mall. When you and Axel were in Aritzia. I can't believe what an asshole that girl is."

I laugh, but start to choke on some beer.

Addison thumps my back. "Don't embarrass me, Kati! Or I'll never slip you booze again!"

That only makes me laugh more, as I catch my breath.

"Jeez, Freedman," Norah stares. "You gonna make it?"

"_Looks like we maaadde iiitt, _" I sing in response.

"Kati has a habit of singing the line of a song when the opportunity presents itself," Mom says.

"Oh I've noticed," Norah laughs. "Someone asked us, 'What's going on?' last week, and Kati started belting out 4 Non Blondes."

"Oh I nailed that," I nod, remembering, as they laugh.

"So you're actually broadcasting your Crazy to the world now," Addison smiles knowingly.

"Keeps people I don't like away," I reply.

"You have a good kind of Crazy," Norah nods.

Just then the laughter is cut short by a short, sharp gasp from Lexie.

"Lexie," Addison says, immediately concerned.

"Sorry," she replies, waving a hand dismissively while the other hand grips her stomach. "Just a cramp."

We all stare at her for a moment; no one believing her.

"Are you su-" Addison begins.

But her sentence is cut short by another cry from Lexie. This time she keels over, still clutching her stomach.

"What kind of pain is it?" Addison demands, already at her chair and kneeling in front of her.

"Sharp," Lexie breathes, the pain making her breath falter.

Addison is already taking her pulse as Mom touches her forehead and Amelia clutches Lexie's free hand.

"We're going to the hospital," Addison says firmly.

"No, no," Lexie shakes her head. "I'll be okay. It's not that ba-"

The word leads into a louder cry, making her face crumple in pain.

The guys even hear her, over their loud teasing and cheering during their basketball game.

Mark rushes over as the other follow suit.

"What is it?" Mark demands, gripping Lexie's leg.

"I'm not sure," Addison replies. "Let's get her to St Ambrose. I want to examine her."

Lexie looks like she's about to protest, but another wave of pain silences her as she grabs her stomach breathlessly.

"Get her in the car," Addison demands. "Now.


	40. Chapter 40

Mark swiftly lifts Lexie into his arms and rushes towards the cars parked out front.

"Kati, you stay here," Mom says, moving quickly with everyone else to grab her purse and head for the front of the house.

"What? No," I protest, following them, but she stops and turns to face me.

"Sugar, I need you to stay here. It won't do any good havin' lots of people around, makin' her more nervous than she already is. Beside, she's goin' right into surgery."

She looks at me, firmly, and then raises an eyebrow, indicating that she's waiting for me to say that I hear her.

"Fine," I bite, clenching my jaw.

Mark has already settled Lexie into Addison's car, and with a yell from Amelia telling her that they'll meet them there, Addison speeds off.

Amelia heads for Dad's car as he starts it.

"I'll call you as soon as we know somethin'," Mom tells me.

I nod, exhaling with frustration.

Mom leans forward and kisses my forehead, and then climbs into the car before Dad speeds off after Addison.

I stand there for a moment, staring after them, and then turn around to find Axel, Norah and Chase standing there, looking stunned.

"Jesus," Chase breathes.

Axel comes and hugs me. "It'll be okay," he whispers.

Norah looks like she doesn't know what to say at all. I can't blame her. If I hadn't grown up immersed in medical situations, I would be too. Especially when someone pregnant starts screaming and bleeding before being rushed to the hospital by a whole crew of doctors.

"Come on," Axel urges calmly. "Let's go inside. There's nothing we can do right now."

Reluctantly, I let him pull me away.

* * *

Chase drives Norah home a little awhile later, and Axel stays with me. He puts on a movie and we curl into the couch, but I can't concentrate on it. I constantly check my phone, waiting for a text or a call. From any one of them, telling me what's going on.

I'm exhausted but fighting sleep, but eventually I lose the battle because the next thing I know, Mom is gently shaking me awake.

"Hey," she whispers, when I open my eyes.

Confused with sleep, I slowly blink and look around. It's 3:30 in the morning, and I'm passed out on Axel's chest, as he sleeps soundly, undisturbed by Mom.

"Hey," I rasp. "How's Lexie?"

"Come upstairs," she whispers. "Axel can sleep here."

As I blindly let her pull at my arm and help me off the couch, I rub my eyes.

"What happened?"

"Hold on," she replies, pulling out her phone. She starts texting.

I get upstairs and climb onto my bed, tossing my jeans on the floor and folding myself into the covers. But I refuse to fall asleep until she talks to me, even though my eyes are closing by themselves.

"Mom," I say, getting annoyed, both with her and with my exhaustion.

She slips her phone back into her pocket, pushing her blonde hair behind her ear as she comes to sit on my bed.

Immediately, I feel a tightening in my chest.

She swallows and then makes eye contact, the first time she's done so since waking me up. I know what she's going to say and the ropes in my chest tighten even more.

"She lost the baby, honey," she says quietly.

I'm not tired anymore, and my eyes now refuse to close at all. I feel my forehead crease as I stare at her.

She runs a hand over my hair.

"There was nothing Addison could have done. The baby just wasn't strong enough. Her heart stopped beating and by the time Addison got in there, she was gone."

Her face starts to blur before my eyes in the darkness of my bedroom.

Wordlessly, I look away from her. I can't stop thinking about Lexie, and how she must be feeling, and how I have no idea how much that kind of pain must hurt.

Mom smoothes my hair, looking at me carefully.

"Does she know?" I ask, realizing that Lexie probably passed out in the car, and even if she didn't, she would have immediately been sedated once she got to the hospital. Addison would have taken her right into surgery.

"Not yet," Mom replies quietly. "She's been knocked out. Addison's keepin' her sedated until morning. Her body needs to rest."

I feel a tear slip from the corner of my eye onto my pillow. Mom reaches out her thumb and brushes away another one that falls.

"Come here, baby," she pulls me into a hug.

My heart hurts for Lexie and Mark, and for the baby they were so excited about. And now I can't stop thinking that Mom is just as far along as Lexie is. Was.

What if she loses the baby? I push the thought away.

"Try to get some sleep, sugar," Mom says, sitting back up and brushing a lock of hair from my damp temple. "Okay?"

I nod, and she gets up after kissing my forehead.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," I reply, already turned towards the wall.

I listen as she leaves my room and closes the door, and then I exhale the pressure from my chest. I get rid of the swell of tears that were pressing against my eyes, silently crying for the baby that almost was, and for the crushing weight of what Lexie is going to have to wake up and hear


	41. Chapter 41

I don't sleep at all.

I know people always say that, when really they just went to bed really late, or had trouble falling asleep but managed to get an hour or so in. But I literally do not sleep.

I stare at my clock, or out my window, or at the ceiling. But my eyes never close, except to blink. My body is tired, but my mind is refusing to settle down. I can't stop thinking about all of this. Lexie's baby dead, pulled from her body like roots from the ground. And my little brother or sister, nestled in Mom's belly, who now seems so fragile. A baby I was indifferent about at first, but whom I now can't wait to meet.

My alarm clock goes off and I slam my hand down on it like an anvil.

Not necessary, Alarm Clock. I'm awake even before you are.

I drag myself into the shower and stand in the too-hot stream for too long. Mom knocks on the door and comes in.

"You plannin' on comin' outta there anytime soon?" I hear her through the shower curtain.

"No," I reply, monotone. "It's a lot warmer in here than out there."

She knows I don't mean the weather.

"Come on, baby," she says softly. "Come downstairs."

I sigh and she leaves.

I stand in front of my armoire and, after maybe 10 minutes, pull out a pair of jeans. I don't even care about putting together an outfit. I grab the first shirt I see, slide my feet into some Toms and go downstairs, free of makeup and with damp hair.

"Hey when did you get that shirt?" Dad asks from his place at the table, coffee and a plate of eggs and toast in front of him as he reads the paper, frowning at me.

I look down. Batman symbol. "Oh. I dunno. Few weeks ago."

"And you didn't order _me _one!?" he stares at me, confounded.

I make a face at him. "Please. The last shirt you ordered from there was Bane. You don't order Bane and Batman under the same name. It's just not done."

"You merely adopted the darkness," he replies, attempting a Bane voice. "I was born into it."

Mom stares at him and I shake my head, sitting at the table. I almost smile; leave it to Dad.

"Anyway," Mom breathes, eyeing Dad before turning to sort through some papers, placing them in her bag. "Sugar, you're working at the practice after school, right?"

I forgot. I'm covering the desk for the receptionist.

"Yeah," I reply, blinking slowly.

"Did you get any sleep at all?" Mom asks, concern creasing her forehead. She comes and tilts my chin, looking at me closely.

I exhale in reply.

"Maybe you should study from home today," she suggests.

"No," I reply. "I'm getting my lab report in Bio. Test in chem."

She tilts her head, prepared to give me a lecture on sleep and how a lack of it will affect my ability to intake information properly, blah blah Southern-accented blah.

"Don't," I let my head fall back, looking at her. "I'm fine."

Dad squeezes my hand and immediately my eyes water. I have this disease where I'm a champion at holding myself together, until someone I love touches me or asks if I'm okay.

"Sweetie," Dad says softly, pulling me from my chair. I still fit in his lap as he hugs me tightly. "Everything's gonna be okay. Lexie will be okay."

I manage my tears, quelling them. Mom runs a hand over my hair.

"I know it's a terrible thing, honey," Dad says gently. "But Addison did everything she could. It was inevitable."

I nod, wiping a hand across my face.

"I know exactly what you're thinkin', darlin', and don't you spend another minute on it," Mom says, sitting in my chair and facing Dad and I. She squeezes my hand and then presses it to her swelling belly.

"This little nugget is strong as you were. Kickin' me like I stole somethin'."

I laugh out loud, short and unexpected. Just then the baby kicks, a soft bump against my palm. Mom just raises an eyebrow as if to say, 'See?'

I take a breath and stand up.

"Just wasn't expecting it," I say, clearing my throat and pulling a sweater over my head. "I'm okay."

"Freedman Sandwich," Dad stands up, and then come at me from both sides and squish me between them.

"Alright, alright," I protest. "Can barely breathe."

"Love you," Dad murmurs into my hair, before they release me.

"I love you, too," I reply, unable to animate my voice whatsoever.

"See you after school," Mom says.

"Mmhmm," I mumble.

"Behold, the instrument of your liberation! Identify yourself to the world!" Dad attempts the Bane voice again, holding out my phone for me.

I shake my head, unable to hold back a small smile as I take the phone. "You're such a dork," I say.

Dad smiles and kisses my forehead, followed by Mom, and then I'm out the door.

* * *

Mom was probably right about studying at home, but I try not to think about that as I struggle to stay awake through my classes. Around lunchtime, I reach the point where I'm so tired that stupid things are funny, but I can stay awake. I hang out with Axel, Norah and Chase on the quad, as Chase tells us about his most recent interaction with Jenelle.

"What'd she say?" Axel asks, stealing a raspberry from me.

"That she's sorry, but 'it's her body,'" he replies, shaking his head. "Then she tried to pawn everything off on us."

"Us?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, saying that we judge her for joining a sorority or some shit. Said it was really hard on her."

I let out a short derisive laugh. "Right, so it was another group of friends who were calling her and asking her to come hang out."

"She's already on the Dark Side. And she ain't comin' back," Axel says, stretching out on the grass where we're sitting.

"Pretty sad, actually," I say.

"Yeah," Chase sighs. "But, bound to happen, right? Someone always has to change and leave the group. It's post-high school law."

"Sure," I laugh shortly.

"Anyway," he says, wanting to drop the subject of Jenelle. I can tell he's trying hard to not think too much about the abortion. "How's everything with..."

He eyes me.

"Dunno," I shrug. "I haven't talked to anyone except my parents. Lexie was knocked out as soon as they got to the hospital, and Addison wasn't planning on waking her up until this morning."

"That's so awful," Norah shakes her head. "I feel so bad for her and Mark. They seem so amazing. They'd be good parents."

I nod.

"You wanna go out after school? Shopping and a movie or something?" Axel suggests.

"I can't," I say, giving him an apologetic look. "I'm working at the practice."

"When are you done?"

"Six," I answer. "But then I have homework. Tomorrow?"

He smiles, leaning in to kiss me.

"How about you guys?" he invites Chase and Norah.

"Sure," they agree.

Chase checks his watch, and the four of us get up and head off in different directions for our afternoon classes.

* * *

"I like the name Marjorie," I hear Mom say as I get near her office.

"As in your cow?" Amelia asks, ready to make fun of her.

"That's a gross name," I say, entering the office and dropping my bag on the couch.

"It's a beautiful name!" Mom protests, looking from me to Amelia, who's laughing to herself.

"Where?" I ask, making a face back.

She shakes her head, coming out from her desk.

"Besides, it'll be a boy," Amelia announces.

"And how do you know that?" Mom asks, raising an eyebrow.

"You already have a perfect daughter. Don't need two," she replies, smiling at me.

"What do you want from me?" I ask, glaring at her; knowing her.

"What? Can't I comment on the fact that my niece is ah-mazing?"

"No," I reply slowly.

She laughs. "Will you drive me to the airport tomorrow? I have to go back to Seattle. Brain aneurysm just flew in from Boston and Hunt needs me back ASAP."

"Sure," I agree. "What time?"

"Not until 3:00."

"Oh, good. I finish classes at 1:00 tomorrow."

"Thanks honey," she grins, wrapping an arm around my neck and pulling me to kiss my forehead.

"How''s Lexie?" I ask.

They both lose the smiles.

"She's been better," Amelia offers, shrugging. "Gonna be a tough time for them both."

I nod, chewing my lip.

"They're flying out in a couple days."

"What?" I look up, surprised.

"Lexie just wants to be at home," she replies.

"Oh," I say.

"How was school?" Mom asks, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Good," I shrug. "Same old."

"How'd that lab report come back?"

"A plus," I reply, inferring that she already knows this.

"That's my girl," she grins.

"I better get out there," I say, nodding my head towards reception.

They give me sympathetic smiles, so I immediately know that Mom told Amelia about this morning. But I give a fake smile back and leave the office.


	42. Chapter 42

"Hey," I hear as I organize a new patient file.

I look up to see Sheldon's smiling face.

"Hey," I smile, coming around the desk to hug him.

"How are you doing?" he asks knowingly.

"I'm fine," I offer a smile. "How about you?"

"Ah, can't complain," he shrugs. "No one listens."

I chuckle, going back behind the desk.

"So? How's school?"

"Good," I smile. "I love it. It's a lot more work, but it's a good kind of exhausting."

"Yeah," he smiles wistfully. "I had a great time in college. Any psych classes this semester?"

"Health psych and behavioural medicine. It's awesome."

"Well if you ever need some help, or a textbook," he grins. "I'm your man."

"Hey!" Violet says, stopping on her way towards the elevator.

"What?" Sheldon replies, turning to look at her. "You can be her woman."

Violet looks at me and raises her eyebrows, pointing to her chest and mouthing, "You come to me."

I play along, nodding conspiratorially, until Sheldon looks back at me and then I shake my head, as though I was just placating Violet, who is now in the elevator.

"Doesn't she have a patient?" Sheldon asks.

I hold up a file folder. "Ten minutes. Pretty sure she just went to get coffee."

"Ooo, coffee," he says, heading for the elevator. "Talk to you soon, Kati!"

"Bye," I chuckle, going back to the papers all over the desk.

I put together the new patient files, making sure to carefully color-code and alphabetize them.

"Is there a Dr. Freedman here?" I hear a frantic voice.

My head jolts up to see a mother and her three children. One of them, a boy, is in her arms, flushed and sweating. She must mean Dad.

"Dad!" I turn and yell.

He's out of his office within seconds, rushing over to me. I point to the woman, and when she comes into Dad's view, he hurries over.

"I don't know what's wrong with him," the mother panics. "I thought it was just the flu, but he's getting worse."

"Come on," Dad replies, taking the boy from his mother and hurrying to his examination room.

Mom, Amelia and Jake come out of their offices, curious about the noise.

"What happened?" Mom asks.

"A mom and her kids. One of them looks pretty sick," I reply.

"Why wouldn't she take him into emerge?" Jake wonders aloud.

"She must have heard of the great and powerful Cooper," Amelia supplies.

I turn back to the files as the elevator opens to let out Violet and Sheldon, both carrying coffees.

"Is my 3:00 here?" Violet asks.

I hand her the file and nudge my head towards the waiting room. A very nervous-looking woman has been sitting there for about 20 minutes, chewing her fingernails.

"Abby," Violet smiles. "Come on in."

The woman follows Violet, her fingers never leaving her mouth.

"Remind me of my afternoon, please, baby?" Mom asks, leaning her elbows on the desk counter.

I glance at the computer.

"Just one. At 5:00. A Caleb Watson, coming to you for…erectile dysfunction," I smile dryly.

She eyes me, not hiding a small smile, as she turns to head for the kitchen.

"What did you eat today? You're too pale," she asks, stopping and looking back at me.

"I dunno," I shrug. "Some fruit. A very large bag of gummy bears."

"Wonderful," she replies sarcastically. "So you'll be havin' whatever _I _decide, for dinner."

She turns and goes to the kitchen. Dad comes out of his office and goes to the elevator, swiping his card and punching in some numbers.

"We're on lockdown," he says shortly.

"What?" I frown.

"My patient. He has the mumps."

I stare at him.

"It's okay. Everyone will get the vaccine. It'll be fine."

"I haven't had my MMR booster yet," I say, worried. "And you guys have only had measles vaccinations, right? Last year when that patient of Addison's had measles, that's what you said!"

I'm starting to freak out. He comes over and holds my shoulders.

"Sweetie, everything is going to be fine."

"What about Mom?" I demand. "She can't have that vaccine! She can't!"

"Kati," he says more firmly, bending slightly so we're at eye level. "Let's try to stay calm, okay? Everything will be alright."

After a moment of him waiting, I nod.

"Okay. Now I need you to call the patients for tonight and cancel," he instructs, heading for Violet's office. She is the only one with a patient in the practice.

I immediately pick up the phone, trying to pay attention to Dad at the same time.

I distractedly speak to the three different patients, as Dad alerts everyone else, informing that Violet's patient will have to stay until he figures out what he's gonna do and how active the kid's mumps are.

"Kati, call Dr. Beauchamp at Ambrose. Tell him we need 10 MMR vaccines, as soon as possible."

I nod, finish my last phone call to a patient, and then call the hospital.

In his panic, Dad orders Amelia to take Mom into her office and makes her stay there. The fact that she's pregnant has him ultra protective in every sense, and he doesn't even want to get close to her, since he's been in very close proximity to the little boy. Amelia goes in with Mom, but Dad makes me stay out, since I was nearer to the family than anyone else.

"Oh Jesus," I breathe, sitting at the desk and dropping my head into my hands. "Can I have a fucking break?" I say, looking towards the ceiling.

* * *

Dr. Beauchamp arrives within 10 minutes. He uses his access card to get up to our floor from the elevator.

"Hey, Kati," he says, slightly surprised to see me. I'm not sure if he's ever been to the practice before.

"Hey, David," I say, standing up.

"Have a seat," he says, setting his bag on the desk and pulling on surgical gloves.

"Jeez," I say, as he rolls up my sleeve. "Not wasting any time, huh?"

"Afraid not," he grins, taking the cap off one of the syringes. "This is going to sting."

"I don't have a problem with needles," I reply, with a wave of my free hand.

"Not the needle," he replies. "The vaccine."

Unfazed, I watch as the needle slides into my arm. Slowly, a burning sensation spreads throughout my arm.

"Mother-" I bite, catching myself when I remember the kid's two siblings are a few feet away in the waiting room. "NATURE!"

I yell, clenching my jaw through the pain.

"Told you," David says, giving me a sympathetic look.

"You monster," I breathe, pressing on the cotton he puts on the injection site.

He grins, before heading towards the offices. Jake walks out of his and David makes him sit on the nearest couch so he can inject him next.

"Mumps," he shakes his head. "And here I am, walking around with just a measly measles vaccine."

His grin at his own sense of humour disappears as the vaccine enters his arm, his face slowly breaking into a horrified expression.

"Shit, Dave," he stares at Dr. Beauchamp. "Next time let me know before you inject me with liquid evil."

Jake gets up, holding his arm and walking towards the kitchen as David goes into Mom's office next.

"Just one in there," Jake calls to David. "Charlotte's pregnant."

"Alright," I hear David. "Let's just make sure you stay in here." He says this to Mom, and then hands her a face mask.

I swallow a lump of anxiety.

When David reaches the waiting room, before going into Dad's exam room, the kids cry when they see him. They look to be only about five and six or so, a boy and a girl.

I open a desk drawer and find two suckers, and pull my iPad out of my bag.

"Hey guys," I say softly, going to sit beside them as the girl tries to hide behind her brother. "I'm Kati. What are your names?"

The boy, the older one, puts an arm around his sister protectively.

"I'm Everett," he says, trying to be brave, even as he keeps eyeing David. "This is Spencer."

"Oh nice," I say, relaxed and nodding with approval, hoping my demeanour will calm them down. "I always liked that better as a girl's name."

"Levi's sick," she replies, after eyeing me for a few moments.

"I know," I say, crossing my legs. "Being sick is the worst. But guess who his doctor is?"

"Who?" Everett asks, glancing at the candy in my hand.

"My dad," I reply.

"Really?" he asks, interested.

"Yep," I say, holding out the suckers. They both take one, and I flip the iPad's cover over.

By now, David has the two vaccines ready. Spencer sees them and starts to cry.

"Does it hurt? I hate needles," Everett says, moving slightly away from the doctor.

"Yes," I reply honestly. "But after a minute it's gone."

They both look terrified, though Everett seems to be used to this role as the brave big brother. They both look up and I follow their gaze to see Amelia.

"Hey guys," she smiles, coming to sit down. "I see Kati gave you the good candy. She only ever gives me licorice. Blech."

They clutch their suckers.

"Do you guys like Angry Birds? My niece Zola can't get enough of them," she says, turning on my iPad.

"I do," Spencer says, her face still damp with tears.

"How about you come show me how it's done? I never get a chance to play."

Spencer gets up and goes to sit on Amelia's lap.

"You ready, big guy?" David says to Everett.

He swallows and then nods. The doctor begins wiping his arm with alcohol.

"You wanna squeeze my hand?" I ask him. He shakes his head, but then looks over and sees the needle. Silently, he slides his hand into mine.

"Remember," I say quietly. "Over in a minute."

He nods, clutching his candy.

"Hey, your sister's good at this," I say, nodding towards the iPad.

He stretches his neck a bit to see the screen, and David slides the needle into his arm.

Impressively, this kid just clenches his jaw and tightens his lips, trying to concentrate on the iPad screen. He holds his breath until the needle comes out, and even though I know the burning feeling is still there, he doesn't cry out. But his jaw is clamped tight.

"Jeez," I say, nudging him. "You're a champion."

He tears the wrapper off his sucker and pops it into his mouth, taking a breath but then holding it again as he clutches his arm. Watching him get up and go to take Amelia's place beside his sister makes my eyes prickle at how sweet he is.

"You okay?" Amelia whispers, as Everett talks quietly to his sister, preparing her.

"Yeah," I shake my head, dismissing the question. "I'm PMSing. Everything is making me cry."

I get up and head towards the bathroom, the sound of Spencer crying out making the hair on my arms stand up.

Before I can reach the door to the bathroom, I hear a loud, terrified scream. And it's not Spencer's.

I go out towards the sound, and see Violet's patient freaking out in her office. She tries to calm her down, but the patient keeps screaming, pulling at her hair crying.

"Jesus," I breathe, frowning as I look around for someone else.

"What's going on?" Jake asks, coming out of the kitchen.

Mom questions me silently through her office window, but I just shrug.

Finally, Violet comes out of her office.

"Jake, I need lorazepam. Very, very soon," she says.

"What's wrong?" he asks, as he and I peer into the office.

"My patient's agoraphobic," she replies, her mouth straightening into a line. "So this is pretty much the most intense first-day therapy of my life."

Jake hurries away as Violet rubs her forehead and I sigh, so ready for this day to end.


	43. Chapter 43

For an hour, I sit at the desk and work on my chem homework. I'd play on my iPad, but I gave it to Spencer and Everett to play with until they can go home.

Dad came out once and said he was giving the kid fluids and trying to figure out when he got sick. Mom is now in her office alone, since Amelia came out here and was near the kids, trying to make them feel better, so she was "too close" to the virus. Basically everyone is in their own office, and I'm at this desk ready to eat the crayons we have for kids to color while they wait.

Finally, Dad comes out, looking exhausted and worried.

"It's okay, he's not contagious anymore," he breathes, tapping on his iPhone.

Surprised, I raise an eyebrow.

"He's been sick for a week," Dad explains, looking around for everyone else. "He won't be a threat to any of us, and somehow his brother and sister haven't got it either. Apparently she vaccinated the older two, but not Levi."

"What? Why not?" I ask, baffled.

"Her nephew's autistic. They're all blaming it on his vaccines," he explains, texting again. "He needs to get to St. Ambrose. He's...not looking very good."

He says it quietly, glancing at the other two kids.

"How not very good?" I demand.

He looks at me and flattens his lips into a thin line.

"Jesus," I breathe, rubbing my forehead. "He's had it for a week and he's still even alive?"

"The mother said she managed to get some fluids into him each day, and gave him cool baths. I don't know. It's kind of a miracle that he's alive right now, but...I honestly don't know."

Slightly frazzled, he pockets his phone and runs a hand over his head.

"I've got an ambulance coming, and I'm going to the hospital with them. Mom and I drove here together, so you take her home, okay? He may not be contagious, but I still want you both out of here."

I nod, going over to Mom's office, where she's asleep on her couch. A very un-Charlotte thing to do, sleeping at work.

"Mom," I say, closing the door.

Her eyes pop open and she looks at me, concerned.

"The little boy isn't contagious anymore," I explain. "But Dad wants us to go home."

"He takin' him to Ambrose?"

"Yeah."

"Well go and grab Amelia and we'll get outta here. What about Violet's patient? She stopped screamin' half an hour ago."

"I dunno," I shrug. "Violet and some drugs calmed her down. I think someone is coming to pick her up. A sister or something."

I go and get Amelia and the three of us leave the practice, relieved to be out.

* * *

"Can we eat something immediately?" Amelia asks, we get into my car.

"Yes," Mom agrees. "How about we grab some Thai?"

"Pizza?" Amelia counters.

"Oh, no," Mom chuckles. "My child fueled herself with sugar today. Let's stick to something a bit healthier."

"I had fruit, too," I say, giving her a look as I pull out of the parking lot.

"You sayin' no to Thai?" she raises an eyebrow.

"No," I reply. "I just mean that I wasn't completely terrible at eating today."

Mom chuckles, settling into her seat.

Addison calls while Mom and Amelia are inside, getting the take-out.

"Hey," I say. "How's it going?"

She sighs; exhausted. "Been better. Rough 24 hours."

"How...is she?" I ask quietly.

"She's gonna need some time," Addison replies, which basically means terrible. "Mark doesn't want her flying right now, so they're driving home in the morning."

"Already? She's out of the hospital?"

"Mark will take care of her. She wants to go home."

I nod, even though she can't see me.

"What are you guys up to? I need to get outta this hospital, and Judah's with the nanny. And where's Jake?"

"Haven't you checked your phone?"

"Not really. I called him but he didn't answer, so then I called you and I'm expecting you to entertain and probably feed me."

I laugh softly.

"Well Mom and Amelia are getting Thai, so come on over. And Jake is at the practice, probably leaving soon. Dad had a patient today with mumps. We all had to stay there for a couple hours while Dad figured out if he was contagious. Which he isn't, so we finally got to leave."

"Mumps? Are his parents from another century?" she says, and I hear her start her car.

"No kidding," I breathe. "Apparently she just didn't vaccinate her youngest, because his cousin was vaccinated a year ago and he's autistic, so they think it's related."

"Aauggh," Addison groans. "I need to think about nothing medical for tonight."

"Agreed. We're just leaving the restaurant. Should be home in 10 minutes."

"Okay, I'll meet you guys there."

* * *

Mom falls asleep right after dinner, so Amelia, Addison and I watch TV for a bit.

"How old is this episode?" Amelia frowns, as we watch Criminal Minds.

"I've developed a pretty serious addiction to it. I'd never seen it before so I downloaded all of the seasons. This is season five."

"This is crazy," Addison stares at the screen, as they show a dead person with their eyes removed.

"And awesome," I put in.

"Definitely pretty...graphic. For cable," she shrugs.

"Paget Brewster has to be wearing lash extensions," I say, glaring at her face on the screen.

"The dead girl's family is grieving and you're thinking about eyelashes?" Addison looks at me.

"Look at them! They're incredible!" I reply, gesturing towards the screen.

"They are pretty intense," Amelia agrees, nodding slowly. "Definitely extensions."

"I love her. I just love her," I shake my head.

"I love that skinny little nerdy guy," Amelia grins.

"Oh me too," I agree. "Very much."

We watch as the killer targets his next victims.

"Did I tell you guys I have a brain aneurysm waiting for me in Seattle?" Amelia asks.

"No," Addison replies, as I say 'yes' simultaneously.

"Yep," Amelia says to Addison. "Apparently it's gonna be a bitch to clip."

"And yet you look very excited about it," she replies.

"Oh I am," she agrees.

"I don't want to do another surgery for a very long time," Addison sighs.

Amelia and I exchange sad looks.

"You did everything you could," Amelia says, reaching over and squeezing Addison's arm.

Addison nods, and then sighs again, rubbing her face.

"I should get going," she says.

"You haven't even found out who the Enucleator is!" I say, frowning at her.

"The what?" she makes a face.

"Dude who's cutting out the eyes," I reply, as though this is obvious, as I lean back into the couch.

Addison watches the screen for a moment, seeing another person without eyes, and sits back down.

"Alright, I do wanna see how this plays out," she agrees.

"We are sick, sick people," Amelia says, engrossed in the screen.

"I'm okay with it," I reply.


	44. Chapter 44

Mark and Lexie stop by the house to say goodbye, before starting their drive to Seattle. Lexie is pale and withdrawn. She doesn't even appear to be here; she seems miles away. None of us can blame her, though. She accepts our hugs and manages a slight smile, but is clearly glad to be nestled back in the car, where she turns her head away, burrowing into the sweater she's wearing.

I can't imagine how much it hurts her to see Mom, with her small but swelling belly.

I drive Amelia to the airport that afternoon.

"Make sure you text me, since you're always too busy to call," she demands, lifting her luggage from my trunk.

"I will," I promise. "And let me know how the surgery goes."

"Oh, it's going to be perfect," she grins, already excited about the patient waiting for her at Seattle Grace.

She squeezes me tightly.

"I'll miss you," she says.

"I'll miss you, too," I reply. "It was fun to have all of you guys out for awhile."

She smiles. "Y'know, I think even Cristina had fun."

"Me too. Just don't tell her that," I reply dryly, flicking an eyebrow.

She laughs, leaning over and kissing my cheek before giving me another squeeze.

"Love you! Talk to you soon," she says, and heads off to her gate.

"Love you too," I call after her.

* * *

Back in my car, my phone is going off. I answer it and hear the noise of the hospital in the background.

"Hey Mom," I say, switching the call to bluetooth, so my hands are free.

"Hey, baby," she breathes. "You get Amelia to the airport alright?"

"Yeah, just dropped her off," I reply, pulling away from the curb.

"Good. You on your way home?"

"Yeah. Why, what's up?"

"Well, Addison's in surgery all day and the nanny just came and dropped Judah off. She's sick and can't watch him, and Jake's got patients all day at the practice."

"What kind of Judah are we talking?" I ask.

"Fat and happy. Already ate, so he's good for a few hours. He'll probably sleep for awhile. Lots of homework?"

"Yes," I reply, tired. "I'll be up late getting everything finished. But yeah, I'll come get Judah."

"I don't want you gettin' behind with school, honey," she starts.

"No, it's fine. He'll sleep. When he wakes up I'll just put on a movie or something. Something that'll keep his attention. Like Fateless."

"You wouldn't dare," she replies, a smile in her tired voice.

"I can't help it that he enjoys the same foreign films as me," I reply.

"Well try a foreign film that isn't about a devastatin' and horrible genocide."

"Like me, Judah would rather be bothered and informed, than happy and ignorant."

"Are you callin' me ignorant?" I can hear her eyebrow raise from over the phone.

"Just a little shortsighted in your movie choices," I reply, smiling.

"You think that about anyone who doesn't wanna sit through those dull history movies of yours," she says.

"Dull," I scoff, chuckling.

"I'll see you soon, baby," she laughs.

* * *

The hospital is a zoo. The waiting room for emergency is full, and based on the nurses' station, Mom has extra staff on.

"Hey Florence," I say to the nurse behind the desk.

"Hey, honey," she replies, exhausted.

"What...is going on?" I ask, looking around.

"Nobody can drive or walk or take care of themselves, apparently. Multi-car pileup just came in, we've got a couple pedestrians hit, and a bunch of freak accidents. Some kid nearly took his arm off with a chainsaw."

My eyes widen.

"Seriously?"

"Ain't got no time for jokes today, sugar," she replies, spinning in her chair to grab a patient file. "You need me to call your mama?"

"No, that's okay. I'll find her," I say.

I offer a smile and walk away, towards the emergency bay. All ten beds on the left side have their curtains pulled for privacy.

I walk slowly towards Mom's office, attempting nonchalance as I peek into the partially open spots.

"That's so awesome, dude," I hear a boy say. He sounds young; maybe 12.

I follow his voice and come to the last bed, where a kid is sitting with his dad and another kid. There's blood everywhere and the kid's dad is holding a towel on his forearm.

"I'm not sure 'awesome' is the best way to describe nearly maiming your brother, Simon," the dad says.

"It doesn't hurt that much," the kid shrugs.

"Adrenaline will do that to you," the dad sighs.

Carefully, he lifts a small portion of the towel, and a large gaping wound appears below the kid's elbow. Fascinated, I stay where I am, basically invisible to them, staring.

"Do you need someone to personally escort you every time you enter this hospital?"

Mom takes my arm and gently leads me away.

"Did you see that?" I stare at her.

"Yes, I was here when the three of them came in here. Boy nearly took his brother's arm off."

"Damn," I breathe, looking at her again. "So awesome."

She can't hide a smile.

"What's not awesome is a father letting his 11- and 13-year-old sons 'help' build a tree house, with a chainsaw."

"Well, no. Father Foul on his part, but unreal biology lesson for his kids," I shrug, as we turn the corner towards Gynecology/Obstetrics.

"What's Judah doing over here?" I ask.

"One of the nurses is hangin' onto him until you got here," Mom replies.

We reach the nurse's station and find Addison, lifting Judah from the nurse's arms, as he cries angrily.

"The nurse who loves babies, but babies hate?" I whisper to Mom.

She raises an eyebrow in amused response.

"There she is!" Addison says, comforting Judah. She turns him to see me as his cries quell, comforted by his mother.

"She would'a been here about 10 minutes sooner, if she hadn't been sneakin' peeks at emergency patients," Mom says to Addison.

"Chainsaw vs. Forearm," I say to Addison, tilting my head. "You tell me you wouldn't take a second to check that out."

"Really?" she makes a face. "Jesus."

"I saw bone. Muscle. Ligaments!"

"You're sick," she replies, grinning.

"I prefer the term 'curious,'" I reply, holding out my hands.

Judah leans forward, away from Addison, into my arms.

"Endlessly, gruesomely curious," she puts in.

"Well that sounds much better, doesn't it?" I smile at Judah.

He smiles, reaching out to grab my necklace.

"Thank you so much, honey," Addison kisses my cheek. "I owe you. Big time."

"I like watches. Michael Kors," I reply.

She smiles, shaking her head.

"He's already eaten, and he's ready for a nap, hence the cranky pants. I'm hoping to be outta here by 9:00."

"Okay," I reply, accepting the diaper bag. "We'll be at home. I've got some fantastic new documentaries to show him."

"Don't you dare," Addison points at me.

"On baby animals!" I finish. "Documentaries on baby animals. Jeez."

She grins and hurries off after accepting a patient file from the nurse.

"See you for dinner, baby," Mom says, kissing my cheek and running a hand over Judah's head. "Should we order in? I'm definitely not up for cookin' tonight."

"Sure," I agree. "See you later."

I turn and head back towards the entrance, with Judah happily playing with the necklaces around my neck.

Conveniently, we pass by the emergency bay on our way out. A doctor has made it to the bed with the kid, and is ordering his a fellow doctor to book an OR. I stop for a second, peering in at the arm again, hoping to catch a glimpse. The doctor barely lifts the towel, the opposite side that the father lifted, a gush of blood rushes from the wound.

"Holy mother-balls," I breathe, careful not to swear around Judah. "Are you seeing this?"

I look at Judah, but he's pretty wrapped up in the pendant in his hands.

"Kati," I hear, spinning around to see Dr. Baker, one of the ER doctors. "Whatcha doing?"

He grins, knowing.

"I'm not even sorry," I reply, shaking my head. "That is incredible."

He peers around my shoulder.

"Ah, yes. The Texas Chainsaw Kid. He's lucky he still has that arm."

"Dr. Langston's lucky that she gets to take care of that beast," I reply.

"Soon, Doogie," he laughs, patting my shoulder. "Soon."

"Not soon enough," I reply, hoisting Judah further up on my hip. "The closest I've gotten at school is some pretty gnarly photos. Anyway, have a good night. Take notes on any other good surgeries that come in."

"You got it," he laughs.


	45. Chapter 45

To say that Mom's hormones are out of whack, is a bit of an understatement.

Never one to cry freely, she manages to keep most of her flare-ups in check. I've seen her disappear into her room several times, clearly on the verge of tears, and the other day she was watching home movies from when I was a baby, and she was crying. She didn't know I'd come down the stairs, so I just creeped back up, letting her have her space. Dad and I don't call her out on the mood swings, though, knowing it would only make her more upset.

This morning, when I get downstairs, Mom is already there, making coffee and toast.

"Morning, sugar. Sleep okay?"

"Mmm," I mumble, still wanting to be burrowed in my blankets.

Dad comes down the stairs, buttoning his shirt.

"I thought you had today off?" Mom asks, putting some toast on a plate and buttering it.

"Penelope Miller was just brought into the ER. She's pretty sick, so I got called in. Might be measles."

Mom looks down at the toast, ready for Dad. "But I made breakfast. And we have an appointment with Addison this afternoon."

I stare at Dad, giving him a Look.

"Sorry, honey," he says, glancing at me and then back at her. "I've gotta go."

I get up from my seat, exhaling. "Thin ice, Dad," I say under my breath.

"I'm sure it won't take too long. I'll be at the appointment. And Kati will be there," Dad says to Mom, slight fear creeping into his voice.

But it's too late. Mom's eyes have welled up, and she turns back to the counter. Regardless of the fact that Dad and I have seen her cry, she still hates for anyone to see it, even us.

"Honey," Dad starts, gently, walking towards her.

"I'm fine," she snaps, obviously wiping tears from her eyes. "Go on. I'll see you later."

"Charlotte," he goes on, starting to slide his hands around her waist, nuzzling her neck.

"Overkill," I whisper, as Mom pushes back against him.

She turns to go towards the stairs, her eyes red and glassy.

"Have a good day, baby," she whispers, pressing her lips to my forehead quickly, as she passes me.

Dad stares after her, dejected, as she walks up the stairs. He looks over at me, but I just shake my head at him.

"What?" he asks, genuinely floored.

"I gave you a heads-up! Twice!" I reply.

"It's...I don't..." he gestures towards the toast, and then towards the stairs.

"Always agree to be at the appointments. She'll understand a last-minute emergency, especially since I'll already be there with her, so she won't be alone. But at this point, an early bail is not gonna fly. And when it comes to food, whatever she's offered or already made, take it. Even if you're not hungry. Always, _always,_ take the toast!"

I point at him, then raise my eyebrows to make sure he hears me. I heave my bag over my shoulder, walking over to kiss his cheek.

"Tread carefully, Father," I warn. "Second trimester is upon us."

* * *

It's mid-November, and I'm taking the opportunity to wear comfy sweaters. I spend the majority of my chem class taking unnecessary notes, just to stay awake. The cocoon I've made out of my scarf is way too comfortable. By the time my last class finishes, I barely have enough time to make it to the practice for Mom's appointment.

"Oh thank god you're here," Violet breathes, as I emerge from the elevator.

"Level Four Meltdown?" I ask, craning my neck to peer towards Mom's office.

"Five," Violet replies, wrapping an arm around me and steering me towards the door.

The blinds are drawn, which means Mom wants privacy. Which means she's probably crying.

"Amelia was never this hormonal," I whisper to Violet. "I mean, she burst into tears over my prom dress, and the one time over a spilled coffee...but never like this."

"Believe me, we're all just as floored as you are. With you, she was fine. Morning sickness for a month, maybe, but never the crying!" Violet whispers back.

"Alright," I sigh. "I've got this."

"Good luck," she replies dryly.

I knock twice and slowly open the door. Mom is sitting behind her desk, facing the window behind her.

"Hey," I say softly.

"Hi, baby," she replies, her voice damp from crying. "I've just got some work to do. I'll meet you in Addison's office."

I set my bag on her couch and walk towards the desk.

"I failed my bio test," I say.

She spins around, her eyes piercing me, anger and concern all at once. "You what?"

"I'm just kidding," I say while laughing. "Let's be serious."

"Not your best joke," she replies, relieved. She swipes at her eyes again.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the small box of pralines I picked up for her near the pier.

"I brought you something," I say.

"You don't have to do that, sugar. I may be a little hormonal, but I'm fine."

"A little?" I raise an eyebrow.

Usually, when she's upset, some hard humor can soften her up. She tilts her head at me.

"Come on, you're _supposed_ to be hormonal and crazy. I think it's your right, considering you're harvesting a human inside you."

I sit on the desk, pushing the pralines into her hands.

"Your little brother or sister is makin' me crazy, is what it is," she replies, taking the candy.

She manages a small smile. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome," I smile.

She opens the box. "Oh, Jesus," she sighs, taking a praline out and biting it. "How'd you know I was cravin' sugar like a heroin addict in withdrawal?"

"You stole an entire box of my Milk Duds," I reply. "After telling me that _I_ eat too many Milk Duds. I figured you were on a sugar kick."

She rubs her forehead, exhausted. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm a mess. I've never had my head so muddled up."

"It's okay," I shrug, standing up and taking a book from the shelf under the window. "I have several contingency boxes hidden throughout the house."

"You better tell me where they are," she replies, eating another praline.

"I'm sure we can cut a deal," I say, smiling when she looks at me.

She grins, standing up to hug me. "Thank god for you, baby. I love you."

"I love you, too," I reply.

"You'd think that the second time around your daddy would know a little more about pregnant women," she breathes, one hand sliding over her protruding stomach.

"I've learned to never expect a guy to remember anything when it comes to learning from their mistakes."

"You got that right," she says, as we head towards the door.

We walk over to Addison's office. She smiles, handing Mom a gown as we walk in.

"Hey sweetie," she hugs me. "How was school?"

"Good," I shrug. "Nothing new. Still constantly busy."

"Yep," she nods, understanding.

She waits until Mom disappears into the en suite bathroom to change.

"How are you two handling these mood swings?" she asks quietly, widening her eyes.

"With food," I reply.

Addison laughs, sliding the ultrasound machine over to the bed.

"I've never seen Charlotte cry unless it was over you. Being born, almost dying, y'know. But this..."

She blows up her cheeks, exhaling and shaking her head.

"Tell me it ends soon," I say, sitting on the stool beside the bed.

"Let's hope so," she replies.

Mom comes back out, making her way over to the bed.

"This child is twice the size of Kati," she sighs, rubbing her stomach. "I swear to God."

Addison smiles, helping her onto the bed. Just then, Dad bursts into the room.

"I'm here!" he almost yells. "I'm here!"

"Yes, we can see that, Cooper," Mom replies, frowning slightly.

"Sorry," he says, quieter, coming to stand beside me.

He squeezes Mom's hand, and she doesn't pull away. She smiles slightly, her bad mood seeming to level out.

Addison presses the probe against Mom's stomach, and the blurry image of a fetus appears on the screen. Addison slides a rectangular magnet across the bottom of the image.

"You guys still don't know what it is?" I ask, surprised. "I thought maybe you were just keeping it from _me_."

"Nope," Dad shakes his head. "We like the surprise."

He kisses Mom's forehead.

"I just mean that I thought you would have figured it out by now. But I guess Addison's pretty quick with the magnet."

"I think it's good to keep it a surprise," she says, clicking to take images of the sonogram.

"But _you_ know," I counter.

"I do," she nods, moving the probe. She grins at me.

"Well as long as it's not a gremlin or a Republican or something," I say under my breath.

"Definitely not a gremlin," Dad says, pointing at the screen. "Seems to have inherited my unfortunate head size, though."

We laugh.

Addison finishes the sonogram and then I make my way over to the kitchen while Addison finishes the exam.

* * *

"Hey, superstar," Jake holds up a hand. "How's life?"

I slap his hand as I pass him on my way to the fridge.

"Stellar," I reply. "This kid sat next to me in psych today and I'm pretty sure I got high just from the fumes coming off of him."

"Classic psych student," he shakes his head.

"Hey!" Sheldon stares, looking up from his paperwork.

"Ah, come on, buddy," Jake grins, popping an almond into his mouth. "Like you never explored your psychedelic side."

I chuckle at Jake's choice of words.

Pete wanders in, grinning at us.

"Hey guys," he says, taking a bottle of water from the fridge. "How's it goin'?"

"Sheldon's a stoner," Jake replies, smiling.

"Oh yeah?" Pete turns, grinning at Sheldon.

"Of course," Sheldon replies, dead-pan. "A real burn-out."

"Kid in Kati's psych class showed up cooked. Might have gotten her a bit high," Jake explains.

"Ah, college," Pete sighs, looking wistful.

We turn as the door bangs open, and Mom and Dad burst in.

"Just go, Cooper," Mom snaps.

I hang my head, exhaling.

"Charlotte, come on," he says, holding out his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it!"

"Uh oh," Jake says. "What'd you do, man?"

Mom just takes a water from the fridge, glares at Dad, and leaves.

Hanging his head, his hands resting on the island, he sighs.

"What'd you say?" I ask, stealing a handful of almonds from Jake.

"Why does everyone assume I said something?" he asks.

The four of us stare back.

"I have a patient," Sheldon stands up. "But Cooper, if you need to talk about some alternative ways to communicate with Charlotte during this…hormonal time, pop by my office."

"I don't need a shrink," Dad replies, frowning.

Sheldon just grins, his typical expression, and leaves.

"Seriously, what did you say?" Pete asks.

Dad looks at us, but then his face flattens into defeat.

"I just…suggested, that maybe…too much sugar could be having an…adverse effect on her…y'know. Moods."

"Oh, buddy," Jake says, as all three of us shake our heads, sighing in unison.

"What? What am I missing? I didn't suck this much when Kati was cooking in that oven."

Dad goes and gets a Redbull from the fridge. Somehow, he manages to hide them in there without Addison or Mom finding them and throwing them out.

"Common sense, apparently," Pete replies, biting an apple.

"We've been over this, Dad," I say, looking at him sternly. "What are the three things you are _never_ to comment on?"

He sighs. "Weight, food choices and overall appearance," he replies, monotone.

"Exactly," I throw up a hand and let it fall.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way!" he defends.

"It doesn't matter, man," Jake shakes his head, understanding. "A pregnant woman is a land mine."

"And you're Angelina Jolie in _Beyond Borders, _with one foot on the soft spot," I supply.

"What exactly did you say?" Pete asks curiously.

"She asked me to pick up more Ben & Jerry's on the way home," he shrugs. "I said maybe frozen yogurt would be better."

"Ugh," I breathe, shaking my head. "Of _all_ the foods, Father, _never _go after the ice cream."

"I'm completely brain-dead this time around," he shakes his head, taking a huge gulp of Redbull. "I can't believe how many times I've completely messed up, infuriating her."

"We've all been there," Pete slaps his shoulder. "You'll get through this. Just stop being such a dumbass."

I chuckle as Pete heads out, back to his office.

"Just remember," Jake says, his hand on Dad's shoulder. "For the next five months, Charlotte can do no wrong."

Dad nods once, a breathy laugh coming from his mouth.

Jake squeezes my shoulder as he leaves.

"Alright, honey," Dad sighs, dropping his head into his hands and then turning his head to look over at me through his fingers. "Tell me how to fix this, because I obviously lost any skills I may have had during her pregnancy with you."


	46. Chapter 46

By the time Christmas rolls around, Mom is more pregnant and, if possible, more hormonal. The sugar cravings have moved on to salt cravings. I don't think even Paula Deen has made as much fried chicken as Dad and I have during the past couple weeks.

We usually go away for Christmas but, since Mom is so pregnant she's about to start orbiting, we opted to stay home.

Amelia had planned months ago to spend Christmas with us, and when the rest of the Seattleites learn of it, a bunch of them decide to spend Christmas in the sun as well.

So on December 23, Dad and I each drive to airport and pick up Amelia, Mark, Lexie, Derek, Meredith, Zola, Callie and Arizona. According to Cristina, she'd rather watch her elderly patients bang each other than spend Christmas in California. Apparently she and Owen are attempting to mend their relationship, so the two of them decided to hole up in some cabin in Montana. Which is just as weird, because Cristina doesn't love snow, either. I'm pretty they just took the opportunity to spend a good week together, patching things up.

So, that afternoon, Amelia, Callie and Arizona pile into my Prius, while everyone else climbs into Dad's more spacious SUV.

"This is the first day I haven't been soaked in rain in probably three weeks," Callie breathes, settling in the back seat.

"Aw, I miss rain," I say, buckling my seat belt.

"Don't ever say that," she replies, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

With so many people, we have to spread everyone out among all of us Californians. Given that Derek and Meredith have Zola, Addison suggested that they stay with her and Jake, where there will be lots of spare baby needs available. Despite Addison and Derek having had a past, they've managed to move on to being legitimate friends. And Addison and Meredith are great friends now, and Addison's glad she has someone with a baby to talk to and share advice. Violet's already into toddlerhood, and has her hands full with Lucas. And since Amelia wouldn't be entirely comfortable living with Addison and Judah for a week, she stays with us. Callie and Arizona are staying with us, too, and Mark and Lexie are staying at Pete and Violet's. With such a big group of people, we all agreed to have Christmas at our house, since we have an open-concept main floor, with lots of room for everyone. Plus Mark was pretty adamant about spending a lot of time swimming, and we're the only ones with a pool. I think it's going to be a pretty crazy week.

So, while Dad takes his carload to their respective temporary homes, I drive the four of us back to our house.

"So is there any gossip or insanity we should know about before we embark on this trip?" Callie asks.

"There are a few stipulations," I respond, driving towards our neighborhood. "Mom is five months pregnant, and apparently significantly larger than she was with me at that stage, so she's rather..."

"Terrifyingly bitchy?" Amelia offers.

"I won't agree with that, but I won't disagree either. Suffice to say she is...sensitive, and maybe irritable, and...oh, whatever you do, never say anything about what she's eating. She's been in this phase where she thinks any comments about her pregnancy cravings is a solid hit against her, and that you're calling her a fat beast. So if you say anything, literally anything, she is likely to react in a...negative manner. And also try not to comment on just how big her belly is."

"Wow, you're really good at putting 'crazy, hormonal, hungry, pregnant psycho' into the nicest terms possible," Arizona nods.

"Well I definitely learned faster than Dad has," I say.

"Oh god," Amelia laughs, and she turns in her seat to relay some of the recent occurrences between Mom and Dad to Callie and Arizona.

"And your mom is scary enough with being pregnant," Callie lifts her eyebrows.

"Well luckily I'm rarely on the receiving end of that wrath," I reply. "The only time I was actually scared was when I got home from school and she met me at the door with crazy eyes and messy hair and demanded, slowly and in a terrifying voice, that I tell her where my extra boxes of Milk Duds were."

They laugh as we enter our neighborhood.

"As soon as I told her, though, she was all for cuddling on the couch and watching Love Actually."

"Oh my god, I love that movie," Arizona sighs.

"Good," I say. "It plays at our house at least once a day. And you'll know when that part with Keira Knightley and the Walking Dead guy is on, where he shows her all those signs, because Mom just loses it when that whole 'My wasted heart will love you' part plays."

"You mean you both lose it," Amelia supplies.

I roll my eyes.

"You can't see anyone cry without it making you cry, too," she laughs.

"It's true," I admit. "But in her defense, that is one of the most beautiful He-loves-her-and-can't-have-her situations I've ever seen."

I pull into the driveway and we all climb out.

As we walk towards the house, Amelia laughs, telling us about a phone conversation between her and Mom about a month ago, when she got to hear Mom growl at Dad.

"Oh my god!" Amelia cries, as we get inside and see Mom over in the kitchen.

I elbow her ribs, and we exchange glances. She already forgot not to mention the belly.

Mom's face is a little on edge as she remembers to smile, wiping her floury hands on a towel and coming towards the atrium.

"Fried chicken!" Amelia smiles, because she has to finish that sentence somehow.

Mom rolls her eyes. "Nice cover," she replies, but she smiles and hugs everyone.

"How was your flight?" she asks, taking everyone's jackets.

"Ugh, this old guy in front of us complained the entire time, and made the flight attendants come to his seat like five times, to bring him stuff," Callie replies.

"Always one of 'em on every flight," Mom chuckles.

She hangs up the jackets and gestures for them to follow her.

"Come on, I'll show you your rooms," she says. "Oh, sugar, can you grab the mail?"

She leads them to the back of the house, where the spare rooms are. One of them is usually an office, but Mom got Dad to replace the big desk with a bed. Which is why there's a desk in our sunroom.

As Nigel busily hurries along, following them happily, I go grab the mail. A return address on an envelope makes my heart stutter. I haven't even told Mom and Dad about this. I didn't actually thing anything would come of it. I mean, I did...but didn't. At the same time. I don't know. I slip the large envelope into my bag and hurry up to my room.

* * *

Within an hour, everyone has migrated to our house, and Dad is at the grill with Derek, Mark, Jake and Pete. The rest of us are spread among the patio furniture, catching up and fussing over Lucas and Judah. It amazes me how Amelia can smile and have a good time, and even hold Judah, even if it was only for about two minutes. Lexie, too, seems to have healed a bit after her miscarriage. You can see her desire for a baby, though, when she holds on Judah and just smiles at him.

Axel comes over, followed soon by Megan and Max, who is home for Christmas. I haven't seen her since August, and I hug her tightly. Last summer we had a huge fight, after I walked in on her slicing her own arm open in my bathroom. Needless to say, she made me promise not to tell anyone, but I couldn't hold onto that promise, for fear of losing my friend. Thankfully, we've moved past it and Max seems like her normal self. Happy, vivacious and laughing, with her bright red curls flying around her.

Our backyard is full, as people lounge and snack and catch up. It feels so good to have everyone in one place, especially Amelia and Addison, because regardless of both of them putting their best face forward, it has been a little awkward. But Amelia seems so happy now, and that alone makes Addison smile. It's a huge bonus for her that Amelia can even smile at Judah, or hold him for a few minutes, because she's been worried about losing Amelia. We're all family, and missing any one of us is an emptiness felt by everyone.


	47. Chapter 47

The next morning I sleep late, exhausted from the day before. I hear everyone downstairs getting breakfast, as I lay in bed reading. I'm tired and cranky and not ready to get up. I hear the sliding door to the backyard open and close, still buried in my blankets.

As I finish the last page of the book I'm reading, I throw it out from beneath the blankets, disgusted.

"Well that's the first time I've seen you toss a beloved book," Mom says from the doorway. "Let alone a Holocaust memoir."

"That is not a Holocaust memoir," I reply, still under the blankets.

I see her feet approach the book and pick it up.

"Not what it says on the cover," she says.

"That's not a book cover, it's a shroud of lies," I retort.

A quiet laugh leaves her mouth; something that hasn't happened often during this pregnancy.

"Why?" she asks, sitting on the bed and pulling the blanket down.

"Every other book in that series is devastating and horrible and unimaginable. This fucking guy is going on and on about traveling around Europe to avoid the Nazis, staying in hotels and eating his goddamn weight in eclaires," I frown at her.

An eyebrow raises, surprised. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm not taking back anything I just said," I mutter, rolling over and pulling the blanket over my head. "That guy is a douchebag, and that 'memoir' is 248 pages of bullshit. If I wanted to read about people traveling around to evade Nazis, I'd read a memoir by someone who wasn't Jewish. There's nothing Holocaust-y about that guy's stupid _vacation_, talking about how hard it was. It must have been really fucking difficult to stay in hotels and stuff your face with cream-filled donuts, while the rest of your people are being burned alive and shot in front of their families and having their babies' skulls smashed against the train cars bringing them into the camps."

"Jesus," Mom says, stunned. I see her open the book and flip through some pages. "And the other 14 are like that?"

"Yes, the other 14 are legitimate, terrible stories of heartache and soul-crushing misery."

"Well how about switching to something a little less bloody, for the holidays?" she sets the book down on the bed.

"Well I'm finished the series now," I reply.

"You read 15 memoirs in three weeks?" she says, pulling the blanket so she can see my face.

I move my eyes to meet hers.

"I don't know why I even sound surprised," she sighs, pushing hair away from my face. "Well how about coming down for some breakfast?"

"Later," I say flatly.

"Baby, I know you love your books, and I love that about you, but this was just one man's memoir," she says.

"He's a disgrace to the Jewish faith and its agonizing past, waxing poetic like it's some kind of via dolorosa. And now I don't even know what to think of the publishers, printing garbage like that."

"Via what?" Mom makes a face.

I pick up the book and toss it into the trash basket a couple feet away, beside my desk.

"Katelyn Freedman, throwing away a book!?" she stares at me.

"That's not a book!" I reply grumpily, burrowing back into the blankets.

"Jeez," Mom says. "And I thought I was the hormonal one."

When I don't respond, she comes and pulls down the blanket, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

"You come down whenever you're up for it," she says gently.

After she leaves I lay there for a few minutes. I roll back over and set my feet on the carpet, sitting up and checking my phone. A text from Axel asking what time he and his family should come over tonight, for the Christmas Eve party. I sigh, stuck in my terrible mood, and go into the bathroom to have a shower.

* * *

By the time I get downstairs, showered but still dressed in sweats and an old shirt, breakfast is over and everyone is still outside, lounging around the deck.

I pour some orange juice and then wander out there.

"Hey gorgeous," Callie grins. "Feeling a little better about life yet?"

I squint in the sunlight, exhaling and sitting down in a chaise.

"I'd feel a lot better if that company rescinded that manual of arrogant bullshit," I mutter.

"You use words I don't even know," she replies, still smiling. "Say more things."

Dad comes over and kisses my forehead. "What book? Your mom said it was one of those Holocaust memoirs from the series you got in the mail?"

Amelia runs outside, clutching something.

"This one?" she asks, holding up the book.

"Did you take that out of the trash?" I frown.

"Your mom said you threw away a book," she replies, as though this is answer enough. "I had to see what the hell was happening and if I should be preparing for some sort of apocalypse."

She reads the back of the book as Dad leans over and reads too.

"I'll show him 'drastic'," I grumble, looking away from the title.

"So you're saying this isn't one of the monstrously sad books you'd suggest that I read?" Amelia asks, looking at the cover and then at me.

"I wouldn't suggest anyone read that. Ever again," I reply.

"I'm not sure how I feel about this darkness in you," she replies, glaring at me suspiciously.

I take the book from her hands and toss it, hard, towards the row of trash cans beside the garage, at least 20-feet away. I get it in, with a loud clang, and they all turn to look back at me.

"Is that a _book?_" we hear a shocked voice.

Everyone else has arrived, and I realize as I check my phone that it's past noon. The official Christmas Eve party is starting, and won't die down until well-past midnight. And my mood is less than acceptable, I know.

"Apparently it's a tome of...arrogance and...lies. Something about a via dolorosa," Mom replies.

"Maybe it's best to just leave it there," Dad calls, as Jake leans over to peer into the can. "That's the second trash can it's been in, in the last 20 minutes."

The Masons come over around 3:00, after we've all cleaned up and gotten out of our pajamas, and then Mom and Mrs Mason and Callie and Violet take over the kitchen, making too much food. The rest of the girls leftover are ones who hate to cook, or just can't. Like Amelia and Addison. And I skip the kitchen part because it's more fun to stay outside and play basketball with the guys. Allegra, Axel's little sister, saves me from being the one asked to play song after song on the guitar. She learned to play last year, and now she's hooked. She's only nine and she's already so good. So she sits over with Addison, Amelia, Meredith, Lexie and Lucas, while the rest of us play basketball.

Dad always gets beat by Axel, so this time they team up with Axel's dad and his brother, Atticus, and me, and go up against Mark, Derek, Jake and Pete. Dad and I end up being pretty useless. Axel's dad is the one who taught him to play basketball when he was only about five years old. Plus Mr Mason, despite having a 22-year-old son, looks about 30. He's in wicked shape and between the three Masons, the rest of us are shot. Mark demands a remodeling of the teams, and makes sure he ends up with Axel and Atticus and Jake. I think that's the first time Mr Mason has ever lost a game of basketball.

After that I spend a little while curled up on a chaise with Judah, as he naps soundlessly.

"She makes a good little mama," Callie says, nudging Mom.

The look on Mom's face would scare the average person, but Callie just laughs.

"Maybe in 20 years," she replies sternly, glancing at me.

I roll my eyes.

"Charlotte you do realize that Kati is growing up, right? As in, will move out and probably marry that amazing boy over there?" Amelia says, eyebrows raised.

"She is 17 years old, Amelia," Mom retorts. "Not 27."

"So, what, you think she's going to live here for the next 10 years?" Amelia asks, head tilted.

Mom just raises an eyebrow, and then Amelia laughs and goes back to popping the top off her beer. Still, Mom turns and looks over at me with a weird look on her face, until she realizes I can see her and she smiles a fake smile and turns away, looking as though she's about to start crying. Even though she looks like that a lot lately.

"How long's this little man gonna hog you?" Axel asks, grinning as he sits down beside me.

"He looks pretty comfortable," I smile.

"Obviously," Axel replies. "Best seat in the house."

His bottle-green eyes twinkle at me as he links his smooth, dark fingers through mine.

"Axel, honey, can I get a hand in the kitchen?" Mom asks, probably a little more sharply than she meant.

Axel makes a fake nervous face at me, then kisses me and follows Mom.

I look over to meet Amelia's eyes and she just rolls them dramatically, shakes her head and takes a long swig of her bottle of beer as she passes me the unopened one in her hand.


	48. Chapter 48

When it starts to get a little chilly, I run upstairs to grab a sweater. As I'm stepping out of my closet, I hear, "What's this?"

I pull the sweater down the rest of the way and look to find Axel. He must have followed me upstairs, and now he's holding the letter I'd had on my desk. I open my mouth, then close it.

He just stares at me, lifting the letter and asking me with his eyes, again.

"I dunno," I reply, pulling my hair out from inside the sweater. "I haven't opened it yet."

"Why is it here for you to open?" he asks, frowning. Scared.

I shrug. "Because. I took a long shot."

"Come on, Kati," he tilts his head. "What's a long shot for you? Jesus."

He looks at the envelope again. When his green eyes meet mine, my throat tightens.

"I honestly didn't think anything would come of it," I say, stepping towards and him and taking the letter from him. I hide it under some books on my desk and turn back to hug him.

"What about..." he starts.

"Nothing's decided, Axel," I remind him. "I haven't even opened it."

"But we both know what it says," he states.

I exhale.

"Can we talk about it after Christmas?"

I hate the way his face looks, and I hate that I'm the one who made it look that way.

But he nods, reluctantly.

I squeeze his hand and turn towards the door.

"Wait," he says, pulling back on my hand.

I turn and he pulls me towards him, kissing me. It's not just a quick kiss. He kisses me slowly, as though proving a point. For a second I think about the fact that our entire families are downstairs, outside. But his hands are in my hair and around my back, and when he kisses me like this I lose logic. When you start to feel like you're floating, and your chest is spinning, and your breath is catching, you can't think of anything else. Granted, we haven't exactly gotten to spend much time together in the last few days, but this goes beyond that. When his lips leave mine and our eyes, two separate, wild shades of green, meet...I don't care that my parents are downstairs.

Axel reaches over and locks my door, and my chest spins a little faster. He grabs me again, his massive hands encompassing my ribcage as he lifts me up, and sits on the bed with me facing him.

Neither of us speaks. He pulls off the sweater, and my shirt underneath, and we both watch as his dark, rich hands slide up my ivory skin. I can't ever get enough of his chocolate skin, or the way he kisses me so slowly sometimes, it's like he's trying to savour me.

I try to listen in case someone comes inside, or up the stairs, but when he pushes me back onto the bed and slides over top of me, I forget about it. I forget everything except the way his skin feels impossibly soft, and the fact that his body is rock hard, but so smooth. He combs his long fingers through my hair and kisses me, pressing against me until neither of us can stand it. The fact that our families are downstairs just seems to make it more exciting. I know our absences won't be going unnoticed right now. It just depends on whether or not someone comes to investigate. But the sense to hurry is enticing.

He slides my jeans down and then moves back up to catch my skin in his mouth. My shoulder, my neck, my breast. I scratch his arms, impatient.

I've gotten used to the short burst of pain each time, but somehow it's still kind of startling. It doesn't stop me from wrapping my legs around him and pulling him towards me. Everything about him makes my heart race: the way he tries to steady his breathing; the way his hands tighten, squeezing me firmly; the way he breathes my name so that it slips into the whorl of my ear. I know every inch of his body, but still, sometimes it feels like something so new, being with him. As though our need for each other is insatiable.

We move together and I lose my breath, rising above him. But he's not far behind and soon we're left lying there, our arms around each other like lifelines.

"Kati?"

We hear my Mom downstairs. The short burst of panic makes us laugh and Axel rolls off the bed and goes into the bathroom.

I pull my pants back on and quietly, but quickly, unlock my door, opening it the slightest bit, so by the time she reaches the top of the stairs, I'm sitting at my desk with my phone in my hand.

"Hey baby," she says, looking around. She's suspicious. But then again, she's suspicious a lot. Especially when she gets like this: scared of me growing up, and wary of Axel, a kid she has loved since we were in elementary school.

"Hey," I say, looking up at her. I toss my phone onto my bed. "Is there dessert yet?"

"Mmhmm," she mumbles, looking through my closet, towards the bathroom. "Axel in here?"

"Yeah," I reply easily, looking over at the door too.

"What're you guys doin'?" she asks, pushing a stray shoe back towards it's mate with her foot.

"Nothing," I shrug. "I just came to get a sweater, and we were talking about New Year's."

She gives me a look. "You be careful. I know you're not a little girl anymore, and you've been to about a hundred of parties at his house, but still."

"I know, Mom," I tilt my head, giving her a small smile.

The door opens and Axel comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed and smiling.

"Is there dessert yet?" he grins.

Mom gives a small laugh.

"You two are quite a pair," she smiles, turning to the door. "And yes, there's dessert."

She heads for the stairs, and Axel and I meet eyes. I bite my top lip to keep from laughing at the expression on his face.

* * *

With 20 people over, the dessert spread is pretty enormous. But Axel and Atticus eat enough for three people each, and everyone's tipsy enough at this point to forget any rules about calories they may have had. Plus I'm a total sucker for Lucas and Allegra, and basically any kid in our family. So when Lucas finishes his third cookie and Violet says that's enough, I slip him two more and nudge him behind my chair where Violet can't see him. Pete sees, though, but he just laughs and shakes his head, letting us get away with it.

Since Mom is the only one actually sober, she's the only adult we actually have to watch out for. And by 'we', I mean Amelia. She keeps slipping drinks to Axel and me, but after the third one, Mom just gives up and shakes her head, telling me that I'll be sorry tomorrow.

"No she won't," Amelia laughs. "She's 17. She doesn't even know what a hangover is. And she won't for another 10 years."

Mom just tilts her head and gives her a look, but Amelia laughs it off.

Zola and Judah pass out in their mothers' arms, so Meredith and Addison take them inside, bundling Judah in his car seat and wrapping Zola up in a blanket on the couch. I play with Lucas for awhile but he doesn't last much longer, and eventually I snuggle him into the couch beside Zola.

Allegra, being nine, insists that she's isn't tired and shouldn't have to go to bed when the babies do. Mrs Mason agrees with her, knowing that she'll last about another half hour anyway. Sure enough, she falls asleep on Atticus' lap, and he carries her in to wrap on the couch, too.

With no kids left awake, everyone gets a little louder and more loose with their words. Axel and I show Mark and Derek how to play Sociables, and I think there are few things more amusing than watching drunk Mark and drunk Derek try to play Story Time. Axel remembers that he brought Battle Shots, and we have Beersbie poles here. So Atticus and I set up the poles while Axel teaches them how to play Battle Shots. Within half an hour, everyone is playing one or the other, and they're all pretty saucy.

I go to grab another bottle of liquor for the shots.

"Mom, there's no more vodka!" I call from the patio doors.

"There's a bottle of Smirnoff right on the table in there," she replies.

I stare at her. "...there's no more vodka that I'm willing to drink, or feed to guests," I revise.

She tilts her head, walks inside and goes to the pantry, coming back with a bottle of Belvedere. I widen my eyes.

"Exactly," she says, referring to my expression.

"What?" I frown.

"You love this crap, and all this time you've tried to play it off like you don't prefer one brand over the other. I know you drink, Kati."

"I know you know I drink," I reply, tipsy. I hold out my hand for the bottle, but she raises and eyebrow and stares me down. Luckily, I'm drunk enough to play with her a little, so I don't look away.

"You're lucky I trust you and that beautiful brain of yours, to not act like an absolute moron and get yourself into trouble with this. As soon as you start mis-"

"Missing classes, dropping below 3.8 or watching the Kardashians, you'll be 'putting your foot down,'" I finish for her. "And I won't start. We've been over this. A lot. And I'm still on the Dean's List with a deep-seeded hatred for the Kardashians. So."

I hold my hand out a little further.

Luckily I'm a bit of a mama's girl, because she gives me the slightest hint of a smile, even though most people wouldn't be able to see it through the stern look on her face.

I take the bottle and give her a hug, kissing her cheek. She hugs me back, over the bulk of her swelling belly, holding on a second longer.

"I love you," I tell her.

"I love you, too, baby," she replies. "Don't grow up so fast, you hear me?"

She holds me by the arms, looking at me straight. Her eyes are glassy.

"Mom," I say quietly. But she just raises her eyebrows, and I can tell she's more than a little hormonal today.

"I hear you," I say, and she kisses my cheek before pushing me gently towards the door.


	49. Chapter 49

"I'm going to regret this tomorrow, but right now I'm going to say yes," Mark says, his brow furrowed.

He, Derek, Axel, Atticus, Dad and me have been playing Battle Shots for about half an hour. Close enough to hear the conversation of everyone else, sitting in a circle of lounge chairs, I'd suggested that we play a new drinking game.

"Every time Jake and Addison, disgusting couple that they are, kiss like it's their job, we drink. Every time Meredith bursts out in her fantastic laughter, we drink. Amelia tells a sarcastic joke, drink. Callie takes a drink, we drink. Mom glances over at me like I'm seven instead of 17 and she can't believe I'm drinking, drink. And every time your mom says 'child', Axel, we drink."

The prospect of turning our families into a drinking game was enough for our group of saucy drinkers.

So we try to be discreet, eyeing them up while pretending that we're still playing Battle Shots. Constantly, we end up taking a swig from our drinks.

"This is bad parenting," Dad breathes, after chugging his beer because Callie took a drink _while _Meredith was laughing.

"This is fantastic parenting!" I reply.

He shakes his head, taking the fresh beer Derek offers.

"I think you're in the clear, man," Mark replies, putting his arm around my shoulders and squeezing.

Several times, someone from the group has looked over, wondering why the six of us are watching them. Mark is less than subtle when he tries to act like we're still playing Battle Shots, yelling out random letter-number combinations.

"E7!" he shouts, when Lexie looks over suspiciously.

"Battleship!" Derek replies, holding up his drink.

They toast each other and the rest of us, but the other group seems to have caught on.

"Did you make a drinking game out of us?" Jake stares.

"What?" Dad asks, making a face as though this is a ridiculous notion. "No. How would that even work?"

Meredith laughs and we all, simultaneously, drink.

"You're not even nonchalant," Amelia accuses, and Callie takes a drink, so the six of us drink.

"Alright!" Amelia holds up her hands. "Nobody do anything!"

We all just stand there and stare at each other for a few moments, until Amelia lowers her hands in defeat.

"I don't have the attention span to keep this going," she exhales. "But let me play!"

She comes over to our group and Derek and Mark start lining up the boats, as though we've been playing the whole time.

"Man, we're busted," Dad says, indicating that their efforts are futile. "We can stop pretending."

"No, let's play something," Amelia says.

So we show her how to play Beersbie, and eventually everyone wants to play. Teams of two must be unrelated by blood or marriage or relationship, so Mark and I end up on a team, and our first opponents are Lexie and Jake.

Lexie is probably the least drunk of all of us (aside from Mom), so she does a little better in the Frisbee-throwing department. Somehow Mark manages to hit their Beersbie pole, but Jake catches the can, so Mark has to finish his drink.

We beat them, though, so we move aside so the next two teams can go. Mom and Callie take on Violet and Arizona, and it goes on for about an hour until people start falling asleep on lounge chairs.

Eventually I call it a night. Axel and his family head out, with Mr Mason carrying Allegra. I wander up to bed, with Nigel on my heels, and fall asleep quickly.

* * *

I sleep in the next morning, tired from staying up so late, but miraculously not hungover. I chugged a huge glass of water before bed, and I'm glad I did because when Amelia barges into my room around 11:00 and burrows herself into the other side of the bed, she groans loudly about how gross she feels.

"I feel fantastic," I reply, sitting up.

She groans again and rolls away from me. "Don't brag about it. Your mom says they're starting to make brunch soon, but…oh god. I can't even think about eating."

"I bet I can fix that for you," I say, getting up and pulling on some sweats.

"Not even Joe Manganiello naked in this bed could fix this hangover," she replies.

"Ew," I make a face. "I think it's an unspoken rule that one never brings a naked man into the bed of one's niece."

"Joe. Manganiello," she repeats, rolling over to look at me.

"Niece's. Bed," I reply in the same tone. "And come on. Seriously. I can help your hangover."

"Can you help a hundred of them? Because Addison and Jake just got here and they're hungover too."

"I think everyone's going to be a little hungover, and I prepared for this exact catastrophe," I reply.

I zip up a hoodie and pull the blanket off of her, heading downstairs.

Sure enough, the kitchen and living room are full of exhausted-looking people. Coffee is constantly being made and poured, and toast is disappearing just as quickly.

"Good morrrnniinnggg," I sing, grinning at them.

"I want to be 17," Callie whimpers. "Just for today. Let me be 17."

"Oh you don't want to come back here," I say, pulling things out of the cupboard. "It's awful. Girls are awful; they lie and they're terrible friends. And guys are just pervs. A cluster of pervs."

"How is that any different from now?" Callie turns to Arizona.

"You finally came out of the closet so you don't have to worry about pervs," she replies.

Callie grins.

I line up a glass for everyone that's already here. Derek and Meredith are running late, so they're cabbing over ASAP. And everyone at Pete and Violet's house is on their way. So I fill the glasses with ice. When I start to pour an ounce of vodka into each one, everyone except Mom groans in distaste.

"No," Dad groans. "No more."

"Trust me," I say, raising my eyebrows as I pour Clamato juice into each glass. I had to get it from the Canadian store downtown, but it's the stuff of dreams, Clamato is.

While they try to figure out what Clamato is, I put some Worchestershire and Tabasco into each glass, and sprinkle celery salt on top. It's easier than rolling the rim in the salt.

"Alright, get over here," I say, picking up one of the glasses and sipping it. "Oh god." I roll my eyes.

I love Caesars.

Dubiously, despite knowing what a Bloody Mary is, they all take a glass and eye it warily.

"I don't know about this, K," Amelia makes a face.

"No opinions until you've had at least three swigs," I hold up a hand.

I hop onto the counter and drink.

The reaction is almost the same for everyone. A slow sip, waiting…another sip, less waiting…and then a solid drink and an impressed expression.

"It's like a Bloody Mary, but better," Arizona, the only one who liked it after the first sip, says.

"Yes it is," I reply, already finishing mine.

"Alright, Kati," Jake says, nodding. "I'll give you this one; you were right about this one."

Mom has already tried one I made for her months ago when she had a craving for something she couldn't place, and I'd made her a virgin one. Now we have many bottles of Clamato in the pantry.

"More please," Dad sets his glass on the counter.

I laugh, unscrewing the vodka cap as several more glasses slide across the counter towards me.

* * *

Within another half hour, everyone has arrived. There are bags of gifts everywhere, being unpacked by the gift-givers, attempting to fit it all under the tree. Jake draws the short straw, so he has to wear the Santa hat and sit by the tree, handing out the gifts. I don't think our house has ever had so many people in one room, but it doesn't look too crowded. Everyone is settled somewhere, on the couch or oversized pillows, or comfy chairs, and it's just really cosy.

After the gifts, we stuff the torn wrapping paper into bags and eat brunch. Miraculously, all of the nauseas people can suddenly eat. And after that everyone settles into a chair somewhere and naps or watches one of the Christmas movies Dad puts on, or hangs out in the kitchen, chatting and laughing. It's crazy and hectic and our house is full, but I think it's been one of the best Christmases we've had. Everyone is together, we have new family and old friends from Seattle, and it's actually been a relatively stress-free holiday.

* * *

"You're not wearing that," Dad says, walking past my room.

I look at him through my mirror, twisting a braid through my mass of hair. "Dad," I say, sighing.

"That's not even…what do you call that? It's a shirt, not a dress!"

"It's a tunic," I reply, turning to face him. This doesn't help my case. The dress is long-sleeved, but more low-cut than I usually wear, and his face turns into an expression of fear and outrage.

"Nope," he shakes his head. "Not happening. You have to change."

"Dad, I'm not in high school," I remind him.

"You're also not 25!" he responds.

"Cooper," Mom sighs, coming into the room. But she sees me and her eyes freeze too. "Katelyn, what are you wearing?"

"Guys," I look at them. "It's a dress. Relax."

"A _dress_?" Mom raises an eyebrow. "Where?"

"It's a tunic," I explain. "It's supposed to be short. That's why I'm wearing leggings, see?"

My sarcasm is a little more upfront than usual, but they need to let up a little here.

"And what about the front?" Mom asks sternly.

"The front is fine," I reply, turning back and picking up my earrings.

"I can't…that is not…" Dad stammers, referring to the v-neck but refusing to look directly at it. "You can't…"

"Look, you guys," I say, taking a breath and trying to calm their looks of anguish. "I, am not a kid anymore. This, is a dress, I'm wearing leggings-not tights-underneath, and I'm allowed to wear things that show more cleavage than you'd like. If you had it your way, I'd wear turtlenecks year-round. But this is not revealing, it's not trashy and it's not in bad taste. Is it?"

Mom inhales, starting to shake her head but only turning it, taking in the outfit again.

"You're only being like this because you're hormonal," I look at Mom, then at Dad. "And you get weird every time you realize that I'm not getting any younger. We can all be adults about this. I'm wearing this, I'm going to Axel's, and I'll be back before morning, just the same as when I left."

They both consider my words, Mom looking at me with her Mom-Face, and Dad crossing his arms, unable to keep his feet in one spot.

"At least just…" Dad gestures towards the top.

"Dad, Mom wears dresses way more revealing than this," I tilt my head.

"She's a grown woman," he says.

"And I'm not a little girl," I reply, raising my eyebrows.

He chews his lips, but I can tell that Mom knows arguing with me isn't going to do anything. They've both been great about loosening the reigns and realizing that I'm making my own decisions, regardless of them being ready for v-necks and college parties. It's like they only see my age, not my situation. I'm a college freshman; it's my duty to have some fun sometimes.

I exhale, settling my bag on my shoulder, and then I hug and kiss each of them.

"I love you. I'll see you later," I say.

"We love you, too, honey," Dad says, not arguing anymore.

"Happy New Year," I smile, heading for the stairs. I turn back last minute and smile at them again. "Make good choices."

It's something they both say to me all the time, and it makes them smile, even if they're small smiles.


	50. Chapter 50

Axel's party that night feels like deja vu. We haven't all been together since the summer, and now Max is home from New York for the holidays, Megan isn't out at her grandparents' house for weeks, and Chase is almost himself again, after everything with Jenelle.

There are only two things that are off about tonight. The less painful one is that Jenelle isn't here. After everything with Chase, she's drifted further into the world of her sorority sisters, and we don't really see her anymore. I miss her, but I think it was inevitable. After what she did to Chase, and how she lied to all of us, hurting everyone…. It was just awkward. Even when we tried to hang out, she couldn't let go of the uncomfortable way she was clearly feeling, and eventually she just stopped calling and texting altogether.

And the part that still makes my throat tighten, almost two years later, is the fact that Jamie, my best friend, isn't here. In a few months she will have been gone for two years. Jamie and I grew up together. We were less like friends than sisters. She was everything to me, and then one night, after a party here, at Axel's, she'd gotten behind the wheel of her beloved Black Betty and started to drive us home. It wasn't until we were on the freeway that I realized she was a bit drunk. The next thing I knew everything was intensely bright, and then dark. Then I was waking up in a hospital bed at St Ambrose, with a cracked skull and an emptiness in my chest that would never quite fill up again.

As I get out of my car at Axel's, I stop and look up at the sky. The stars are more visible than usual, and I'm still at a point in my life where I can attribute this to my best friend, watching me from somewhere else. Even though I don't cry over her all the time anymore, and I can actually see a photo of her and smile now…the pain of missing her is still there. I've just gotten better at dealing with it. The void I feel when I think about her or someone says her name is a pain I've gotten used to.

I let my breath out and head towards the backyard, where music and friends are blaring. I push my wanting to have my best friend here into the back of my mind, and focus on the now. When I step through the gate, several people wave and call out. I smile, waving back, as I walk deeper into the yard. I find Axel easily. Anyone with decent vision would be able to; he and Chase haven't let go of their freshman-year tradition of wearing ridiculous outfits for big parties. Sometimes even for regular parties. They just like to wear crazy shit and get drunk, is what it is. Tonight they've opted for homemade (and poorly made) togas. Axel sees me and his face lights up. He comes towards me, grinning like crazy. Wordlessly, he kisses me and presses a cheap Greek-style goblet into my hand.

"Damn, baby, you look incredible," his lips smile against mine.

"I dunno," I reply. "I think you might have the better legs for a dress."

"It's a toga!" he replies.

"I know," I chuckle. "And you wear it beautifully."

Chase and Megan get to us at the same time, and Chase hugs me while Megan produces a flask and starts pouring it into my empty goblet.

"Lovely to see you, Megs," I say pointedly.

She just salutes me, paying careful attention to not spilling her flask.

"And you, friend," she finally replies, capping her flask. She flashes me a wide smile as she pulls a can of ginger ale out of her hoodie and pops the top, filling my cup to the top.

"And what have you prepared for me here?" I ask, sniffing the contents.

"Megs Special," she replies. "Don't think…. Drink."

"How do you not have that printed on a shirt yet?" I mumble, taking a drink.

I tilt my head, nodding. "Actually this isn't horrible at all. Maybe even one of your best yet. I'm glad you finally learned to keep your filthy scotch away from me."

She grins evilly, lifting her own cup to tap mine and then taking a drink.

"Where's M-" I start to ask, but a flying curtain of violently red curls races towards us, screaming from somewhere beneath the hair.

Max hugs me tightly.

"Why are you always the last to get here?" she cries. "It's like…"

She looks for her phone.

"It's 10:00, Max," I laugh.

"Jesus," she breathes. "A more mature side of me would suggest I slow it down."

But we watch as she laughs and takes another gulp of her drink.

"I just took some MDMA. You guys want some?" she grins.

Megan shudders, remembering her last experience with anything stronger than pot.

"I'll pass," I smile. "And so will Megan. Her mother scares me."

"After that solid month home with her, and that entire week of feeling like I was about to die…I, too, am scared of her," Megan nods slowly.

Max looks to Axel and Chase but they shake their heads, content with their drinks and the obvious bong rips they did before I got here.

"Okay," Max breathes. "Then I have to get back to some fellow psychedelic friends, and I will be back soon!"

She hugs us as a group of four and then hurries off.

I go inside to stash my bag and jacket while Axel and Chase set up a Beersbie game. I head back downstairs, running into Atticus as I pass his room. He sees me and walks to the doorway.

"K, what's up?" he grins, turning a high-five into a hug. "You just get here?"

"Yeah. Thirty seconds in and Megan has me nose-deep in a triple…something," I hold up my cup. "What are you doing here? I thought you were heading back to Princeton today?"

"Postponed it," he shrugs, turning back into his room. "Haven't spent that much time with Axel and Allegra in awhile."

I nod slowly, unable to enter his room.

"What's her name?" I ask, smiling small. "And what did she do?"

He turns and tilts his head.

"Now how do you know there's even a her in the first place?"

I raise an eyebrow and he laughs.

"Right. Girl radar," he nods. "You gonna come in, or just hang out in the doorway?"

Usually, when we'd chat, we'd sit in his room. But I can't. I haven't been in there since that night with Silas.

I inhale, looking around, and press my lips into a tight smile.

"I should get back out there," I point a thumb behind me.

"Oh, fuck, Kati," he realizes. "I'm sorry. Shit."

He comes and hugs me.

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

"Don't be," I reply, waving it off. "I'm just a little…slow. To…get there."

"Well, come on," he wraps an arm around my neck and headlocks me. "Let's go school my brother at Beersbie. Needs to be taken down and shown what a real man is."

"That's what she said," I blurt, pulling against the headlock.

* * *

Norah shows up around 11:00, home from holidays with her family up north.

"How was your Christmas?" I ask, hugging her.

"It was great," she replies, smiling. "I loved seeing my mom and dad and everything, but I was so ready to get back to California."

"Ah, you're a lifer now," I glare.

"Totally," she nods. "It was cold and I had to wear my huge old winter coat and I couldn't walk anywhere and did I mention it was cold?"

"No," I say in disbelief.

"For real," she nods, and we chuckle. "What about you?"

"It was great," I reply. "We had about 20 people in our house at one point. I've never seen so many empty bottles of liquor in my life."

"Really?" she asks, referring to our environment.

"No, here it's mostly beer cans," I explain. "Our house was all vodka and gin and whiskey and so many wine bottles."

"Man I wanna party at your house more," she shakes her head, filling her cup.

"Do it," I reply.

Suddenly Megan comes up.

"I no longer have faith in the human race," she says, filling her cup.

"How is that new?" I ask, and she takes my cup and refills it, even though I still had about a third left.

"It's not," she sighs. "I just had to reiterate it."

"Well don't leave us hanging," Norah says, taking a drink.

"Just…idiots. All the time. Everywhere," she replies, waving a hand in no clear direction.

She takes a huge drink.

"Two guys from USC are here, and they painted their faces in black-out."

"Ooo," I make a face, shaking my head. "That's a giant asshole move."

"It's bigger than giant," Megan says. "I don't know what word I want to use yet, but when I do, I'll come find you."

She lifts her cup and walks away.

"I like her," Norah nods slowly.

"Me too," I agree.

Norah and I wander over to where Axel and Chase are playing Beersbie with Lyndon and Brett.

"Dude, where'd you go?" Chase asks, holding his palms up. "We couldn't find you so now we're stuck playing these two goons."

Axel tosses the frisbee and nails the beer can, forcing Lyndon and Brett to chug.

"My bad," I reply. "I had Party ADD and got lost in some moments."

"Well come get lost in these moments," he calls.

"Yeah!" Axel yells, putting down his beer. "Come on, gorgeous. Let's be Team Kaxel."

"Please never say that again," I stare at him.

He just grins and I can't help but mirror it. He runs over and lifts me in a hug, kissing me.

"I love you," he says, his mouth near my ear.

"I love you," I reply, smiling.

He sets me down.

"For real, are you girls coming to play? You and me versus Norah and this mess?"

He gestures towards Chase who's managed to somehow get knotted the wrong way in his toga.

"Alright," Norah agrees. "Let's do this."

Her crush on Chase is larger than ever. They've become really good friends, and I can see Chase starting to let his guard down more. I know he likes her, but he's just still working on getting over Jenelle and everything that she brought with her into that relationship. But he's almost there.

He grins when Norah walks over, hugging her and asking about her Christmas as they head over to the other Beersbie pole.

"Look at them," Axel says, feigning the wistful father, his arm around my waist.

"Precious," I reply.

"So how's Chateau Freedman today? What's happening over there?" Axel asks, setting up our game.

"Oh y'know," I shrug, drinking. "They cleaned out Sonny's Liquor. I imagine tomorrow will be pretty interesting to witness. Don't be surprised if Mark ends up over here."

Axel laughs. "I like that guy. He'd be a blast at a party like this."

"He'd break hearts and destroy the livers of all these youths," I counter, spanning a hand across the backyard.

"Well," Axel says, then nods, taking a drink. "Yeah. You're probably dead on with that one. Where's Atticus? He played a game and then said he was coming back to play."

"I dunno," I reply, looking around. "I was talking to him awhile ago. He was in his room."

"You went in?" Axel asks, looking hopeful.

"No," I reply quietly, focusing on my drink.

"Sorry, baby," he starts, but I give him a smile and he knows I'm silently asking him to leave it for now. So he kisses me and then holds up the frisbee, shouting to Chase that the game is starting.

* * *

We end up even, each winning a game. We head over to the large deck where people are speckled across patio furniture.

"Your toss is getting pretty awesome, Spooner," Chase elbows Norah.

"Which is weird, considering the only time I throw one is when I'm drinking," she replies.

"It's the magic of alcohol," Chase replies, scratching the little bit of scruff on his chin.

"Man, your facial has bits of red in it," Norah says, widening her eyes.

The jokes between the two of them about gingers have been going for months.

"I know," he makes a face. "But you can barely tell."

"It must mean that your soul is leaking," I reply seriously.

"Oh damn," he says, looking worried. "How do I fix it? Should I just drink heavily?"

"Absolutely," I nod. "Alcohol is the only thing that can save you now. It's science."

"Thank god I have my doctor here," he says, placing a hand on my arm.

"I'm not liable," I reply, taking a drink.

We laugh as we find some seats and settle in. Axel brings a bottle and four shot glasses.

"So how's your mom?" Norah asks. "And her mood swings."

"Same as when you left for holidays," I shrug. "Still on the salt cravings and still a little scarier each day."

"She's so scary, but so hot," Chase says, as though this is hard to comprehend.

I reach over and tip his almost-empty beer over, straight-faced.

"Come on," he laughs, picking it up. "It's a compliment."

I just shake my head at him.

"So what do you think it is?" Norah asks.

"I honestly don't know," I shrug. "I can't think of it as one or the other, y'know? I can picture a baby, but I don't know what it is."

"It's a boy," Axel says.

"Girl," Chase shakes his head. "She's hot, Kati's hot, this new girl will be hot."

"You're talking about a baby," I make a face.

"I don't mean _now_," he rolls his eyes, as if this makes it better.

We laugh at him, and Axel pours three shots.

"What are we drinking?" Norah asks, as Axel pushes two glasses towards her and Chase.

"Kati's second-favourite gentleman," Axel replies with a grin.

Norah and Chase groan, falling back against the couch.

"Grow up," I say, nudging the glasses closer. "Respect Mr. Daniels."

"I hate Jack," Chase shakes his head, but then he sighs and gives in. "What are we drinking to?"

"To Kati's mom _not _killing anyone for the next four months, and…to being together for New Year's!" Norah smiles happily.

"Amen," I say, as Chase shouts, "L'chaim!" and Axel shouts, "Cheers!"

"We're totally not in sync, you guys," Norah says, shuddering from the booze.

"Hey guys, singing joke for you," I laugh. "How do you know when a soprano is at your door?"

"Like the mafia?" Chase frowns.

Axel just shoves him, laughing, and Chase falls over.

"Because they can never find their key, and they never know when to come in," I finish, and then laugh.

Norah laughs along with me, but Axel just laughs at me laughing, calling me a nerd, and Chase just doesn't get it.

"Forget it, buddy," Axel chuckles. He lines up the glasses again.

"No," Norah groans, but Chase stretches behind him, underneath the table, and pulls out a bottle of flavoured vodka.

"Yesssss," I say, one fist in the air, as Norah sighs with relief.

"This shit reminds me of James," Axel says quietly, with a soft smile, using her nickname.

It's a bottle of raspberry vodka; Jamie's favourite. I smile, thinking of her.

"Oh shit," Chase says, getting up. "I almost forgot. Wait. Don't drink yet."

He darts off. Axel hands me the bottle and kisses my forehead. I fill the four shot glasses and then Chase arrives back. He hands Norah and I each a wrapped gift.

"I didn't get to see you guys on Christmas day, so," he shrugs. "I already gave this guy his."

He gestures towards Axel, and he just grins.

"You got him a new pipe, didn't you," I state, looking to Chase.

He just grins.

Norah unwraps hers quickly, finding a book. She smiles at Chase and I'm a little surprised to see him blush.

"You remembered," she says.

He just shrugs, and she leans over and hugs him.

"Come on, Kati," Chase says after Norah sits down.

I unwrap the gift and my chest swells. But it doesn't hurt. It kind of feels good.

It's a framed photo of him, Axel, Jamie and I from freshman year. All smiling. All happy. All there.

My eyes sting as I look up at him.

"Thank you."

He smiles, kind of sadly, and leans down to hug me.

"I love you, Kati," he says quietly.

"I love you too," I reply, swiping at my eyes. But no one mentions the tears, knowing I hate when people see me cry.

"I don't get to use your gift until we hit up the slopes," Chase smiles.

I got him new snowboarding goggles.

"Yes," I point at him. "Whistler. Reading Week. We're doing it."

"Deal," he nods, and the four of us attempt some kind of four-person fist bump.

They laugh as we all lean back, and Axel starts pushing the shots towards everyone. I look down at the framed photo in my lap. It's my second New Year's without Jamie. It hurts a little less this year, and when I see her smiling face, I don't immediately want to break down and cry. I want to smile back at her. The tears in my eyes are kind half-sad, half...something else.

"Hey you," Axel says quietly, tucking hair behind my ear. I meet his eyes and he raises his brow.

I nod, telling him I'm okay, and then lean forward, lifting my shot glass.

"To Jamie," Axel says.

"To Jamie," we reply.


	51. Chapter 51

After New Year's life goes back to normal. Which, for me, means hectic and crazy and, lately, filled with a hormonal mother. She seems to have levelled out a bit, but maybe that's only for me. Dad still seems to be able to push her buttons without meaning to.

My 18th birthday is coming up in February. It makes me feel like I have to push myself and open the letter. It's going to change everything, one way or another.

Finally, one day I can't stand it. It's been hiding under books on my desk since Axel found it. He's asked me about it twice, but I told him I hadn't opened it and he asked me to promise to tell him when I did.

It's late. Past midnight. I should really be asleep so I'm not a zombie during my two exams tomorrow. But this is eating at me. I want to know and don't want to know. It's tug-o-war. I sit at my desk and dig out the letter. I can't believe Mom or Dad didn't bring the mail in that day. Unbelievable. Although I can't decide if that's good or bad.

Anyway, I hold the envelope, running the smooth paper between my fingers until I get up and jump onto my bed, pushing backwards until I'm against the wall, cross-legged.

"Alright," I sigh, whispering to Nigel. "You ready for this, buddy?"

He replies with a loud snore.

"Me too, man," I sigh. "Me too."

I slip my finger into one end and drag it against, lifting the seal. I swallow hard, pulling the papers out. The familiar logo at the top makes me start to chew my lip. This is one of those things I wanted, but let go of very quickly. After Jamie, I was definitely broken and basically needed Mom and Dad to be my crutches. But even before that, the idea of this life terrified me. But things have changed. I have changed.

I read, my eyes taking in the letter in seconds. _Pleased to inform you... __Accepted_.

I smile. The fear in my stomach is mashed in with excitement. But I smiled first. That was my first reaction. I've been afraid that I wouldn't know what I wanted, or that I'd still be too afraid to make this kind of leap. But right now, I know I want this. I know I can do this. And I know that I _have _to do this. The fact that it scares me this much only strengthens that fact and makes me want to push it further.

* * *

The next morning I'm terrible at hiding my anxious excitement. My parents are going to flip out. Mom even more so, because she's already riding the crazy train everyday. I barely hear them when they talk at the breakfast table.

"Kati," Mom says, louder than usual.

I startle, looking up at her. "What?"

She looks confused. "I asked if you were comin' to the practice after school."

"Oh," I mumble, rubbing my forehead. "Um, probably. Yeah."

I get up and grab my bag.

"Baby," she starts.

"I gotta run," I interrupt. "Two big tests today."

I give them a small smile, a quick kiss on the cheek, and I hurry out the door before Mom can finish another sentence that starts with a term of endearment.

* * *

Axel finds me on the grass in the quad. My physiology text is open on my lap, but I haven't read or remembered one word.

"Hey you," he grins, sitting down and wrapping his arms around me.

"Hey," I reply softly, smiling at him.

"What's up?" His forehead creases.

I take a breath. I promised I'd tell him.

"I opened the letter," I reply, squinting in the sun and then looking away from him, into the grass.

He's quiet, and when I look up to see his face, his eyes are full of questions and, somehow, answers.

"So what's our plan?"

It's immediate. He wouldn't think of life any other way. I give him a small smile.

"I don't know," I shrug.

"K," he says, giving me a look, telling me to go on...tell him.

"I got in," I shrug, smiling at him again, glad to finally tell someone and be able to smile about it.

Axel's face breaks into a smile and he pulls me against him, squeezing me tightly.

"Is there anything you can't do?" he says into my ear.

"Well, I got a B in that sewing class they made us take in junior high," I reply.

He laughs.

"So what now? When are you gonna tell the Docs?"

I shake my head slowly. "I don't know. There's no good time at this point. Right now, Mom's crazy and pregnant. Then she's going to be crazy and newly unpregnant. That's not even a word. Whatever."

I exhale, getting flustered.

"You just gotta do it, baby," he says gently. "This is huge. It's your life. Your future. You can't base it on other people. Not even me. But I'll do whatever you want. Whatever you need."

I kiss him, grateful.

"Yeah," I nod thoughtfully. "I guess I just have to do it. Get it over with."

"I'll be there if you want," he offers.

"No," I shake my head. "Thank you. But I have to do this alone. Especially because of what the aftermath is going to entail."

He nods, knowing.

I check my phone and realize I'm almost late for my test. With a kiss and a promise to meet for lunch, I hurry off.

* * *

I don't go to the practice after school. I tell Mom I have too much studying. But I can't study anyways because I feel like I'm about to throw up. Constantly. My stomach is just churning like that's its job.

When the door opens and I hear both of them talking, it flops over completely.

"It'll be ready," Dad says. "I promise."

"Well what are we gonna do with all of that stuff?" Mom replies. "It just sits in there. That room is like a closet for me and Kati."

"Which is crazy," Dad chuckles. "It's small, but it's still a bedroom. A crib will fit fine in there."

They see me and smile.

"Hey baby," Mom passes me, kissing my cheek and then dropping her bag on a chair. "How was school? How'd your tests go?"

"Good," I reply, as Dad kisses my forehead. "No worries about either of them."

"'Course not," Mom grins at me.

Dad's carrying take-out bags, and he beings to unload them and get plates out. The smell of it is making me sick.

"You okay?" Mom says, frowning as she walks over to me, placing her hand on her forehead. "You're lookin' mighty pale."

I swallow. I can't delay this. It's too big.

"I, um...I have some news," I say, glancing at my fingernails and then back at them.

Dad sets the plates on the table and sits down, helping Mom down into another chair. Their full attention on me. Which is part of the problem.

"What is it?" Mom asks, already worried.

She probably thinks I'm about to tell her I'm pregnant.

Wordlessly, I take the letter out from under my textbook. I'm a coward, because this is the only way I can do this. I'm making the letter do the talking. I slide it diagonally across the table, to where they're sitting.

I watch their faces as they lean over and begin to read. Mom's face turns red, which makes my stomach churn again. Dad's face is a mix between pride and concern. When Mom looks up at me, her eyes wide and serious, I want to crawl under the table and pretend they can't see me. But I'm not four anymore; I realized a long time ago that thinking she can't see me, physically or otherwise, is useless. She stares at me and I can recognize everything in her eyes. Fear. Anger. Shock. Confusion. But still, somehow, pride. It's just buried beneath all the others.

I breathe, swallow hard, and keep her gaze, trying to tell her my side of things with my eyes. Maybe she gets it. I dunno. The only emotions that rise up are the ones that hurt the most.

"Since when are you interested in going to _Harvard_?" she bites.

"It's not just Harvard, Mom," I reply quietly. "It's the top medical school in the country."

"I know what it is," she retorts. "And you are _not _moving to Massachusetts."

She's furious. A furious Charlotte is no good for anybody. I look to Dad, but he's still a little speechless.

"What is suddenly so wrong about UCLA?" Mom demands.

I know why it's anger that's coming out, but it still doesn't make this easier to deal with.

"Nothing's _wrong _with it," I reply. "What's wrong with Harvard?"

"Well it's on the other side of the country, for starters," she snaps.

"What else?" I ask.

She has nothing else, but she doesn't falter.

"You're 17 years old, Kati," she almost yells, her eyes on fire. "I will not send my only child off to live by herself in some strange city on the other side of the _continent_."

I hold up a finger. "First of all, I'll be 18 in three weeks. Second of all…"

I stop here. I need to make this come out soft enough.

"It's not your decision, Mom," I finally say.

Anyone except Dad or I would be terrified of the look that comes into her eyes. I don't like it, but I'm about to tuck and run.

"You are _my _child," she says angrily. "It is absolutely my decision!"

I sigh, looking to Dad.

"Dad," I say, raising my brow.

He holds up his hands and then clasps them together.

"I don't know what to say, honey," he replies gently, wanting to keep Mom calm and not say the wrong thing to me. "I mean, this is amazing. Of course you could get into any school you wanted, and we are so proud of you. It's just…sweetheart, it's really far away. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Cooper," Mom butts in, staring at him in shock. "Don't go talkin' about it as though it's a possibility. This is not up for discussion. She is stayin' here, she's goin' to UCLA, and that's the end of it."

She gets up, furious.

"No, it's not," I say, my voice hardening. "Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's the end of it. This isn't about you, Mom. This is about me. My life. My _future._"

"We are a family," she retorts. "What concerns one of us, concerns all of us. And you are stayin' here, with your family."

"You didn't," I shoot out, but wish I hadn't.

She stares at me. "No. I didn't. But I also didn't have a mama that loved me more than anything else in this world, or a daddy that would try to stop me. Luckily for you, _your _mama cares about your well-being and where you are and who you're with."

"Well what if my well-being means taking a chance like this? What if this is what would make me happiest? You have _got _to stop treating me like I'm still nine years old! I'm not a little girl anymore! And don't shoot back at me with something about me always being your little girl; I get that. Maybe not the way that you do, because I'm not the mother here, but I still see what you're saying. But none of that changes the fact that I don't need you every second of every day. I don't need you to make my decisions for me. I've been able to do that for a long time, and you've always been the one pushing for me to be that way. Independent. Strong. Like you."

This is what I didn't want to happen. I didn't want to have to say those words..._don't need you_...because they're like lashes of a whip against her skin.

Dad has one hand on Mom's wrist and the other held out towards me, like he's trying to hold back the anger that's erupted.

"I said. No." She squeezes the words through clenched teeth.

"It doesn't matter," I say, angry. I stand up, pushing the chair away from me. "It doesn't matter what you say. This is_ my_ life. It's _my_ decision. It's _my _future. And whether you like it or not, I'm going."

I can feel my face heat up from the force of the anger pulsating through me. Our stare, locked together, doesn't falter. We're both furious and Dad keeps trying to calm both of us down, but I can't sit here. I can't sit here and feel this angry, and I definitely can't sit here and listen to her tell me what to do or say or eat or think. My eyelids slowly close, halfway, and I shake my head, turning away from her. I grab my bag from the table near the coat rack.

"Do not walk away from me," Mom says loudly.

I spin around and meet her steely gaze, and when I raise one eyebrow at her, I see a look in her eyes that I've never seen before. I can't even describe it. It's like she's just seen something she's never seen before, and it scares her in some way. Her lips part, but she doesn't say anything, and I turn away from her and Dad, leaving the house.

* * *

I drive without direction. I take random turns and end up in a neighbourhood I haven't been in since I was little and one of the girls in my class lived here. I should go to Axel's, but I don't want to talk about this anymore. This isn't something that is up for discussion. This isn't some kind of vote. This is what I'm doing. I don't even know where to go. Addison would just get all motherly on me and start half agreeing with Mom and half trying to side with me and I'd just get irritated. Violet would be more open, but I don't want to be around Lucas when I'm this angry. I realize, with surprise, that there's no one that I want to call right now. There's no one I want to cry to or vent to. No one could make me feel better at this point. Except…Mom. She could. But she won't. She won't deflate for a long time. I've just dropped a bomb at our house and now I have to live in the wreckage like this is some kind of war. Like this is that movie _The Pianist_, and I'm Adrien Brody and she's…well, no. That would be going a bit far. I'm not about to compare my mother to a Nazi. I've just been watching too many documentaries. I shake my head, trying to just focus on driving. The sun is starting to set and it's inappropriately beautiful, given the situation and the anger coursing through me.

My phone buzzes and it's Mom. Obviously I let it go to voicemail. It rings again…Mom. Then Dad. Then Amelia.

Makes sense, I think to myself. They probably called her to see if I already had.

I ignore the phone, even when a text from Dad comes in, asking me to please come home or at least let them know I'm alright.

"Alright... Yeah," I mutter to myself. "I'm fucking fantastic."


	52. Chapter 52

I don't go home for a long time. I drive over to the paintball fields and dig a sweatshirt out of my backseat, then go sit on one of the picnic tables, watching the game going on. This is one of those moments where, more than ever, I wish Jamie were here. Not like the rest of the time, when I miss her in general. This is a yearning to just have her here to hash this out with me and make me feel just a little better. Plus she'd let us bitch about it for a little while, but then she'd make me go do something random, like get pedicures, or eat ice cream in front of the windows at the YMCA while people ran on treadmills and were forced to watch us, or drive 10 minutes outside the city where some acreages are and try to launch ourselves onto horses that belong to people we don't know.

But I push those thoughts back into the places in my mind that I don't really travel to anymore.

In reality, Mom's being ridiculous. Obviously I know where Harvard is. So obviously I've sat and thought about what it would be like to live away from them. Away from all of them; my family of doctors. It will be a huge change. It'l hurt and I'll probably consider coming home at least twice within a six-month period. But it's also a huge opportunity. I don't want to spend my entire life in California. It will always be home, but I want to try things out. I want to live off-campus in my own little space, and I want to actually _need _to wear sweaters. It sounds stupid, but I mean it. I want actual seasons. I want to meet new people. I just want to _live_.

I watch a few rounds of paintball before getting back in my car and driving around some more. By the time it gets dark, I realize that I'm exhausted. My eyes are starting to feel heavy and tired, and I just want my bed. If only I had some kind of ladder to get up to it.

I suck it up and drive home. The lights are, of course, still on.

When I walk in the front door, Mom and Dad look up anxiously from the couch. Dad looks like he's about to scold me for not texting and ask me if I know how worried they were and blah blah blah. But he stops himself. Instead he swallows those words and says some new ones.

"You alright?"

I stare at him for a moment, and then I nod.

Mom looks at me from the couch. She's still angry.

Join the club, I think to myself.

"I'm going to bed," I mutter.

"Kate," Mom says shortly.

I don't say anything, I just meet her eyes.

"We are not done talking about this," she says firmly. Her eyes are still on fire, but the sadness is poking through.

"Yes. We are," I reply, walking to the stairs.

She starts to say my name again but Dad says something and she stops. Nigel hauls his sturdy self up the stairs after me, right on my heels, and jumps onto my bed.

I dig my phone out of my bag and drop the bag on the floor, and tap my iPod. Music plays and I crawl onto my bed. Axel called. I wonder if Dad called him….

"Hey," he says softly, answering.

"Hey," I reply, leaning into the corner, against a bunch of pillows.

"What's goin' on?" he asks gently.

I exhale and, to my surprise, my eyes sting a little. "I told them. Well, actually I just shoved the letter in their faces, but…regardless. They know now."

"How're you doing?" he asks.

"I dunno. I feel…shitty. I'm mad and sad and frustrated and…I don't even know."

"It's all gonna work out," he offers. "It's just gonna be rough for a little while."

"Yeah," I mumble.

"How bad was it?" he asks, knowing our fights are few and far between, so something big has to happen to equal a blowup.

"She just lost it," I reply softly. "She's so fucking mad at me right now. Said I'm not going, and it's her decision, and that's the end of it, and…well, you know her."

"She give you the Crazy Eyes?" he asks.

"She just developed a brand new strain of Crazy Eyes, all for me," I reply. "Sure to burn anyone not bearing her DNA, into a smouldering pile of bones and blood and skin."

"Nice," he replies dryly. "Nice visual."

"Seriously, Axel," I say, dejected. "I knew she'd be mad, but I didn't think it would launch this kind of meltdown. We both got so angry. She yelled at me, and I yelled back. We never do that. I mean, raised voices, yeah, but not this."

"What about your dad?"

"Tried to diffuse, as usual," I reply. "But he was mad too. But also sad and proud and confused. They both just looked at me like I'd just told them I bought the Statue of Liberty with my trust fund."

"I'm sorry, baby," he says. "That's rough. I wish it hadn't gone down like that."

"Well," I sigh. "I guess we can't say we're surprised. I'm just not used to being on the receiving end of her fury."

He blows out his breath. "Tell me about it. You're tougher than I am, that's for sure. Damn."

We're quiet for a few moments. Sometimes it's just nice to have him there, even when he's not _here_.

"I'm gonna try to sleep," I finally say.

"I'll come over if you need me," he offers. "Or come pick you up."

"I know you would," I smile, small. "I'm alright. I just need to sleep. For the first time in my life, I wish tomorrow wasn't Saturday. She's going to be waiting for me to wake up. Maybe even listening outside my door for breathing noises."

He laughs softly.

"Get some sleep. Call me if you need anything. Okay?"

"I will," I say.

"Alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow, then. We can talk about where we're going to live in Cambridge."

The smile in his voice makes me smile, genuinely. He's my silver lining.

"Sounds good. Night."

"Night. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hang up and I can hear Mom and Dad downstairs, still talking. She's still angry, he's still trying to deflate, and I'm wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

* * *

I barely hear someone come into my room later. It's late. Late enough for me to be so asleep that I don't fully register that I'm partially awake. Mom weightlessly walks into my room. For someone so pregnant, she can still tiptoe around unheard. My eyes are too tired to open, but I don't think I'd open them anyway, if I could. I still don't want to talk to her yet.

She leans over me and lightly runs a hand over my hair. I hear her sniffle, and then she leaves. So quickly it's like it may not have happened at all.

* * *

The next morning I make no effort to get myself moving. Dad comes in around 10:00 and makes Nigel get up to go outside. He gives me a sad smile as he leaves.

Already, I've created waves. A year ago, he would have sat down and made me talk about it. He would have explained to me why I couldn't have my way. Today, he leaves, knowing he can't talk me out of this, because I'm not a child. His, yes. But society's, no. He's giving me my space, and he's not forcing anything down my throat. I love him for it. But somehow, at the same time, even though it makes no fucking sense to me…I kind of wish he would. Maybe it's just because that's what I'm used to. But I've already shook the ground that my childhood sits upon, and I'll never be that kid again. Regardless of still needing my parents, things will never be quite the same. Convincing myself this is for the best is harder than I thought it would be.

I crawl onto my window seat later, staring out at the backyard and the hills behind it. Mom's sitting by the pool with a book on her lap that she's not reading and a mug of something that she's not drinking. I don't know what to do or say right now, so I go stand in a hot shower, hoping that will take the swelling down.

* * *

"Honey?" Dad knocks.

"Mmhmm," I mumble. I'm surprised he hears me.

He opens the door a bit.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

I'm cross-legged on my bed with my guitar, trying to get my mind to other places.

"Yeah," I reply quietly.

He comes and sits down beside Nigel, who came back to my room as soon as Dad had fed him and let him out to pee.

"How you doing?" he asks gently.

I meet his eyes for a second.

"I don't know," I reply.

When he reaches over and covers my hand with his, my eyes immediately sting. I blink rapidly.

"Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you tell us you were thinking Harvard?" he asks softly.

I shrug. "Last year when you brought home all of those brochures for Yale and Princeton and everything, she flipped out. She said there was no way I was going to any of them. Why would now be any different?"

He looks sad.

"Look, honey. I see both sides of this. I want you to be everything you're capable of. Harvard is an incredible school, and I have no doubt in my mind that you would crush every other student there. You're a King-Freedman," he gives a small smile. "What _can't _you do?"

"Convince my mother, apparently," I reply, not giving in to the smile.

His face reverts back to sadness.

"There wasn't gonna be a good time to tell you guys," I go on. "Now, when she's pregnant, or later, when she's got a new baby and is still hormonal."

"I don't want you to feel guilty about this, sweetheart. I see where you're coming from, and I understand why you want it, and why you're scared."

I frown slightly. I never said I was scared. I am, but I never said it out loud. Chalk it up to Cooper Freedman Dad Spidey Senses.

"Eventually…your mom will…well. She'll get there."

"Yeah right," I mutter, dancing my fingers along the strings of my guitar aimlessly. "You heard her. She wants to treat me like an invalid or a prisoner. Keep me in California forever."

"We're all going to talk about this," he says firmly but gently. "And everything's going to be fine. Okay?"

I nod slowly, not convinced.

"Come on," he says, nodding his toward the door.

Reluctantly, I set my guitar aside and follow him downstairs.

Mom's on the couch, with another mug of something beside her. But when we get closer, I see that the mug isn't steaming. It's the same one she's had all morning, just cold now.

My throat tightens when I get closer to her and see that her eyes are red-rimmed.

"Honey," Dad says, touching Mom's hand as he sits on the couch.

I sit in the arm chair adjacent.

"Look, Kati," Mom croaks, before Dad can say anything else. Her voice is thick from crying. "I'm sorry I got so angry yesterday. But I think we all just need to think about this."

"I don't," I reply. I hate that she's upset, but I'm not budging here. I'm not giving up Harvard because of both of us being afraid.

She glances at me, and I can see that she's still touchy, too.

"Kati," she says, looking at me. "Massachusetts is 3000 miles away."

"I know where it is," I reply, monotone. She doesn't like it, but she lets it go.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not agreeing to this."

"Agreeing to what, exactly?" I ask.

Dad's nervous. Both Mom and I are getting angry again.

"Agreeing to allow my child to take off to the other side of the country and live there, alone," she replies, louder.

"Oh my god, Mom," I say, getting heated. "When are you going to accept that this isn't _your _decision! You don't get final say here! This isn't high school or camp or something. This is my life! Why can't you just accept that?"

Her eyes are glassy and I hate it.

"I will _always _have a say in your life," she retorts. "I don't care if you're 50 years old and I'm an old crippled woman!"

"Well then you really can't do anything about it, if you're crippled," I mutter.

Dad presses his hand against his mouth. Partly because I see a hint of a smile, but mostly because he wants this arguing to stop.

"That's enough, Katelyn," Mom snaps. "This isn't up for discussion. Now you want to transfer to Berkeley, or USC, we can talk about that."

She gets a look of finality on her face that just ignites my anger.

"Stop!" I say loudly, my hands in my hair and then clenched on my lap. It startles her. "The only thing we're going to talk about, is where I'm going to live in Cambridge and when I'll leave for the drive up there! I don't want USC or Berkeley or any other university. I want Harvard, I got Harvard, and I'm _taking _Harvard! Why is this such a big deal? It's not like you're going to be sitting here alone! You'll have a brand new baby to worry about! You'll barely even notice that I'm gone!"

Her face starts to look less angry and more sad. That's not how I wanted that to come out.

"Darlin', is that what this is about? The baby?" she asks, starting to reach for my hands.

"No," I bite, standing up so she can't reach me. The gesture surprises her. "It's about me! I'm not saying what you're thinking. I'm saying you're going to be busy with the baby, and I get that. I'm fine with that. I actually thought it would help you deal with me being gone. How can you sit there and tell me that you _don't _want me to have to best education possible?"

"I never said that," she replies.

Dad's head is in his hands. He tried to help and now we're right back where we were last night.

"I will always want the absolute best for you, and I'll never settle for less, b-"

"Then let me go!" I cut her off, loudly, firmly.

She closes her mouth, and her glassy eyes fill with sorrow as the anger drains a little. She looks at me, into the eyes that match hers, and my chest hurts.

"I can't," she chokes out, and before Dad or I can say anything else, she's already hurrying up the stairs.


	53. Chapter 53

I fall back into the armchair, exhaling as I drop my head into my hands. Maybe I can put Harvard off for another year... I hate that Mom is this upset. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say.

"I'm going out," I mutter.

"Honey," Dad says quietly; miserably.

"I'll be back," I say tiredly. "Gimme an hour or two."

Still wearing sweats, I grab my car keys from the bowl by the door and leave.

* * *

Last night I was totally against this, but right now I don't know who else to talk to without being treated like a kid, which is what Addison would do; and Amelia's too far away. I pull up to Violet and Pete's house.

Violet answers the door, still in pyjamas herself.

"Hey you," she smiles brightly.

"Hey," I reply, smiling.

"Mmm," she hums, placing a hand on my back and gently pushing me inside. "I know that face. Come on."

She leads us out to the back deck, stopping in the kitchen for a couple cans of orange juice.

"Pete and Lucas are at the park," she says, putting the cans on the table between us.

I sigh, sitting down.

She doesn't ask me what's wrong, or tell me to start talking. She just waits. I chew my lip, meet her eyes for a second and then look down at my fingernails; the purple polish is chipped and badly needs to be removed.

"I got into Harvard," I say quietly.

When I glance up at her, her face is ecstatic. Eyes wide and mouth open.

"Kati!" she cries, leaning over and hugging me. "That's fantastic! Congratulations!"

Her happiness is contagious and makes me smile.

"When do you transfer?" she asks, still smiling.

"September," I reply. "I'm finishing this year, and then going."

"Wow," she shakes her had. "Honey, that's incredible. I'm so proud of you. I mean, not that I'm surprised, but y'know."

I smile, but it's short-lived and I start chewing my lip again.

"How pissed is your mom?" she asks after a moment.

I exhale into a laugh, nodding. "Beyond."

She squeezes my hand in hers.

"She says I can't go," I say.

"She'll come around," Violet replies. "The hormones coursing through her right now are making her crazy. Trust me, I know. When I was pregnant with Lucas, I was nuts. I see it now, but at the time, it's hard to separate hormones from genuine feelings. Plus, you've been her only kid. She probably just thought you'd always be here."

"Well, so did I," I shrug. "When college applications started, I had just always planned to go to Berkeley or UCLA. I mean, I thought it would be cool to try for a Harvard or Yale or something, I just didn't…think about it a lot."

"It's okay to want to try something new like this," she tells me.

"I know," I say. "I mean, I think I do, but then this happens with Mom…it's literally been two days of fighting."

She looks at me sadly.

"Dad looked like a mixture of proud and upset, but Mom just looked furious, when I told them. She immediately shut down the idea and hasn't budged on it. And I told her that I'm going. It's my decision, and I'm going. And she just keeps telling me I can't go, and we were yelling and that hardly ever happens, and then I yelled at her to just let me go, and she got so upset. She started crying and said that she can't, and she ran upstairs."

"Oh, honey," she squeezes my hand. "I'm sorry."

I sigh.

"Is it selfish? To want to go?" I ask, my forehead creased in permanent frustration.

"No," Violet replies, without missing a beat. "You're right, it's your decision. It's your future. Charlotte having a hard time with it doesn't mean that it's wrong. Actually, the fact that she's this upset means that she knows you're going. You know what she's like; a Mama Bear if anyone ever was one. It's gonna be hard for her to adjust. Hell, it'll be hard for all of us to adjust."

"It's not like I _want _her to feel like this," I say quietly. "I only want to go because it's _Harvard_. Because I want to be an amazing doctor, and I just feel like Harvard is where I should be."

"And that's fair," Violet says gently. "She's just gonna need some more time to deal with it."

I take a deep breath, wanting the heavy feeling in my chest to dissipate.

"Trust me," she squeezes my hand again. "It'll be okay. It's just gonna take some time."

* * *

As I drive back home, I think about what she said. That Mom is so upset because she knows I'm going. That she's telling me no, in hopes of me changing my mind. I hate that she's upset, but I hate that she's making it hard for me to even enjoy being accepted to Harvard at all.

At home, Dad comes in from the backyard as I'm taking off my shoes.

"Hey," he says, with a small smile.

"Hey," I reply quietly.

He comes and hugs me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I reply shortly. "Is she?"

"She's just gonna need some time with this one, sweetie," he says. "We both are."

I nod slowly.

"It doesn't mean we aren't proud of you, honey," he presses. "We are so incredibly proud of you. You could get into any school you wanted. I guess we just figured UCLA was where you'd stay."

"So did I," I say quietly. "I didn't plan this. I thought it was a long shot. There are probably like a million other people who applied at the same time."

"There's only one you," he says, kissing my forehead. "We love you. You know that. We love you more than anything."

"Well, wanting to go to Harvard doesn't mean I don't love you guys, too."

"I know."

"So, what? I just walk on egg shells until she stops flipping out?"

"No, you two just need to talk. Maybe one-on-one. Y'know you two have always been really close, and that mother-daughter bond is vital to your mom. If you asked her 20 years ago she never would have believed she'd have a baby, let alone a daughter like you. You're the most important thing to her."

"And what about this new baby?" I ask. "Is he or she going to be any less important?"

"Of course not," he answers.

"Exactly," I say. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy for any of us. But I'm going to have school, and you guys will have the baby, and we'll all be a little distracted. Just enough to make it hurt a little less."

He looks at me sadly.

"I can't live my life for other people," I say. "That doesn't mean you guys aren't the most important people in my life. This decision, as selfish as it sounds, isn't about anyone else but me."

He looks miserable, and he just wraps his arms around me and hugs me. "It's not selfish, Kati. Not at all."

* * *

"There are some pretty nice places near Harvard, actually," Axel says, as we lay on our stomachs, looking at his laptop screen.

"You're so sure about all of this...what if it doesn't all work out? And besides, have you even mentioned this to your parents?" I ask, as he scrolls down the screen.

"Of course," he replies. "My mom mailed my application for me."

I stare at him.

"What?"

He grins, stilling looking at the computer.

"What, you think I'm not Harvard material?"

"Oh yeah," I roll my eyes. "You can build computers and make your own video games and correct science teachers in front of their classes, but Harvard? Nah."

He tickles my ribs and I jerk away, laughing.

After a moment he looks at me.

"Would it be so bad if I went too?" he asks, his green eyes glittering.

"No," I reply. "I just wouldn't expect you to uproot your entire life and move to Massachusetts."

His mouth curves into a small smile, and he leans over and kisses me slowly.

"I'd follow you anywhere," he says quietly, his forehead pressed against mine.

My chest flutters and I smile at him, running my fingers down the smooth, chocolatey skin of his cheek. He kisses me again.

"Ew!" we hear.

We look up to see Allegra, Axel's 10-year-old sister, in the doorway.

"What's up, Al?" Axel chuckles.

"Is Kati staying for dinner?"

"No can do, Legs," I sigh, kissing Axel and rolling off the bed. "I've gotta get going."

I pull my hoodie on and zip it up, as Axel gets off the bed.

He comes and kisses me again.

"Love you," he murmurs.

"Love you," I smile against his lips.

"Gross," Allegra mutters.

I grab her in a tight hug and kiss her cheek, before Axel swings her up over his shoulder.

"Bye guys," I laugh, heading for the door.

I can hear Allegra laughing as I close the door and head for my car.

I'm not shocked that Axel applied to Harvard. I mean, when I got that acceptance letter and thought about him, my stomach dropped. I love him. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to leave anybody. But I wasn't going to be so selfish as to beg him to come with me. His entire family is here, with mine.

When I get home, Mom's asleep on the couch and there's a note from Dad saying he got called in to the hospital.

Mom's laptop is dangerously close to sliding off the couch, so I creep over to move it onto the side table. When I look at the screen, I stop.

She's been looking at a real estate website…for Cambridge.


	54. Chapter 54

Is she serious? Would she actually pick up everything and move to Cambridge? Of course she would. It's my Mom. But that isn't what I want. I want to do this, as crazy as it sounds, alone. I don't want my decision to equal all of us moving. It's not like I'm planning on staying there permanently. Just for school, and then I'd move home.

I sit on my bed, trying to focus on a physiology paper, but I can't.

Eventually, I fall asleep.

* * *

A couple days go by and then one day, when I get home from school, Mom's on the couch and she smiles at me when I come in. It's the first smile she's given me in days.

"Hi baby," she says.

"Hi," I reply, dropping my keys in the bowl and setting my bag near the wall.

I go over to the couch, and slowly sit down as she scribbles onto some medical forms.

"How was school?"

"Good," I reply, folding my legs. "How was your day?"

"Oh, it was fine," she replies, finishing writing and neatly placing the papers into a folder. "Paperwork mostly. Barely left this couch. Our little Freedman in here won't let me sleep, always rollin' around and kickin'."

I don't reply, but she meets my eyes for a moment and she can obviously see my nervousness.

"Come here, baby," she says, setting the folder on the table and patting the couch cushion. I move over.

"I owe you an apology," she says quietly. She reaches over and pushes a lock of hair behind my ear, and her eyes look sad but not angry. "I'm sorry I got so angry at you. I was being selfish, only thinkin' of myself, when I should have been congratulating you."

I chew my lip.

"I am so proud of you, sugar," she says, taking my hand and holding it firmly. "I can't describe how proud I am of you, on a day-to-day basis, let alone for getting accepted into one of the top schools in the country. And I'm happy for you."

I don't smile, but the tension in my forehead smooths out.

"I don't expect you to forgive me right away," she says. "But I am sorry, baby. I guess I just got caught up in thinkin' about what I'll do without you, not knowin' where you are or if you're okay…. You're still my baby. It's hard to think about you leavin' this nest."

She smiles, small, and I feel my throat tighten in a lump, so I try to swallow it down. I've thought about it, too. And honestly, it scares the shit out of me. But I can't stay here forever, and now my eyes are starting to tingle. I've been needing her for days, and been avoiding her at the same time, and now I can feel what I haven't wanted to feel.

She knows, of course she knows, and she just reaches out and wraps her arms around me. I let tears slip from my eyes as I bury my face in her shoulder.

"We're all gonna be just fine," she says softly.

"I don't…" I start, slow.

"Hm?" she hums, waiting for me go on.

"I saw your computer yesterday," I say, lifting my head. "It was gonna fall off the couch, so I picked it up and…"

I hesitate.

"Oh," she nods after a moment, realizing what I mean. "I was just trying' to get a jump on some plans."

"For…"

"Well, you, of course," she replies, confused.

"Not all of us?" I ask carefully. I don't want to hurt her feelings by misspeaking here.

She looks at me, questioning.

"I just mean that I don't want to move our entire lives to Massachusetts," I mumble. "It's not like I want to live there forever."

"Well I know that, darlin'," she says. "If my child is movin' across the country, you can be sure I'll be doin' the research as to where she'll be livin'."

"Oh," I say quietly, laying back against her shoulder.

"Doesn't mean I didn't seriously consider followin' you there," she murmurs into my hair, kissing my head. "But we've got some time to work through all of this."

I nod slowly and then raise my head to wipe the tears from my face, and she finds the last one with her thumb and swipes it away.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too," I say quietly, as my eyes well up again.

It's harder now that her belly is bigger, but my head still fits on her lap. We stay this way, her running her fingers through my hair, as an old episode of Saturday Night Live plays on the TV. Eventually, the door opens and Dad comes home. I can hear him stop at the front door, no doubt watching us. Then he takes off his shoes and jacket, and comes to sit on the couch with us. I don't open my eyes, because they're starting to fill beneath the lids, and I just want to lay here and forget everything else.

* * *

The next morning is finally the kind we're used to: calm, relaxed and comfortable. It's still going to be weird, though, now that everything is out in the open and certain plans will have to be made.

I'm sitting on the couch, resting my head against Nigel as he sleeps soundly. Mom comes and sinks into the space by my feet, at the end of the couch.

"Well," she sighs, putting down her tea and picking up her laptop. "I've been lookin' around Cambridge and I think the west end of the town looks alright. Found a few places near Brattle Street."

I sit up, crossing my legs and looking at her screen.

"You wanna _buy _a place?"

"Might as well invest in some real estate," she replies, clicking. "You'll be there for several years."

I chew my top lip, not saying anything. I don't like to think of it in terms of years like that…it still seems crazy. Not that I'd change my mind, I just mean I'm trying to process the entire situation slowly. The first step was not backing down when Mom was flipping out. Now I just have to think about all of the other stuff.

"So what about Axel?" Mom asks carefully, looking at the screen, trying to make it sound nonchalant.

"Mm," I hum. "He…applied too."

She's only a little surprised. "When?"

"After my letter came," I reply.

"I suppose I expected that," she says, a slight smile in her voice. "Their School of Engineering up there is apparently incredible."

I watch as she clicks on some condo links.

"Yeah," I say. "Those Masons and their science."

"How's Atticus doing at Princeton?" she asks, looking through the photos of a really nice place.

"When is a Mason ever _not _great?" I reply. "He's going to stay there and do graduate studies and get his masters in Computer Science."

"Well, I guess it's nice knowin' you're only four or so hours away from him," she says.

She's talking in definite terms now…'you're' instead of 'you would be', and whatever. But she still looks like she's really trying to sound happy about it. I guess we've got about eight months to prepare ourselves.

"And where would Axel plan on livin'?" Mom asks.

I shrug. "I assume he'd just have a place off-campus. The Masons just pay Atticus' rent in Princeton. He didn't want to live in a dorm, either."

"Well at least I know Jessica's been down this road before," Mom replies, referring to Mrs Mason.

She gives me a small smile.

"What are we looking at?" Dad asks, coming into the living room with his coffee; still wearing sweats and a t-shirt, his hair messy from sleep.

"Real estate," Mom replies.

He smiles at me, but it's the kind of smile your dad gives you when he gets another hard dose of the reality of his kid growing up. I recognize the look. I just smile back and look at the computer screen again.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to go up there and have a look," Mom tells Dad. "Find the right place and get it all settled."

"Are you sure you want to _buy_?" I ask.

"Rent's a waste of money," Mom replies. "I'd rather know that you were safe, in a stable place that someone can't suddenly decide to change living terms on. Maybe I'll talk to Jessica, though. See where she found Atticus' apartment and what she's plannin' to do with Axel."

"What about Axel?" Dad asks.

Mom and I are quiet for a moment, wondering what he means.

"Well he's gonna need a place, too," Mom replies.

"Axel's going too?" Dad asks, surprised.

"Well…he applied," I reply.

"And he'd be living at his _own _apartment," Dad reiterates.

"Yes," I nod, as Mom says, "Obviously."

"Good," Dad replies, looking stern.

"Oh come on, Dad," I chuckle, getting up from the couch. "I just dropped the out-of-state-university bomb on you. I'll give you some time before the live-in-boyfriend one gets deployed."

"Sounds good," he replies dryly. "Should take about 10 years."

I shake my head, laughing softly.

"I'm going to shower," I say, heading upstairs.

* * *

My birthday comes up quicker than I expected, because I'm so immersed in school all the time. It falls on a Saturday, and Axel has a big party planned for that night. When I go downstairs, Mom's eyes are red-rimmed; a look Dad and I have kind of gotten used to, but still hate to see. Except today it's not because Dad said or did something stupid, or because she burned toast or something. Today it's all me.

"There she is," Dad smiles, looking up from his paper. "Happy birthday, honey."

He stands up and kisses me, giving me a hug.

"Thanks," I smile.

He grins when he releases me, pulling out my chair at the table, where several gifts fill the space where a plate and utensils should be.

"Geez, you guys," I say, running a hand through my still-messy hair. "You get miffed when I buy birthday gifts, yet you fill my spot at the table like I'm Michelle Obama."

"Well this isn't just another birthday," Dad smiles, sitting down.

"I guess not, huh?" I sigh. Eighteen. I don't even know if I feel 18. I just feel the way I usually feel.

"Happy birthday, baby," Mom hugs me, kissing my cheek.

"Thanks, Mom," I reply softly, not acknowledging her red eyes, because she'll just hate if I do.

She smiles, setting juice on the table.

"You want some toast?" she asks, walking over and buttering some.

"Actually, I'm not that hungry yet," I reply, rubbing my stomach. She doesn't get offended.

"You okay?" Dad asks, scrutinizing me with his doctor eyes.

"Yeah, just nervous I guess," I shrug, sitting down.

"About what?"

I raise my brow and let out a breathy laugh. "Lately, everything."

Mom runs a hand over my hair as she passes me and sits at the table, passing toast to Dad.

"Well open your presents," Dad replies. "That'll calm your nerves. For a bit."

I take the large one he nudges forward and start to unwrap it.

They spoil me, as usual, with clothes and a new bag and shoes. But there's a small bag that Mom doesn't put on the table until all of the others are unwrapped.

"You guys," I say, taking the bag.

"Just open it," Dad grins.

I pull out a jewelry box and open it to find a white gold ring with three coloured diamonds, amethyst, aquamarine and a regular diamond; our three birthstones. I look up at them, beaming.

"You guys, it's beautiful."

They smile happily, but now both of them are glassy eyed.

"I have so much bling now," I say, slipping the ring onto the ring finger of my right hand, right in front of Jamie's sweet 16 ring that I always wear.

"Maybe slip one onto the other hand so guys think you're engaged. That way they'll leave you alone," Dad puts in.

"Fat chance," Mom replies, but smiles at me when I look at her, curious about her unhappy tone.

"I'm sure Axel will take care of that for you guys," I say.

I get up and go to kiss and hug them.

"Thank you," I say. "I love it. I love everything. You guys spoiled me rotten."

"Ah, you deserve it, honey," Dad grins. "You had a perfect semester, and you work harder than anyone."

I grin, flushing red.

"Go on and get dressed," Mom says. "We have to be at Addison's by 2:00."


	55. Chapter 55

"Happy birthday!" Addison cries as she flings open her front door.

Startled, I step backwards, but she pulls me forward and hugs me tightly.

"Thanks," I say.

She releases me and smiles at me, but her eyes get glassy.

"I can't believe I delivered you, and you're now officially an adult," she shakes her head.

"Well. I can't legally drink yet," I reply.

But she just smiles, shaking off her nostalgia, and ushers us inside.

"Are we the last ones here?" Dad asks, peering over Addison's shoulder to her deck, where we can see some people.

"Of course," she replies, leading us out to the deck. "I told everyone else 1:30."

We step out onto the deck and everyone cries out 'happy birthday' and comes over to hug me, and Mom and Dad.

"Let me see, let me see," Addison says suddenly, grabbing my hand.

"Me too, Cooper showed me the day they bought it," Violet adds, reaching out to grab part of my hand.

"Do you love it?" Addison grins.

I smile, nodding. "It's beautiful."

"It looks beautiful next to Jamie's," Violet smiles, kissing my cheek and hugging me.

Addison disappears back inside as we continue with our greetings and hugs.

"Happy birthday, beautiful," Jake smiles, hugging me. "How's it feel to be 18?"

"I gotta say, I'm not sure I ever feel my age," I reply. "Some days I feel 12, some days I feel older."

He chuckles, and then turns around when Judah starts to fuss.

"Oh, let me get him," I say, leaning down to release him from his chair.

He smiles as I lift him, kissing his cheek.

"How's my little man today?" I say, settling him on my arm.

"Surprisingly mellow," Jake replies. "Aside from that little squawk. He's been great all morning."

"He probably knew I was coming over today," I reply knowingly, nodding slowly.

"Yeah that must be it," he answers, grinning. "I'll go grab you a drink, birthday girl."

I wander over to where everyone is still gathered near the patio doors, next to a table of refreshments.

"Hey buddy!" Dad says, taking one of Judah's fat little fists.

Judah gurgles happily.

"I can't believe it's been over 17 years since you were this little," Dad shakes his head.

"And in a few months you'll have another little bean to haul around," I grin.

He kisses my head, and then Mom notices Judah and steps over to greet him.

"The last of the guests have arrived!" Addison announces, stepping aside as Axel, Megan, Chase and Norah walk out of the house.

Surprised, I stare, with a huge smile on my face.

"What are you guys doing here?" I say stupidly.

"We were promised food and beer," Chase replies simply.

"Well you won't be disappointed," I reply, grinning as he steps forward and hugs me.

"You didn't think we'd miss your day, did you?" Norah asks, hugging me.

"I just mean I thought I'd see you guys tonight," I reply.

"It's called a birth_day_," Megan says. "Not a birth_night_."

"So it is," I agree.

Axel grabs me and lifts me in a hug. He sets me down and kisses me.

"Happy birthday, beautiful," he says.

"Thank you," I murmur, smiling.

Everyone hangs out, eating and chatting. Everyone brought a gift, and I flush slightly at the sight of the small mountain.

"You guys are spoiling me right rotten," I say, scratching my temple.

"I see what you mean," Norah says to Chase. "Sometimes the Southern-ness does come out."

I laugh, realizing I did sound like my Mom, who laughs and winks at me.

"Bred in the bone, I guess," I laugh.

I unwrap clothes and books; the only gift that isn't one of those is from Addison and Jake. I peel off superhero paper (she knows me well) to find a Michael Kors box.

"You did not," I stare at them.

Months ago, I'd joked with Addison, who said she owed me big time, that I'd take a Kors watch as compensation.

"You only turn 18 once," she shrugs, smiling.

I open the box and find a beautiful silver watch, exactly something I would have picked out myself.

"You guys!" I say, taking it out and looking up at them.

I get up and walk over to them, hugging them both at once.

"Thank you," I say, wide-eyed. "I love it. It's perfect."

"You're welcome," Jake replies, grinning, as Addison squeezes my hand, her eyes getting glassy again.

"Don't cry!" I tell her. "It's just a birthday! And you'll make me cry, and I'm not waterproof today."

"It's just the birthday and-" she stops, shaking her head. "Everything."

I tilt my head, not even glancing at Mom and Dad. I figured they'd told everybody, but I haven't really seen much of them since the day I revealed the news.

Everyone just kind of smiles, happy-sad.

"Ah," I nod, sitting next to Addison so I'm not standing with my back to everyone. "Mom and Dad told you."

"I'm sorry," Addison waves a hand, dabbing an eye with her knuckle. "Ignore me. This is a happy day. I'm just so proud of you."

I smile sympathetically and give her a hug.

"Can we all talk freely about this now?" Pete asks. "Harvard is out in the open?"

"Yes," I nod once. "Harvard is out in the open."

"Alright then," he replies, lifting his beer. "To Kati, for turning 18 _and _getting into Harvard!"

Everyone lifts their drink and echoes him, while I turn as red as a raspberry.

"Alright, alright," I say, rubbing my forehead nervously. "A toast completely voids your right to sing Happy Birthday."

"It does not!" Dad says.

"It does! You know I hate it, so that toast was it," I reply.

"I can't believe you got into Harvard!" Sheldon says happily. "I mean, I _can, _I just can't believe you're gonna be all the way over in Cambridge!"

"It's gonna be…strange," I nod slowly.

It's quiet for a moment, but Violet saves me.

"Okay!" she claps her hands together. "I think it's time for some games!"

Addison brings out Mad Gab. She knows I love it.

"Board games?" Pete says, questioning.

"It's Kati," Violet replies, as though this is enough.

Mad Gab itself is fun, but when you're a little bit buzzed it's hilarious.

As Jake stumbles over his card, trying to figure out the answer, a quiet clank startles me. Only Axel and Norah are close enough to hear the noise as well. We all turn around, and my heart squeezes inside my chest.

"Sheldon!" I yell, reaching him in one swift movement. "Sheldon!"

Everyone is there within seconds and I can hear someone calling 911 as we kneel around Sheldon and Pete starts taking vitals. He's clutching his chest and his face is a furious red as he struggles to breathe.

He's having a heart attack.


	56. Chapter 56

By the time the ambulance gets here, everyone is preparing to follow the ambulance.

I'm holding Judah, watching as Pete and Violet speed off and everyone else grabs coats and bags.

"Kati, honey, can you watch Judah for me?" Addison asks hurriedly.

"Yes, but I'm coming to the hospital," I reply, balancing Judah as I slip into my shoes.

"What? Oh honey, no," Dad frowns. "No hospitals. Not on your birthday."

"I'm coming," I reply firmly.

He exchanges a glance with Addison and then Mom, but they just shrug.

I slide a hat onto Judah's head and lift up my bag.

"Kati, what can we do?" Chase asks, as Norah stands beside him.

"Nothing," I reply kindly. "Thank you so much for coming, I just have to go with them."

"Well let me drive you," he goes on.

"I'll go with Addison and Jake," I say. "But I'll text you guys soon."

"Baby, I'll come, too," Axel says, a little taken aback by the emergency.

"No, no," I shake my head. "You guys go to your house. I'll meet you there in a little while."

He hesitates, watching ing as the ambulance races away from the house.

"Seriously," I repeat. "Please go. I don't want you guys to have to spend a couple hours at the hospital. I'll see you soon, okay?"

He barely nods, but I kiss him and hurry after Jake, getting into the car as he holds the door open.

Axel stands next to Chase and Norah, waving once as we speed off.

"They took him into surgery," Violet meets us at the doors to Emergency.

"Already?" Addison stares, wide-eyed.

Violet just gives a tight-lipped, comforting smile.

I take a deep breath to try and quell the storm in my chest.

One minute Sheldon was fine, smiling and talking, and the next he was laid out, gasping for breath.

"He'll be okay, though," I say, less a question and more a statement.

"I'm sure he'll be just fine, baby," Mom answers, giving me a small smile.

Judah's tired, falling asleep on my shoulder.

"I'm gonna take him to your office," I tell Mom quietly. "You'll come get me when you know something?"

"Of course, sugar," Mom replies.

* * *

I get to Mom's office and lay on the couch, as Judah sleeps soundly on my chest. I try to relax but it's far from easy. Axel texts me, telling me to let him know anything, but I don't know anything at all yet. I feel bad that he planned a whole party for me, and I'm, yet again, sitting in a hospital. A couple hours later, Mom finally comes to get me. At this point, I'm half asleep as Judah's rhythmic breathing helps me calm down a bit.

"Hey," she whispers, pushing hair away from my face. "Baby, it's Mama."

I slowly open my eyes. She smiles, running a finger over Judah's soft cheek.

"How is he?" I ask, groggy.

She smiles. "He's just fine. As far as heart attacks go, his could have been a lot worse."

"What did they do?" I ask, slowly sitting up and trying not to wake Judah at the same time.

"Angioplasty."

"He's okay?" I ask again.

"He's okay," she nods, giving me a small smile.

"Can I go see him?"

"On one condition," Mom replies, her tone becoming stern.

I raise my eyebrows, silently asking what she means.

"You go spend a few minutes with him and then you get your butt to your party," she says, dead serious.

I laugh quietly.

"Okay."

"I'm serious, baby," she goes on, reaching to help me sit up.

"Okay," I repeat.

I start to stand up.

"You want me to take him?" she offers.

"Nah, I got him," I answer.

* * *

"There she is," I hear a raspy voice as we walk into a room.

Sheldon smiles, as always, from his spot in bed.

I smile, suddenly feeling my eyes sting. I didn't let myself be this scared yet.

I pass Judah to Addison as she comes forward, her hands out to him, and I go over to Sheldon.

"Oh, come on now," he says, still smiling, as I hug him. "I'm alright."

I take a minute before pulling back, but they can all tell that my eyes are wet. I swipe at my eyes, doing my best to deflect.

"If I'd known you'd get that excited over my 18th birthday, I'd never have invited you," I mumble.

He laughs loudly, placing one hand on his chest.

"Oh jesus," my hand flies to my forehead. "Please don't have another one."

He chuckles, pulling me into another hug.

"You keep me young, sweetheart," he grins.

I try to smile but my eyes are still swimming.

"Go on," he pushes gently at me. "Get outta here. Go to your birthday party."

I bite my lip, but he raises his brow and gestures to the door.

"He's okay, honey," Dad comes and kisses my cheek. "Get outta here. Leave us old people alone."

I tilt my head, giving him a look, and erasing the last stray tear.

"Do you need anyth-" I start.

"Go!" everyone says loudly, in unison.

I exhale and Dad pushes his car keys into my hand.

"Go," he whispers, and kisses my forehead.

* * *

When I arrive at Axel's it's almost 11:00. We got to the hospital around 5:00. I'm exhausted, but not enough to skip seeing my friends. The street is lined with cars and I can hear music as I walk up the driveway.

Walking into the backyard, Axel spots me first. He hurries over, hugging me tightly.

"How is he?" he demands.

"He's okay," I reply, relieved as I say it.

Axel holds my shoulders, looking into my eyes for any trace of a lie; even one to make him feel better.

"Really," I insist. "They did an angioplasty. He's okay."

He grins, kissing me, and a loud yell breaks our silence as Chase and Norah race up to us.

"How-"

"He's fine," I cut Chase off, holding up my hands. "I promise. I'm not lying. He's really okay."

"Oh thank god," Norah closes her eyes.

I smile, grateful for them.

"Well then there's no reason for you to be sober," Norah goes on, pushing a Solo cup into my hands.

I peer into the cup, but before I can say anything, Megan appears.

"Don't worry," she announces. "It was poured by Megs herself. Guaranteed to leave you both happy and annihilated."

I laugh, taking a drink.

"Yep," I nod slowly, rubbing my lips together. "You definitely poured that one."

She grins proudly, and we all walk over to the deck to get refills for the others.

"So how the hell is the shrink?" Megan asks, trying to appear way less worried than she obviously is.

"He's good," I promise her.

She nods, and I squeeze her arm, knowing she's relieved. Just not one to broadcast her feelings.

"Well then," she clears her throat, passing Norah a cup. "To Kati."

She grins, and the other three hold up their cups, and we cheers each other.

We play a few round of Beersbie, and then start to set up a game of Battle Shots.

"Meg, aren't you playing?" Axel asks, filling several shot glasses with whiskey.

"Nope," she replies, flopping down onto a chaise. "I'm on photography duty."

She holds up her camera; she's been snapping pictures all night.

"And yet you're still as drunk as anybody," Axel teases.

She grins proudly, lifting her cup to him and taking a drink.

Norah has proven to be a worthy adversary when it comes to Battle Shots. I used to think I was psychic with this game, but she may be more so. Ten minutes in, Axel and I have each had to suck back four shots. Unfortunately one of mine was tequila, and I spent a full minute bent over, hands on my knees, sure I was about to throw it back up.

"If that had been gold instead of silver, you'd all be very sorry right now," I say, shaking my head.

"Not too late," Chase replies, wiggling his brow.

I make a face. He slipped a shot of gold tequila in here somewhere.

"You bastard," I shake my head.

But he just laughs loudly.

Fortunately for me, Axel gets stuck with that shot. And he can handle his tequila.

After that, the four of us try to find Megan, but apparently she found a new friend from school who she invited, and the two of them found a bedroom. So we head out to the garage, where Axel tells me my first present is.

I'm not surprised to find a huge box of firecrackers waiting on the floor. I smile, wide eyed, and we stuff them into an old backpack. We trek out to mine and Axel's favourite place, and line up the big ones. Then we run about half a mile down the pathway and take out the bunch of Roman candles. One by one, we light them and run, watching the vibrantly coloured blasts of light shoot from the tubes. We can hear the sirens by now, so we each light a couple of the big ones and jump down to the hidden alcove, watching them light up the dark sky; invisible to the pair of cops that arrive during the show.

* * *

Back at the house, the party is still going strong. It's about one in the morning. The music is turned down a bit now, so the cops don't show up, and most people have gone inside to play pool and hang out in there. Axel and I sneak up to his room.

Drunk, I flop onto his bed, exhilarated and happy.

"Good supply of purple for you?" he grins, referring to the fireworks.

"Oh yeah," I smile.

He leans over me and kisses me slowly.

"I have one more gift for you," he smiles.

He gets up and goes over to his closet, coming back with a wrapped box.

"You spoil me," I tell him. But he just smiles proudly, laying beside me.

Slowly, I unwrap the box. Something inside clangs a little bit.

"Did I just break it?" I stare at him.

"No," he laughs. "Open it."

I open the small box and find a key and a folded piece of paper. I glance up at him but he just nods towards the two things.

So I take out the paper and unfold it.

My eyes dart across the page, reading speedily.

I stare up at him, my eyes wide and my mouth stretching into a huge smile.

"You got in!" I yell.

It's his acceptance letter from Harvard. I throw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

I kiss him happily, and then read the letter again. But the date catches my eye.

"Wait," I frown. "You got this letter weeks ago."

He shrugs. "I applied as soon as you got your letter."

"But…you didn't even know if I was going to go," I say.

"I didn't care," he replies. "If you decided not to, fine. But I knew you would go. And I knew I couldn't stand being without you."

I smile, kissing him slowly.

"Wait," I stop, pulling back. "What's the key for?"

"My mom already rented me a place," he replies.

I raise my eyebrows.

"Don't freak out," he says, knowingly. "I just want you to have a key. I'm not saying you have to move in."

I nod.

"I just-"

"I know, baby," he chuckles. "You don't have to tell me. We'll get there when we get there."

I nod again, giving him a small smile. I kiss him again.

"I'm so happy for you," I tell him. "And so proud."

He grins, and then kisses me. Suddenly, another box is pushed into my hand.

I pull my head away and look down, and then back at him, questioning.

"Okay, okay. Two gifts," he says, rolling his eyes.

I shove his chest playfully.

"Axel," I say, looking at the box again.

"Don't 'Axel' me," he replies. "Open it."

I give him a dry look and then sit up to unwrap the box. I stop and stare at him as soon as I see the familiar Tiffany-blue.

He just raises his brow and silently tells me to go on.

I open the box and find a beautiful white gold necklace, with an infinity pendant.

"Baby," I breathe, letting the pendant drop against my palm. "It's beautiful."

"You are," he replies softly, kissing my forehead.

I touch the bright metal.

"You and me," he whispers against my ear. "Forever."


	57. Chapter 57

With March comes the second anniversary of Jamie's death. So it's also the anniversary of my almost-death. Coupled with Mom's pregnancy hormones, she was bound to be extremely emotional all day.

I wake up thinking about Jamie. I can't remember what I was dreaming about, but it must have been about her.

I spend most of that morning thinking of her. I reach under my bed and pull out the thick photo album. I made it last year. It's full of pictures of her. Most of them are mine; photos we took together. But a bunch are from the photo album that came with all of Jamie's stuff that her father, George, dropped at our house the day he moved out east.

I flip the pages, watching us grow from scrawny little girls into teenagers. There's the Ugly Stage, that everyone goes through, where Jamie had braces and I thought crimped hair was the greatest look ever. But, I remember, Addison and Mom managed to talk me out of that phase. I haven't crimped it since.

Jamie's smile just makes me smile. My eyes start to swim as the photos become more recent and I see the Jamie I knew right before she died. But I don't lose it; not like I used to.

I don't like to visit Jamie's grave. I don't really believe that she's _only _there. I believe she's everywhere. She's with me all the time. So I slowly get out of bed, brush my teeth and pull on jeans and a sweater. I try to slip out of the house but Mom is already awake, down in the kitchen. She hugs me as soon as she sees me. This is one of those days where she's going to do that Mom thing where she holds my face in her palms and gets a bit teary and tells me how much she loves me.

But it's okay. To be honest, I feel a bit unsteady today anyways. It's a hard day for all of us.

"I'll be back," I tell her, after her third hug.

"You okay, darlin'?" she asks, her forehead creased with concern.

I nod.

She gives me a small, empathetic smile, and I leave.

* * *

I drive down to the pier. There's a smaller dock where some people keep boats and stuff, near a more residential area. I walk to the end of it and sit down, staring out at the blue-green water. Jamie used to dangle her feet in the water, but I'd rather watch Jersey Shore than let my legs hang out in there. I just sit, cross-legged, and think about Jamie. For all of the time I spend making myself not think of her too much, today I don't try to stop myself. I sit there until the sun starts to bake the top of my head and my exposed feet.

I lie back, staring at the sky, as a couple people walk past me, going to their boats or their jet skis. I wonder what life would be like if Jamie were still here. We'd both be going to the same university, no matter where it was. Probably UCLA, but maybe we would have decided together to hit the road, and ended up at Princeton or NYU or something. I wonder if Axel and I would be together, but that seems like a silly question. I think we'd have ended up together, no matter what. Probably a lot sooner than we did, with Jamie around.

Regardless, I know she'd be wreaking havoc, wherever we were. She was a force, that's for sure.

"You'll get a sunburn, you stay like that," I hear.

I turn my head as I lie on my back and see an old man; his blue eyes twinkling through a wrinkled, sun-kissed face.

"Sorry?" I say, rising a bit so I'm resting on my elbows.

"Take it from an old man who knows," he winks, gesturing to his wizened face.

I smile.

"Ah, you don't look so bad," I shrug.

He chuckles.

"You're the girl who nearly died in that car accident two years ago," he says, dropping a few things into his boat.

I tilt my head, wondering how he knows.

"My grandson went to Chadwick. I recognize you from the paper," he says.

"Oh," I say quietly.

"I suppose this is the day it happened?"

"Yeah," I mumble. "How'd you guess?"

"You were here last year, too, on this day. I only remember 'cuz I always take the boat out today. Been seven years since I lost my wife."

"I'm sorry," I reply quietly.

"I'm sorry about your friend," he nods, looking out at the water. "I suppose it's alright if a person takes one day to sit and think about someone they try to make themselves forget. Or at least make themselves not miss so much."

"Yeah," I exhale. "I think the same thing. Today I can think about her as much as I want."

He nods, looking down at the old hat in his hands.

"Well, don't get stuck in the hard memories," he says kindly, smiling so his eyes crinkle. "People notice when you start to fade away with those memories."

I nod, offering a small smile. "They do."

He smiles back. "Well. You have a nice day, remembering your friend."

"You too," I reply. "Your wife."

He winks and climbs into his boat.

I watch as he starts it up and slowly backs out of his spot. He waves, a small salute, before driving off. I sit there for a few minutes until he's a tiny dot on the water.

Then I get up and head back to my car.

* * *

At home, I know Mom has been waiting for me. I see the curtains move as I walk towards the front door. I smile, shaking my head.

"Hey, honey," Dad greets me, as I walk inside.

"Hey," I smile, small.

He comes and kisses my forehead, hugging me for a minute longer than he usually does.

"How're you doing?" he asks.

"I'm okay," I promise, nodding.

"Good," he replies, relieved and clearly still with his own memories of this day. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too," I reply, as he kisses me again. "How's Mom?"

"She's alright. How about we get out for the day. I think we could all use the distraction."

I nod.

"I'm just gonna shower first," I say, and I head upstairs.

To distract us, we go out for lunch on the pier.

Surprisingly, Mom suggests we go home afterwards and check out some real estate online, in Cambridge.

"Really?" I ask, dragging a french fry through ketchup.

"Well I should like to think an apartment is topping our list of priorities for Harvard," she replies.

I glance at Dad, but he just smiles at Mom.

At home, she brings out a notepad. It's two and a half pages of information on potential condos.

"You've looked at all of these?" I ask, eyebrows raised.

"I have," she nods once, opening her laptop. "And I think you'll like most of 'em."

She shows me a bunch of places, and somehow Dad seems to have taken the place of Overly Overprotective-Parent.

"Did you check the area? Where's the nearest police station? Did you read up on crime rates? And we should look into any offenders in the area."

I laugh, short and breathy.

"Your daddy's right, baby," Mom says, giving me a look. "We're not settling on anything until we see it in person."

"Okay," I reply, scrolling through a page. "When?"

"Well you're off next week," she shrugs. "Might as well fly over there and find somethin'."

My stomach flip-flops. Of course I'm set on going, but the closer I get to actually _going_, the stronger these waves of nausea get.

"Sound good?" she asks.

I nod.

"This one's nice," I say, so they stop looking at me.

"Mm," Mom nods, her mouth full of tea. "I knew you'd love that one. I figured that balcony and the open concept would be a big seller."

"Definitely," I nod. "And it's got two bedrooms."

"Who do you plan on having over?" Dad demands.

"You guys," I reply, shaking my head at him. "Relax, Dad."

"Oh," he says, looking a bit sheepish. "You mean you won't want your boring old parents to stay in a hotel when we visit?"

"Of course not," I reply. "Unless Baby Freedman is a terror. Then you might have to."

I grin, and Mom actually grins back. It's a relief that she's still in there, usually suffocated by the hormonal pregnant Charlotte who takes over.

"Alright then," she says, leaning over, with some difficulty, and grabbing her phone from the coffee table. "I'll book us a hotel."


	58. Chapter 58

I thought about asking if Axel could come with us, but then decided to let this be just the three of us. Pretty soon we won't be able to do this. Cambridge is beautiful, even if it is a bit chilly in March.

But it's sunny enough, and we take the opportunity to walk around a bit.

I was scared that something would happen to make Mom and Dad freak out, Mom more so, but I think Cambridge works its magic on them. Especially when we reach Harvard itself, and see its sprawling campus.

My chest feels whirly, but it's half-excited and half-terrified. We wander around, checking out some of the buildings.

"What do you think, honey?" Dad asks, smiling.

They're both trying really hard to not get sad about me leaving.

"It's amazing," I reply, my cheeks red from the chilly weather. But it's a good cold; I like it. "Kind of kicks the pants off of UCLA, huh?"

"As much as I hate to admit it," Mom says, shaking her head at the buildings. "It kinda does."

"Wow," I reply, grinning at her. "I feel like I should have that on tape."

She smiles, linking her arm through mine.

"Don't push it," she says. "I could still find a way to keep you home with me."

I look at her and give her a smile, kind of sad.

"Y'know, I don't like thinking about it so much, either," I say quietly.

Dad wraps an arm from my other side, around both of us, kissing my temple.

* * *

We spend most of that first day walking around Harvard, stopping inside to buy an embarrassing amount of Harvard clothing. Sweaters, t-shirts for everyone, and two onesies: one for Judah and one for my unborn baby sibling.

"Everyone in there thinks we're nuts," I say, peering into the bag I'm carrying as we leave.

"Let 'em," Mom replies.

I pull a hoodie out and hand Dad the still-full bag.

"What do you think?" I say, lifting my hair out and looking down at the burgundy fabric and white lettering.

"You always did look great in red," Mom says with a smile. She touches a lock of my hair and her eyes get glassy.

"Okay," Dad says, zipping up his own hoodie and wrapping an arm around Mom. "Let's save the tears for July, when you actually leave."

* * *

The next two days, we spend with a realtor, going to about 300 different condos.

Okay, more like 11, but still. It's exhausting. By the end of day two, I've narrowed my favourites down to three.

"So no to the original brick fireplace?" Dad says, holding up the paper.

I make a face, shaking my head. "Nah. I like it…I just don't love it."

He tosses it aside, picking up a container of pad Thai.

"Alright, so Brattle Street it is," Mom says, looking at my three pieces of paper. "I figured you'd like that area."

We sit there, chopsticks in hand and picking through containers of Thai food, considering the three condos in front of us.

"Okay," I say after a silence. "I don't think I really love this one, either."

I push aside the apartment with an amazing balcony, but tiny kitchen.

"Alright," Dad nods. "We're down to two."

I chew my lip.

"Well what do you guys think?" I ask.

They both shake their heads.

"You tell us which one you love, baby," Mom replies. "And we'll go from there."

"Well I love both of them. This one has the open concept I want, and the kitchen's nice and big, but I mean…"

I chew my lip. That one only has one bathroom. The other apartment is the one I've been leaning towards. It's totally open concept, with only the two bedrooms and bathrooms down a small hallway, and most of the apartment being the huge living space. It has a fireplace, a balcony _and _the balcony overlooks a park, whereas the other one's balcony looks out onto the street.

"Okay," I decide, nodding and putting down the container of food. "The blue one."

Another selling feature for me: gorgeous capri-blue walls with white trim in the living room.

"Oh good, I love that one," Mom agrees.

"You're sure?" Dad asks, eyebrows raised.

"Yes," I nod once. "I'm sure."

He grins and kisses my forehead, getting up with the paper to go call the realtor.

* * *

The next day Dad goes to see the realtor, so Mom and I spend the day in Cambridge, walking around what will be my new neighbourhood. We find a cute coffee shop and the closest grocery store. I find a book store, too, which makes me really happy. I can see Mom eyeing up every place we go, and I just know she's looking for some creep that she can terrify.

When we meet up for dinner with Dad, he happily announces that our offer on the apartment was accepted.

"You officially have a place to live!" he says.

"Oh thank god," I reply, feigning relief. "For awhile there I was afraid I'd have to couch-surf at frat houses."

The look on their faces is priceless.

Mom's feet have had enough walking, since she's only about six weeks away from delivering the baby. That night we go to the hotel spa. Even Dad comes along, because though he may deny it to his male friends, he loves spas. He'd have a massage everyday if he could.

The next day, we go shopping for house stuff. I leave most of this to Mom, as interior decorating isn't that interesting to me. She knows what I like and what looks good, so I'm not too worried about it. I pick out my bed stuff and the couch; that's it. Mom worries about silverware and dishes while Dad and I test recliners that we have no intention of buying.

"Well, how does it feel to be that much closer to Harvard?" Dad asks, looking over at me.

I exhale. "Honestly…kind of terrifying," I reply.

He smiles empathetically, reaching over to squeeze my hand.

"You're a trooper," he says. "Everything that comes your way, you handle."

"Some things slower than others," I sigh.

"Hey," he says, and I look over. "You and your mother are the strongest women I know. You got this. And Mom and I are always here for you. No matter what."

I smile, but my eyes are starting the tingle so I look away and sigh, coming across as relaxed.

"How much longer is Mom going to debate glassware?" I ask.

Dad makes a face, contemplating. "I'd say we could sneak outta here and have lunch without her noticing."

"Yeah, except eating a meal without Pregnant Mom is basically like signing your own death warrant."

"Very true," he nods.

We wait another hour for Mom, and when she finds us she looks satisfied and exhausted.

"Alright. I've got everything being delivered day after tomorrow. So let's go get some lunch. My ankles are the size of coffee cans."

* * *

We stay in Cambridge for nine days, and on the ninth day, early in the morning, we meet a delivery truck at the new place. Mom directs the four burly men who carry everything inside. They listen to her without question, and slowly, the empty apartment starts to look like a home. The only things missing are personal things, like photos and all of my stuff. But Axel and I will drive all of that up, with his stuff, in a U-Haul in July.

"Well, whadda you think?" Mom asks, as we stand and admire the huge open area after the delivery guys leave.

"I think…I love it," I reply, smiling.

"Good," she says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me towards her so she can kiss my head. "Me too."

"Me three," Dad supplies, coming between us; his arms around each of us. "I can't wait to come spend every weekend here."

I shake my head, smiling at him, as Mom mirrors me.

"The scary thing is, you would," she says, pinching his ribs.

"In a heartbeat," he replies happily.

I feel kind of sad to leave the new place, but eager to get home at the same time. I miss Nigel and I miss the familiarity of home. Moving away is going to be interesting, that's for sure. I'm still debating if I should bring Nigel with me. Especially since Mom and Dad will be busy with the baby, and Nigel himself is a pretty big baby. If he doesn't get attention during the five hours every day when he's actually awake, he gets pretty pouty about it.

"I think I should bring Nigel with me," I tell Mom on the plane.

She considers this. "Yeah? I think that might be a good idea. I hate to think what he'd be like without you around."

"He can barely tolerate when you're gone overnight," Dad agrees.

"Plus, thankfully I don't have to work while going to school. So it's not like he'd be neglected. He'd sleep while I was at school, and I'd see him at night."

"Absolutely, baby," Mom smiles. "He's your boy. It's up to you."

I nod, thinking. I don't think I'd be any better off without Nigel than he'd be without me. I got him when he was only five pounds; he fit in my hands. Now he's a big, 50-pound baby, who thinks he's a lapdog, and thinks my lap is his territory. I couldn't leave him.

When get home, Violet has already dropped Nigel off for us, along with welcome home flowers, like she always does. Nigel buzzes around our feet happily, smelling us to see if we might have been around another dog.

He follows me upstairs, nearly taking out my legs as he barrels past me. I drop my bags on my floor and flop onto my bed, calling Axel.

"Hey gorgeous," he answers. "How was it?"

"Amazing," I reply. "You're gonna love it. We picked out a place and everything, and I walked around the neighbourhood with Mom. I really like it."

"Good," he says, happily. "I can't wait. It's gonna be tight. You find the nearest bookstore?"

"Of course," I reply, and he laughs. "So hey, I think I'm going to bring Nigel. When we go."

"Yeah," he replies, knowingly. "I knew you couldn't leave that little beefcake behind."

I grin, petting Nigel as he lies beside me.

"I still can't believe we're doing this," I say. "I've never been away from home for very long."

"It's gonna be okay, baby," he says gently. "It'll be weird at first, but change always is. Plus, you're gonna be so busy with school, you won't have that much time to be homesick."

"Yeah," I agree quietly. "I guess."

I hear Mom yell Dad's name downstairs, but it doesn't sound normal. It sounds urgent.

"Hold on," I tell Axel, going to open my bedroom door.

"Cooper!" Mom yells again.

Dad pokes his head out of their bedroom and meets my eyes. He frowns, worried, and then looks towards the downstairs.

"Honey?" he calls, heading for the stairs.

"Hurry!" she croaks, and my stomach churns. "The baby!"


	59. Chapter 59

"I'll call you back," I blurt into the phone, and hang up, tossing it back onto my bed.

I'm right on Dad's heels as he races downstairs.

I can't see Mom as I step off the last stair, looking towards the kitchen and then the living room. Then I hear a gasp.

I speed over to the island and Dad follows. On the other side, Mom is sitting on the floor clutching her lower belly. My heart beats furiously as I notice the blood beneath her.

"Mom!" I say, terrified.

"It's okay, honey," she gasps.

"No, you're bleeding!" I breathe, swallowing hard.

Dad's already calling an ambulance as I sink to the floor, not knowing what to do.

"What's happening?" I demand, searching her face and trying not to see the blood.

"Don't worry, baby," she breathes. "Don't worry."

I swallow a cry before it can escape my throat and grasp her white hand.

Leave it to Charlotte King to not let out a single scream as her body obviously twitches with pain.

The sirens take too long to sound outside, and Dad is already opening the door. He returns to us on the floor, as paramedics race inside. They attend to Mom, and to my surprise she doesn't give them any orders. I watch as her jaw stays clenched and she focuses on handling her pain. Without thinking I race upstairs and grab my phone. I ignore the text from Axel asking if everything's okay and call Addison.

"Hey honey!" she answers, excited to talk about our trip, obviously.

"Something's wrong," I blurt, my eyes stinging as I race downstairs.

"What is it?" Addison demands, her happy tone gone.

"It's Mom. She's bleeding. I don't know," I gasp. "I don't know what's wrong."

"Where are you?" she asks, all business.

"They're putting her in an ambulance. You need to meet us," I say, my voice hardening. "At the hospital."

"I'm already here," she replies. "Honey, just try to relax and I'll see you soon."

I hang up, stowing the phone in my back pocket and stepping into the back of the ambulance.

"We can only have one-" a paramedic starts to say.

"Oh for Christ's sake," Mom gasps, her first words to them. "She's a hundred pounds soakin' wet. She won't take up any more space than a whisper."

The paramedics know Mom and Dad; they see them all the time at the hospital. They don't try to argue with her.

I sit there, clutching her hand, as the ambulance speeds away.

Mom starts to decline pain medication, but a stab of pain silences her. Dad looks at the paramedic and nods. As soon as he injects the morphine, Mom's hand slowly loosens it death grip on mine. She breathes hard. Her skin is too white and she's sweating.

"Addison," she breathes, looking at me.

"She's waiting for you in emerg," I reply.

She tries to smile, grateful; touching my cheek.

"Don't be scared, baby," she whispers.

"Don't be ridiculous," I reply, the terror playing with my breathing.

We reach St Ambrose and Addison is waiting in the bay. She throws open the doors before the paramedic can and demands information. As they relay Mom's vitals I climb out; her hand still clutching mine.

"Kati, honey, come with me," I hear, looking up to see Pete, reaching for my hand.

"No," I start, but he reaches for my hand and Mom lets go of it.

"Go with Pete, baby," she says, woozy with drugs. "I'm fine. Mama's fine. I'll see you soon."

So I let Pete pull me one step backwards, and Addison and several nurses whisk Mom away from me.

Dad hesitates for a split second, but I shake my head at him.

"Go! I'm fine! Go!"

He rushes after Mom.

I don't realize I'm shaking until Pete wraps his hands around my upper arms.

"You okay? You're vibrating a bit," he says, bending so he's eye level.

I nod, but I don't really know what I am.

"Why was there so much blood?" I ask shakily.

"Try to calm down, sweetie," he says, steering me down a hallway. "We both know pregnancies can be complicated. I'm sure she's fine. She's had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, so far."

He takes us to the cafeteria and pushes a bottle of water into my hands.

"Drink."

He unscrews the lid and sits down across from me. He exhales.

"Lucas was asking for you yesterday," he says, offering a small smile, trying to distract me.

"Oh yeah? Needed someone to smuggle him some chocolate?"

He laughs. "Among other things. You're basically his favourite person. He doesn't see you for a couple days and he starts asking for you."

"He's so funny," I smile.

Just then, Violet jogs into the cafeteria.

"Hey," she breathes. "I heard Charlotte was brought in?"

"Yeah," Pete replies sombrely, as she comes and sits at the table.

"What happened?" she looks to me.

I shrug. "I don't know. We got home from the airport and Dad and I were upstairs and she yelled out his name. By the time we got downstairs she was on the floor with a pool of blood underneath her."

My voice chokes, and run a hand over my face. I take a small sip of water as Violet holds my other hand.

"Let's not freak out until we have to," she says.

I nod, but I'm already freaking out, and I won't be able to stop until I know Mom and the baby are okay.

* * *

The wait takes forever, but in reality it's probably the shortest I've had to wait for emergency news. Only about an hour and a half passes before Dad comes into the cafeteria looking around. The fact that he's walking calms me a bit. I jump up and hurry to him. Every cell in my body stops shaking when his mouth slowly curves into a smile.

"She's okay," I say, anxious.

"They both are," he answers, hugging me tightly. "And waiting upstairs."

"The…baby's here?" I stare at him.

He nods, ecstatic and relieved and a bit emotional.

"It's too early," I frown.

He takes my face in his hands. "They're okay. I promise."

I don't ask if it's a boy or a girl. There are too many things running through my head. Violet and Pete rush over and Dad turns and leads us out the door.

It takes forever to get to Mom. Finally Dad turns around and gives me a smile, and then pushes open the door.

I'm so happy and relieved to see Mom that my eyes fill immediately. I rush to her, as she sits in the bed holding a bundle of blankets, and she opens an arm up, enveloping me in it.

"Oh, sugar, don't cry," she soothes, running a hand over my hair. "I'm alright."

I pull back and wipe my face with my sleeve-covered hand. I look at her and she just smiles, so full of love and so…Mom. Not the pregnant woman who's been possessing her lately, but Mom. My Mom.

Then I look down, into her arms. Nestled in the blankets is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Chubby cheeks, a perfect nose, long fingers, and a pile of dark hair.

"Looks exactly like you did," Mom smiles. "Complete with that Freedman hair and a King's set of lungs."

The baby's wearing a white hat. I still have no idea what it is.

"Is it…" I start, glancing at her.

"This," she says, looking down and then back up at me. "Is your baby brother."

I smile, so happy. The baby brother I've wanted since I was a little girl. Mom holds him towards me and I carefully sit on the bed and take him into my arms. He sighs, still asleep.

"Took you long enough to get here, little man," I say quietly. "Only about 10 years."

Dad's on the other side of Mom, sitting next to her. They both smile and I can't stop looking at my brother.

"What's his name?" Mom asks.

I look at her, confused, but she just waits, happy and glowing, even if she is exhausted.

"Me?" I say, looking at Dad.

"Yep," he nods. "We want you to name him."

"But…don't you have names picked out?"

"We did, at first," Mom shrugs. "But then we decided that you should get to name the baby."

I stare at the baby.

"That's a huge responsibility," I reply. "What if he hates it?"

"Do you?" Mom asks, raising an eyebrow. Typical.

"No," I roll my eyes.

"Good," she says. "I named you myself. Your daddy had no say in it."

"Well," he starts, but then clamps his mouth. "No, that's actually pretty accurate. _But, _I happened to love the name Katelyn anyways."

I hear a quiet laugh and realize that aside from Pete and Violet, Addison and Jake are here, too.

"So?" Mom prods gently.

I watch my sleeping brother. There are lots of names I think are cute, but there's only one name that pops into my head right now. One name, for one person; one family member; who he'll never meet, but we'd all be proud to honour.

"James," I say softly.

Slowly, his translucent eyelids peel back, revealing the dark-blue newborn eyes. He looks right at me.

I look up at Mom, and her eyes are full as she smiles at us.

"James," she repeats, nodding once as a tear escapes.

"It's perfect," Dad grins. "Jamie's probably up there somewhere, proud and boasting."

I laugh, looking back at the baby.

He is James.

James Cooper Freedman.


	60. Chapter 60

"Oh. My god," I breathe, letting my head drop into my hands.

James has been crying for about an hour. Mom's napping and Dad's trying to get James to stop crying, and I'm trying, fruitlessly, to study. As James fills his lungs again and lets out a howl, I stand up abruptly.

"Give him to me," I tell Dad.

He hesitates, but then passes me my baby brother. I hold him the way Mom does, and start to rock him back and forth. Within a few moments, he's quiet.

"You're a wizard," Dad stares, his eyes tired and red.

"And you're a zombie," I reply. "Go sleep."

He considers this.

"You're not taking any summer classes. So that's not real studying, right?"

"No, I was just brushing up on some stuff for my first semester coming up," I reply.

He hesitates.

"I can read tomorrow," I tell him. "It's fine. Just go sleep."

He exhales and kisses my forehead.

"You are amazing," he says.

I smile and nod towards the stairs, and he finally succumbs to his exhaustion and goes upstairs.

"Man," I look down at James. "You have got to relax."

I take him into the living room and settle onto the cushy couch. I stick a soother into his mouth an pick up the remote.

"Alright," I breathe, flipping through movies. "What should we learn about today…"

I love the sounds he makes when he's awake. He kind of gurgles and it's the cutest thing ever.

"Romanovs," I say, clicking on the documentary. "Tsarist Russia and the untimely deaths of the Imperial family has a way of bringing silence."

I lean back and settle James against my chest, sighing in comfort.

James has been home for two months. It's almost June, and Axel I pushed back our day to leave for Massachusetts. Initially we were going to leave in the middle of July, but now we're leaving in the second week of August. I want to spend as much time with James and Mom and Dad as I can.

He's a pretty good baby, really. Just once in awhile he gets into these moods where it's really hard to calm him down. He's a Mama's boy, but that may have something to do with the fact that she's the one bearing his meals, because there are lots of times when he'll just snuggle into Dad and sleep for hours. And yes, I'll brag about it: he's got a soft spot for me, too. But he doesn't seem to like anyone else very much yet. He cries if anyone holds him, whether it's Addison or Violet or Jake or anybody. Even Sheldon, and babies usually love him.

Mom's supposed to have six months off, but you can tell she's getting antsy to get back to work. Most women get a year's maternity leave, but Mom doesn't want to stop work altogether. She and Dad agreed to get a nanny in six months.

I try to pay attention to the TV, since James is now almost asleep, but all the time lately I just feel anxious. Not bad anxious, necessarily. Just nervous. Harvard is coming up so quickly, and the knowledge that I'm leaving home is seeming slightly terrifying. I sit there, zoning out, until someone sits beside me.

"He's a sucker for his sister," Mom smiles, bringing her legs up and curling into the cushion.

"Maybe a little," I grin.

After a few moments, she says, "What's goin' on in that head of yours?"

She brushes a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Nothing," I reply quietly.

I glance at her and she raises an eyebrow.

"If I…don't like it," I say slowly. "Would it be bad if I came home?"

"Of course not, baby," she replies, her forehead creasing. "This will always be your home. No matter what. And if you decide after a semester or two that you want to transfer, then you do it. We'll be waiting for you."

I nod slowly.

"This is a big change from the conversations we had about it months ago," she teases.

I chuckle. "Yeah. I guess I was just focused on the school aspect, and not that fact that I'd be living across the country. Not seeing you guys for months at a time."

"How about weeks?" she says. "We'll be out there as much as you want. And you'll be spendin' holidays here, right?"

I nod.

"I guess it'll be okay," I shrug. "We can Skype and everything."

"Yep," she agrees. "This little man's gonna need to see you."

I press my nose into the soft curls on top of James' head. That baby smell is intoxicating.

"Don't worry," Mom says, kissing my cheek. "Everything's gonna be just fine."

Mom gets up to go shower and order dinner, and not long after that Axel knocks on the front door and comes inside.

"Hey," he grins. "How's the little man?"

"Gave my dad some hell a little while ago," I reply.

He comes and sits beside me, kissing me.

"And all it takes is his big sister to make him feel better, huh," he says, James' fist curling around his long dark fingers.

"Maybe a little," I reply. Axel laughs.

"So I got the place," he says, leaning back and resting an arm across my shoulders.

"Yeah?" I smile, happy for him.

"Yep," he nods. "Sent all the paperwork over this morning. I am officially a…renter?"

I laugh.

"Well, actually my parents are," he says. "I'm just a secondary name on a lease."

"Still," I reply. "You've got a place to live. Officially."

"Yeah," he smiles. "And only five minutes away from the most amazing girl. Man, I can't wait to sneak over to her place all the time."

"Oh yeah?" I say. "She must be crazy about you if she's letting you in late at night."

"She might be," he grins, leaning over to kiss me.

"Axel, honey, are you staying for dinner?" Mom asks, as she comes downstairs, freshly showered and looking less like a walking dead woman.

"If you'll have me, I'd love to, Doc," he replies.

"Of course we would," she says, going into the kitchen. "Should be here in about 20 minutes."

I move to get up.

"I'm gonna change him and then he's about 10 minutes away from demanding some dinner of his own."

"He's got all of you trained," Axel teases.

I laugh, standing up, careful not to startle James.

"He really does," I agree. "Every four hours, on the nose."

"With a nice six-hour break during the night," Mom puts in, looking relieved.

"Yeah. Only took two months to get there," I reply dryly.

I go over to the change table we have set up on the other side of the living room, as Axel goes to help Mom gets plates and stuff.

When Dad makes his way downstairs, he looks, as Mom would say, like day-old dishwater. His hair is a disaster, he hasn't shaved in two days, and he looks like he's sleep walking.

"Whoa," Axel stares, stopping on his way to the table, holding four glasses. "Lookin' a little rough, Doc."

"I love my son, I love my son, I love my son," he mumbles, going to the coffee pot.

I stifle a laugh. It's his mantra for whenever he's sleep-deprived to the point of falling over.

I finish changing James and carry him over to Mom, as she sits on the couch. Like clockwork, James starts to fuss.

"Oh, hush," she says softly, taking him. "Actin' like you're so hungry your belly thinks your throat's been cut."

"Well I haven't heard that one before," Axel nods approvingly.

"He's just like Kati," Mom grins at James. "Mad as a wet hen when hungry."

"I won't disagree with that," I shrug, going into the kitchen.

* * *

August arrives way faster than I'm prepared for. Suddenly, August 9th is here and a U-Haul is sitting in front of the house, packed with my stuff. All day I've felt like my throat is full of tennis balls. And Mom and Dad haven't said anything, because one word and we know we'll all start crying. But we can't put it off any longer. Axel had the U-Haul at his house first, and hauled it over to my house, hitched to his truck. My beloved blue Prius is going to wait for me here in LA.

Axel is on the other side of the lawn, saying goodbye to his parents, and I'm standing just outside the front door, on the grass, flanked by mine.

"This isn't going to be any easier if we wait," Dad says softly.

And immediately my eyes fill. He reaches out and hugs me, one-armed, as James sleeps in his other.

"I love you, baby," he says into my ear. "I'm so proud of you. _So _proud."

I nod into his shoulder, unable to speak.

"We're always here. No matter what you need, you hear me?"

I nod, and he pulls back and runs a hand over my hair.

"You two drive safely. And do not stay in any shady motels. Actually, don't stay anywhere that I wouldn't take you."

I nod, my throat giving way to a breath that lets more tears fill my eyes.

"I love you," he says, so firmly it's like he thinks I can't hear him.

"I love you, too," I whisper, and he hugs me again.

"We'll see you in three weeks," he says. "All three of us."

I nod.

When I look up, Mom's eyes are swimming and her fist is pressed against her mouth. I can't say anything and she can't yet either, so she just grabs me and hugs me so tightly it hurts. I may be an inch taller, but she's twice as strong as I am. Emotionally, but physically too. But I don't say anything. I just let her squeeze the breath from my lungs.

"I love you," she almost whispers, my face in her hands. "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you, too," I manage.

"You call me," she demands. "I'd prefer every day, but you call me as much as you want. But I'll probably be textin' you constantly. I'm always here. Your daddy's always here."

I nod.

She hugs me again, kisses my cheek and I can feel her tears against my face.

I hear Axel say a goodbye to his parents. His mom's crying, and I just know his dad is holding the tears in his own eyes.

I hug Mom for a moment longer, swallowing the sob in my throat.

I don't want to go, but I don't want to stay. I wish Harvard was here. That's what I want.

Mom kisses my cheek again and then pulls back, holding my upper arms.

She looks at me and we have a silent conversation. Both of our eyes fill, and she kisses my forehead and then gently pushes me towards the truck.

I look at them, at James, at Mom again…and then I turn and walk towards Axel, waiting to help me into his truck.

I get about 10 steps away before my legs stop. My hands clench into fists. This is harder than I imagined it would be. It hurts more than I expected.

I swallow hard, and turn around. I see them, both crying, and I do nothing to stop my own tears. I look at Mom and I know her so well I can see the invisible change where she forces herself to compose herself. She frowns at me slightly, telling me to be strong; that she loves me. Dad wraps an arm around her and hugs her close as we stare at each other.

I take a breath, and then exhale, still looking at her.

Then slowly, I unclench my fists, give her a small smile, and, as much as it makes my heart ache, I turn around and walk away.

* * *

**Hello my lovely readers! I've had a bunch of people ask for an early years Freedmans story, and I do have the first few chapters ready. Stay tuned! 3**


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